Sailynn Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Last week, my ex-gf contacted me and wanted to become friends. So, I took it she was sincere, so I offered one more opportunity to have some more discussions. We met for dinner. She showed up dressed up and wearing the jewelry I gave her when we dated. Getting her to talk was like pulling teeth. I'd ask about work, family, social, personal and she responded by saying, "I don't want to talk about it." I finally told her that I was trying to engage in a light and fun conversation and that she was giving me nothing to which to grab onto. She told me that I had a very strong presence and I was overpowering/overshadowing her. I told that I was really trying to get through the bumps and help us determine if we could be friends or not. It was tough. She was not making it easy. She told me she was happy with herself, she felt she didn't have to impress anyone, loved her body, style and all that stuff for the first time in her life. She told me of her past travel plans to go to many cities, but also indicated that all the trips fell through. It seems she hangs out with her girlfriends a lot, but indicated she had a couple of male friends too. She asked me "what if I just want a superficial friend?" She was having a tremendously terrible time opening up just the slightest bit. We were about to make a breakthrough, when the waiter spilled a tray of food down her back. Oh well, everything was just ackward after that. As we left the restaurant, I told her it would probably be best if any further requests for contact, came from her. What a frustating night. I didn't sleep a wink all night. There is something not quite right with all this.
ltomlinson81 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Yeah, it sounds like neither of you are ready to be friends!
Deborah Posted August 7, 2005 Posted August 7, 2005 HI Sailynn, sorry but I am not aware of your breakup situation. Who broke up with who, when.... From your post it seems like she was trying to show you what you were missing (by dressing up) but also held a grudge against you (not talking, saying you were overpowering). Have you heard from her since?
Author Sailynn Posted August 8, 2005 Author Posted August 8, 2005 THe facts: She became mad at me when I had to devote some extra time to my elderly parents and my work. She broke up with me. I spoke of the relationship and of the serious feelings we had developed and she stated she didn't love me anymore. I felt I then had to say goodbye. She was offering no sense of having a reasonable conversation about it all. I left her alone and implemented NC. I did write her a letter many many monts ago to spill my guts and to state that I would have to move on. She called me to talk about it two months after receiving it. Anyway, here in July, she contacted me and wanted to talk. She wanted to become friends and have fun. She set two boundaries, don't involve families and don't tell her about my other girlfriends. So, since the Thursday night dinner, I have heard from her. Evidently, she called my work phone late Friday afternoon and left a message for me to have a great weekend. I had already left. I received the message this morning, so, I called her office, got her machine and told her thank you for the friendly salutation. So maybe she was at least thinking about me at the start of the weekend.
guest Posted August 8, 2005 Posted August 8, 2005 Originally posted by Sailynn She became mad at me when I had to devote some extra time to my elderly parents and my work. She broke up with me. I spoke of the relationship and of the serious feelings we had developed and she stated she didn't love me anymore. I felt I then had to say goodbye. She was offering no sense of having a reasonable conversation about it all. I'm not sure what the reasons were that required you to put more time into your work, but getting mad because you devoted too much time to your elderly parents is so out of line. I'm not sure if you really should feel sorry that your relationship ended. Has she started some therayp to deal with her issues? If I remember right she had a tremendous amount of issues and she obviously felt quite embarrassed whenever she saw you at the gym? If she's not in therapy yet, get her there first otherwise with this friendship you are not getting anywhere.
Author Sailynn Posted August 9, 2005 Author Posted August 9, 2005 She told me she was in therapy, going to a professional and that I was the only person that know it. Well, whatever. She admitted she has some tremendous issues about opening up and talking about herself. In fact, she seems to fight it. When I was conversing with her, she would avoid answering as I said and I stopped the conversation and broached the subject of non-responsive answers. She is definitely not telling me anything about her personal life other than she goes out with her girlfriends, has a couple of male friends, likes being in her forties, likes her body and doesn't need to impress anyone. Rather defiantly. Today, I talked with her and she wanted to tell me about everything that was going on in her job. I just let her have the floor. This is a difficult situation to feel out, because it's damn near impossible to get anything out of her. If she's dating someone, more power to the guy, yet I don't think she's dating anyone. I've always seen her alone around town.
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