katie949 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 4 months ago, I was sitting in a cafe on my university campus. This guy, a stranger, just came over me and said: 'Hi, I'm Jack...I'm sorry for staring at you, you're really beautiful, can I give you my number?' Everyone around us heard him and some people must have been looking over - it took guts to do that, so of course I was flattered. Anyway, I did actually like the guy. I gave him a sheet of scrap paper, and he scribbled his number down. When I sent a text to this number a few days later, I learn that Jack had made a mistake in writing his number - it was the wrong number! I never saw him again after that. A few months later, I found him on Facebook. He sent me a few messages and we became friends. We exchanged a a few small talk messages, but nothing happened. Almost a month ago now, I bumped into him in a cafe. I went over to briefly speak to him; he stood up and starting chatting to me. He also apologised for giving the wrong number! However, he also told me: 'When you found me on Facebook, I'd just starting dating someone...Otherwise I would have reacted differently.' (I presumed he meant he would've asked me to go out.) At this point, I only spoke for a few minutes longer, before making my excuses to leave, feeling slightly disappointed. When I arrived home that night, he'd sent me a Facebook message, which he must have sent minutes after I'd left, saying it was a shame I'd rushed off, or something to that effect, and that it was nice talking to me. I didn't read anything into this, really - just politeness, right? Since then, we've seen each other quite often (almost daily) around campus). He always seems to 'find' me in the cafe, and he'll appear next to me, and start chatting to me. When his friends have left, he often sits with me until it closes and we talk. We've also been talking on Facebook most days since then. Since I know he's dating someone else, so I think it might be easier for me if I just keep a distance from him now and keep seeing him to a minimum. On the other hand, if I completely avoid him and he's going to break it off with the girl he's been seeing, he might think I'm not interested and won't contact me again. But at the same time, it's a little bit difficult/upsetting to be around him when he's seeing someone. For example, yesterday, me, him and a few of his friends were all hanging out (studying, supposedly) on campus. I left for 10 minutes to take out cash. When I got back, Jack had left. He'd said he was going to make coffee at home (lives very close by), but one of his friends said: "I asked if he wanted to me go with him, but he said no. He must want to be along and ring the GF." I didn't say anything, I was just typing. But soon after, before Jack returned, I decided to leave. We'd planned to all order food in and chill for a while. I made an excuse that I was stressed and had lots to do. Apparently, he was asking why I left, but I just though: uh, why do you even care? Anyway, I've rambled a lot. Sorry. What would you do? :/
Erik30 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Move on. You're his backup in case it doesn't work out with this other girl. Find a guy who makes you his first choice 5
Sara1989 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 At this point you are just an ego boost for him. Why are you still hanging around him when you know he has a girlfriend? you are hoping he dump her for you right? well do you not think you are better than that, hanging around a guy hoping he choose you over another girl, how cringe. Cut contact with this guy and if he confronts you, say you do not want to be friends and he has a girlfriend so it is best you keep a distance. Also you are at university! there are loads of single men, go out there and start dating. Stop pining over the unattainable. 1
coolheadal Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 4 months ago, I was sitting in a cafe on my university campus. This guy, a stranger, just came over me and said: 'Hi, I'm Jack...I'm sorry for staring at you, you're really beautiful, can I give you my number?' Everyone around us heard him and some people must have been looking over - it took guts to do that, so of course I was flattered. Anyway, I did actually like the guy. I gave him a sheet of scrap paper, and he scribbled his number down. When I sent a text to this number a few days later, I learn that Jack had made a mistake in writing his number - it was the wrong number! I never saw him again after that. A few months later, I found him on Facebook. He sent me a few messages and we became friends. We exchanged a a few small talk messages, but nothing happened. Almost a month ago now, I bumped into him in a cafe. I went over to briefly speak to him; he stood up and starting chatting to me. He also apologised for giving the wrong number! However, he also told me: 'When you found me on Facebook, I'd just starting dating someone...Otherwise I would have reacted differently.' (I presumed he meant he would've asked me to go out.) At this point, I only spoke for a few minutes longer, before making my excuses to leave, feeling slightly disappointed. When I arrived home that night, he'd sent me a Facebook message, which he must have sent minutes after I'd left, saying it was a shame I'd rushed off, or something to that effect, and that it was nice talking to me. I didn't read anything into this, really - just politeness, right? Since then, we've seen each other quite often (almost daily) around campus). He always seems to 'find' me in the cafe, and he'll appear next to me, and start chatting to me. When his friends have left, he often sits with me until it closes and we talk. We've also been talking on Facebook most days since then. Since I know he's dating someone else, so I think it might be easier for me if I just keep a distance from him now and keep seeing him to a minimum. On the other hand, if I completely avoid him and he's going to break it off with the girl he's been seeing, he might think I'm not interested and won't contact me again. But at the same time, it's a little bit difficult/upsetting to be around him when he's seeing someone. For example, yesterday, me, him and a few of his friends were all hanging out (studying, supposedly) on campus. I left for 10 minutes to take out cash. When I got back, Jack had left. He'd said he was going to make coffee at home (lives very close by), but one of his friends said: "I asked if he wanted to me go with him, but he said no. He must want to be along and ring the GF." I didn't say anything, I was just typing. But soon after, before Jack returned, I decided to leave. We'd planned to all order food in and chill for a while. I made an excuse that I was stressed and had lots to do. Apparently, he was asking why I left, but I just though: uh, why do you even care? Anyway, I've rambled a lot. Sorry. What would you do? :/ Friend-zone that's all you are too him. I am sure he was dating someone when he had slipped you his phone number but he had made sure he gave you the wrong one, because he was dating someone else. Just have to learn the game men play at campus. Please keep Jack at a distance he knows your not dating or seeing anyone else. He has sweet-heart and he has is side-kick you. I am sure you don't want to be with a guy who's playing both fields of the stick. Trust me you can find better than him when your ready for this. I don't think your ready, because your settling for Jack of all people who's just player of both sides of the fence and your on the outside of it.. Run like hell!
Author katie949 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 Friend-zone that's all you are too him. I am sure he was dating someone when he had slipped you his phone number but he had made sure he gave you the wrong one, because he was dating someone else. Just have to learn the game men play at campus. Please keep Jack at a distance he knows your not dating or seeing anyone else. He has sweet-heart and he has is side-kick you. I am sure you don't want to be with a guy who's playing both fields of the stick. Trust me you can find better than him when your ready for this. I don't think your ready, because your settling for Jack of all people who's just player of both sides of the fence and your on the outside of it.. Run like hell! "...but he had made sure he gave you the wrong one..." hmm ok, that's odd. So he came up to me, he ASKED to if he could give me his number, and then gave me the wrong one? Honestly what's the point in that? He embarrassed himself in front of a bunch of people. I'm not saying that he isn't dating someone now (he is), but I don't see a point in going out of your way to talk to a stranger like that if you don't like her. But thanks for responding. I'm not being a 'back up' plan for him - I don't need to, many other guys ask me out all the time.
preraph Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 You should stop making yourself available as long as he has a girlfriend because you need to keep in mind that most guys would juggle a couple of women if they could find a couple who would put up with it. Their goal is not always to find one woman. So by going along with it, you are showing him a woman without good boundaries. Make yourself more scarce. Let his relationship run its course. 2
umirano Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 "...but he had made sure he gave you the wrong one..." hmm ok, that's odd. So he came up to me, he ASKED to if he could give me his number, and then gave me the wrong one? Honestly what's the point in that? He embarrassed himself in front of a bunch of people. [...] How many times have you heard of someone giving the wrong number? Idk what this guy is up to, but it makes no sense whatsoever, also the subsequent behavior. Personally I avoid opaque, complicated people. I like my life and my relationships simple and straight forward. 2
salparadise Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 I agree with preraph –– make yourself considerably less available. Don't flirt and carry on or hang out. If you're in a group when he's around be polite but keep your distance. He already knows there's some interest on your part. Telegraph the message that you don't consider him a possibility because he's in a relationship and you're way too smart to get in the middle. If he ever approaches directly and asks, just tell him... "I'm not interested while you're seeing someone. If you ever are single again, wait three months and give me a call." Date other people. Don't wait. 2
Author katie949 Posted July 3, 2017 Author Posted July 3, 2017 Move on. You're his backup in case it doesn't work out with this other girl. Find a guy who makes you his first choice Thanks for your response, but I just wanted to check - did you read all of the information?
Erik30 Posted July 3, 2017 Posted July 3, 2017 Thanks for your response, but I just wanted to check - did you read all of the information? No problem. I did read it, but he's dating someone else... that's basically all you need to know. Don't read too much into these signs you're seeing. If he really wanted to be with you, he would stop dating that girl... but that's not what he's doing. Don't waste your time waiting on some unavailable guy
smackie9 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 He's keeping you on the hook, and yes I agree with the other poster, he's keeping you around just in case things don't work out with this new girl. He's as slimy as they come. Just think if you were the new GF and he's busy being charming to another girl. He's bad news. Time to drift away............
angel.eyes Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 I didn't think he gave you the wrong number on purpose. We all make mistakes. That being said, timing is everything. He's dating someone else now. Time to cut him off. Until you do, you won't be able to give other guys a chance. Focus on getting your own boyfriend.
Maggie4 Posted July 4, 2017 Posted July 4, 2017 Are you really that crazy about him? Did you see him and go Wow! I want him! Or did you become interested only when he became a little elusive? Are you wondering if you can make him leave the other girl? Is that challenge intriguing? Think back to when you first met him, was he really that great? That was probably truer to your heart. The rest of the events since then, likely built him up because you invested time and attention finding him, and once any energy has been invested, you began to see him as more than he really is to you.
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