Cassie1991 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Guys, I'm at a loss of what to do... so I'm going to spew my feelings because it's therapeutic and I want your honest opinion. So I'll start from the beginning... I met this guy on tinder... he seemed awesome, amazing... we hit it off. We start hanging out almost every weekend. Drinking, hanging w his friends, it was going pretty good. Then one day we went to a nascar party and he gets wasted, I leave earlier then him and go back to his place because I was kind of over it. It was more of a guy party (mind you we had been together only a month or so) so he comes back after the party just wasted. Black out drunk. He also drove. He was acting ridiculous. I think that was where I started to see all his faults. After that I kind of came out of the initial love haze but I didn't say anything. I started noticing his drinking. We don't hang every day but when we do he downs at least 7-10 beers, he sometimes gets drunk during the week. At least once. He gets drunk at least 2-3 times a week, and drives. Then I started noticing that wow, almost every time we hang out his friends are there. I just need some one on one time with him without his friends being involved or I'm going to go crazy. But I don't say anythjng and keep it in because I don't want to be the bitchy girlfriend guys talk about. But last month and ever since then this relationship shoo has been hell. I brought up his drinking to him and how much it hurts me and I start crying. I said I'm scared for if we have kids one day you're going to drink and drive with them in the car. His excuses are "i never drive that far drunk", "i drive careful", "I don't have anything stopping me (like kids) so I can do whatever I want" (I basically have to pop out kids for him to stop drinking). So whatever that mulled over, the next issue was his friend. I thought we were having date night one night and I pull up to his house, and his friend is there. I'm like are you serious. I think that was the tipping point for that and I just told him what was up and started crying (I cry when I get mad), he gets mad. Doesn't talk to me. The next day he's still mad, gets wasted and drives home again and passes out drunk in his car. Last weekend we werent together and usually he will text me once throughout the day just to check in because he's out with his friends whatever you know. I know he's going to be drinking but I don't hear from him all day.. first on Friday. I finally heard from him at the end of the day and I was kind of upset and the second time he did it was on Saturday and I threatened to leave him. Why? Because I know he will be drinking w his friends and want to drive home. So I get worried that he's dead in a ditch and I get upset with him. He gets pissed off again that I'm mad at him. This weekend I was appointed DD for him and two of his friends because we went to a baseball game. Everything was fine and then he gets wasted (of course). At the end of the game he grabs my boob and tries to stick his thumb up my ass in front of his friends, in the baseball stadium. I get pissed and don't talk to him the whole time going home. We stop at a gas station like 5 mins before home and he asks what's wrong. I tell him and he gets pissed again. He tells me I'm overreacting. We get in a argument and it ends with us just passing out at his place. I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? I love him. I do but the past month has been hell. I just don't know if I should stay and see if he will change. I don't know if this is normal when the love haze goes away. I know I should leave him for drinking and driving alone but maybe he will change. I'm just at a loss. Idk what to do
trailwolf Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 there is no future for u here , i would dump this drunk an get u someone else , there are much better guys out there for u that u would be alot happier with ! 2
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) I haven't really read your post, because it is one long paragraph and difficult to read. But, I didn't need to read much to know that he has a aignificant problem with alcohol and this relationship is unhealthy. Get out. Edited June 18, 2017 by BaileyB
Zahara Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 You love the guy you initially met. Unfortunately, that was just a facade. A fake personality used to entice you. Now that he has you, he can be himself. The guy you see now is the true nature of your boyfriend. The guy that drinks and drives, who's selfish by nature because he doesn't care he's putting people in danger, the one that treats you like a piece of meat by grabbing your boob and sticking his finger up your behind as entertainment for his friends -- that's who your boyfriend is. I honestly don't know how you can still be with him after that -- you've just taught him you require zero respect. It's NOT changing. Forget the image you created. Dump him and move on. Aim higher for yourself. 2
1fish2fish Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 His excuses are "i never drive that far drunk", "i drive careful", "I don't have anything stopping me (like kids) so I can do whatever I want"I know I should leave him for drinking and driving alone but maybe he will change. I'm just at a loss. Idk what to do Yes, you do know what to do. He will NOT change. His excuses for drinking and driving are bullsh*t, his behaviour towards you is appalling (grabbing your boob and trying to stick his thumb up your ass? Seriously???), and you're making excuses for him. I'm over 2 months out of a relationsh*t with an addict, and the abuse I tolerated under the guise of "but maybe he will change" was a wake up call...to me. I had to get to the root of what's going on inside of me to accept this kind of behavior from someone who "loved" me. It sounds like it's time for you to do the same.
wonder17 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 If he is like this now it will only get much more worse. You are smart to think how this would impact your children. Also think about how this would impact his job? Or that your kids will see this behavior and decide to follow in his footsteps.
hippychick3 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 I can't see one reason you'd stay with this guy other than the fear of being alone. There is not one redeeming quality in this guy. He's an alcoholic and treats you like total crap. Almost anyone would be better than him.
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