shahjskalio Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) So I've been dating a guy and I like him and I feel like he likes me to and he told me he does. But the problem is we never kissed/made out. He does hug me but stuff like kissing never happened. We did have sex and even during sex he didn't look me in the eyes and didn't kiss me and once he did put his lips out for a smooch and I touch his lips with my tongue and he wiped it off and thought it was gross. I also asked him why he's so cold and unromantic and he says he knows he is cold and unromantic and it's not his fault, he has been like this since he was young. He said whenever he feels deep feelings he acts cold and unromantic. I was wondering if he has intimacy issues and if he's scared? Any advice guys? Maybe I should also stop seeing him? Edited June 17, 2017 by shahjskalio
Author shahjskalio Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 He also said he has been hurt many times and love isn't like the movies.
salparadise Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Yea, probably. I wonder if he's on the aspergeagers spectrum. You could try to coax him along and see if it improves, but my guess is that it will always be part of who he is. It would be good of you to give him a chance though. 3
Author shahjskalio Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 Yea, probably. I wonder if he's on the aspergeagers spectrum. You could try to coax him along and see if it improves, but my guess is that it will always be part of who he is. It would be good of you to give him a chance though. Thank you for the feedback. But the thing is he gives me eye contact when we're just talking and he understands jokes and people. Is that still considered asbergers?
Ronnys93 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Thank you for the feedback. But the thing is he gives me eye contact when we're just talking and he understands jokes and people. Is that still considered asbergers? There's a wide spectrum so it just depends. I would look into it though but of course don't expect to go in and come out with a diagnosis or anything. He may struggle with intimacy due to the way he was raised as a child. This does remind me of autism though. 1
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 If kissing, romance and intimacy are important things to you in a relationship then you should make that very clear to him. If he is unwilling to compromise or seek help for his issues then it doesn't sound like a relationship worth pursuing in the long run. 2
Author shahjskalio Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 There's a wide spectrum so it just depends. I would look into it though but of course don't expect to go in and come out with a diagnosis or anything. He may struggle with intimacy due to the way he was raised as a child. This does remind me of autism though. Thank you so much I will keep an eye out....
Author shahjskalio Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 If kissing' date=' romance and intimacy are important things to you in a relationship then you should make that very clear to him. If he is unwilling to compromise or seek help for his issues then it doesn't sound like a relationship worth pursuing in the long run.[/quote'] Thank you for your feedback! Yes I really crave those things:( He did tell me that he got hurt by girls many times and kept saying how love isn't like the movies. Like he has a very negative view on love...
kendahke Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 If you insist upon being with him, this is what you're going to have to put up with. I disagree with him--whether on purpose or not, he's the one who is doing this--you aren't. Now, it would be one thing if he said "I can't help it, this is how I am. Please be patient with me because I really like you" or something to that effect. But he didn't. He basically told you to deal with it. If this is the position he's going to take, then he should not date unless it's a woman who is on the same emotional development level as him. He should have no expectation that an emotionally healthy woman is going to tolerate this. If you're used to a guy being way more emotive and emotionally giving, then keep this guy only as a friend and find another guy who is capable of and willing to enter into intimacy with you. This guy aint' that guy. 1
Author shahjskalio Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 If you insist upon being with him, this is what you're going to have to put up with. I disagree with him--whether on purpose or not, he's the one who is doing this--you aren't. Now, it would be one thing if he said "I can't help it, this is how I am. Please be patient with me because I really like you" or something to that effect. But he didn't. He basically told you to deal with it. If this is the position he's going to take, then he should not date unless it's a woman who is on the same emotional development level as him. He should have no expectation that an emotionally healthy woman is going to tolerate this. If you're used to a guy being way more emotive and emotionally giving, then keep this guy only as a friend and find another guy who is capable of and willing to enter into intimacy with you. This guy aint' that guy. Thank you so much for your advice ! You are right! He also told me he doesn't want expectations, pressure, drama or headaches which means he's not looking for a relationship ☹ 1
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