Maggie4 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 You are serious about this guy, so you cannot lie to him. That means after he moves in with you, he will find out that your parents don't know. If he is serious about you, I don't think he wants you to move out of your parents' house just so you have the freedom to go to bars and have sex any time. Before he marries you, he needs to know that you are not afraid to make a decision that your parents disapprove of. Doing it in secret doesn't cut it. It'll only tell him you are still too afraid. When I say afraid, I don't mean afraid to get in trouble, but afraid to disappoint and hurt your parents. Ironically, if he takes that leap and you are engaged, then probably your parents will be more ok with the pre-marital living together. I can only tell you this: if you have a loving relationship with your parents, they will always forgive you. But boyfriends don't always stick around. Can you test the waters with your mother first? Have a mother-daughter talk and see if she will stand by you.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) I am currently in the process of moving out my parents home for the first time. I am a female in my mid to late 20's. Recently, my parents have been somewhat supportive of me moving out, but make remarks occasionally of how it's not a bad thing to live at home till you are married. I'm guessing you are Asian, as in sino (Chinese, Japanese, Korean) or South Asian. Though I do know some other cultures value this as well. It's pretty common for Asian parents to pull this stunt and the main reason is because they are frugally minded and think about $, and they just want you to save all of the $ you can, and view things like rent, utilities, going out, and having fun as wastes of time. For all of my Asian friends, the option to live at home indefinitely was on the table (and some of my single friends continue to do so in their 40s). A couple of my friends did in fact live at home until they got married, way late, and were able to pay for a house ... in cash. That's the idea. My guess is that if you were a professional making ~250K a year (my sister) your parents would not be asking if you wanted to live at home until you got married. And, since you said your parents are already somewhat warm to the idea, I'd say your fine. Your parents could also be of the way more conservative type that doesn't want you to have ANY kind of fun, and that's a whole 'nother story. Edited June 18, 2017 by JuneJulySeptember
wtfmate Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 I used to think that way. I have come to believe living together is a little over rated. I was a bachelor and lived alone before I met my ex-wife and we lived together. The way I lived as a bachelor and the habits I had were completely different from the ones I developed when I lived with my former wife. It was a night and day difference. The way I lived when I was alone means and meant nothing in the grand scheme of things when it came to the relatopnship and compatability. It's not so much about relationship and compatibility as it is about independence and personal development, especially in the case of a full-grown woman who evidently wants the approval of society as well as her parents (see: "I need to get married before I turn 30").
Author wonder17 Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 (edited) Yes, im asian. I also work with my parents and eventually will take over the business. Which is why one of the reasons I want to keep the peace with everyone, and keep it a secret that ill be living with my boyfriend. I will see my parents 5 days a week at work, and if they know i live with him, im not sure what will happen with my work life, or worst case scenario they tell me to leave. My dad has already said he will not be okay with me if i lived with a man and was not at least engaged. Whereas my boyfriend doesnt know if he can marry someone without living with that person first. Edited June 19, 2017 by wonder17
elaine567 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Yes, im asian. I also work with my parents and eventually will take over the business. Which is why one of the reasons I want to keep the peace with everyone, and keep it a secret that ill be living with my boyfriend. I will see my parents 5 days a week at work, and if they know i live with him, im not sure what will happen with my work life, or worst case scenario they tell me to leave. My dad has already said he will not be okay with me if i lived with a man and was not at least engaged. Whereas my boyfriend doesnt know if he can marry someone without living with that person first. You are risking a lot here, and for what? A guy who may decide he doesn't want to marry you anyway after living with you for a while.
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