Jk1990 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I'm approaching my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. I'm in love with him. He's truly wonderful. He adores me. Treats me so well. Basically I'm a lucky girl. The thing is we struggle in the intimacy department. I'm physically attracted to my man but he's just... not a great lover. He doesn't have skill. He's a man of few words. In general he's not confident in the sex department and it affects our intimacy. The thing is also that I am not confident either. And we both suck at communicating our desires. Lately however I told him how I've been feeling about our lack of intimacy and I've noticed him trying more. Now on to the main problem. I'm insanely attracted to a coworker. He's not the most physically attractive man ever but his personality just lights a fire in me. He's openly told me he's attracted to me and wants me. I've been trying my hardest to resist his advances but am finding it increasingly hard to say no. Aside from him stroking my cheek or touching my hand we've had no physical contact. He knows I'm in a relationship. He knows a lot about me. We carpool to work together and interact at work reguarly. But he still wants me. And I want him. I know that out of respect for my relationship I need to stop this little affair I'm having. But I don't know if I want to. I'm so caught up in this situation I need some clarity. The coworker has been texting me flirts and sexual songs all day. I have tried ignoring it. Then tried being cold in my responses. But I haven't told him to stop. I really think I'm going to tell him Monday in person that he needs to stop. I love my boyfriend and I want to spend my life with him. This guy would be no more than a lay or two. My stupid brain needs to stop being promiscuous. Someone please viciously enlighten me. Thank you.
Imajerk17 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 You are ALREADY cheating on your current, in an emotional affair. This isn't fair to your current. Furthermore you are this close to it becoming a full physical affair. The only ethical choices you have moving forward are to a) break up w your current, or b) avoid your coworker as much as possible. 1
preraph Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Now that you have your boyfriend's attention, you need to do your part and show him what to keep doing and what not to. You can do this with very few words while you are intimate by saying "keep doing that" or moving his hand from one place to another, etc. Meanwhile, work on this relationship before you muddy it with another, especially a coworker, which you will soon live to regret.
Author Jk1990 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 You are ALREADY cheating on your current, in an emotional affair. This isn't fair to your current. Furthermore you are this close to it becoming a full physical affair. The only ethical choices you have moving forward are to a) break up w your current, or b) avoid your coworker as much as possible. It's incredibly unfair to my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend that's considering being unfaithful to him and is already being emotionally unfaithful. Trust me, I don't feel good about this situation at all. Well I'm not leaving my boyfriend. I love him too much. I fully intend on putting a stop to the sexual nature of my relationship with my coworker. If it means stopping carpooling and talking to him as little as possible at work than that's what I'll do. It's just so hard because the way my body responds to what this guy says to me. It's almost an involuntary reaction. If I can get him to stop I hope I can bury my lustful feelings for him and move on.
rushed Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Girl, no. Just NO! You have a good man at home. I know you don't want to hurt him. Leave this guy at work alone! Seriously. He gets off on your reactions to him. And come on, what kind of guy hits on a girl he knows has a boyfriend. I know you're caught up in the attention. It feels good knowing someone finds you attractive. But you already know it's not going anywhere. If you want to play around with the work guy, break up with your boyfriend first. He does not deserve all this mess you are already doing. How would you feel if some girl was sending him flirty texts and songs and stroking his cheek? You know the right thing to do. Come on. You're better than this. 1
Imajerk17 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) It's incredibly unfair to my boyfriend. He doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend that's considering being unfaithful to him and is already being emotionally unfaithful. Trust me, I don't feel good about this situation at all. Well I'm not leaving my boyfriend. I love him too much. I fully intend on putting a stop to the sexual nature of my relationship with my coworker. If it means stopping carpooling and talking to him as little as possible at work than that's what I'll do. It's just so hard because the way my body responds to what this guy says to me. It's almost an involuntary reaction. If I can get him to stop I hope I can bury my lustful feelings for him and move on. Actually you should go even further and think about changing jobs so you can go NC. And you should consider telling your boyfriend about this. Your current plan of action--telling this guy to cut it out and to try to avoid him at work, does not go far enough to resolve the mess. You already disrespected your boyfriend, and if you stay where you are at, something physical is bound to happen (irregardless of what you have written.on here so far). Edited June 17, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
Sparta Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 She perfect example, she's fully aware of what she's doing but yet she's going to go through it. Affairs are identical drug addiction she's already got a taste of her drug and she will have a physical affair if she hasn't already. So like drug addiction you have to cut it off cold turkey just like a drug addiction. If she does it she will have the affair I can already tell she's going to order she has already like I said earlier. Then her boyfriend will catcher a blowup you'll be smashed for forever score and try to reconcile but it won't work. The only thing you can do now is quite the job quick to carpool with all that completely get a new job. The smart thing to do when you have these problems in your life is to talk with your boyfriend, look he even already tried to make it better. But she just shut that down it wasn't good enough oh yeah I'm having an affair. Her boyfriend doesn't have a shot. You could've talked him into you have to work for things a little bit read books together videos on sex. When you work for something it pays off is lot better. Your relationship becomes even more meaningful maybe even leading to marriage with kids but by cheating you throw all that away. Guess what you're a cheater for life so when other guys ask you when you start a new relationship if you have ever cheated by telling them you haven't your will lying to them. That is what cheaters do they lie.
Author Jk1990 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 Now that you have your boyfriend's attention, you need to do your part and show him what to keep doing and what not to. You can do this with very few words while you are intimate by saying "keep doing that" or moving his hand from one place to another, etc. Meanwhile, work on this relationship before you muddy it with another, especially a coworker, which you will soon live to regret. I want to work on doing those things. I struggle with being comfortable during sex, being able to speak up and say what I want. It's so much easier when my partner is skilled and can read me and is able to just do it. If that makes sense. However of course not everyone is skilled like that. It will take me speaking up and being vocal. It's a personal issue I need to overcome. Oh I would regret it with all my heart. I already regret what has happened. I'm trying to pull myself out of the hole I've started digging. 1
Author Jk1990 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 Girl, no. Just NO! You have a good man at home. I know you don't want to hurt him. Leave this guy at work alone! Seriously. He gets off on your reactions to him. And come on, what kind of guy hits on a girl he knows has a boyfriend. I know you're caught up in the attention. It feels good knowing someone finds you attractive. But you already know it's not going anywhere. If you want to play around with the work guy, break up with your boyfriend first. He does not deserve all this mess you are already doing. How would you feel if some girl was sending him flirty texts and songs and stroking his cheek? You know the right thing to do. Come on. You're better than this. Oh, he's not a good person. I left out the detail of him being in a long term relationship with kids... yeah. I'm not a good person either. I know. I don't want to cast stones in glass houses. I absolutely love the attention. I always have. It feels good to be wanted by someone else. It's definitely not going anywhere. All it would be is a physical fling that I would instantly regret after it happens. I would be absolutely devastated if I found out my boyfriend was doing these things with another girl. It would crush me. Break my heart even. That's why I don't want to tell him about it. It hasn't reached the point of no return yet, in my opinion. It would do more harm than good if I were to tell him. I'm stopping it now. Thank you, I would like to think I'm better than this. I'm just a weak person that's easily tempted. However, again, my boyfriend deserves so much better.
Author Jk1990 Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 Actually you should go even further and think about changing jobs so you can go NC. And you should consider telling your boyfriend about this. Your current plan of action--telling this guy to cut it out and to try to avoid him at work, does not go far enough to resolve the mess. You already disrespected your boyfriend, and if you stay where you are at, something physical is bound to happen (irregardless of what you have written.on here so far). Lol, I wish life was so easy that I could just up and change jobs but I know what you're saying. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because at this point, I think it would hurt him more than help things. We're in a low point in our relationship, I'm at a point of weakness, and I'm trying to find my way out of it. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend if I don't have to. I know I disrespected him. That's my cross to bare now. But I'm putting an end to the tryst. I told the guy to stop texting me and I'll have a more in depth conversation with him on Monday. If he won't respect my wishes, then I'll take further actions.
Imajerk17 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Lol, I wish life was so easy that I could just up and change jobs but I know what you're saying. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because at this point, I think it would hurt him more than help things. We're in a low point in our relationship, I'm at a point of weakness, and I'm trying to find my way out of it. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend if I don't have to. I know I disrespected him. That's my cross to bare now. But I'm putting an end to the tryst. I told the guy to stop texting me and I'll have a more in depth conversation with him on Monday. If he won't respect my wishes, then I'll take further actions. You don't need to "have a more in-depth conversation", OP. Good grief. Why would you do that and disrespect your boyfriend even further. All that needs to be said is you cannot be friends anymore. There is nothing else for you two to talk about.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Know that there will always be men around like this and you need to learn to be able to nip it in the bud or one day you may ruin a wonderful relationship with the man you love by giving in to the excitement of an illicit relationship. You may not realize it but you could have low self esteem and not even know it. So that the flattery of this type of attention hooks you in. Do you have anything in your life that you're passionate about besides your boyfriend? Your career? A hobby? It seems you may also possibly be lacking in passion for life. 1
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 You don't need to "have a more in-depth conversation", OP. Good grief. Why would you do that and disrespect your boyfriend even further. All that needs to be said is you cannot be friends anymore. There is nothing else for you two to talk about. I suppose you're correct if I wanted to be direct. Which of course seems like the obvious choice. It's just complicated when it's someone you work with, that you see daily, and you're forced to interact with (our departments coincide for we have to exchange at least some words daily or weekly). The last thing I want is to create an uncomfortable work environment for myself. Since as I said, I can't just up and switch jobs with the drop of a hat. A measure of tact is needed in this situation.
phineas Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 You have a BF but gave your number to a male co-worker. Would of dropped you the second I found that out. Even when number's are shared for work i still would not be texting someone of the opposite sex and would of shut them down the second they took it past work. I expect any woman i'm dating to do the same or they are gone if I found out 2
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 Know that there will always be men around like this and you need to learn to be able to nip it in the bud or one day you may ruin a wonderful relationship with the man you love by giving in to the excitement of an illicit relationship. You may not realize it but you could have low self esteem and not even know it. So that the flattery of this type of attention hooks you in. Do you have anything in your life that you're passionate about besides your boyfriend? Your career? A hobby? It seems you may also possibly be lacking in passion for life. I know they're out there. Like sharks that can smell the tiniest drop of insecurity. I most definitely have poor self esteem. I am personally validated by receiving attention from others. It's not something I'm proud of. When I think about it, yes, I think I am lacking passion in life. I've been in a bit of a slump in my personal life outside of my relationship. I used to create art regularly and read as well. Now I spend a lot of time just sitting on the internet. Doing nothing particularly productive. I also used to work out regularly. I still do, but not a daily basis. I guess these illicit activities have given me a bit of excitement I've been lacking.
Imajerk17 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) I suppose you're correct if I wanted to be direct. Which of course seems like the obvious choice. It's just complicated when it's someone you work with, that you see daily, and you're forced to interact with (our departments coincide for we have to exchange at least some words daily or weekly). The last thing I want is to create an uncomfortable work environment for myself. Since as I said, I can't just up and switch jobs with the drop of a hat. A measure of tact is needed in this situation. Now you're just making excuses. Why don't you just dump your boyfriend and let him find a better woman who won't KEEP disrespecting him, as you seem so wont to do. Be direct. Any interaction you have with this guy is you being disrespectful to him, and is another chance for you to slip up and end up in a physical affair. Edited June 18, 2017 by Imajerk17
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 You have a BF but gave your number to a male co-worker. Would of dropped you the second I found that out. Even when number's are shared for work i still would not be texting someone of the opposite sex and would of shut them down the second they took it past work. I expect any woman i'm dating to do the same or they are gone if I found out I understand your opinion. I know for a fact I wouldn't put up with it from my guy either. Especially because I'm a jealous person. However before the flirting occurred I considered this coworker a friend. We spent a lot of time chatting while driving to and from work so it just happened naturally.
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 Now you're just making excuses. Why don't you just dump your boyfriend and let him find a better woman who won't KEEP disrespecting him, as you seem so wont to do. Be direct. Any interaction you have with this guy is you being disrespectful to him, and is another chance for you to slip up and end up in a physical affair. Okay, I don't agree with you but I respect your opinions. Thank you for your advice.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 I know they're out there. Like sharks that can smell the tiniest drop of insecurity. I most definitely have poor self esteem. I am personally validated by receiving attention from others. It's not something I'm proud of. When I think about it, yes, I think I am lacking passion in life. I've been in a bit of a slump in my personal life outside of my relationship. I used to create art regularly and read as well. Now I spend a lot of time just sitting on the internet. Doing nothing particularly productive. I also used to work out regularly. I still do, but not a daily basis. I guess these illicit activities have given me a bit of excitement I've been lacking. It's fantastic that you weren't defensive about my observations and the questions I asked. Are you a believer in God?
Imajerk17 Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Okay, I don't agree with you but I respect your opinions. Thank you for your advice. You made so many horrible choices so far, and you think you know the best way to handle things? If you don't stop talking to him NOW you are disrespecting your boyfriend. And you are prone to ending up in a physical affair.
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 It's fantastic that you weren't defensive about my observations and the questions I asked. Are you a believer in God? Thank you. I'm trying not to be defensive because that doesn't produce constructive conversation. I think it's important to be open and respectful. I'd like to think there's a greater power out there but I don't believe in the Christian God. I'm not particularly spiritual either.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Thank you. I'm trying not to be defensive because that doesn't produce constructive conversation. I think it's important to be open and respectful. I'd like to think there's a greater power out there but I don't believe in the Christian God. I'm not particularly spiritual either. Do you have any spiritual background at all from your childhood or after?
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 Do you have any spiritual background at all from your childhood or after? I was baptized Catholic and went to a Catholic grade school. I went to church with my mom occasionally. When I was in school I tried to be a good practicing Catholic, whatever that really means. But once I graduated 8th grade I no longer practiced and lost an real desire to have faith in religion or God.
Author Jk1990 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 You made so many horrible choices so far, and you think you know the best way to handle things? If you don't stop talking to him NOW you are disrespecting your boyfriend. And you are prone to ending up in a physical affair. Like I said. Thank you for your advice. I'll take everything into consideration.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 I was baptized Catholic and went to a Catholic grade school. I went to church with my mom occasionally. When I was in school I tried to be a good practicing Catholic, whatever that really means. But once I graduated 8th grade I no longer practiced and lost an real desire to have faith in religion or God. Practicing a religion is a big turn off for what really matters in life and that is getting to know the God who created you as a personal friend, has nothing to do with the institution of religion. I noticed you wrote that you're artistic. It was God who created you to be that way. The Bible says He knew YOU, Jk1990, when you were in your mother's womb. He took great care to make you who you are! Many believe, I being one of them, that inside of each person is a God-shaped void. That we were created to have a personal relationship with Him and that addictions and emptiness, etc., are the result of not giving Him that place in our lives. Like you, I was a young woman who tried to be good and finally figured out that religion was for some people, like for instance, my grandmother! Lol! What a relief it was to discover that Jesus Christ was not only available to me as a person to have a rich relationship with but that He was actually seeking me out. I, too, had no passion in my life. But, when I became involved with Him everything changed! Life became filled with passion and purpose! You can find out if He's reaching out to you personally by doing something very simple. Just ask Him in your mind to reach out to you and let you know He's there. You don't have to answer back to me if you don't want to. It's totally between you and Him. But, if you ask Him that one simple request I believe it will change your life. I don't know how He'll reach out to you, but He will if you sincerely ask Him to. That is what your heart is longing for. That is what will bring passion into your life in worthwhile and wonderful ways you've never even considered!
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