jealousy, is it ok?

[avvril3000]

Is it ok to have moments of jealousy in your relationship every now and then? nothing escalates from the jealousy but you do let them know that you got jealous in a given moment. Is that ok?

 

I hear so much conflicting opinions about jealousy... that it means you're insecure, that its not good... but then also that jealousy is good and it shows you care and it shows commitment?

 

i just wanna hear it out from you guys.

 

I'm a generally confident woman. in my looks, in who i am, etc. but every now and then in my really good relationship, i will get a flash of jealousy (its not often, once every 5 months at most), and i let him know. i let it go soon after he reassures me with words and kisses and eye staring that theres nothing to be worried about, but i wonder if this jealous is something he sees as a good thing or a bad thing for our relationship...

[preraph]

As long as you don't act unreasonable because you're so insecure you can't control yourself. I mean most of us get jealous. I really admire the few people I've met who are so secure in their self-worth that they just figure if he/she leaves, they weren't the right one and I'll find another no problem. But most of us are somewhere in the middle of the scale.

 

I handled jealousy bad inside my head and heart and really had a lot of pain from it, but outwardly, I contained myself really well. In some situations I would step up to the competition and just claim my man like a body guard claims their client, and the men loved it. I didn't hide it from them. I just acted like I was ready to stand down any flirt who crossed the line in front of me. I looked like trouble, so it wasn't that hard. It was kind of my thing. I have been asked a number of times by guys in bands who get hit on a lot to "act like" I'm with them and come in and be proprietary. It was fun.

 

But like I said, on the more painful partially unrequitted loves, a couple of them, I was really miserable with jealousy and just had to learn to contain myself, and also I would strike back in some funny way to get back at them sometimes, but not in a classic sleeping with someone else, but more kind of public.

 

Like this one guy I really loved who I found out years later had ED which is why he would never fully engage (but also never leave), we finally had the sad talk with me trying to find out why he was always around but not being my boyfriend, and I was rejected. When I saw him at a party not long after that, I happened to be upstairs in the master bedroom of this home with, among others, the local rival band to the guy I was in love with. He was in the other popular local band and they were kind of buddies but also rivals.

 

So as it happened, I heard the guy I was in love with coming up the stairs because I heard his voice, so I quickly commanded the rival band "Get under the covers -- hurry!" and jumped in the middle. (Amazing how when you order men into bed with no explanation, they just hop to it). So when he came into the room, I was there in the middle of them under the covers. It wasn't serious, of course, just a joke, but it left him standing with his hand on his hip trying to think of what to say, and I felt I got a bit of my dignity back, oddly enough.

 

It's normal to be jealous to a point, but you have to learn to harness it. I was too jealous. I felt like getting violent the couple of times I was surprised by seeing a man I love with someone else, and that's when I knew I had to harness it and blow it off some other way, preferably some way that would leave them talking for years to come.

[guest569]

It's hard to answer as I feel that it depends on the scenario and reason for the jealousy.

[somanymistakes]

Is it ok to have moments of jealousy in your relationship every now and then? nothing escalates from the jealousy but you do let them know that you got jealous in a given moment. Is that ok?

 

I hear so much conflicting opinions about jealousy... that it means you're insecure, that its not good... but then also that jealousy is good and it shows you care and it shows commitment?

 

i just wanna hear it out from you guys.

 

I'm a generally confident woman. in my looks, in who i am, etc. but every now and then in my really good relationship, i will get a flash of jealousy (its not often, once every 5 months at most), and i let him know. i let it go soon after he reassures me with words and kisses and eye staring that theres nothing to be worried about, but i wonder if this jealous is something he sees as a good thing or a bad thing for our relationship...

 

Jealousy isnt a good emotion but it's natural for most people to have little flashes of bad emotions sometimes.

 

I mean, I'll bet sometimes you get angry, too. That doesn't make you bad unless you do bad things with your anger.

 

I think little flashes of jealousy that you admit to and don't do anything crazy about are perfectly fine.

[mercy]

Feeling a feeling is neither right or wrong. How we react to our feelings is important.

 

Ask yourself why you're feeling those feelings. Are they justified? If you feel they are then you speak to the person. If they aren't then it is something going on within you and deal with that.

 

Try hard not to react to feelings, pause, think about it then respond.