kellyp1 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Ok, so tonight I went out with 3 guys I went to grad school with (I am a girl). At first, it was just me and one of the guys. He tells me I am an awesome girl but probably too much for most guys. He said that probably only 25% of the guy world would be interested in me and then even a smaller percentage that is available. Is that true? I am into sports and my guy friends think I am the bomb but like me single better. I am in shape, a 36DD and all that BS. I get hit on but guys do seem to freak when they realize I have a good head on my shoulders and can take care of myself. The other two guys said to ignore guy #1 but I am kind of wondering, is a put together women who is into sports (a man's world) a really bad thing? I am going to Canton to see Dan Marino inducted into the hall of fame and all three guys told me that they had thought I was kidding when I first said that. What do I do? I am 33 and don't want to be alone forever...
Mz. Pixie Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Hi Kelly, I've been strong and determined all my life. I'm also smart and don't take any crap. I wouldn't say that I'm as into sports as you are- but I like them. I've never suffered from a lack of male attention either. It's really all about balance. Can you be soft and feminine when called for? I would think most men wouldn't want someone who could chew and spit just like they can- but someone who can hang out with the guys is cool! It does take a certain kind of man to be with a strong woman. I'm not talking someone who's a wimp either. It takes someone who can stand toe to toe with that woman and not be intimidated by her. I think perhaps it would be a good idea to ask your guy friends just what it is that they think is unattractive about you. Then, if you think it's relative perhaps soften it up just a little when called for? My man's a high school coach. I can go to his games and hang out with the teenage guys and they think I'm hot and cool. I can watch sports with him and know what's going on. I'm also capable of attending a social event with him say at the country club. At that event I'll be dressed to the T and capable of carrying on a conversation with anyone in the room. Later, when we get home I'm not afraid to initate sex. I know what pleases him in bed and I'm not afraid to ask him to please me in that way either. There are perks to being a smart, strong woman- you just have to know how to balance it and not overwhelm the person that you're with!
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Strong woman, good head, good chest .... if we were closer *I*'d be asking for a date Different horses for different courses. I'm an intellectual, arty, creative type... the majority of girls don't go for this, but those that do, go hard. "Strong woman" is like "nice guy" though... people often mean something else when they say this. Care to be more specific about what's going wrong with the dating?
lindya Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by kellyp1 I am kind of wondering, is a put together women who is into sports (a man's world) a really bad thing? Well, it doesn't seem to do some of our leading sportswomen too much harm. My impression is generally that very athletic men like athletic women who can participate with them in the endless round of mountain-biking, hill-climbing, marathon training etc. I would think a lot of men like that, who value athleticism, would consider anyone other than a smart and very fit woman to be beneath them As for your guy friend who said you'd only appeal to 25% of men - well, I'm glad the two friends with him exposed his BS. Whenever a guy opens his mouth and claims to be the spokesman for his gender, the prospect of any stimulating conversation is laid to rest. You're as just well smiling sweetly, putting on the ear-phones and falling asleep.
scratch Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo "Strong woman" is like "nice guy" though... people often mean something else when they say this. Well stated. Context is the key with regard to something like this. It's pretty rare that a woman is actually so strong or independent that it's off-putting. Kelly, are you getting the sense that there is an initial attraction on his part that wears off once he learns you are intelligent and accomplished? First, I'll offer the flattering truism that you wouldn't want a man who is so insecure about a woman who matches him intellecually, or one who is so inarticulate that you tower over him in that respect. You're faced with a thinning of the herd that may be frustrating in the short run, but beneficial in the long run. Second, it may be time to face reality. As I said, the above paragraph was flattering. While it may be true, the percentages suggest that a guy who appears to be hitting on you but becomes skittish upon learning of your postive qualities probably had limited or no interest from the start. Do women really lose interest in guys when they learn they are genuinely nice, in that they treat those around them with kindness and respect? Flip that around and look at your situation from a perspective of cold detatchment. What are other possible explanations for your lack of success with the oppostie gender?
tanbark813 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by lindya I would think a lot of men like that, who value athleticism, would consider anyone other than a smart and very fit woman to be beneath them. ... Whenever a guy opens his mouth and claims to be the spokesman for his gender, the prospect of any stimulating conversation is laid to rest. So a guy can't speak for other men but a girl can? I would be interested to hear the logic behind that. As other posters have said the phrase "strong woman" is usually used like "nice guy". I wouldn't be so quick to assume all men are "intimidated" by you. I remember another thread about "strong" women several weeks ago if you want to do a search.
Cecelius Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 I personally prefer "weak women" -- the type with such high emotional needs about whom b/fs post on the cheating board... I think it was a neg hit, to knock you off your game. The guy(s) who say it/said it may just as likely be drooling over you.
lindya Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 So a guy can't speak for other men but a girl can? I would be interested to hear the logic behind that. So would I. To explain the thinking behind my post (before you put your spin on it ) , I'll ask you to put yourself in the following situation. You're on a plane. It's an 8 hour journey. A woman sits next to you and indicates that she's about to spend an undisclosed amount of time sharing with you her view of what it is that "all women/men want". What do you do? Allow her to continue - or do you indicate that it's going to be a silent flight...reach for the headphones and enjoy the in-flight movie? If it's the former, then you're a better person than me. PS - sorry to OP for going off topic
Outcast Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Whenever a guy opens his mouth and claims to be the spokesman for his gender, the prospect of any stimulating conversation is laid to rest If that were changed to 'Whenever someone claims to speak for his/her gender, the prospect of any stimulating conversation is laid to rest' it would be one of the all-time great sigs First, I'll offer the flattering truism that you wouldn't want a man who is so insecure about a woman who matches him intellecually, or one who is so inarticulate that you tower over him in that respect. You're faced with a thinning of the herd that may be frustrating in the short run, but beneficial in the long run. Scratch is spot on. It's true there are less men who will be interested, but you don't want just any guy anyway. It'll take more work for you to find a suitable mate, but don't let that stop you.
tanbark813 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by lindya So would I. To explain the thinking behind my post (before you put your spin on it ) , I'll ask you to put yourself in the following situation. You're on a plane. It's an 8 hour journey. A woman sits next to you and indicates that she's about to spend an undisclosed amount of time sharing with you her view of what it is that "all women/men want". What do you do? Allow her to continue - or do you indicate that it's going to be a silent flight...reach for the headphones and enjoy the in-flight movie? If it's the former, then you're a better person than me. PS - sorry to OP for going off topic You misunderstood my point. I wasn't saying that the guy can speak for all men--or that the woman in this example can speak for all women--I'm saying that I don't understand how you can say he can't speak for men but then at the same time claim to know yourself what men want. Since he is a man, and I assume you are not, it would seem to me that he would be more likely to know what men like or want. I'm not saying he's 100% correct, just that he has a little more experience in being a guy.
New_Wife Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Some are. But some are attracted and/or challenged by them. My husband told me he fell hard for me the night we met because I came in to meet the group and was "talking all that smack - attitude everywhere - you were hot!" His mother is a strong woman, his father is a strong man & they keep each other stimulated and on their toes. It's what he grew up with, and was actually a key part of his attraction to me. I think it's like anything else, there's a peg for every hole & sometimes you just keep looking for one that fits (wasn't intending for that to carry quite so much innuendo, but I'll go with it). I also suspect that the poster above who suggested the guy was just trying to throw you off your game was dead-on. Sounds to me like he was trying to entice you to notice how NOT intimidated by you HE was so you'd give him a little play.
Horse Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Hmmm... Attractive, smart, independent, nice breasts and likes sports... That sounds like mosts guys ideal woman. If, however, "strong" is a euphamism for bitchy or super-masculine, then I can see a problem. Most women think that men don't want to be with a woman who is smarter than they are. This could be true, but the thing is most men are so arrogant that they wouldn't really believe that the woman is smarter. It's not just men... Most people think they are smarter than 90% of the the other yahoos out there.
d'Arthez Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 Since he is a man, and I assume you are not, it would seem to me that he would be more likely to know what men like or want. I'm not saying he's 100% correct, just that he has a little more experience in being a guy. Not true by any means. I am a man - it does not mean that I know what men in general want. It does not mean that I know what women in general want. What counts is our understanding of ourselves, and the people of both sexes around is. And some people learn by seeing a thing happen once. Others have to be royally screwed over a couple of times to learn the same lesson.
tanbark813 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez Not true by any means. I am a man - it does not mean that I know what men in general want. It does not mean that I know what women in general want. What counts is our understanding of ourselves, and the people of both sexes around is. If I want to know what it's like to live in Russia, I wouldn't ask people from Australia.
scratch Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 If I want to know what it's like to live in Russia, I wouldn't ask people from Australia. Apples and oranges. Men and women interact with each other so thoroughly that an insightful male is likely to have a better understanding of general female tendencies than a self-centered, obutse female. The converse is true as well.
d'Arthez Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 If I want to know what it's like to live in Russia, I wouldn't ask people from Australia. The Urals? Siberia? Near the Finnish border? Most Russians don't know how life is in these various areas either. It does not mean that everyone in Australia knows it better. But if you were to ask the former ambassador to Russia, you might have a decent chance that he knows a lot more.
tanbark813 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by d'Arthez The Urals? Siberia? Near the Finnish border? Most Russians don't know how life is in these various areas either. It does not mean that everyone in Australia knows it better. But if you were to ask the former ambassador to Russia, you might have a decent chance that he knows a lot more. It is safe to assume there exists one person in Siberia and one person in Sydney such that the person in Siberia knows more about life in the rest of Russia than the person in Sydney. It is also safe to assume that there exists one other person in Siberia and one other person in Sydney, such that the opposite is true. My point is, however, that the probability of a given person in Siberia knowing more about Russia than a given person in Sydney is greater simply because of their station in life. I don't think my main point excludes the opportunity for exceptions.
Outcast Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 You gotta make him THINK he wears the pants, that he's the masculine one, that he's the one with the power, while slying training him otherwise. If you give him a feeling of power, he'll want to protect you and he'll want to give you the world. Not true if you make it blatantly obvious that the power-share is equal or you're 100% independent (mind you, I am saying KEEP your independence and maintain that power balance, but make him think he's the one with the power...follow me?). I would rather chew off my own arm than play that sort of game with someone. To me, this kind of attitude is based on an underlying lack of respect (have to keep the poor boob thinking he's wearing the pants) and therefore not even slightly useful as a basis for a long-term relationship. I suppose if you're only out to get into his pants or if you want to be a golddigger, then these would be tactics to use but I'll take a genuine honest relationship with someone I respect over this bullcrap. I'd rather live alone forever than live that sort of game.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer that he's the one with the power, while slying training him otherwise.
tanbark813 Posted August 5, 2005 Posted August 5, 2005 Originally posted by Star Gazer Do men like strong women? In theory, yes. In practice, no. It's been my experience that most men fall for the fox (the animal, not the hottie) who appears dumb. You gotta make him THINK he wears the pants, that he's the masculine one, that he's the one with the power, while slying training him otherwise. If you give him a feeling of power, he'll want to protect you and he'll want to give you the world. Not true if you make it blatantly obvious that the power-share is equal or you're 100% independent (mind you, I am saying KEEP your independence and maintain that power balance, but make him think he's the one with the power...follow me?). I HATE to suggest self-help books, but "Why Men Love Bitches" explains this dichotomy beautifully. That only works with dumb guys. Not that there is a shortage of those, so you're probably good to go.
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast I would rather chew off my own arm than play that sort of game with someone.
Woggle Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 I love strong women but I don't like women with an attitude problem that claim to be strong. There is a world of difference.
JS17 Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle I love strong women but I don't like women with an attitude problem that claim to be strong. There is a world of difference. what's the difference?
alphamale Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by Woggle I love strong women but I don't like women with an attitude problem that claim to be strong. There is a world of difference. in all reality I must admit that I SAY that I like strong women, but in reality I do not. I wanna be the boss and I've never spent any amount of time romantically with a woman that did not defer to me. Just me, I guess...
lindya Posted August 16, 2005 Posted August 16, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 what's the difference? Women/people who are strong - confident and assertive. Know their principles and try very hard to remain true to them. Women/people with an attitude problem who claim to be strong - bolshy, uncompromising and aggressive. Set principles for other people, but don't necessarily adhere to said principles themselves.
Recommended Posts