Why am I so weak?

[arsenalfan77]

Last year, I posted about my ex girlfriend and all that she put me through. After a lot of sound advice and research, I came to realize that she definitely qualifies as a sociopath and possibly BPD. However, I still miss this woman. Since the 8 months she broke up with me, I've seen her twice, Only to be ghosted again each time.

 

We recently began texting again. I find myself begging to see her again. She still tells me how everything was my fault and on and on. I keep thinking that if I see her one last time and then ghost her, I will feel better because it will be on my terms. I've been obsessing over her for far too long and I just want this cycle to be over.

 

I can't seem to move on. My every thought is of her. And though I know she cheated, lied, and made me question my own sanity, I still love and miss her. I've read all the reasons as to why, but I can't seem to do what is necessary and just cut her out of my life. It makes me sad that the person who once claimed to be my soulmate, barely even responds to a text now.

 

She even text me the other night telling me that she had gotten into a bad fight with her ex (the man she never really left) and that he had broken her heart. I couldn't believe she would text me that. The next day she said she was just referring to problems over a house they own, but I know it was about much more than that. Obviously they are still together.

 

I'm scared I will never have the same chemistry I shared with her in the beginning with anyone else. I was so happy a year ago. Everything was going great. Now, I am just lost and lonely. The crappy thing is that I had left her alone for 4 months. No texts or calls, but she reached out, and after seeing her, she disappeared again for absolutely no reason and treated me like a stranger. This woman slept with me, and 2 days later went on vacation with her ex. I saw posts on social media. When i confronted her about it, she said the pic was old and that it was automatically uploaded. wtf???

 

Lately I've been trying to assure her that I just want to be friends and have fun. She tells me she's scared because she doesn't want drama, or to feel like she is in a relationship, and that I shouldn't get upset if she can't see me. It's like she only wants to be able to see me when SHE wants to. I have lost my pride and self respect. What's wrong with me?

[Jagged100]

You sound like you've lost all respect for yourself, this cycle will not stop until you stop it. You're following an incredibly destructive path purely because you don't respect yourself. If you can't why should she? I'm sorry I know I'm sounding harsh, and I can competely empathise about loving someone who is comfortable with trying to destroy you. But by going back to her and giving her attention you're allowing her to keep hurting you. She's not capable of love, try to find that love you want in yourself.

[arsenalfan77]

Thank you, Jagged. You're not being harsh, you're just speaking the truth. I know i have to stop the cycle. It's just so hard. I've never felt this way before. I'm not new at relationships, either. And I've never had trouble with women. This one just got me in a way like no other. I'm embarrassed. I appreciate your response.

[Jagged100]

Thank you, Jagged. You're not being harsh, you're just speaking the truth. I know i have to stop the cycle. It's just so hard. I've never felt this way before. I'm not new at relationships, either. And I've never had trouble with women. This one just got me in a way like no other. I'm embarrassed. I appreciate your response.

I really do understand and the strength needed to let go of a toxic relationship is immense. Subconsciously you'd rather have this drama with her because it still feels like you have a remote chance. Please don't waste your energy on someone so undeserving. You will find better and you'll look back on this as a huge learning experience. Don't be embarrassed, lots of us have been in your shoes.

[Sweetfish]

Last year, I posted about my ex girlfriend and all that she put me through. After a lot of sound advice and research, I came to realize that she definitely qualifies as a sociopath and possibly BPD. However, I still miss this woman. Since the 8 months she broke up with me, I've seen her twice, Only to be ghosted again each time.

 

To qualify someone as a sociopath that could only be determine by a professional as a sociopath, BPD, narc, historic and etc may share the same attributes. A BPD goes into psychosis under certain conditions and a sociopath is always in psychosis. We can only determine that under deep relationships she is emotionally unreliable.

 

We recently began texting again. I find myself begging to see her again. She still tells me how everything was my fault and on and on. I keep thinking that if I see her one last time and then ghost her, I will feel better because it will be on my terms. I've been obsessing over her for far too long and I just want this cycle to be over.

Men who are in relationships as such are quick to diagnose the ex as a cluster B, however fail to see that they them selves also suffer from an unknown emotional condition that they refuse to see or seek professional help themselves. It is you who yearn for codependency in another person and became addicted to the ex often seen as the soul-mate or "the one".

 

Its often noted that a codependent and a cluster B engage in a "toxic dance" trying to extract the most love from one another.. The problem is the codependent will walk on egg shells and do everything not to step on the cluster b and gain love.. while the cluster b will see the relationship as fractured and will place the proper traps to exit the relationship..(avoid-ant) yet be conflicted (I love you, but I hate you)

 

I can't seem to move on. My every thought is of her. And though I know she cheated, lied, and made me question my own sanity, I still love and miss her. I've read all the reasons as to why, but I can't seem to do what is necessary and just cut her out of my life. It makes me sad that the person who once claimed to be my soulmate, barely even responds to a text now.

This is actually consider abuse. The scars from the relationship will damage you emotionally. The gas-lighting in my opinion is the worse as it will play on your sanity...

 

Yes, you can love someone who lied and cheated.. but eventually you need to move on and make room for someone who will actually not cheat or lie on you and if they do have the balls to admit it and give you an option to work on the problems at bay if you chose to.

 

She even text me the other night telling me that she had gotten into a bad fight with her ex (the man she never really left) and that he had broken her heart. I couldn't believe she would text me that. The next day she said she was just referring to problems over a house they own, but I know it was about much more than that. Obviously they are still together.

You have no idea whats going on and how its being conveyed. You do not know if she is lying to you or using you as "supply" All these problems are to be HIS problems.

 

I'm scared I will never have the same chemistry I shared with her in the beginning with anyone else. I was so happy a year ago. Everything was going great. Now, I am just lost and lonely. The crappy thing is that I had left her alone for 4 months. No texts or calls, but she reached out, and after seeing her, she disappeared again for absolutely no reason and treated me like a stranger. This woman slept with me, and 2 days later went on vacation with her ex. I saw posts on social media. When i confronted her about it, she said the pic was old and that it was automatically uploaded. wtf???

You need to come to terms that normal relationships that are healthy will not begin with love bombing, excessive mirroring, and idealization. This initial high (this cocaine) will F%$@ you up. You will forever be chasing this "high" the love bombing will always follow up with devaluing and what your chasing for is a re-evaluation.

 

Lately I've been trying to assure her that I just want to be friends and have fun. She tells me she's scared because she doesn't want drama, or to feel like she is in a relationship, and that I shouldn't get upset if she can't see me. It's like she only wants to be able to see me when SHE wants to.

yes and at her benefit and you continue to allow for this behavior. you've allow her to keep you in her orbit as a back-up and she will always be the victim. She has two men or more at her disposable and she will always be the victim and you will be their to listen and become an emotional dumpster or tampon. Pick your weapon.

This is the harsh truth and there are thousands if not more men just like you eroding their own life away to fall in love with someone who has no empathy for them.

 

If your life is crappy... make it un-crappy. You will never find a healthy strong partner if you yearn to be with someone who doesn't respect you, her boyfriend and you all in the same shot. I would ultimately start by respecting your self and get out of the cycle.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Sweetfish

[la74219]

I am in the same cycle, and can't seem to get out of it. I also feel embarrassed and pathetic. She makes me feel crazy. I know I have my faults in the situation too, but I find it's me apologizing 99% of the time. I hope you can find peace man..I'm right there with you.

 

Thank you to all the people who replied with advice. It's helping me as well.

[Maldives]

Last year, I posted about my ex girlfriend and all that she put me through. After a lot of sound advice and research, I came to realize that she definitely qualifies as a sociopath and possibly BPD. However, I still miss this woman. Since the 8 months she broke up with me, I've seen her twice, Only to be ghosted again each time.

 

We recently began texting again. I find myself begging to see her again. She still tells me how everything was my fault and on and on. I keep thinking that if I see her one last time and then ghost her, I will feel better because it will be on my terms. I've been obsessing over her for far too long and I just want this cycle to be over.

 

I can't seem to move on. My every thought is of her. And though I know she cheated, lied, and made me question my own sanity, I still love and miss her. I've read all the reasons as to why, but I can't seem to do what is necessary and just cut her out of my life. It makes me sad that the person who once claimed to be my soulmate, barely even responds to a text now.

 

She even text me the other night telling me that she had gotten into a bad fight with her ex (the man she never really left) and that he had broken her heart. I couldn't believe she would text me that. The next day she said she was just referring to problems over a house they own, but I know it was about much more than that. Obviously they are still together.

 

I'm scared I will never have the same chemistry I shared with her in the beginning with anyone else. I was so happy a year ago. Everything was going great. Now, I am just lost and lonely. The crappy thing is that I had left her alone for 4 months. No texts or calls, but she reached out, and after seeing her, she disappeared again for absolutely no reason and treated me like a stranger. This woman slept with me, and 2 days later went on vacation with her ex. I saw posts on social media. When i confronted her about it, she said the pic was old and that it was automatically uploaded. wtf???

 

Lately I've been trying to assure her that I just want to be friends and have fun. She tells me she's scared because she doesn't want drama, or to feel like she is in a relationship, and that I shouldn't get upset if she can't see me. It's like she only wants to be able to see me when SHE wants to. I have lost my pride and self respect. What's wrong with me?

 

 

A lot of us on here can relate.

It's the rejection if u read the science behind it it makes one infatuated and puts the other party on a pedestal. The old saying rings true treat em mean keep em keen....

Its been 9 mths in my case and as much as I'm angry wth the ex I still miss her but know from experience time eventually heals and u let go.

Definatley wat I've learnt is that NC is the best thing to preserve ur own pride don't accept her bs breadcrumbs anymore u reject her and watch her want it more . Rejection makes u want something u can't have make sense?

[spiderowl]

Thank you, Jagged. You're not being harsh, you're just speaking the truth. I know i have to stop the cycle. It's just so hard. I've never felt this way before. I'm not new at relationships, either. And I've never had trouble with women. This one just got me in a way like no other. I'm embarrassed. I appreciate your response.

 

Did you have a lot of drama while you were actually with this girl? If so, that could be part of the problem. Drama is incredibly addictive. The highs are high and the lows are low, it can feel like a sign that the person is passionate and cares a lot (when they are being caring). Sharing passion with someone is addictive; when you meet someone stable and caring, it is as if there is something missing. It just means you have to adjust your idea of a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship does not leave you terribly hurt or in despair. Yes, the good bits were amazing, but the downtime was so terrible. Try to remember that when you miss her.

[Chilli]

lotta threads through ls with people going through this and l have a few of my own too and we've now split up.

but don't know how people talking about this stuff actually distinguish between the different people involved and to what degree brings the partner into this category , and to what degree is another partner just an ordinary person with a few bad habits ?

dunno if that makes sense !

l sure wasn't addicted to drama, hated it. but with mine l know she did too , even when she was the one that set the drama off.

that part she would deny and disown completely but she would also say oh , l've never had this crap before with anyone , so she was well aware of our crap side and she didn't like it anymore than l did.

 

but shedid have placid men before me by the sounds and l said to her a few times , yeah but your ex's weren't the sort to kick up and complain or give what they get. where as me , if you give me sh@t then you get sh@t back, l don't not say anything or put up with it,

so maybe , thats why you've never had this before.

It was as if her ex's just took her crap but where as l shocked her system quite a bit because l don't take bs and so we got into tangles.

But yeah , they didn't speak up or give it back like l do but they did implode in the end and took off.

And so she was the victim , left high and dry by the ex that seemingly just went mad..

But l think yeah , he was quiet, and so he said nothing, unlike myself , but what actually really happened was he didn't go mad , he just imploded after 9yrs.

 

So with mine , l don't so much think she had any serious bpd as such , traits of it , yeah sure but not full blown like some l read about here.

l think she was maybe more just not use to her man standing up to her. Because she didn't like our tangles any more than l did, they worried her too. she was well aware of it. But she didn't seem to get why sh@t she did, started it.

or maybe she's just playing dumb and too use to men putting up with it , l'm not sure which.

Edited June 18, 2017 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Although sometimes too l use to think maybe mine was simply just a typical little hot blooded Italian women and maybe l wasn't suppose to take her crap so seriously.

that was the part that seemed to throw her, the fact l'd get so pissed off.