Wait...until when?

[Confused2017]

Why can't you move on? Planning a lunch to meet and presenting a speech is just another way for you to keep staying on his radar. I think the only person that believes you're only intention is to end things is you. I think the beauty of this forum is that people from anywhere and everywhere can read between the lines from an objective point of view. If everyone on here is saying the same thing, it's because it's very obvious to everyone reading.

 

No he didn't break up with her. He could prbly tell you've been distant and questioning this so he did that to reel you back in, and it worked. They ALWAYS say they're are leaving or will leave. Don't think for a moment she's not there. Let's say they got in a fight and broke up, she'll be back you can bet on that.

 

Also it doesn't matter if this guy doesn't want a serious relationship, he doesn't have any morals clearly. Also because he just wants non-serious things, he likes to play games with you two (possibly more).

 

I think if you didn't want anything serious with this guy you would have let this go a while ago because he's not giving you what you want. You clearly have feelings for him but are willing to bend over backwards and get hurt to be the woman he wants. This will continue to be a back and fourth game for him, and if you think he's saying sweet things about you to his gf, you're kidding yourself.

 

He's playing both of you. I'm not even slightly surprised that he told you he broke it off with that girl right before you were about to end things. You need to think smarter than this.

 

 

This is what I'm afraid of. That there might be others in the mix as well. Also, I have to admit I don't believe 100% that he split with that one I already know about. I gave no indication that I was going to pull the plug based on him dragging the relationship with her, so I don't know how he could have felt that, but the timing is indeed suspicious.

What's even worse, if he really broke things off with her he would have had more time to spend for me, right? Well, I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, 3 by the time I get to see him next weekend. So what is he doing with his so-called free time?

 

Lots to think about...

[Confused2017]

OP, you can't be this desperate.

 

When you can't even trust a 50-something's word that he's broken it off with another woman, you need to ask yourself why you're scratching the bottom of the barrel.

 

Ugh it looks like I really am that desperate. I don't even know why, because not to be conceited, but I have lots going for me, and well...he doesn't. Without getting into details, I will say that he is quite the opposite of what one would call a "catch".

The thing is, I have been trying talking with guys online, or even in person. I don't have a problem meeting guys. The problem is that they all bore me to death, I lose interest after the first few sentences. He is the only one I am interested in. Go figure. I hate this.

[Versacehottie]

I have read each and every answer and I appreciate everyone taking the time to read my post and offer their opinion.

I must admit, it was a bit of a surprise to see how all of you pretty much said the same thing, and you are all right, I do deserve better and the guy is probably just playing with my head.

 

But there has been a development, and once again despite the fact that me leaving is probably still the best option, I would like to know if this changes anything.

 

A couple days ago I was going to suggest a meetup with him, where I was going to tell him I was ending "us" because basically I have all the qualities to be the main dish not the side one, etc etc. I had a whole speech prepared. But before I was able to say anything, he called me and during the conversation he told me he had ended things with the other woman! He didn't say anything about me or having done so in order to see where things went with me, he just informed me of the fact and that was that.

 

Firstly I should say that I'm not sure I believe it's true, he has been known to lie a lot. But I have no way of knowing for sure, right?

 

Then...well, we had plans for this weekend but he cancelled them (with a believable excuse, yes, but once again, who knows if that's true). He did offer next weekend as an alternative. He has still kept in touch by phone every day, but he doesn't seem to make any effort to actually hang out with me in person, even though he knows I have the time.

In fact, since he apparently ended things with her, he seems colder with me! I'm not sure why that is, but what am I supposed to do now? Wait some more and see what happens? I can no longer give him the "I don't want to be the other woman" speech at this point, so then what? I don't want to be the needy woman who complains about him not spending time with me.

 

Also, I'm not sure if this matters in any way, but this is not a guy looking for his bride or anything, he is in his mid-50s and not looking to ever get married or even live with anyone, he is not the committed relationship type of person and I am ok with that, as I am not looking for something all that serious myself at this point. But I do want him exclusively, and to see him at least twice a week. At this point, I see him 1-2 times a month despite talking daily, and that's just not enough for me.

 

So please, other than "move on", what else can I do to turn the tables?

 

I agree with Knix that in the future, you don't need to meet up to dump a guy--certainly not this one!! Or a relationship of this type. If he's been respectful all along and breaking up is your choice (not something that you effectively wish you didn't have to do), then maybe. But not when you are breaking up because he gives no other real choice, i.e. you are not together.

 

Ok, well I was encouraged to read that you have been trying to date online and otherwise. That's good. You will not feel so tied to him once you get the right attention from someone else. Now you need to examine within yourself why his type of attention seems to suit you as the "right" kind at the moment. I often think, in cases like yours, that it becomes an ego issue. Not that you think so well of yourself but it becomes something unconsciously that you need to prove to yourself--sustained with tiny hits from this other person. And actually each time you give it another shot, another investment, you actually become more attached--to the outcome--of getting what you want with the other person. A person will likely transfer those "feelings" to the person himself rather than being able to separate that it is situational as well. My advice is to keep trying to date others. Find a way to make it like a challenge to yourself (to meet new people with little to no expectation of the outcome, to have fun experiences and dates, to show off who you are). If you can do that, you will get yourself in a better headspace to make one of those viable.

 

As far as him pulling away now that he's broken up with his number one (let's face it, you've avoided saying that but she was), that kinda makes sense to me. Like I said before, he is just doing various versions of non-commitment to you. And here's another one. I also think he probably is actually sad about her, maybe she is aware of you & he just wants to be free. Sometimes it's not enough that a person is single & somewhat interested in you. The point is single him is still not jumping at the chance to be with you. Now don't take that the wrong way: that doesnt mean you aren't "enough" for him, it just means he's not doing it--for WHATEVER reason. Stop using your limited energy (everyone's supply of energy is not endless) toward focusing on "why" or more accurately "why not me" and "what's going on with him". Use it to focus on what you want to do. Live your reality. Tell yourself whatever you need to do to make that happen from moment to moment. You can be insulted; you can want MORE for yourself (as you said he's no catch). You can be honest with yourself that eventually you will want a serious relationship so why waste time with someone who can never be that. you can decide too much negative stuff has happened to ever make it the relationship you want. Change it, keep it the same reason but find one/ones that work and use them to get yourself through each moment. I see nothing wrong with sending an email or short text saying whatever you were going to say to him to dump him. The circumstances "really" haven't changed. Actually if anything, it's more insulting, that as a single guy now, he's giving you the brush off.

 

So I know it's not what you want to hear, but I guess I am saying find ways to move on. If you want to know what I think will be the best way to handle this situation, it would be that--both to do what is best for yourself and get his attention. Sorry it's just the truth, if you starting putting yourself first, he's likely to finally notice. I still don't think you should hold out hope for that because if that's the real intention behind what you do, sometimes it doesn't work because you are still putting him FIRST. But if you put yourself first and what happens happens, then that is the right intention. Plus if you are not in an immediate position to be in relationship yourself--that 100% is what you should be doing!!!

Edited June 25, 2017 by Versacehottie

[Knix]

Ugh it looks like I really am that desperate. I don't even know why, because not to be conceited, but I have lots going for me, and well...he doesn't. Without getting into details, I will say that he is quite the opposite of what one would call a "catch".

The thing is, I have been trying talking with guys online, or even in person. I don't have a problem meeting guys. The problem is that they all bore me to death, I lose interest after the first few sentences. He is the only one I am interested in. Go figure. I hate this.

 

 

 

 

You're probably only interested in this guy because he is seeing someone else, you get excited when he tells you he broke it off with his gf. You get excited when he reaches out to you and not her. You get excited when he tells you that you're the better woman. At the end of the day if he's really not even a catch-- it's even more of a reason to let it go. He is getting an ego boost by having multiple women show him attention and then plays them off each other.

 

 

Let me ask you this, what do you think he would do if you were the one with multiple guys? His ego couldn't take that.

[Confused2017]

You're probably only interested in this guy because he is seeing someone else, you get excited when he tells you he broke it off with his gf. You get excited when he reaches out to you and not her. You get excited when he tells you that you're the better woman. At the end of the day if he's really not even a catch-- it's even more of a reason to let it go. He is getting an ego boost by having multiple women show him attention and then plays them off each other.

 

 

Let me ask you this, what do you think he would do if you were the one with multiple guys? His ego couldn't take that.

 

No, I've been interested in him 7 years ago when I first met him, and he was single back then (or at least I hope he was!). For some reason, despite him treating me with the utmost indifference, I was never able to get over him. Now when we reconnected, I had huge doubts in starting something with him again, because I didn't want to go through what I had gone through all those years ago...but then he surprised me by being completely different.

 

I hated the fact that he was with her, which is why I didn't have sex with him. But the thing is, I'm afraid I've always shared him with others, whether I knew it or not. To add insult to injury, he works in a night club, and you know what goes on there...he gets hit on every single night, which I assume is the reason he is having trouble giving it up, despite being in his 50s. He knows he will never get the attention and the constant supply of women he's getting there.

 

I was hoping he'd finally quit, because when we reconnected that's what he said he was going to do. It hasn't happened, in fact it looks like he's taking on even more shifts.

 

I just want a chance with him, only me and him. I was hoping he is at an age where this might finally happen. I guess not.

[Confused2017]

I agree with Knix that in the future, you don't need to meet up to dump a guy--certainly not this one!! Or a relationship of this type. If he's been respectful all along and breaking up is your choice (not something that you effectively wish you didn't have to do), then maybe. But not when you are breaking up because he gives no other real choice, i.e. you are not together.

 

Ok, well I was encouraged to read that you have been trying to date online and otherwise. That's good. You will not feel so tied to him once you get the right attention from someone else. Now you need to examine within yourself why his type of attention seems to suit you as the "right" kind at the moment. I often think, in cases like yours, that it becomes an ego issue. Not that you think so well of yourself but it becomes something unconsciously that you need to prove to yourself--sustained with tiny hits from this other person. And actually each time you give it another shot, another investment, you actually become more attached--to the outcome--of getting what you want with the other person. A person will likely transfer those "feelings" to the person himself rather than being able to separate that it is situational as well. My advice is to keep trying to date others. Find a way to make it like a challenge to yourself (to meet new people with little to no expectation of the outcome, to have fun experiences and dates, to show off who you are). If you can do that, you will get yourself in a better headspace to make one of those viable.

 

As far as him pulling away now that he's broken up with his number one (let's face it, you've avoided saying that but she was), that kinda makes sense to me. Like I said before, he is just doing various versions of non-commitment to you. And here's another one. I also think he probably is actually sad about her, maybe she is aware of you & he just wants to be free. Sometimes it's not enough that a person is single & somewhat interested in you. The point is single him is still not jumping at the chance to be with you. Now don't take that the wrong way: that doesnt mean you aren't "enough" for him, it just means he's not doing it--for WHATEVER reason. Stop using your limited energy (everyone's supply of energy is not endless) toward focusing on "why" or more accurately "why not me" and "what's going on with him". Use it to focus on what you want to do. Live your reality. Tell yourself whatever you need to do to make that happen from moment to moment. You can be insulted; you can want MORE for yourself (as you said he's no catch). You can be honest with yourself that eventually you will want a serious relationship so why waste time with someone who can never be that. you can decide too much negative stuff has happened to ever make it the relationship you want. Change it, keep it the same reason but find one/ones that work and use them to get yourself through each moment. I see nothing wrong with sending an email or short text saying whatever you were going to say to him to dump him. The circumstances "really" haven't changed. Actually if anything, it's more insulting, that as a single guy now, he's giving you the brush off.

 

So I know it's not what you want to hear, but I guess I am saying find ways to move on. If you want to know what I think will be the best way to handle this situation, it would be that--both to do what is best for yourself and get his attention. Sorry it's just the truth, if you starting putting yourself first, he's likely to finally notice. I still don't think you should hold out hope for that because if that's the real intention behind what you do, sometimes it doesn't work because you are still putting him FIRST. But if you put yourself first and what happens happens, then that is the right intention. Plus if you are not in an immediate position to be in relationship yourself--that 100% is what you should be doing!!!

 

Wow, you are spot on here... especially the part where this may have become an ego thing for me. It could very well be. I have never had any trouble getting guys, but this one has always kept me at arm's length. He had relationships with women I would have never considered competition, yet clearly he liked them more than me. This last one, she's been after him ever since I met him, including when we were together. He picked her. Yet he told me they had nothing in common, she didn't like any of the things he does, and liked things he didn't. And still, he went at great length to please her and do whatever she wanted. He told me in the beginning they were seeing each other every other day, that's how hot they were for each other. Yet 7 years ago when me and him were dating, if I saw him every other month it would have been an accomplishment. But hey, according to him we have loads in common, like the same things (it's true), he loves talking to me... How does this make any sense? If I'm so great for him, why is he fine seeing me once a month, again? Yes we talk often (actually not as often since he "ended" with her!), and when I ask him to hang out, once again he has excuses prepared.

 

So yes, maybe it is my ego wanting him to pick me, for once. It doesn't look like it's going to happen though. And if I walk, I am 100% sure he'll let me walk.

 

I know how crazy this all sounds. I wish I didn't let him in this time around, I really do.

[Knix]

No, I've been interested in him 7 years ago when I first met him, and he was single back then (or at least I hope he was!). For some reason, despite him treating me with the utmost indifference, I was never able to get over him. Now when we reconnected, I had huge doubts in starting something with him again, because I didn't want to go through what I had gone through all those years ago...but then he surprised me by being completely different.

 

I hated the fact that he was with her, which is why I didn't have sex with him. But the thing is, I'm afraid I've always shared him with others, whether I knew it or not. To add insult to injury, he works in a night club, and you know what goes on there...he gets hit on every single night, which I assume is the reason he is having trouble giving it up, despite being in his 50s. He knows he will never get the attention and the constant supply of women he's getting there.

 

I was hoping he'd finally quit, because when we reconnected that's what he said he was going to do. It hasn't happened, in fact it looks like he's taking on even more shifts.

 

I just want a chance with him, only me and him. I was hoping he is at an age where this might finally happen. I guess not.

 

 

But even 7 years ago he gave off an uninterested vibe.

 

 

My favorite quote a friend told me in college was "You could be the sweetest peach in the whole wide world and still someone will hate peaches"

 

 

Feeling like you're not good enough to someone can be hard, but at the end of the day if he's not into you know that there are just some guys that don't like peaches and move on. He sounds like he doesn't like himself much anyways.

 

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Continuing this will only give you the same results. Maybe you like being involved in this.. I don't judge. But don't complain when he keeps doing this over and over, you are letting this continue to happen. Also there are SO many other people out there, just give yourself a good ten minutes to be sad about this (lol) and move forward! Block his number, his social media etc. etc. not for him or to send him a message, but for yourself. Pretend like he doesn't exist and I promise you, not only will you have won the game he's playing, but you'll get your self respect back and in a few weeks/months whatever it takes, you will MOVE ON. But you can't do it if you're constantly planning on giving him gifts, writing breakup speeches, and worrying about what he's thinking. Stop caring about this guy. I know that it's easier said than done, but you HAVE to start taking the steps to moving on if you ever truly want to. Be honest with yourself. I think a lot of people on this forum can see it.

[Versacehottie]

Wow, you are spot on here... especially the part where this may have become an ego thing for me. It could very well be. I have never had any trouble getting guys, but this one has always kept me at arm's length. He had relationships with women I would have never considered competition, yet clearly he liked them more than me. This last one, she's been after him ever since I met him, including when we were together. He picked her. Yet he told me they had nothing in common, she didn't like any of the things he does, and liked things he didn't. And still, he went at great length to please her and do whatever she wanted. He told me in the beginning they were seeing each other every other day, that's how hot they were for each other. Yet 7 years ago when me and him were dating, if I saw him every other month it would have been an accomplishment. But hey, according to him we have loads in common, like the same things (it's true), he loves talking to me... How does this make any sense? If I'm so great for him, why is he fine seeing me once a month, again? Yes we talk often (actually not as often since he "ended" with her!), and when I ask him to hang out, once again he has excuses prepared.

 

So yes, maybe it is my ego wanting him to pick me, for once. It doesn't look like it's going to happen though. And if I walk, I am 100% sure he'll let me walk.

 

I know how crazy this all sounds. I wish I didn't let him in this time around, I really do.

 

Thanks. I actually love observing people so there are a lot of things you learn if you pay attention. Pretty much the same patterns play out over and over and substitute different players. I forgot to say one of the most important observations in regards to your situation: sometimes guys like this guy want a woman who is less than them (let's say on paper or by the majority of what other people would say about the involved parties). And also sometimes they chose a woman who IS less than he is but acts like more if that makes sense. I have seen some pretty sassy women who really have no business acting that way with some guy trailing them like a puppy dog. It's just life--that pattern will play out. Looks like it's probably his. What's important about this is a guy who wants a woman who is less than him or one that acts like more even if she isn't (i.e. especially if she isn't) will never appreciate a woman like you.

 

Remember what I said above: he will never appreciate a woman like you. Sure, he'll lean on you, dump his problems on you, use you for an ego boost, etc but be smitten? Nope. I'm just guessing, of course but if this rings true, it will make sense because it's one that happens all the time. That he is still working at a bar in his 50s just adds to that storyline to me. Likes to be a big fish in a small pond.

 

Allow yourself a tiny bit of time to mourn but you better get out soon or you are just putting yourself down. Better brace yourself, he will be looking for an ego boost soon or to hook up--with still no promises, of course. With a track record like his, (never say never) you could maybe let him back into your life IF huge changes were made and proven before you agreed to date him--it's the only way he will like you if you make him bring his level up and don't give in until he does. And even then: doesn't sound like you trust him or that he is worthy.

 

And yeah, it's a psychological thing with regard to keep letting people have chances, it actually puts you in a position where you are very invested because your own ego is on the line. I'm not explaining it well but it is probably why on some level you recognize that you wish you never let him back in. Bottom line, you have control over how you live your life and what paths you take. Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes you regret, decide to do what is right for you now at this time--even if it's hard. I read something the other day that said mistakes are what make you, you (so in other words not all bad). I tend to think that wanting to see the best in someone often leads good people to people who don't live up to you being in their lives. Just re-characterize how you define what has happened--it will make it easier to move on. I'm not saying it will be easy but "easier". Good luck

[Confused2017]

But even 7 years ago he gave off an uninterested vibe.

 

 

My favorite quote a friend told me in college was "You could be the sweetest peach in the whole wide world and still someone will hate peaches"

 

 

Feeling like you're not good enough to someone can be hard, but at the end of the day if he's not into you know that there are just some guys that don't like peaches and move on. He sounds like he doesn't like himself much anyways.

 

 

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Continuing this will only give you the same results. Maybe you like being involved in this.. I don't judge. But don't complain when he keeps doing this over and over, you are letting this continue to happen. Also there are SO many other people out there, just give yourself a good ten minutes to be sad about this (lol) and move forward! Block his number, his social media etc. etc. not for him or to send him a message, but for yourself. Pretend like he doesn't exist and I promise you, not only will you have won the game he's playing, but you'll get your self respect back and in a few weeks/months whatever it takes, you will MOVE ON. But you can't do it if you're constantly planning on giving him gifts, writing breakup speeches, and worrying about what he's thinking. Stop caring about this guy. I know that it's easier said than done, but you HAVE to start taking the steps to moving on if you ever truly want to. Be honest with yourself. I think a lot of people on this forum can see it.

 

My one fear is this: last time, after we ended it, I didn't see him for 3 years due to circumstances, and let me be completely honest: there was not one day during those years where I didn't think about him. What he would say or do in a certain situation, etc. Not one day! Despite the fact that I dated around, was out and about with friends constantly and even had a relationship.

I could never get over him, forget him. Normally you do, when you don't see someone for an extended period of time. It didn't happen to me. So now that things were much better than before, I dread going through the same thing all over again, and it will be even more difficult.

What if I never move on? The dread is preventing me from doing what I know I have to do...

[Els]

Don't wait any longer. This guy is clearly a cake-eater - 7 months is MORE than enough time to ditch a supposedly non-exclusive relationship with no kids, if he had been serious about it! Chances are this girl doesn't even know about you or his 'non-exclusivity' clause, ergo he is cheating on her.

 

Cut him loose and move on.

[Confused2017]

Thanks. I actually love observing people so there are a lot of things you learn if you pay attention. Pretty much the same patterns play out over and over and substitute different players. I forgot to say one of the most important observations in regards to your situation: sometimes guys like this guy want a woman who is less than them (let's say on paper or by the majority of what other people would say about the involved parties). And also sometimes they chose a woman who IS less than he is but acts like more if that makes sense. I have seen some pretty sassy women who really have no business acting that way with some guy trailing them like a puppy dog. It's just life--that pattern will play out. Looks like it's probably his. What's important about this is a guy who wants a woman who is less than him or one that acts like more even if she isn't (i.e. especially if she isn't) will never appreciate a woman like you.

 

Remember what I said above: he will never appreciate a woman like you. Sure, he'll lean on you, dump his problems on you, use you for an ego boost, etc but be smitten? Nope. I'm just guessing, of course but if this rings true, it will make sense because it's one that happens all the time. That he is still working at a bar in his 50s just adds to that storyline to me. Likes to be a big fish in a small pond.

 

Allow yourself a tiny bit of time to mourn but you better get out soon or you are just putting yourself down. Better brace yourself, he will be looking for an ego boost soon or to hook up--with still no promises, of course. With a track record like his, (never say never) you could maybe let him back into your life IF huge changes were made and proven before you agreed to date him--it's the only way he will like you if you make him bring his level up and don't give in until he does. And even then: doesn't sound like you trust him or that he is worthy.

 

And yeah, it's a psychological thing with regard to keep letting people have chances, it actually puts you in a position where you are very invested because your own ego is on the line. I'm not explaining it well but it is probably why on some level you recognize that you wish you never let him back in. Bottom line, you have control over how you live your life and what paths you take. Instead of beating yourself up for mistakes you regret, decide to do what is right for you now at this time--even if it's hard. I read something the other day that said mistakes are what make you, you (so in other words not all bad). I tend to think that wanting to see the best in someone often leads good people to people who don't live up to you being in their lives. Just re-characterize how you define what has happened--it will make it easier to move on. I'm not saying it will be easy but "easier". Good luck

 

Once again, spot on. I know exactly what you're saying. And I think you're right, he does prefer to get involved long term with women who are 'less'. But in his case, I think 'less' refers to them being a doormat. For example, IF what he's told me is true, this one was ok with him not seeing her often, clearly he had all the freedom in the world to cheat on her (we didn't have sex, but did lots of other stuff that would constitute cheating, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one), she didn't speak up on his refusal to live together or meet each other's families, basically she gave up things that were important to her, just not to lose him. Me on the other hand, I express my dislikes and he knows he could never get away with as much. He knows I hate his bar job, and that I know what goes on there (and really, what woman in her right mind would like her partner to spend each and every weekend getting hit on by women starved for attention, instead of spending quality time together?).

 

I know I will have to walk, I do. Unless he dumps me first, that is. Lowest of the lowest. But I am dragging my feet for the reason I wrote to the poster above. If I was unable to stop caring about him for years, without even seeing him, and after him having treated me poorly, how am I ever going to forget about him now, when he's been better? Not good, but better. I'm just scared to do what needs to be done, I guess.

[Knix]

My one fear is this: last time, after we ended it, I didn't see him for 3 years due to circumstances, and let me be completely honest: there was not one day during those years where I didn't think about him. What he would say or do in a certain situation, etc. Not one day! Despite the fact that I dated around, was out and about with friends constantly and even had a relationship.

I could never get over him, forget him. Normally you do, when you don't see someone for an extended period of time. It didn't happen to me. So now that things were much better than before, I dread going through the same thing all over again, and it will be even more difficult.

What if I never move on? The dread is preventing me from doing what I know I have to do...

 

 

 

 

If that's honestly the case then I would suggest you see a therapist and have them help you dig deeper to sort out your feelings with this. If he was in love with you and wanting a relationship, I would say that sounds like something out of a movie. But he doesn't- he treats you like ****. So this isn't okay and your feelings for him aren't healthy. He has made it clear he doesn't think about you. Reach higher.

 

 

I think about my ex-boyfriend every now and again because I loved him and a part of me always will, and I'm talking about my first love-- we were together for 3 years, we spent every weekend together and he became a huge part of my world, but he cheated on me and ended things with a breakup email like a coward.. Doesn't mean I don't think about him. But when he tried to reach out to me and my family after 2 years it wasn't the same. I had enough therapy, life experiences, and support from friends and family to know that I could never go back to that place again.

 

 

I'm only telling you this because we all think about people from our past, it doesn't always mean that they need to be in your life. From what you've described here this guy is not one of those people that should have a priority just because you always think about him.

[vintageluna]

They've been together for years plural and it's not serious? That smells like bull**** to me. To be frank, it kind of sounds like you're the side chick. 7 months later and he still hasn't broken up with her? Come on. This guy hasn't changed at all. He's just learned that he's had to change his behaviors to keep you around. Unless you want to keep being his side piece, end things.