girlinNYC Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Hello, So I've been interested in a guy for a little while now and I've picked up on subtle hints that he may be too. Complimenting my appearance, I have his undivided eye contact whenever we have spoken, always (and I mean always) looks at me whenever I'm around, etc. In spite of all this, the other day he was about 50m away, walking by on the other side of the sidewalk. He stared for multiple seconds, I looked up at him and he looked away, hesitantly, but still looked away. Why wouldn't he have waved or said hi in light of all the above? Is it a shyness thing? It's got me slightly confused and curious.
CptInsano Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 There are numerous possible reasons. He may not know how to approach women, he may be taken, or you are just "easy on the eyes". Just looking at you may not necessarily mean a whole lot. If you are interested you may have to say hello first. 1
Author girlinNYC Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 There are numerous possible reasons. He may not know how to approach women, he may be taken, or you are just "easy on the eyes". Just looking at you may not necessarily mean a whole lot. If you are interested you may have to say hello first. He is single. I wouldn't be interested if he wasn't lol. I wanted to say hello yesterday but some anxiety came over me. I felt worse having not said hi but the nerves at the time were overwhelming. Strange because I'm very self confident, just not when approaching a guy I like.
preraph Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 He's not ready to date or even socialize. He's socially awkward. If you're in your teens, he may grow out of it and it may not be a chronic condition. But he doesn't have it together enough to deal with socializing with at least females. If you get aggressive with him, you'll likely scare him to death. I got forward with a guy behind me in line one day and he took the bait and I ended up dating a gay guy who was in the closet for 4 years. I've tried to date others too who weren't good at it, and my conclusion is finally that they aren't ready for whatever reason if they aren't able to interact in a normal way, so you are wasting your time because you can't wave a wand and make them into a normal confident boyfriend. 1
smackie9 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 You are not giving him strong enough signals....for him to make a move. Some guys need more than just eye contact. You need to be more flirty with some friendly banter, give hints about how you like Italian food or would like to see ____movie....make it into a conversation, smile lots. You need to make your interaction with him count. 2
CptInsano Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 He's not ready to date or even socialize. He's socially awkward. If you're in your teens, he may grow out of it and it may not be a chronic condition. But he doesn't have it together enough to deal with socializing with at least females. If you get aggressive with him, you'll likely scare him to death. I got forward with a guy behind me in line one day and he took the bait and I ended up dating a gay guy who was in the closet for 4 years. I've tried to date others too who weren't good at it, and my conclusion is finally that they aren't ready for whatever reason if they aren't able to interact in a normal way, so you are wasting your time because you can't wave a wand and make them into a normal confident boyfriend. I had similar issues when trying to set up friends. They were self-assured, but just not that good around women. Some of my friends were rather attractive and athletic, and it was obvious that women were responding their physical appearance. I set one or two up with what I would consider a "sure shot", they would just have to be pleasant enough and let it happen. But they somehow managed to mess that up.
Author girlinNYC Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 He's not ready to date or even socialize. He's socially awkward. If you're in your teens, he may grow out of it and it may not be a chronic condition. But he doesn't have it together enough to deal with socializing with at least females. If you get aggressive with him, you'll likely scare him to death. I got forward with a guy behind me in line one day and he took the bait and I ended up dating a gay guy who was in the closet for 4 years. I've tried to date others too who weren't good at it, and my conclusion is finally that they aren't ready for whatever reason if they aren't able to interact in a normal way, so you are wasting your time because you can't wave a wand and make them into a normal confident boyfriend. We are in our 20's. He is tall, athletic and super handsome so I don't get the reservedness (that may or may not be a word, ha). But I know physical features are superficial and not all you can base confidence around. We have spoken numerous times, laughed etc and he is very well spoken, hint of neviusness from him when we've been in conversation but I gather that's normal. I may have to start giving him signals considering I've never flirted with him.
Author girlinNYC Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 You are not giving him strong enough signals....for him to make a move. Some guys need more than just eye contact. You need to be more flirty with some friendly banter, give hints about how you like Italian food or would like to see ____movie....make it into a conversation, smile lots. You need to make your interaction with him count. Couldn't agree more and that is my plan of action, has been for about a week now. In all the times we have spoken I have never flirted. Unintentionally of course, I just was too focussed on not being awkward ha. I know with men generally that if you're not giving out signs they won't go out on a limb and ask you out, I get the rejection fears. It's just mustering up the courage on my end to break the ice again.
Author girlinNYC Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 I had similar issues when trying to set up friends. They were self-assured, but just not that good around women. Some of my friends were rather attractive and athletic, and it was obvious that women were responding their physical appearance. I set one or two up with what I would consider a "sure shot", they would just have to be pleasant enough and let it happen. But they somehow managed to mess that up. This may sound like a stupid question, but would even the best looking guys have confidence issues with women? 1
preraph Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I had similar issues when trying to set up friends. They were self-assured, but just not that good around women. Some of my friends were rather attractive and athletic, and it was obvious that women were responding their physical appearance. I set one or two up with what I would consider a "sure shot", they would just have to be pleasant enough and let it happen. But they somehow managed to mess that up. Yes. I mean, I used to initiate with those type guys, but I finally learned be careful what you wish for. The bottom line for me is even if you end up with them, they won't take care of anything, too passive to call the phone company about a phone bill or ask their boss for a raise or day off. Too frustrating for me. 1
preraph Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) This may sound like a stupid question, but would even the best looking guys have confidence issues with women? Good question. The guy I wasted 4 years with looked like Pierce Brosnan, a younger version. He was sweet, but he was just not a strong person. Like once we went camping and he wouldn't even go outside the tent with me at night to hold a flashlight while I pee'd. He wouldn't stand up to his boss in this very casual type job about anything. A woman has to be strong enough to initiate, but it's all for nothing in the end. Because if a woman is strong, she really needs someone who is more of a match in strength. At least I did. In the end, you want someone who can hold his own in life because you don't want to carry him. If they're super young, they may grow out of it. Like teens. But by mid-20s, I think you're nearly fully baked. I also dated a really classically preppy looking (not my type) rich boy, and he was flying in from school in Louisiana to date me, and he couldn't hold up his end of the conversation unless you were talking about his research in marine biology. We fizzled. I didn't want to always be the one to tell stories and amuse him. Again, he was very nice, and he found a woman well suited to him at school and married her. He may think he's done all that's in his comfort zone telling you you're attractive, so start talking to him if you want in case he opens up. But most guys worth their salt will not be this hesitant. Edited June 17, 2017 by preraph
coolheadal Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 This may sound like a stupid question, but would even the best looking guys have confidence issues with women? Not always, but again there is no manual on this subject. You smile they smile back you stare they stare back. Right not always a lot of people do not this they have issues.. Where they can't stare at you too long and turn the other cheek. So you don't flirt at all interesting you more direct approach to dating..
Author girlinNYC Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 So there is a guy I like and have had a few face to face conversations with. He is super lovely, charming, smiley, always complimentary to me, etc. definitely all the encouraging, positive body language you look for. As per a previous post, I had mentioned I haven't flirted much back with him because I've been super conscious of not being too forward so unintentionally I had left that up to him in a way, although I plan on showing more interest by subtly flirting to at least give him something to potentially run with. We haven't had a conversation in person for about a month now so I understand there is some ice to break now. (Nothing bad happened) I have however crossed paths with him and he constantly makes eye contact and holds a stare, however on both occasions where we've walked about 20m near each other he hasn't said hi, just stares and walks on? Is that shyness or disinterest?
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 No way of knowing. If you are interested, you go up to him and say hi. It's not the 1950's you know.
Author girlinNYC Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 No way of knowing. If you are interested, you go up to him and say hi. It's not the 1950's you know. Definitely plan on doing that! 1
smackie9 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Definitely plan on doing that! You go girl! Oh snap! 1
staggerlee71 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Argh!!! Afraid of being too forward. Please, send up a flare. its so refreshing when I get a clear indication a women likes me. It can wear a man down misreading signals, taking a chance, and being rejected. ofcourse we are conditioned to have to make the first move so we get back on the horse and keep going. Please, show some blatant interest. then see what he does 3
Author girlinNYC Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 Argh!!! Afraid of being too forward. Please, send up a flare. its so refreshing when I get a clear indication a women likes me. It can wear a man down misreading signals, taking a chance, and being rejected. ofcourse we are conditioned to have to make the first move so we get back on the horse and keep going. Please, show some blatant interest. then see what he does Oh I will. I hadn't realised the extent of not showing it until the other day. I thought by me saying hi first that was enough but I forget men don't read into basic signals too deeply unless you're giving them more to work with ha. Last thing I want is for him to jump onto someone else because I am coming off as aloof. That would be solely my fault.
Author girlinNYC Posted July 2, 2017 Author Posted July 2, 2017 So there is a guy I like and have had a few face to face conversations with. He is super lovely, charming, smiley, always complimentary to me, etc. definitely all the encouraging, positive body language you look for. As per a previous post, I had mentioned I haven't flirted much back with him because I've been super conscious of not being too forward so unintentionally I had left that up to him in a way, although I plan on showing more interest by subtly flirting to at least give him something to potentially run with. We haven't had a conversation in person for about a month now so I understand there is some ice to break now. (Nothing bad happened) I have however crossed paths with him and he constantly makes eye contact and holds a stare, however on both occasions where we've walked about 20m near each other he hasn't said hi, just stares and walks on? Is that shyness or disinterest?
basil67 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Oh I will. I hadn't realised the extent of not showing it until the other day. I thought by me saying hi first that was enough but I forget men don't read into basic signals too deeply unless you're giving them more to work with ha. Last thing I want is for him to jump onto someone else because I am coming off as aloof. That would be solely my fault. And to be fair to him, saying "hi" isn't even a basic signal. "Hi" can be as simple as a friendly greeting to acknowledge someone's existence. A basic signal would be making an effort to get to know them. Again, this move is also friendship...but at least it shows some type of interest. 1
act00 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Jesus Christ, why don't you just wave and say "hi?" The worst is that he's friendly but has moved on, and the best is that he knows you're interested and things progress. Just say hi. Dear lord, is friendly banter forbidden these days? 2
William Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Moderation merged three threads on the same apparent topic and hence there may be some duplication of content. Please continue the discussion of this topic in this thread. Thanks!
staggerlee71 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 Basil is right on the money. When I am talking with a women, and she starts asking questions about me, what I like to do etc, a Little light goes off and I recognize she may interested. That will motivate me to find a way to ask her out or at least confirm she is interested and not just being friendly.
Jenn2 Posted July 2, 2017 Posted July 2, 2017 That could bit. I am very loud and outgoing but at the same time I am SO shy with people I don't know. I am afraid that I come off as a snooty &*%$* sometimes and I am the total opposite! Give it some time. You might need to contact him first.
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