My boyfriend split up with me after he cheated on me and said it was my fault

[justasmalltowngirl]

Hi everyone

 

I found out in January this year that my boyfriend had been cheating on me last June with a girl he'd met on a dating website. I hacked his Facebook account and found a lot of messages of numerous amounts of girls. I'm talking around 20 plus! Unfortunately we had a holiday booked for 4 days later and I proceeded to go away with him. Whilst there everything was fine and dandy, he treated me like a princess, bought me everything I wanted and I didn't spend a penny. Until on our lastnight, we went out for a drink. A girl walked passed and he said she was the most incredible looking girl he'd ever seen, wow. What a way to knock someone's self esteem. Of course he apologised as he always does. We continued to stay together and he made effort to see me and take me out and make me feel special. We spent a lovely evening together on Valentine's Day, he bought me flowers chocolates took me out for a fancy dinner. I thought we where back on track. A few days later he asked for space; saying it's all too much and he can't deal with my problems. I didn't want a break and cried like a baby. I don't know why? We stayed in contact, seeing eachother, sorting things, breaking up again and repeating this cycle for almost 4 months. It wasn't until recently that he said he had cut the cord for good and he didn't want anything to do with me, all because I accepted a friend request of a Male he does not like. Although throughout the period of us being " on & off " he has continued to message numerous girls, exchanging his number and planning dates with them. He said he would do anything to be back with me take me away on holiday, move in together and buy me a puppy. Throughout our relationship he's continually messaged girls and always managed to work his way out of it. I guess this is my fault for being so soft and believing him. But of course the messages I seen where not explicit or sexual, just simple conversation starters I'd say. Silly questions like How old is your dog? Where did you get that from? Apart from one occasion when a girl called him repeatedly asking would he pick her up and he said only if he could see her knickers in return. Only recently I found out about how many girls he actually was messaging whilst with me. I got extremely angry, threw a tantrum, cried hysterically and called him some very bad awful things - you know the whole drive your car of a bridge etc. He then went onto call me the most disgusting things, insulted my appearance, my weight (I've lost a lot of weight due to a recent diagnosis), insulted all of my family, went on to threaten my brother in law and my father & of course threatened me saying he will hurt me when He next sees me in public. The list of things he said and called me is never ending. I really regret saying these things and I'm debating whether I should apologise to him, should I? Would anyone condone this as cheating or is it just me thinking too far into it? am I wrong for accepting this male that he hates friend request on social media? He said I've betrayed all of his trust now and there is no way in hell he would ever come back to me. This is all my fault and I've ruined our whole relationship. He went on to say I'm greedy and always want more, why can't I be happy that we're on speaking terms? What else did I want him to do? He was leaving this for good he said! UNTIL .... he said the only way he would ever let me be his girlfriend again is if I slept with another man ( of his choice ) and let him sit & watch. Not too sure whether I would want him to come back anyway, this makes me feel really disgusted and disrespected.

But just recently I found out he now has a new girlfriend - after only 3 weeks of no contact, him and I had a holiday booked for my birthday and he is now taking her instead.

Maybe a blessing in disguise?I've just been feeling really guilty, upset and extremely depressed the past few days over the whole situation etc and would just like some other people's opinions to put my mind at ease.

Thanks x

[d0nnivain]

Paragraphs are your friends. please use them. Reading a wall of text is difficult.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No you should not apologize to this guy. Heavens no!

 

 

Your first mistake was not dumping him the minute you got home from the trip. You knew before the trip that he was cheating on you but you went anyway. OK it was probably a lot of money to lose. On the trip he insulted you to your face by carrying on about another woman.

 

 

Instead you stayed with him & pretended everything was good through Valentine's Day.

 

 

Then he dumped you.

 

 

That should have been the end of it but no. The he threatened to physically hurt you when he next saw you. Are you kidding? You can't stay with somebody who intends to do you bodily harm. You do understand that he is telling you that he's going to commit a crime against you, right? I don't care if you think he was just spouting off. That is not something people just say.

 

 

He threw a temper tantrum because you became friends with some guy on social media. He did that because he knows how many girls he's cheated on you with through social media.

 

 

Now he has a new GF even though you have only been apart for 3 weeks. That is actually wonderful for you. Let him be done with you. Let her have him. He's no catch.

 

 

Lick your wounds. Figure out why you hate yourself so much that you would grovel & beg this POS to take you back. Heal. Then go find a nice BF to have a healthy loving relationship with.

[SoleMate]

Physical abuser and cheater? That's an easy one - stay broken up. Maybe get a bit of IC to work on boundaries and self-esteem.

[ilovemefirst]

I cringed when i was reading this. Not only at him, but at you too. Where is your self esteem? Do you not love yourself enough to know that you deserve better? I say let go of this guy, and start working on yourself. It is ok that you were weak, but its time to get strong and take control of your life. Please!

[GeekLover]

Let this guy keep walking. It sounds like he wants to keep you on a tight leash while he gets to roam. That isn't a loving and respectful relationship.

 

No. There isn't anything wrong with becoming "friends" with someone on social media. He is throwing a tantrum to manipulate you and make you feel guilty. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if his reaction to this is due to his OWN guilt for doing this to YOU.

 

As for you going off on him-I wouldn't feel guilty about that either. People say things they don't mean when emotions run high. It's just the hurt and anguish you have been feeling inside surfacing and leaving your body. If this was your typical behaviour then that would be different. But you losing your marbles once in a while and you being able to acknowledge that it wasn't the right way to handle your emotions isn't a terrible thing. It certainly shouldn't be the demise of your relationship if it isn't frequent behaviour.

 

It sounds to me like he's deflecting his own issues on you to make himself feel better. Don't fall for it.