BeyondConfused1n Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Wanted to post an update and maybe get some more feedback from you all as things got so much worst after my breakup four months ago. Original Post from where things left off... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/614308-here-today-gone-tomorrow-s-welcome It's been just over four months now and things have progressed but only by a hair. For me at least anyways. She has been trying to move on and/or has moved on. I dunno as we stopped talking three months ago, or shortly after our breakup. Things just went really south. Things got really nasty from her end just two weeks after we broke up. I will never understand why she treated me with such hatred. Why she figured I deserved to be treated so horribly. The name calling, the belittling, the put downs, and lack of complete empathy was extremely hurtful to receive. I guess it wasn't enough for someone to breakup with you over text messages on Valentines day, but had to throw in that i'm a narcissist and that she was such a victim, and even went as far as saying I convince her to be with me after our last argument 6 months before we finally broke up. Just very low. This person literally said they hate me, and called me every name in the book, and picked apart every thing wrong with me (in her eyes) and decided to verbally share like she had no wrong doing in any part of the relationship. Somehow i was even accused for things i never ever did, or even said, but i sure paid for them. Mostly emotionally, which still continues to this day, and a lot financially. I never yelled at this person, i never cussed at her throughout the entirety of the relationship, or even after our breakup. I literally always went above and beyond for her and the relationship I really thought so highly of. I did amazing things for her on special occasions, and often just because. At the time she acknowledged them being very special, and unique experiences for her as well, but in the end. Disregarded it like none of it ever happened. Our 1.4 year history in her mind was erased just like that. I never knew this person to be so cruel. Our relationship was exactly the opposite of how things ended, and i'm left devastated and simply dumbfounded as to how someone could at the flip of a switch be in love two months before they completely lock you out of their life and disregard you as if you were less than trash. I've lost the most special relationship i've ever had, with a person that i fell so dearly in love with. This is the person I wanted to marry, this person checked off over 90% of what i've always wanted in a partner, and to have things end like this is one of the worst tragedies i've experienced deliberately done by someone else. No one should have to go through this, but this person truly feels that i deserved all the pain she has caused. Sadly, she has no clue the train wreck she caused in my life because she doesn't even care. She knew I was hurting. She knew i was hurt. I tried to reach out to her to try and work things out, or talk things through, but she wasn't having it and things took a turn and somehow i ended up here. I lost the love of my life, and my best friend. Never to see or speak to each other again. I'm not too sure how i ended up here, but basically i tried to salvage the relationship and that failed miserably, which i guess got me to this point. Is that possible?
Maldives Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Hey dude welcome back i know ur story about the dog issue right? Sorry to hear again. Have faith bro keep the faith In my ca see e if u remember we work together and she started a office fling that has been absolutely torcher since March for me watching them hang out together and stuff it's Beenough faithful I almost came close to going back home interstate and just wen I was about to things changed he resigned and wenthe over seas to live and work. I cldnt believe my luck and turn around of event that was about 3 weeks ago. Having said that I can sense she's scoping someone else out they r just deeply wounded people that cannot find happiness within themselves. I shared my story to show to keep the faith. I almost gave up and I hope I don't hav to see this again wth her but let this experience make u look at the woman u were wth yes hard to believe isn't I still find it surprising but oddly all my friends cld see this coming well some did hang in there dude
Jagged100 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Some people are capable of demonizing you in their mind, it's their way of moving on. She probably is a very unhappy person and you've served your purpose. She's got to burn everything in order to feel better about herself. I know it's hard but try to focus on what you know is true about yourself. Don't let her get into your head, at the end of day she is no one to you anymore. She doesnt deserve the space in your head or heart. 1
Maldives Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Hey dude welcome back i know ur story about the dog issue right? Sorry to hear again. Have faith bro keep the faith In my case if u remember we work together and she started a office fling that has been absolute torcher since March for me watching them hang out together and stuff it's Been tough. I almost came close to going back home interstate and just wen I was about to things changed he resigned and went over seas to live and work. I cldnt believe my luck and turn around of events that was about 3 weeks ago. Having said that I can sense she's scoping someone else out at the office. they r just deeply wounded people that cannot find happiness within themselves. I shared my story to show to keep the faith. I almost gave up and I hope I don't hav to see this again wth her but let this experience make u look at the woman u were wth...yes hard to believe isn't It. I still find it surprising but oddly all my friends cld see this coming well some did hang in there dude
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 Hey dude welcome back i know ur story about the dog issue right? Sorry to hear again. Have faith bro keep the faith In my ca see e if u remember we work together and she started a office fling that has been absolutely torcher since March for me watching them hang out together and stuff it's Beenough faithful I almost came close to going back home interstate and just wen I was about to things changed he resigned and wenthe over seas to live and work. I cldnt believe my luck and turn around of event that was about 3 weeks ago. Having said that I can sense she's scoping someone else out they r just deeply wounded people that cannot find happiness within themselves. I shared my story to show to keep the faith. I almost gave up and I hope I don't hav to see this again wth her but let this experience make u look at the woman u were wth yes hard to believe isn't I still find it surprising but oddly all my friends cld see this coming well some did hang in there dude Hey GoodGuy05 - Yes, my story was based around the dog issues couldnt seem to overcome with my ex. Sounds like you did get pretty lucky there with the other person resigning and moving away. However, that might make things hard again when she tries to find a new person to date, again at working playing out before your eyes. That's gotta be tough. For my experience though trying to see my ex as this person is very difficult. No one saw this within this person. Not my family, or friends. No one. She was not like this at all during our relationship. She was actually exactly the opposite, pretty sweet, innocent, caring, always pretty happy and cheerful. She had such a great personality which was partly what helped form such a strong bond between us. For me anyways. If this person showed any of these negative signs / characteristics i would not have continued to be in a relationship with such a horrible person. The signs were simply not there to be noticed, which is just another reason it makes this so much more difficult to process and understand what the hell happened, and why I'm hated. Nothing that took place in the relationship reflects this outcome, but clearly in her head something went horribly wrong about me and our relationship and she has justified that this is exactly what I deserve. 1
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) Some people are capable of demonizing you in their mind, it's their way of moving on. She probably is a very unhappy person and you've served your purpose. She's got to burn everything in order to feel better about herself. I know it's hard but try to focus on what you know is true about yourself. Don't let her get into your head, at the end of day she is no one to you anymore. She doesnt deserve the space in your head or heart. Apparently you're right about that. This is something I've never heard of or have experience in my lifetime. I couldn't even have tried to make things get this bad if i wanted too. I wouldn't even know how. Yet, here i am with the worst breakup I've ever had to deal with. It's ironic that my best relationship with the women I wanted to marry, with the person i felt closest too, the person I've done the most for out of any of my other relationships was somehow the one that ended up being the most tragic end to a relationship. Regarding her being an unhappy person - I thought about that being the case, but she was the exact opposite. She was always a very positive person, saw the best in everything and everyone, always very happy and energetic, worked with children, very warm loving caring personality, which hit the qualities I've wanted in a partner and she filled them, and then some. None of my friends or family saw her in this light either. They find it hard to believe things transpired the way they did, and it kind of is. You're probably right about me serving my purpose in her life. Whatever that purpose may have been. I'm certainly left feeling that way. I filled something in her life, but wasn't good enough to keep around. The dog thing was a big issue which i felt we struggled with the most considering it was a topic of discussions throughout the relationship. However, once we broke up. Apparently that wasn't the issue, but instead in her head I was the issue. My character was the issue, and how I was a narcissist, or how we no longer had the same core values, or how we didn't have a future. It was just one thing after another. I didn't even recognize what relationship she was talking about when i was hearing these things. We had so many long conversations (one of the other things i loved about our relationship was the ability to communicate about anything) yet none of the negatives she started accusing me of at the end of the relationship ever came up during the relationship. If this person was as miserable as she made it sound. I would have walked away myself. However, that's not the picture she was painting during the relationship. This certainly could have been done to make her feel better about herself, but listening to her talk when she was telling me this. She really believes this stuff in her head. I mean 100% believes it. She hates me to my core. To the point if i ever contact her again she would call the cops. Again, who goes to this length to hate someone so deeply?? It's extremely hard to not let this person have an impact. Again, she was such a significant part of my life. This person was the closest match for the qualities and values I've ever wanted in a partner, and was actually the person i wanted to marry. I even had the date, location, and all planned out. Just waiting for the date to come around. The other part that makes all this harder is I gave myself to this person genuinely. I made sure that this relationship would be different, and it sure was. We shared amazing highs for the both of us throughout the relationship. So the things she is accusing me of really hits my core because I was all in, and when you crash and burn from these highs. It's devastating, and you question yourself about everything she has accused me of. I wish i can get the memories out of my head / heart, but it doesn't work that way. Other relationships that I've had that ended did eventually fade. Not saying those were easy, but they made more sense once it was over. This one is far from making any sense, and the level of damage / pain is very real. This one was my shortest relationship; slightly longer than a year, but it was by far the most meaningful, and fulfilling relationship I've ever experienced. It didn't even take me this long to get over my longest relationship. Edited June 17, 2017 by BeyondConfused1n
Jagged100 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I'm truly sorry for your pain and loss because that's exactly what it is. A loss of the life and future you imagined. I wonder at times if it's possible to really know someone, or do we only see what we're allowed to. My ex was like yours, one week saying we belong together and the next saying to never contact them again. I struggled to understand it and still do but I don't let myself dwell too much anymore. We're not wired that way and I'm glad. Take care of yourself, you sound like a decent person and I hope you can make peace with this situation one day. 1
GeekLover Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I'm truly sorry for your pain and loss because that's exactly what it is. A loss of the life and future you imagined. I wonder at times if it's possible to really know someone, or do we only see what we're allowed to. My ex was like yours, one week saying we belong together and the next saying to never contact them again. I struggled to understand it and still do but I don't let myself dwell too much anymore. We're not wired that way and I'm glad. Take care of yourself, you sound like a decent person and I hope you can make peace with this situation one day. Exactly my case as well, Jagged. One week was, 'We belong together' and 'We could be so happy together'. The next week was, 'This will never work. You don't see it now, but you will.' One week was, 'I so love you'. The next week was, 'My feelings are gone". One week was, 'You so know how to handle me' and 'Why do you even love me?' (because he was getting pushed for child support from his ex, so he was feeling low). The next week was, 'You can't love me how I need'...Thanks *********. It took you 5.5 years to figure that out? One week was, 'I'm worried you'll find out there's better out there". The next week was, 'I've met someone who can give me what I deserve.' I'm sure there's much more... Wow...when I spell it out like that, it isn't so confusing anymore. Like you, I struggled for months trying to figure it all out. I'm happy to say it doesn't haunt me like it used to. I still think of it, but I no longer obsess about it. I suppose you could say I've accepted the idea that it may never make sense to me, and that's ok. It's actually not MY problem. They are clearly his issues that I overlooked while being in the fog. My next goal is working on WHY I missed these red flags and allowed myself to stay in such a relationship, as well as improving myself overall. Time for a revamp!!
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 I'm truly sorry for your pain and loss because that's exactly what it is. A loss of the life and future you imagined. I wonder at times if it's possible to really know someone, or do we only see what we're allowed to. My ex was like yours, one week saying we belong together and the next saying to never contact them again. I struggled to understand it and still do but I don't let myself dwell too much anymore. We're not wired that way and I'm glad. Take care of yourself, you sound like a decent person and I hope you can make peace with this situation one day. I appreciate the sympathy. I got more sympathy from you than i did from my Ex after our breakup. It is most certainly an enormous loss. Very devastating to know that i'm the only one (between myself and my ex) that felt this way. Or even cared at all about any of this as a person, as a partner, as an individual. Nothing. She checked out like I never existed in her life. You hit the nail on the head with the loss of the future and life I imagined, or thought i was working towards because in the end she flat out just said we have no future. Something I worked so hard towards building was cut down in the matter of a few decisions she made up. Within a couple weeks our entire time spent together was over shadowed and enough to crush the entire year we shared. Almost as if we were in two very different relationships. I thought things were going pretty good. Things could have progressed a bit faster, but I wanted to take my time, which apparently that became a problem and a contributing factor as to why we had no future as well. In the end, everything literally was my fault, and she felt she needed to change to much of herself to be happy. Funny how she neglected to share that part the 14 months we spent together all the while she appeared happiest she's ever been. Plus, five amazing vacations we took throughout our time together, she did not complain then either. Two days before we broke up we did our V-Day dinner and she didnt complain then either, But somehow after all that, we didnt have a future anymore, and I convinced her to be in a relationship with me, but two months before we broke up I was her soul mate. I'm not sure we're only allowed to see what they show, but i truly believe this hatred is directed and reserved for me. Given that NO one saw this side of her. I dont think this is really how she is. I'm not sure what happened to her, but in her eyes, she felt i did this to her, or whatever i did to her and that i deserved the treatment she has put forth. I struggle to make any sense of this daily. We're most certainly not wired that way, but sometimes i wish i was though. It's so much easier to be her in this situation and just pick up and move on like you never knew that person. You dont have to deal with the sleepless nights, the devastation, the pain, and questioning yourself because of how you were directly ridiculed by the person you thought loved you and you opened yourself up too, has just crushed you like no one else can. This is something i'm going to struggle with for a very long time. Not only because of the way things spiraled out of control, but because of how strong our connection / bond was. This person was someone i thought was going to be a life partner, and even though we were not married I treated it almost as if we were. I'm not saying i'm perfect and didn't make mistakes, but I am certainly saying I didn't do anything to deserve any of this whatsoever. I feel / think this situation will haunt me for a very long time to come.
Bromeo Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Lemme weigh in a bit here. First, the bad part. The problem is you. You chose to ignore the massive red flags, and pursue a relationship with a woman, whose possible incompatibilities you were aware of from the start. Dog nazi or not, the bottled water OCD thing would drive me insane. From your op and other threads, the overuse of "she" and "her" needs to stop, and I challenge you to look introspectively, such as: How did "I" allow myself to get into this situation? What can "I" do to heal and right myself? What can "I" learn from this mess? And most of all - what can "I" do to avoid this in the future? See the difference? By focusing inward, you remove blame and grow from all this. When you point one finger, three point back. She is not responsible for your happiness, you are. The previous chapter is now over, and looking back brings depression, and can't be changed, so why bother? Now the mollifying part. The biggest issue is why you are allowing this woman, even post relationship, to control your emotions and rent space in your heart. For me this signals self esteem issues, which need to be addressed before a healthy relationship can be sustained. I had to, and unfortunately pain is the most effective teacher. Some people, and some women just suck. This one may simply be incompatible with you, and by detaching from her, learning from this, improving your self esteem, and focusing inward, you will prep for the next. And that woman will receive the you 2.0, the best version possible of you.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) Lemme weigh in a bit here. First, the bad part. The problem is you. You chose to ignore the massive red flags, and pursue a relationship with a woman, whose possible incompatibilities you were aware of from the start. Dog nazi or not, the bottled water OCD thing would drive me insane. From your op and other threads, the overuse of "she" and "her" needs to stop, and I challenge you to look introspectively, such as: How did "I" allow myself to get into this situation? What can "I" do to heal and right myself? What can "I" learn from this mess? And most of all - what can "I" do to avoid this in the future? See the difference? By focusing inward, you remove blame and grow from all this. When you point one finger, three point back. She is not responsible for your happiness, you are. The previous chapter is now over, and looking back brings depression, and can't be changed, so why bother? Now the mollifying part. The biggest issue is why you are allowing this woman, even post relationship, to control your emotions and rent space in your heart. For me this signals self esteem issues, which need to be addressed before a healthy relationship can be sustained. I had to, and unfortunately pain is the most effective teacher. Some people, and some women just suck. This one may simply be incompatible with you, and by detaching from her, learning from this, improving your self esteem, and focusing inward, you will prep for the next. And that woman will receive the you 2.0, the best version possible of you. So to explain, the reason for the use of she, her, is to share my story on here. It takes two to be in a relationship and i completely understand that. So if it comes off as me blaming her. That's not the case at all. I've spent a lot of time looking inward; I, myself. Maybe even too much. But to answer some of your questions as to how I got to this point. I've always thought a relationship isnt about I, or one person and when you're in a committed relationship you want to make each other happy, which at times means working through differences. Obviously we had differences over the dog topic, which I figured we could overcome by setting some fair boundaries. Clearly i was wrong. My logic / example; If I was a smoker and i was with a person that didnt like it and they felt really strongly about it, and i really cared about that person. I would make an effort to stop smoking. To me it was as simple as that. I tried to put myself in her shoes with the dog sitations many times over to understand where your partner is coming from, and not once did i feel what i was asking for as an unfair ask. I didnt ask her to get rid of her dogs. I simply asked to have a single room that was clean. Believe you me I have done a lot of reflecting on myself from all this. Maybe too much. At times I feel like i gave myself too much to this person and maybe even built her up while I ended up breaking down in the end as i left myself too vulnerable. Maybe because i was so head over heals for this person I was more than willing to work through differences we had. Thats how i was raised. My parents marriage is still going strong for nearly 40 years now, so that's been my example for a recipe of a successful relationship. You have each others back no matter what. Not to be confused with stabbing each other in the back... I've learned many things from this experience. You make a valid point when you said ""Some people, and some women just suck"" this is not your typical learning experience. There are breakups that end, which can be painful and you learn from them, but this was that + a lot of nasty, bitter, painful exchanges from someone I thought had my back, or was a friend. Turns out i was wrong there too. Also, from my own personal experiences, I would never do this to anyone. Dont have it in me. There's no reason to kick someone while they are down and drag them through the mud to make sure they are hurting even more. She knew I was hurting, and didnt care. That's cold. This person clearly checked out who knows how long before and played it off pretty well. She went to therapy for almost two months before we broke up. I recall asking her if i should join her and she turned it down two times. Now looking back. I figure she was probably going to therapy to disconnect herself from this relationship. However, you dont disconnect yourself for two months and just hang around using the other person pretending things are okay, as that was the impression I got looking back. I may have missed somethings i dont deny that, but not to this degree. No way! No one saw this coming in my circle of friends or family. Also, about her going to therapy for two months - She probably prepared to let go and then pulled the plug. I got a week of contact with her before things got extremely nasty, so a whole week to prepare myself after getting the rug pulled out from me via a text message. That sounds wrong in many ways, and that's not your typical breakup. The breakup itself speaks loudly of how little she cared about me. The things the followed after the breakup was just pure hate. I would never do that to anyone let alone someone you just dated for over a year. You asked why bother looking back; then ask about learning from the experience. That's exactly why I bother looking back. Partly its because i adored the relationship I had with a women I thought that person was, but a larger part is to learn, and have answers for not only the questions you were asking, but also to learn from things i could have done better to avoid such a horrible experience. Typically, that's how healthy relationships end. They openly discuss their differences, or lack their of and move forward from there. I've had a few of those and those girls i'm still friends with today. You can believe they didnt break up with me over text messages on V-day, and yet those relationships were much longer, but of less significance. Before i met this person i was in a great place. I was 2.0. Hands down. This is not normally how I operate, but occasionally we fall down. Sometimes when you have a lot invested you stand more to lose, or gain, but in my case it was a massive lose. I fell from cloud 9, and it wasn't a small fall either. It's just not that easy to get up from and simply walk it off. In my eyes, this was not that type of relationship for me. Had it been. I would have never even shared my story as there wouldn't have been much significance. Edited June 18, 2017 by BeyondConfused1n
CantEversay Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 That sucks, man. Sorry you have to go through that bull****. If it makes you feel any better, it's easy for a lot of women to completely cut someone off like that. It happened to me. In a ****ed up way actually. In a degrading ****ing way. She didn't bother to check if I was doing alright for 3 weeks until she some how managed to decide she missed me. Which I may or may not have made a mistake in letting it reconcile. That's something I'll find out in the future, and to be honest, I'm scared. But in the mean time I'll focus on becoming a stronger person, because when **** goes down, if you're a strong person, you'll come out on top. I think the lesson here is never rely on anyone. Rely only on yourself. Be a strong person and you can help others (aka your partner). Don't let anyone be stronger than you. Doesn't matter if it's a female, what are females? The same as you and me just different physical traits and apparently emotional traits. It's hard to tell if society has the main effect on the psychology on how men and women truly behave or if its biological. Right now it makes more sense that it's biological. Maybe 50/50 since men are supposed to be the ones to initiate women (from society's standpoint). Women have this sense of power that they can easily replace us. There's a chance she might come back to you in the future when she sees that other men out there aren't ****ing prince charming. You don't sound like an ***hole. If you really did amazing things for her then she might realize that one day. If it's been 4 months, that might not be enough time for her to see she's wasting her time looking. But It's not a good thing to get your hopes up because we'll never know. Just become a stronger person. I know this doesn't really help us personally, but maybe try to think that there was some poor guy out there that has had it worse. This will happen in the future, right now, and in the past. There have probably been countless guys in the olden ages that wrote poetry and collected and delivered beautiful roses in the moonlight to their lovers window, just to end up being cucked hardn, lol. I know in the end it all still really sucks to go through and not much can make it feel better, sry dude. The only positive is that you will become a different and stronger person.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 That sucks, man. Sorry you have to go through that bull****. If it makes you feel any better, it's easy for a lot of women to completely cut someone off like that. It happened to me. In a ****ed up way actually. In a degrading ****ing way. She didn't bother to check if I was doing alright for 3 weeks until she some how managed to decide she missed me. Which I may or may not have made a mistake in letting it reconcile. That's something I'll find out in the future, and to be honest, I'm scared. But in the mean time I'll focus on becoming a stronger person, because when **** goes down, if you're a strong person, you'll come out on top. I think the lesson here is never rely on anyone. Rely only on yourself. Be a strong person and you can help others (aka your partner). Don't let anyone be stronger than you. Doesn't matter if it's a female, what are females? The same as you and me just different physical traits and apparently emotional traits. It's hard to tell if society has the main effect on the psychology on how men and women truly behave or if its biological. Right now it makes more sense that it's biological. Maybe 50/50 since men are supposed to be the ones to initiate women (from society's standpoint). Women have this sense of power that they can easily replace us. There's a chance she might come back to you in the future when she sees that other men out there aren't ****ing prince charming. You don't sound like an ***hole. If you really did amazing things for her then she might realize that one day. If it's been 4 months, that might not be enough time for her to see she's wasting her time looking. But It's not a good thing to get your hopes up because we'll never know. Just become a stronger person. I know this doesn't really help us personally, but maybe try to think that there was some poor guy out there that has had it worse. This will happen in the future, right now, and in the past. There have probably been countless guys in the olden ages that wrote poetry and collected and delivered beautiful roses in the moonlight to their lovers window, just to end up being cucked hardn, lol. I know in the end it all still really sucks to go through and not much can make it feel better, sry dude. The only positive is that you will become a different and stronger person. Thank you for your sympathy. I appreciate it. Like i've mentioned before. It's more than i got from my Ex. Sadly. Sorry that you also had to go through something similar. This isnt something anyone should have to experience. At times I think the highs of the relationship is no longer worth the lows in the end. It's sad that women can just shut down like that and walk away. I've never really known that to be the case. I have friends that treat their girls so so, or even worst and they all stick around. Here i was giving the shirt off my back and got the short end of the stick. To say the least. I'm not sure in your situation if its good that she came back 3 weeks later, but at least if you have contact from her there is some sort of emotional feeling there. I didnt get that, and my ex will never ever come back. She had her therapist and her mother in her ear filling her head, plus whatever she also put together. I didnt stand a chance to combat against any of that. My ex is done. This is a person i will never hear from again. People may think otherwise, and should that day come ill post an update, but i'm 110% certain this person has checked out in a way i have never heard any talk before. I've just never been hated so badly by anyone. Hard to image that person is now my ex. With that being said... There's not a chance my ex will ever come back, or even contact me again. Not after everything she did and said, which is another side of this as to why things are the way they are. I did do amazing things for her, and she even acknowledged them as highs for her as well, but at the end of the day. She didn't see a future anymore. She choose the dogs, and to find someone that loves dogs as much as she does. Plus, after all that she decided to crucify me blaming me for everything going wrong with my character, and how any other guy would be much better suited for her, so yeah. Guess that's what I get for literally giving the shirt off my back to this person. The problem about never relying on anyone is it leaves so much on the table when you're in a relationship. I've had both types of relationships and never relying on the person you're in a relationship with isnt really that great. You never get close enough to where that person matters as much as my ex did. I guess if you pick the right person it makes for an amazing relationship, but if you dont. You will get hurt badly. No free lunch. I never felt in our relationship that one of us was stronger then the other. The dynamic was balanced. It was always fair in my opinion. We hardly ever fought. We had disagreements, but those were far and few. The relationship itself was by far the best i've had. You're absolutely right about your point where women have a sense of power or feeling that they can easily replace men. I'm not saying all women are like this, but in my opinion it seems like the more attractive the girl is the easier she feels she can just replace her guy. And in a way they can as there's an endless line of guys that will take your place. My ex was very attractive, and not just in my eyes, but many other mens as well, so she will have no problem finding a replacement. Its funny you mention there were plenty of guys who have been through this before, and maybe they have. Maybe they havent, but not everyone experiences things the same way. I tried to salvage the relationship after she broke it off. I tried as best as I could, and I wanted things to be fair for the both of us. Didnt want to rebuild something that would just fail in a month, but i never got that opportunity. For a week she at least communicated with me, but things got worst and worst and she got nastier as things went on and then she pulled the plug. No more contact to the point she is threatening to call the police if I call her. Really? Who does that? Some people can move on from this very easily, as you can see my ex is the perfect example. Some people, like myself, cannot. I most certainly will come out a different person from all this. Maybe stronger as well, but different is for sure. Although, this is not the person i wanted to be. Like i mentioned in my previous post. Before i met this girl. I was already the person i wanted to be. I was version 2.0 of myself. No one should have to go through this experience and change accordingly. Thats not right because this is not your typical change that can relate to a normal relationship.
Maldives Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 Apparently you're right about that. This is something I've never heard of or have experience in my lifetime. I couldn't even have tried to make things get this bad if i wanted too. I wouldn't even know how. Yet, here i am with the worst breakup I've ever had to deal with. It's ironic that my best relationship with the women I wanted to marry, with the person i felt closest too, the person I've done the most for out of any of my other relationships was somehow the one that ended up being the most tragic end to a relationship. Regarding her being an unhappy person - I thought about that being the case, but she was the exact opposite. She was always a very positive person, saw the best in everything and everyone, always very happy and energetic, worked with children, very warm loving caring personality, which hit the qualities I've wanted in a partner and she filled them, and then some. None of my friends or family saw her in this light either. They find it hard to believe things transpired the way they did, and it kind of is. You're probably right about me serving my purpose in her life. Whatever that purpose may have been. I'm certainly left feeling that way. I filled something in her life, but wasn't good enough to keep around. The dog thing was a big issue which i felt we struggled with the most considering it was a topic of discussions throughout the relationship. However, once we broke up. Apparently that wasn't the issue, but instead in her head I was the issue. My character was the issue, and how I was a narcissist, or how we no longer had the same core values, or how we didn't have a future. It was just one thing after another. I didn't even recognize what relationship she was talking about when i was hearing these things. We had so many long conversations (one of the other things i loved about our relationship was the ability to communicate about anything) yet none of the negatives she started accusing me of at the end of the relationship ever came up during the relationship. If this person was as miserable as she made it sound. I would have walked away myself. However, that's not the picture she was painting during the relationship. This certainly could have been done to make her feel better about herself, but listening to her talk when she was telling me this. She really believes this stuff in her head. I mean 100% believes it. She hates me to my core. To the point if i ever contact her again she would call the cops. Again, who goes to this length to hate someone so deeply?? It's extremely hard to not let this person have an impact. Again, she was such a significant part of my life. This person was the closest match for the qualities and values I've ever wanted in a partner, and was actually the person i wanted to marry. I even had the date, location, and all planned out. Just waiting for the date to come around. The other part that makes all this harder is I gave myself to this person genuinely. I made sure that this relationship would be different, and it sure was. We shared amazing highs for the both of us throughout the relationship. So the things she is accusing me of really hits my core because I was all in, and when you crash and burn from these highs. It's devastating, and you question yourself about everything she has accused me of. I wish i can get the memories out of my head / heart, but it doesn't work that way. Other relationships that I've had that ended did eventually fade. Not saying those were easy, but they made more sense once it was over. This one is far from making any sense, and the level of damage / pain is very real. This one was my shortest relationship; slightly longer than a year, but it was by far the most meaningful, and fulfilling relationship I've ever experienced. It didn't even take me this long to get over my longest relationship. I suspect and u may not wanna hear this and she mayi not want to advertise it to be seen in a bad light, but this kinda all makes sense now. I suspect she's met someone and had feelings for them. This has been my experience when this exact same thing happens where u haven't done anything wrong and ur confused and just can't seem to put ur finger on it. I bet this is a strong possibility. The recent ex was similar. I know it's probably a reality u dont want to hear but it happens dude. I recognise this straight away because it's happened to me a no. Of times.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 (edited) I suspect and u may not wanna hear this and she mayi not want to advertise it to be seen in a bad light, but this kinda all makes sense now. I suspect she's met someone and had feelings for them. This has been my experience when this exact same thing happens where u haven't done anything wrong and ur confused and just can't seem to put ur finger on it. I bet this is a strong possibility. The recent ex was similar. I know it's probably a reality u dont want to hear but it happens dude. I recognise this straight away because it's happened to me a no. Of times. Anything is possible. Although, if that were the case. Why go to therapy two months before? Why spend vday with me two days before we break up? I really believe this was not the case. She was not that type of person, but then again. I didnt ever think she was this cold either. I think she had her mind made up based off therapy. She was sold on the fact that i disagreed with her on how she is with her dogs. I said that's weird, and i thought it wasnt the norm. I called her out on being selfish, and all that was wrapped up into emotional abuse by her therapist. Out biggest disagreement throughout the entire relationship resulted in me saying "She was not all there" over a disagreement at some object in a restaurant, which she kept pushing a topic, but still. I shouldn't have said that. I felt horrible for saying it, and immediately apologized, but again. This to her was sold as emotion abuse. This was our worst fight / disagreement. And yet, I've never raised my voice at her, or cursed at her ever. Yet after we broke up, she had the audacity to tell me what a great catch she was, and how much of a great person she is all while she's being so nasty and telling me how bad my character is. Strange right? However, all the things i did were disregarded in less than a month. The fact that i would walk the dogs with her whenever we were together. Especially at night so she wouldnt have to go alone. I tried to play with her dogs while she got ready to integrate myself. Helped her parents save $2,000 when they had car problems. She got sick once and had to go to the ER and i stayed by her side the entire 13 hours we were there, and had worked 10 hours the day before, and 10 hours the day of. That was a long 33 hours. I gave her the most amazing birthday she's ever had, and anniversary. Plus, paid for 90% of everything we did, but most importantly. I genuinely cared about this person and went out of my way to make her feel it. There's so much more, but I think you get the idea. Edited June 18, 2017 by BeyondConfused1n 1
Maldives Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 The fact she's ended it and being so cold is all u need to move on i think watever her reasons are. Trust me even wen u know wat it is why they broke up wth u it ain't any easier I've gone thru both types same pain and confusion.
Marc878 Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 She's shown you and told you who she really is maybe you should believe her. 1
broken2smallpieces Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Only time can tell. If it meant to be then it will be, but do you really want to be with this person with this much heartache? Think about it.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 She's shown you and told you who she really is maybe you should believe her. Yeah i believe it now. Was hard to believe all this was actually happening when it seemed so unreal.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 Only time can tell. If it meant to be then it will be, but do you really want to be with this person with this much heartache? Think about it. There's nothing left. This person went out of their way to make sure and destroy everything, and to make sure there was nothing left to come back too. We have had no contact coming up on almost four months now. I'm certain that's how it's going to remain indefinitely.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 The fact she's ended it and being so cold is all u need to move on i think watever her reasons are. Trust me even wen u know wat it is why they broke up wth u it ain't any easier I've gone thru both types same pain and confusion. Doesn't matter what the reason is. The actions that caused all the pain, and got us to this point have all already been done. Nothing can change that.
NopeNah Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 Doesn't matter what the reason is. The actions that caused all the pain, and got us to this point have all already been done. Nothing can change that. Well...Time to accept that fact and work on moving past it.
Author BeyondConfused1n Posted June 19, 2017 Author Posted June 19, 2017 Well...Time to accept that fact and work on moving past it. In the works... Easier said than done for some.
NopeNah Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 In the works... Easier said than done for some. As Joe dirt would say; "Keep on,keepin' on,brotha!" Do your thing man.
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