thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 It's really hard to explain what I've been thinking. Technically speaking, I am a random guy about 20 mins away from her that she has never seen. She has wasted countless hours conversing with me, telling me how "Good" i look, and adamantly wanting a date. I'm just a random guy Now the way I look at this, is why? Why bother? If I wasn't interested, or into someone, or looking to settle down at all, I would simply either 1. stop replying to their messages as they fade into thin air or 2. not go through any of this in the first place. Something just feels weird. Out of all the past things I've been through, these girls don't just do this. You are young, Grasshopper.... You will learn that many women just like attention from men...Its not as weird as you think it is...Its like a hobby for them......the more the better...And they'll just toy around with the guys, tell them what they want to hear, for all those who are willing to put up with it...They call them around here "orbiters"... Just think about it this way.... If you were the so called "man of her dreams", do you really think she would risk you bailing out on the news that she is fcking some other guy while "courting" you...??...Because plenty of guys would...She knows it kinda makes her look bad...They would never have even considered the stuff you are talking about.. If she is using this as a test for you, she is dumb as hell..Do you get that impression?? TFY 2
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 You are young, Grasshopper.... You will learn that many women just like attention from men...Its not as weird as you think it is...Its like a hobby for them......the more the better...And they'll just toy around with the guys, tell them what they want to hear, for all those who are willing to put up with it...They call them around here "orbiters"... Just think about it this way.... If you were the so called "man of her dreams", do you really think she would risk you bailing out on the news that she is fcking some other guy while "courting" you...??...Because plenty of guys would...She knows it kinda makes her look bad...They would never have even considered the stuff you are talking about.. If she is using this as a test for you, she is dumb as hell..Do you get that impression?? TFY Maybe so. I'm not disagreeing with you as that was my first initial thought. But to keep bringing up our date time after time? Maybe i'm just the different one or maybe i just have too much of a life to tend to instead of playing games, but if im not interested in someone, i ignore them lol, or at least tell them some other time for a date. I have never, ever seen a girl say okay to a date and all of this stuff if they aren't interested in someone I just can't wait to see what happens, it's almost entertaining
Imajerk17 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Maybe so. I'm not disagreeing with you as that was my first initial thought. But to keep bringing up our date time after time? Maybe i'm just the different one or maybe i just have too much of a life to tend to instead of playing games, but if im not interested in someone, i ignore them lol, or at least tell them some other time for a date. I have never, ever seen a girl say okay to a date and all of this stuff if they aren't interested in someone I just can't wait to see what happens, it's almost entertaining OP, it isn't real until you meet in person. In fact I'd go so far to say that her coming on so strong is a bad sign, as people who come on this strong tend to fade just as quickly. I agree with @thefooloftheyear and others, there is quite the chance that she is coming on so strong to you to help her get over some other guy, and this generally will not turn out well for you.
Maggie4 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Now the way I look at this, is why? Why bother? If I wasn't interested, or into someone, or looking to settle down at all, I would simply either 1. stop replying to their messages as they fade into thin air or 2. not go through any of this in the first place. This is your cue for your Rhett Butler line, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." Note: Gone with the Wind was written by a woman. 2
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 OP, it isn't real until you meet in person. In fact I'd go so far to say that her coming on so strong is a bad sign, as people who come on this strong tend to fade just as quickly. I agree with @thefooloftheyear and others, there is quite the chance that she is coming on so strong to you to help her get over some other guy, and this generally will not turn out well for you. She's not coming off strong at all. she's still engaging, but it's the furthest thing from strong. I'm sorry it's hard to understand if you're not reading our entire conversation of the course of the time or me trying to explain it through typing haha
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 another response i got was: "She's not playing games, and I highly doubt she's trying to keep you as a backup. If she was playing games or trying to keep you on the back burner she would not have been honest/open with you. She can't benefit at all from telling you except in perhaps gaining some trust. If she were playing games she would not have been so blunt and up front about it, she would've been really wishy-washy or passive aggressive. What it comes down to is can you deal with this information for possibly a few dates? Given that she was up front with you about what she does, I would be in a position to believe her if she says she will stop if you two click. "
Imajerk17 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) Her intent may have been to be "honest" but the thing is, if you say yes to this you are likely saying yes to a strange deal. I mean, until she "makes up her mind", are you supposed to keep your early dates platonic knowing it's likely she is going to be getting with this other guy in the meanwhile? Now that's just weird. Meanwhile, she seems to be more invested in this other guy than she is letting on. IF she were not, she'd just dump him because she would be more excited about you and she wouldn't feel it is right to string the poor fella along. I mean, if YOU already were seeing someone you weren't into, would you keep seeing that person after you made contact with someone you were excited about? My point exactly. The women advising you on that other forum seem to love the fantasy of a guy coming along to give a woman a soft landing spot from all the jerks she gets involved with. But real life doesn't work that way. She isn't a victim to bad luck as the women on the other forum seem to be implying, instead, SHE is the one who keeps picking these guys... What will likely happen is she will see you both for a while and get "confused" as to what guy to pick. And in the end, you aren't likely to end up winning out. Edited June 17, 2017 by Imajerk17 2
mortensorchid Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Without your posting of your and her ages on this thread, I can tell that she is obviously young and inexperienced. Whether or not this is the case, especially with OLD or IRL, you NEVER tell someone something like this! You could meet this woman and it could be a total disaster, a total success, or a total meh, you don't tell someone that you have your eye on someone else before you meet someone. Talk about tacky. But, when you're young and inexperienced you think that honesty is always the best policy and you tell people things or say things that are inappropriate. That being said, still meet her and see what happens. And don't bring up this information.
MountainGirl111 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I might be likely to just give her the benefit of the doubt. At least she's being honest with you about any pre-existing relationships BEFORE you get too involved; even before you meet in person. That's more decent than a lot of people play it. I think she really likes you so far and doesn't want to mess anything up, perhaps?
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 Without your posting of your and her ages on this thread, I can tell that she is obviously young and inexperienced. Whether or not this is the case, especially with OLD or IRL, you NEVER tell someone something like this! You could meet this woman and it could be a total disaster, a total success, or a total meh, you don't tell someone that you have your eye on someone else before you meet someone. Talk about tacky. But, when you're young and inexperienced you think that honesty is always the best policy and you tell people things or say things that are inappropriate. That being said, still meet her and see what happens. And don't bring up this information. The very first thing i said in the original post is our ages. Yep, im absolutely going to see her. Do I have high hopes, nope not the slightest, but am i open to seeing more from her if she seems like she really is just looking for the right guy to be with her not just physically in bed but other aspects too, sure! No expectations is key. And towards the end of our date, i'll ask her what she really was aiming to get across to me by telling me this stuff 1
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 I might be likely to just give her the benefit of the doubt. At least she's being honest with you about any pre-existing relationships BEFORE you get too involved; even before you meet in person. That's more decent than a lot of people play it. I think she really likes you so far and doesn't want to mess anything up, perhaps? That's what I'm basically doing as well. Benefit of the doubt and just keep an open mind a little bit. This isn't the first time, this isn't the second time, this isn't the third time a girl has shown interest and would get flaky and we just break apart. Trust me, it really isn't. But again after talking to her for so long, it seems like she just couldn't find a guy that she likes enough to stay with, and just has someone that she's seeing. And guess what, I've slept with a few girls here and there between my last "relationship" that ended until now, because everyone does that. Not everyone you sleep with means that they are your partner for life. To be seeing someone for that long and not being in a relationship (HER FACEBOOK SAYS SINGLE) etc, what makes me think that she's not just there to be physical with that guy AND NOTHING ELSE, just to fill that empty space until someone with a life, a degree, a job, a good personality, someone who shares interests etc comes along, and is looking for someone to be BOTH physical AND life/emotionally connected with her. Every girl I sleep with I got into a relationship with? Nope, not even a slim 1% chance of that happening and we both know it. There just has to be a stranger, deeper meaning to the first girl in the history of earth coming out before a first date and saying this stuff, and still wanting the date lol. They don't just do this. These are things im saying in argument to other statements to create debate, to see if im in the wrong and point of views. Not because i definitely am certain i think those things. just speculation
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) Her intent may have been to be "honest" but the thing is, if you say yes to this you are likely saying yes to a strange deal. I mean, until she "makes up her mind", are you supposed to keep your early dates platonic knowing it's likely she is going to be getting with this other guy in the meanwhile? Now that's just weird. Meanwhile, she seems to be more invested in this other guy than she is letting on. IF she were not, she'd just dump him because she would be more excited about you and she wouldn't feel it is right to string the poor fella along. I mean, if YOU already were seeing someone you weren't into, would you keep seeing that person after you made contact with someone you were excited about? My point exactly. The women advising you on that other forum seem to love the fantasy of a guy coming along to give a woman a soft landing spot from all the jerks she gets involved with. But real life doesn't work that way. She isn't a victim to bad luck as the women on the other forum seem to be implying, instead, SHE is the one who keeps picking these guys... What will likely happen is she will see you both for a while and get "confused" as to what guy to pick. And in the end, you aren't likely to end up winning out. Absolutely. There isn't a doubt in my mind that that is a real possibility of happening. I'm dying to see how she explains herself to me face to face in a nice, positive setting. Do i like her, sure i do. Am i attached to her, no. Two very different things, and no matter which way this date goes, will make more sense. Again, giving her the benefit of the doubt, i could see her not letting go of someone. With some of the screwed up things I've dealt with relationship wise in the past, I wouldn't get rid of the last person either until the next one was a sure-fire thing. From what she is explaining to me, she doesn't want to let go of that guy, me and her not turn out to what she thinks we will, and then she's left with neither of us and a big ZERO. I can't blame her, I would question it too because we've never seen eachother. Sure, on paper I may look like a great guy and talk like one, but maybe I'm just not what she thought I would be. I can't blame her for thinking like that and cutting off ties before she even sees me would put her back to being alone as well. You can't blame her for saying that's happening to build trust and her knowing she has no problem leaving his side. Because I've felt that same thing at times. "Oh I kind of like this girl, she isn't completely what I had in mind staying with in a serious relationship, but she will do until someone I really really mesh with comes along" and she might just be stringing that guy along because she wants someone to be there physically, but he just isn't quite it. Edited June 17, 2017 by Braytc
Scarlett.O'hara Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 she might just be stringing that guy along because she wants someone to be there physically, but he just isn't quite it. I'm willing to bet that it is the complete opposite because of what she has told you. She has given you fair warning that she is involved with him and is keeping that option open, so there is obviously some romantic interest there. I think you are wise to approach the date with caution.
Author Braytc Posted June 17, 2017 Author Posted June 17, 2017 I'm willing to bet that it is the complete opposite because of what she has told you. She has given you fair warning that she is involved with him and is keeping that option open, so there is obviously some romantic interest there. I think you are wise to approach the date with caution. Yup, well aware. But as I said. Idk who wouldn't keep an option open when you have not the slightest clue who the guy is that you're about to date
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