2weeks forced no contact..could use some or

[lawndartsstick]

2 weeks in forced no contact , can I get some advicve?

 

The run down.

We dtarted dating 2013. Ended june 2016

Were together for 3 years almost.

 

I started slipping into a bad state, lazy, unkempt, didnt go out, wasnt saving money to get our own place. Which caused her depression to flare up pretty badly.

She broke up with me for it. We remained friends.

Best friends for along while.

 

I changed all of that.

 

Fast forward to 12 weeks ago, I couldnt handle being just friends, I had too many feelings for her. i wrote her a letter explaing my odd behavoir. Because she was picking up on it.That I wanted us to try again. That I have changed all that behavior, she agreed.

 

Everything was going do well. we talked out problems told each other what we needed from each other, you know communicated...ehich is something she hasnt been good with in the past.

 

Well the thursday before I got dumped I went to see her after work. She acted as if I hadnt seen her in weeks..happy, affectionet, flirty...then the next day i said goodmorning. She respinded back with a little happy smily emoji.

it got weird. between when I texted her and sometime duringbthe day I guess she had a change of mind.

 

She asked if I was workingbtoday...which was unusal for her to ask. I said yes why? She said justvwondering. I went to see her before work and helped her with some things, I told her Id come see her after work...she kept kinda ignoring me saying that and would move her head to the right and eyes would also go to the rightwhen i said it.

later that day I was outside with my manager taking a break on the back side of the building. She comes driving down the sidevstreet and parked..she didnt see me I saw her..I told my manager thstcwas my girlfriend. She said she was looking around as if not trying to be spotted.

So i popped my head into her veiw and she ran accross the street hugged and kissed me.

 

Like nothingwas wrongvat all. We hung out for a few then said goodbye she said she loved me kissed me and left.

 

Later that night somethingbdid feel right. So I went back outside..there was a letter on my car. My heart sank...i knew what i was about to read.

 

shell said this: I love you, your so kind, caring and patient with me you have helped me so much in my life. however being in a relationship isnt about one person meeting the needs of the other.

Im trying to move out with my friend go to school I want to met neew people and have new experiances. I dont want to be in a serious relationship with anybody.That im not her forever....I could have been if she let me...but anyway(

Because of our history I know we cant just be friends...I know this is goingbto hurt you and im so very sorry. This is goobbye please dont try to contact me or send me any letters I wont change my mind This is a decision i have made mfor myself please respect it. goodbye.

 

So its now been two weeks were I havent contacted her or her me.

She has not block.

ed me on ANYTHING i could totally send her something if I thought it would make a difference

 

I dont know why she did or changed her mind in such a short time. I cant ask her Mutal friends no nothing because she really doesnt talk about this kinda stuff with others..shes pretty private. it goes without saying I miss her and want her back.

 

Is there anything I can do to help chances or or anything

[Maldives]

2 weeks in forced no contact , can I get some advicve?

 

The run down.

We dtarted dating 2013. Ended june 2016

Were together for 3 years almost.

 

I started slipping into a bad state, lazy, unkempt, didnt go out, wasnt saving money to get our own place. Which caused her depression to flare up pretty badly.

She broke up with me for it. We remained friends.

Best friends for along while.

 

I changed all of that.

 

Fast forward to 12 weeks ago, I couldnt handle being just friends, I had too many feelings for her. i wrote her a letter explaing my odd behavoir. Because she was picking up on it.That I wanted us to try again. That I have changed all that behavior, she agreed.

 

Everything was going do well. we talked out problems told each other what we needed from each other, you know communicated...ehich is something she hasnt been good with in the past.

 

Well the thursday before I got dumped I went to see her after work. She acted as if I hadnt seen her in weeks..happy, affectionet, flirty...then the next day i said goodmorning. She respinded back with a little happy smily emoji.

it got weird. between when I texted her and sometime duringbthe day I guess she had a change of mind.

 

She asked if I was workingbtoday...which was unusal for her to ask. I said yes why? She said justvwondering. I went to see her before work and helped her with some things, I told her Id come see her after work...she kept kinda ignoring me saying that and would move her head to the right and eyes would also go to the rightwhen i said it.

later that day I was outside with my manager taking a break on the back side of the building. She comes driving down the sidevstreet and parked..she didnt see me I saw her..I told my manager thstcwas my girlfriend. She said she was looking around as if not trying to be spotted.

So i popped my head into her veiw and she ran accross the street hugged and kissed me.

 

Like nothingwas wrongvat all. We hung out for a few then said goodbye she said she loved me kissed me and left.

 

Later that night somethingbdid feel right. So I went back outside..there was a letter on my car. My heart sank...i knew what i was about to read.

 

shell said this: I love you, your so kind, caring and patient with me you have helped me so much in my life. however being in a relationship isnt about one person meeting the needs of the other.

Im trying to move out with my friend go to school I want to met neew people and have new experiances. I dont want to be in a serious relationship with anybody.That im not her forever....I could have been if she let me...but anyway(

Because of our history I know we cant just be friends...I know this is goingbto hurt you and im so very sorry. This is goobbye please dont try to contact me or send me any letters I wont change my mind This is a decision i have made mfor myself please respect it. goodbye.

 

So its now been two weeks were I havent contacted her or her me.

She has not block.

ed me on ANYTHING i could totally send her something if I thought it would make a difference

 

I dont know why she did or changed her mind in such a short time. I cant ask her Mutal friends no nothing because she really doesnt talk about this kinda stuff with others..shes pretty private. it goes without saying I miss her and want her back.

 

Is there anything I can do to help chances or or anything

 

Yes the best thing u can do is NC. She's made it very clear it's over dude. Just like my ex did.

The hot n cold she was having is kind of a bi product of her making her mind up.

Read the NC guide on here its really good. Is she young by any chance? If so Stronger chance of this kind of thing happenning.

 

Begging is only gonna push her farther away or lose respect for u.

Please read the guide on NC. Space is probably the best thing now for her and u it let's her reflect about her decision feel the loss if there was love. And for u it'll be to start the healing.

Go see a councillor for guidance. She's used pretty strong language in the break up take her at her word.

Edited June 17, 2017 by Goodguy05

[elaine567]

I started slipping into a bad state, lazy, unkempt, didnt go out, wasnt saving money to get our own place.

 

Women rarely forget stuff like this. It indicates to them that you are not suitable husband/father material.

She cannot rely on you.

Yes you may get your act together and be a better man, but having seen you in that poor state for no obvious good reason, she cannot trust you to keep it up long term.

[lawndartsstick]

Thevreason I got that way was due to depression about were mynlufe was goung. Constantlybtrying to help her get into school, helpingbher with gettingnmoney for school, me not likingbthevplace I was in..me not heingbable to find time for myself to fix whatvI knew was wrongbwith me because we were around each other 24/7. Thus itball started to loop, I didnt know how to approach her on it. So I didnt.

This last time around I told her whybI got thatvway. She understood because she also has depression, and a few other things.

 

I think she wrote me a letter instead of face to face because I tend to question everything. Shes logical. When a countervargument is presented logically she tends to start doubting the choice she made...maybe she just didnt want to here me.?

 

Yes she is younger than I am, but that never bothered her. I know hecause Aways back I asked her family and friends and her. Shes never been one to lie.

 

Im going to continue no contact hecause thats what she has asked for. Im going to continue on but atbthe same time I wish I had some sort of plan for later down the road...not to reconvence her..but only to reestablish contact..we became best friends during our time together. She took that away. I think I miss that most of all. I could speak to her about anything and she was there, like I was for her.

How can some people just make it seem so effortless to through away something like this.

 

It also bothers me that I think shes already seeing somebody. A friend she made while we were dating. Did she break it off with me because she wanted to be with him?

 

i asked her other friend about how she was doing.

She said she didntbthinknit best to tell me how she was. Whats that even mean?

[springy]

Look you have already wasted a year on a "friendship " after she dumped you. Big mistake, I'm sorry to say. You could have been just about over her by now. She got to break up with you but still have you in her life, the slow wean off of you, as I see it. Now after a brief failed attempt she's made the unilateral decision to not even be "friends" anymore, and in quite cowardly fashion I must say. It no longer suits her to keep this friendship so she's dumped that too.

 

When the time is right try to meet someone in the same life stage as you, college age folks can be really flaky and unstable as they try to find their place in life.

 

Please for your sake, let this go and do not contact her again. I'm really sorry I know it hurts but don't waste anymore of your precious time on this.