grays Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I think its a normal question to ask but I also feel weird asking it bc it can be a proxy for ugliness. Also, I think it really doesnt tell that much about a person a lot of the time. When people ask me what I do I say uber driver bc thats currently how I make money. Im not gonna sugar coat it bc I actually love it for a lot of reasons. But the truth is, uber driver is really just a detour for me. I used to have a very successful legal career before children. I took off a bunch of years to stay home with them and since my youngest is only 8, I dont want to return to a career that will make it impossible to spend a reasonable amount of time with him. But I think its quite possible that Ill get back into law eventually. So Im not sure uber driver really tells anyone anything other than how Im spending my time lately. I met a guy the other night who owned a restaurant and several properties he rented out and then decided he wasnt happy and sold everything and got a job as a bus boy. I kinda fell in love with him over it. Its a lot like my story. And I bet our values line up pretty well. But if I just knew he was a bus boy or if Id met him when he was an entrepreneur and had only known that about him, I wouldnt have any sense of who he was from it.
Gaeta Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I have a good job and make good money, but if that's a woman's opening line my spidy sense would be tingling that she is a gold digger or looking for a security blanket. Depends... If a part time waitress ask you what you do for living on an opening line sure you can start tingling but if a successful intelligent career woman, like Eternal, is asking you what you do for work you'd probably think she is looking for her equal, not a blanket. 5
TheAntiHero Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 A lot of women in this day and age just don't appreciate men like they used to so it's hard to trust them when they center their inquiries (indirectly) around what a man makes by asking them what they do.
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 The majority of women are not gold digging....they are looking for stability and that would include financial stability...not a millionaire/ sugar daddy. So sad that some men have such a misconception about women's expectations. 3
Shanex Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) The majority of women are not gold digging....they are looking for stability and that would include financial stability...not a millionaire/ sugar daddy. So sad that some men have such a misconception about women's expectations. Same observation from a man point of view. I've never really been with a gold digger, as I'm not that wealthy. Most of the time women suggested we shared the bills in restaurants even on first date, I was also invited a couple times. Can't lump them all together. Once, only once a woman made me pay twice for over $150 then flaked/ghosted on me. No good bye, no hugs, no kisses, here I am hoping she's still single and miserable though. Edited June 16, 2017 by Shanex 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 When people ask me what I do I say uber driver bc thats currently how I make money. Im not gonna sugar coat it bc I actually love it for a lot of reasons. But the truth is, uber driver is really just a detour for me. I used to have a very successful legal career before children. I took off a bunch of years to stay home with them and since my youngest is only 8, I dont want to return to a career that will make it impossible to spend a reasonable amount of time with him. But I think its quite possible that Ill get back into law eventually. I'm not sure telling people that you're an Uber driver would be any more off-putting than telling them that you're a lawyer. 5
grays Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I'm not sure telling people that you're an Uber driver would be any more off-putting than telling them that you're a lawyer. lol true! seems like the people posting they care are looking for a "professional" tho. 1
Shanex Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 lol true! seems like the people posting they care are looking for a "professional" tho. Grays, being an Uber driver could help open many doors, if you know what I mean. Give a free ride to the handsome young man next time, and leave a note with your number.
coolheadal Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I mean in the context of OLD. Some seem to get offended by that question implying that I'm after money. It's the shortest way for me to tell if we have a shot at being compatible. I just can't respect a man that is 40 and still never worked anything but a student type of job. I also prefer someone who is at least a little intellectual. I have tried dating men outside of these criteria and I have never clicked with any. I want to say: hi (some introductory small talk)...wait until he responds then say "so what do you do for work?" But that seems a little blunt. Any suggestions? I tell them I am Software Developer which I am by-the-way... No harm asking but they might lie to you and say something else. To many pre-judge what you really do. Scammers aka fake women use the info too. Like me they think I have lots of many and go after their scam mark Saying both parents are dead they live with their Grand in Nigerian or Ghana. They usually follow-up by saying how long you been on OLD. I usually say why is that so important! I don't want to talk about that. Or I can say I just got on here. Most men will not answer these questions. Those that ask you where you live or you own house or car. Some other questions that come up too.
grays Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Grays, being an Uber driver could help open many doors, if you know what I mean. Give a free ride to the handsome young man next time, and leave a note with your number. He got my number. lol. Ive been driving for six mos and hes the first one ive wanted to give it to. I have to say, tho, that ive met quite a few interesting guys in my car and i like that aspect of the job. Its normally just fun in the moment tho.
amaysngrace Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 the only ones who are offended are the ones who are 35 and still working at Mickie D's like him? 3
grays Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Im not sure why it would be ok to be offensive toward someone bc theyre 35 and work at mcdonalds. I dont think id see that as a positive thing about a potential date, but i certainly wouldnt want to demean them for it. 3
Shanex Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 like him? You win the thread. Kevin Spacey was anything but a loser, in that movie. Don't judge a book but its cover. One doesn't know about someone's past and history. 1
RecentChange Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 A lot of women in this day and age just don't appreciate men like they used to so it's hard to trust them when they center their inquiries (indirectly) around what a man makes by asking them what they do. Appreciate a man like they used to? What era are you talking about? Before women had such a strong place in the work force, the man was supposed to be the provider. He was appreciated for the work he did, and the income he brought home to support a family on a single income. If anything, women are less financially dependant on men than they ever were. Perhaps we are mixing dependance and appreciation up?
TheAntiHero Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Appreciate a man like they used to? What era are you talking about? Before women had such a strong place in the work force, the man was supposed to be the provider. He was appreciated for the work he did, and the income he brought home to support a family on a single income. If anything, women are less financially dependant on men than they ever were. Perhaps we are mixing dependance and appreciation up? We're definitely not going to agree on anything but I'll leave with this. Women, these days, use men for attention and for money (those free dinners must be sweet); going dutch is unacceptable because that would tell her "oh, he's not into you or he's such a cheapskate." Women either pretend it doesn't exist or they justify their actions as something else entirely telling themselves, "he's spending money on me because he loves me" or keeping a guy around for back up and telling him her "levels of love isn't high right now" or some other BS like that. And, as for the poster: she's definitely hiding the fact that she probably wants some of that dough to come her way and disguising it as "looking for someone intelligent." I'm out.
PRlover Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 This is a normal question that IMO gets asked naturally as conversations with a person proceed and in the course of getting to know someone. As a woman who has done a ton of online dating I've never really focused on asking this question in say, the first convo, as to be honest I can guage a lot about how compatible we'd be on grammar alone lol. When people ask me what I do I tell them 'research'. Then they ask what kind of research and I say 'cancer'. Then they are like 'wow....that seems really interesting' and I hold back most of the time on saying 'no, it's really not' lol. I don't think people know whether to assume where that puts me on the whole money scale but I've found some men care more or less than others. Most haven't cared all that much...I dated one attorney that seemed to care quite a bit but he was competitive by nature so he did a lot of 'measuring me up against the competition'...we didn't work out.
amaysngrace Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 You win the thread. Kevin Spacey was anything but a loser, in that movie. Thanks babes! I liked it best when he said he's "looking for the least possible amount of responsibility". Reminds me of somebody I know 2
Shining One Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 The majority of women are not gold digging....they are looking for stability and that would include financial stability...not a millionaire/ sugar daddy. So sad that some men have such a misconception about women's expectations.I won't speculate on numbers, but many women are still looking for providers, with the expectation that they will take more than they will give. While that's not necessarily "gold-digging", it's something many men (such as myself) want to avoid. With that being said, I'm not offended by the question of what I do for work. It usually comes up early and gets answered truthfully. Personally, I've found no correlation between that question and the woman's view on finances. I've had both gold-diggers and non-gold-diggers ask that question during our first conversation.
Shining One Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I want to say: hi (some introductory small talk)...wait until he responds then say "so what do you do for work?" But that seems a little blunt. Any suggestions?You're a research scientist, so I'm sure you have some interesting stories to tell. I recommend leading with a story and hopefully that will push him into sharing one as well. If not, you've volunteered enough information to graciously ask him to share a story about his work.
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 The thing I most often encounter online is that men think I'm fake. I get this question or "Let's meet" as the first one or two lines in about 75% of the messages I get, even before saying hello to me. It's not offensive but it is tiring having to deal with men's paranoia's. It's not romantic at all and I'm looking for romance.
CptInsano Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 The thing I most often encounter online is that men think I'm fake. Just out of curiosity, why do you think that men on OLD assume you're fake? You come across, at least as far as I'm concerned, as rather direct in this forum. 1
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 Just out of curiosity, why do you think that men on OLD assume you're fake? You come across, at least as far as I'm concerned, as rather direct in this forum. They think I'm a scammer just from looking at my profile, so they immediately want verification that I'm real.
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I think its a normal question to ask but I also feel weird asking it bc it can be a proxy for ugliness. Also, I think it really doesnt tell that much about a person a lot of the time. When people ask me what I do I say uber driver bc thats currently how I make money. Im not gonna sugar coat it bc I actually love it for a lot of reasons. But the truth is, uber driver is really just a detour for me. I used to have a very successful legal career before children. I took off a bunch of years to stay home with them and since my youngest is only 8, I dont want to return to a career that will make it impossible to spend a reasonable amount of time with him. But I think its quite possible that Ill get back into law eventually. So Im not sure uber driver really tells anyone anything other than how Im spending my time lately. I met a guy the other night who owned a restaurant and several properties he rented out and then decided he wasnt happy and sold everything and got a job as a bus boy. I kinda fell in love with him over it. Its a lot like my story. And I bet our values line up pretty well. But if I just knew he was a bus boy or if Id met him when he was an entrepreneur and had only known that about him, I wouldnt have any sense of who he was from it. But see, your career story of going from law to uber driving and the restaurant guy's story to bus boy are both very interesting and tell a lot about you both. Not that you're an uber driver or that he's a bus boy, but that you've segued into various careers unlike the ones you began in. That's indicative of being flexible and also not getting into a rut in life. Important traits! That's the thing about it. Sharing what you do for a living and how you got there is about SO much more than how much money you make at it. To me, people who are interesting enough to date are not focused on the financial part of the "What do you do for a living" question but more on the "how do you spend your time, how did you get there part of it?" Seems to me people who see only dollar signs when asking about a person's job are pretty boring and often probably don't have good careers themselves, not always, but if they do have good careers they still might be boring superficial people. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 They think I'm a scammer just from looking at my profile, so they immediately want verification that I'm real. That's an interesting assumption. Do you know what it is about your profile that would cause someone to suspect you're a scammer? And what does the term scammer mean to you? To me a scammer is someone who tries to involve me in a business deal in which they'll run off with all my money. Is that what you mean and why would a person think that about another just because of her profile? Not trying to give you a rough time, it's just very interesting to me. I've done OLD and I always had great people contact me. None of the ones looking for hook ups, money or anything like that. I don't believe I ever got a disrespectful or rude inquiry. And met some really great guys who became good friends. 1
Popsicle Posted June 19, 2017 Posted June 19, 2017 That's an interesting assumption. Do you know what it is about your profile that would cause someone to suspect you're a scammer? And what does the term scammer mean to you? To me a scammer is someone who tries to involve me in a business deal in which they'll run off with all my money. Is that what you mean and why would a person think that about another just because of her profile? Not trying to give you a rough time, it's just very interesting to me. I don't want to derail Eternal Sunshine's thread, but no I don't think there is anything strange about my profile. And yes, scammer, as in, I'm trying to reel some guy in so that I can get money from him. I've done OLD and I always had great people contact me. None of the ones looking for hook ups, money or anything like that. I don't believe I ever got a disrespectful or rude inquiry. And met some really great guys who became good friends. I've met some great guys too. Unfortunately, none that I have been physically attracted to yet.
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