Hopeful30 Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 This has happened with 3 men so far, which is when I began suspecting a pattern. I've been dating recently, nothing exclusive, and there were a couple of guys I was really into. With each of them, I lost interest. One, it turns out, wasn't over his ex. Another began treating me in a way I didn't like, and the third, well he's a terrible kisser. Anyways, here's what's interesting. The moment I lost interest and stopped giving a sh*t, that's when everything improved! I was treated how I wanted to be treated, suddenly they showed so much more interest... but it's too late. I'm not into them anymore. Why do you think this is? I will say upfront that I behaved the same before and after I lost interest. I was just as kind and civil. I was never needy or bending over backwards to see them or do them favours. Literally nothing changed except my interest. Can men sense this? And if they can, why don't they enjoy you more when they know you're into them? Thanks!
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I have the same experiences. Last 2 men that I ended a few months long relationships with are now chasing me. I was civil in my responses but made it clear that I am no longer interested. They are not taking the hint. It's kind of sad really - when I was with them I was really invested and stressed when they were treating me poorly. Now, I only feel annoyance when I get yet another message. I couldn't care any less. I am really turned off by this dynamic. I am looking for a guy that will respond warmly when I treat him well. Kind of the more I give, the more he is inspired to give. The colder I am, the colder he will be. There are emotionally healthy men like that out there I am sure. 1
Royosu Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 It doesn't mean that they like you any more. It's "you want what you can't have." I've done the exact same thing many times, but I've learned to fight that reaction now.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 It doesn't mean that they like you any more. It's "you want what you can't have." I've done the exact same thing many times, but I've learned to fight that reaction now. It's not natural for everyone. I was like that in my 20s when I was immature and not really ready for a relationship. Now, I am repelled by coldness and distance. I can't maintain interest in someone that's "not that into me" beyond a few days. 1
Royosu Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I agree. It's a childish way of thinking....I was in college and reacted that way. You deserve better than to be an option. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 they like a challenge......i dont know why in your case......but worth seems to depend on how much they have to go to get you...some women or girls are like this too...really i just prefer honesty and guys who dotn need to be challenged to appreciate me....i like stoic guys who see me as i see them....i dont play games...have no desire to in the future either...if i have to show no interest and be mean to a guy.....to have him interested.....or to ignore him or not show how i feel....he isnt the right guy for me.....he would make me fatter....and unhappy...i like to be real..and show how i feel.and i want a real gentleman not a boy playing games who doesnt know what he wants.....im the woman in the relationship.....my guy has to wear pants...and ill be happy.... i feel guys like this ...are just immature and need time to mature....crossing fingers its not a permanent state for most.............deb 1
Dis Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Happens all the time I broke up with my ex almost 2 years ago...he's never stopped texting me, trying to talk, telling me he still loves me Some other ex's still text me months after those breakups The most recent guy has sent me 20 youtube links of sappy love songs over the past 2 weeks Crickets to all of them Some people want what they cant have or regret not treating you the way they should until its too late Dont respond Just move on 3
Woggle Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 People want what they can't have. Not me but I have read women ready to walk down the aisle the next day because I didn't want anything past casual.
DJOkawari Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I've felt this way about women for quite a while so it's interesting to see that the experience goes both ways. From my perspective, if a guy shows a woman too much affection, she'll start to treat him poorly. Seems like a lot of guys are the same. I see it in friendships as well. When you get really close with someone, they drop all pretense and treat their more "formal" acquaintances better. Seems likes a human trait. If you meet people like that just don't take them too seriously and you'll have a great time. 1
Woggle Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 It seems people these days male or female don't know how to have healthy relationships anymore. This kind of thing is not a healthy dynamic. 5
Author Hopeful30 Posted June 18, 2017 Author Posted June 18, 2017 It surprises me that people don't see how counterproductive it is. I mean, all the people who posted in this read get the idea, they're well aware. It's just... logical. Plus it's a bummer. After they show more interest or make good changes, even if it's intriguing, once the interest is gone for me, I can't get it back. I've tried, oh how I've tried. I guess that's a human trait too
phineas Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 This has happened with 3 men so far, which is when I began suspecting a pattern. I've been dating recently, nothing exclusive, and there were a couple of guys I was really into. With each of them, I lost interest. One, it turns out, wasn't over his ex. Another began treating me in a way I didn't like, and the third, well he's a terrible kisser. Anyways, here's what's interesting. The moment I lost interest and stopped giving a sh*t, that's when everything improved! I was treated how I wanted to be treated, suddenly they showed so much more interest... but it's too late. I'm not into them anymore. Why do you think this is? I will say upfront that I behaved the same before and after I lost interest. I was just as kind and civil. I was never needy or bending over backwards to see them or do them favours. Literally nothing changed except my interest. Can men sense this? And if they can, why don't they enjoy you more when they know you're into them? Thanks! Other than the terrible kisser it sounds like you tend to date low quality men. low quality people act this way. I don't treat women poorly and if they fade or lose interest i just move on. so i have no idea why a guy would chase under those circumstances other than he is low quality. If they cared about you in the first place they wouldn't of treated you poorly.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 It surprises me that people don't see how counterproductive it is. I mean, all the people who posted in this read get the idea, they're well aware. It's just... logical. Plus it's a bummer. After they show more interest or make good changes, even if it's intriguing, once the interest is gone for me, I can't get it back. I've tried, oh how I've tried. I guess that's a human trait too I am the same, no matter how interested I once was, when I am done, I am done. Nothing at all they can do to change my mind.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 I've felt this way about women for quite a while so it's interesting to see that the experience goes both ways. From my perspective, if a guy shows a woman too much affection, she'll start to treat him poorly. Seems like a lot of guys are the same. I see it in friendships as well. When you get really close with someone, they drop all pretense and treat their more "formal" acquaintances better. Seems likes a human trait. If you meet people like that just don't take them too seriously and you'll have a great time. I have recently experienced this from someone I thought was my close friend. The closer we got, the more he started taking me for granted and treating me like s... When we hang out with a third person, who we both barely knew, he would actually make fun of me the entire time, sometimes maliciously just to entertain the third person, it didn't even matter who the third person was. While I was dissapointed, I just decided to put him in the "a-hole basket" and distance myself. Suddenly he became nicer again but I have had enough. It's not a normal human trait, it's a dysfunctional human trait.
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