ullahayesha1994 Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I know the typical responses to questions like these but just know that 1. He isn't my professor anymore 2. I just graduated and I'm not even a student at the school anymore My school's policy on student instructor relationships basically says that its frowned upon for teachers dating students theyre actually teaching obviously because of conflict of interest. The only hesitation/ concern I have is that I literally just finished the course and just graduated, I want to email him letting him know I found him attractive but I'm just crazy nervous about it. I have no idea if he was at all interested but he isn't married or anything, we emailed very informally throughout the course, however, I think he just emails all his students informally. Anyways, I'm just nervous to tell him, do you think theres any harm in doing so? I don't really care if he just shuts me down, I'm just anxious about letting him know for some reason.
Popsicle Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Oh, this ought to be good.... *waits for the men's responses* 1
CptInsano Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Yeah well, I was only a TA in college, but I've been the boss at work many times. Women will come out of the woodwork and try to date you, but I declined every time because it always felt like it was for the wrong reasons.
stillafool Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 These Professor's have it made don't they. This guy probably gets proposals for dates all the time. Every week some girl is posting about her crush on a Professor. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 These Professor's have it made don't they. This guy probably gets proposals for dates all the time. Every week some girl is posting about her crush on a Professor. I know, right?? Pay attention guys.....There are certain types of career paths that women just lose their minds and get starry eyed.....Doesn't even matter what you look like...Cop, fireman, teacher, doctor...Its as easy as shooting fish in a barrel... TFY 2
CptInsano Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I know, right?? Pay attention guys.....There are certain types of career paths that women just lose their minds and get starry eyed.....Doesn't even matter what you look like...Cop, fireman, teacher, doctor...Its as easy as shooting fish in a barrel... TFY My first gf is now a professor. From what I can see it works the opposite way, too. 1
GoodOnPaper Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 These Professor's have it made don't they. I wish I was one of those. Over a 20-year career at it and have never been so much as chatted up let alone crushed on. I partly blame my field - it's considered intimidating, doesn't promote fraternization, and serves as a gatekeeper for med school and other professional schools. I would think arts and humanities fields would be more conducive for crushes. The one area of science that I think you'd find the most crushes in would be wildlife biology - lots of travel and field work to help stir up the juices. The OP's situation is simple. If she's graduated, then there is nothing unethical about dating a former professor.
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 You have graduated. There are no longer ethical prohibitions in your way. Now the only problem is the traditional social conventions. How sure are you that your professor is single? How sure are you that the professor actually knows your name? I was an adjunct for a while. As soon as I turned in my last grades for the semester my students' identities were practically erased from the front of my memory. On the rare occasion when I bump into a former student out of context I have to take a moment to remember who they are. Take the risk to contact him if you want to, but understand the likelihood that your professor saw you as anything other than a bright student engaged in the subject matter is negligible. Moreover even though the prohibition no longer exists because you graduated, there may still be an "ick" factor for him given that you just graduated. It will still look like you had been carrying on while you were his student. He may not be willing to risk the appearance of impropriety. I would not be willing to take the chance or become the fodder for that kind of gossip at my place of work. 1
preraph Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 If you don't care if he rejects you, then go for it, but you know nothing about his personal life. I bet he at least has a girlfriend.
Rockdad Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Oh, this ought to be good.... *waits for the men's responses* Well is it what you thought it would be??
JuneL Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 These Professor's have it made don't they. This guy probably gets proposals for dates all the time. Every week some girl is posting about her crush on a Professor. Doctor too 1
carnelian Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I agree with DONOAvain. As a former professor also, I can tell you that guys in my profession do not have it made with women or anyone else. College teaching does not have a high reputation outside academia (in US). Girls who try to flirt with their professor do so because of their grade. . Did he ever look at you much, wink ? Ask you questions in class, or show any interest? You could contact him through Facebook or Linkdnd if he is on this. Or email him and ask to discuss a topic from the course over coffee. Don't say you are attracted...he will figure that out.
thefooloftheyear Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I agree with DONOAvain. As a former professor also, I can tell you that guys in my profession do not have it made with women or anyone else.. I can buy this, as most of the college professors I had back in the 80's wore polyester flood pants pulled up over their belly button, light colored button up shirts with armpit stains, greasy hair, etc..... And they drove Chrysler K cars or Chevy Citations..... TFY
JuneL Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I think you can email him informally to stay in touch first. Then maybe move on to coffee to warm up a bit. It's too big of a step to profess your attraction right away.
kate324 Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 You have graduated. There are no longer ethical prohibitions in your way. Moreover even though the prohibition no longer exists because you graduated, there may still be an "ick" factor for him given that you just graduated. It will still look like you had been carrying on while you were his student. He may not be willing to risk the appearance of impropriety. I would not be willing to take the chance or become the fodder for that kind of gossip at my place of work. I tried to date a professor (not my professor though) as d0nnivain may know....i found that because of the discrepancy in age, experience and power ....the dynamic was kind of unstable. It isn't fair to the younger person in the relationship because we end up deferring to them in matters as a result of the imbalance in power. i wouldn't recommend it. i would also identify WHY you are attracted to him. because if it is infatuation with their position and authority (which was the case with me--i admired that) it may not be a healthy relationship with mutual respect.
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