Cosmin Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) Good morning to everyone, This is my first post here and I seriously hoped not to be put in this situation. Let's start with the beginning.. I'm a CS Student in 3rd year, in Bucharest (20yo). My girlfriend (let's call her T) is a Dental Medicine Student in 1st year at a private university, also from Bucharest. We've almost 2 years together. Although I can't say she's spoiled, her family has better living conditions and overall a bigger "wallet", to call it so. We're not poor either, but being 3 children with only my father working can be pretty much expensive. So here's the situation: as a CS student, I'm very passionate about programming and stuff alike. I've always enjoyed doing it and I've always been afraid of applying for a job, giving the fact that I had no "experience". Recently, a college colleague (also a former highschool classmate) got hired in this company by a paid traineeship. It sounded awesome to me. The opportunity of actually learning how to work in a company while being paid, great news. However, not to my girlfriend. At first, she was fine with the idea, but as soon as I applied the fights started. She began yelling at me "why do you have to work now? Why are you in a hurry to get to work? You have all your life ahead to work" I reasoned with her calmly, telling her that this is an experience that I further required, an experience that's welcome and that will push me forward a lot. I can't just program at home. "Why not?" She said. "You can program just as well at home until you finish college". I tried explaining her that there's a lot of competition in my field of work, unlike medicine, where she can get to work as soon as she's done (that's from what I heard at least), and that I need this experience so that after finishing college I can actually apply to a higher paid job. Instead of going entry level just then. She started victimising herself, saying that her bff goes in US with some Work & Travel program and is going away 4 months, that I will also work and she will be alone. How can she even say that? I'm not even going in other city. I'll just work 5 days a week, 8h a day during summer vacation, 6h during college. I told her that I will even go to work at 8am daily so I can have the rest of the day (16:00-...) with her. She replies to this with "but why hurry? You will work you whole life" Now thing is, we spend almost every single moment together. We're not moved together, but she can't really stay separated from me. Lately this has become tiring, but I don't really dislike having her with me all the time. We used to move from 1 house to another. 3 days at mine, 3 at hers and so on. Now it's a month since we're at mine, because I need my PC (and I dont have a laptop.. she has one but its awful, i cant use it for almost anything) in order to study for exams. She couldnt help staying away so she stayed 1 month at me. After some time, she actually got along with the idea of me working. She said she could organize herself better this way: she could go to the gym frequently, she could catch up with older friends, she could study for a failed exam she has and so on, like I actually held her from doing it before. Nvm thats not the problem. Thing is she started enjoying the idea. Until today. Today I had my job interview (also my first interview ever) and it all went very well. It went so well that I actually think I might get employed. Her reaction was "I'm not happy about this. I don't wish this for you. I still think you're rushing. I sincerely hope you won't be employed." She started threatening me that next year she'll join her bff in that Work and Travel im US for 4 months, meaning we would be separated 4 months straight. Now I can stay for quite a while separated but still 4 months is a pretty long time, in my opinion. I told her that is not the same thing as getting a job here, working a couple hours a day and coming home. She said she doesn't care and that if I keep doing it she will also do. She said that I should work until next summer, quit a job I like and go with her in Work and Travel. I hate those programs. Despite the fact that I get to see US, it's not all that much. Why would I work in a shop in US when I can specialize in what I actually like here? Why would I give up a stable job for a 4 month work and travel student program? Is there any logic? She said that it doesnt matter, that I should sacrifice this job for a worse one, because I would get to work with her. I said there's no point. And that sums pretty much our neverending last month arguments. I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm sorry for writing so much, I had to get this off me. Thanks for reading, though. Edited June 16, 2017 by Cosmin Wrong title
Knix Posted June 18, 2017 Posted June 18, 2017 I couldn't help but feel frustrated for you when I read this, in all honesty it doesn't sound like she genuinely care about your success and well being, she's more worried about you spending time with her. A bit of a naïve outlook on the world, it seems like you two see the world and the future differently. A person that loves you wants to see you do well and be happy, when she told you that she wasn't happy you might have this job and she hopes you don't get employed, she sounds like a child that has no concept of hard work, earning things rather than things being handed to you. If she is threatening to go to the US then let her go, she will need to learn that the world, your world, doesn't revolve around her, and that this is really important to you. If you were to decline this job position and go with her to the US, you would feel nothing but resentment, and if the relationship doesn't work out you will also feel nothing but regret.
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