avp-95 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 So I've seen this girl 5 times now. I really like her and want to keep seeing her but think I'm getting some red flags. We met online and were speaking for about 3 months before we met up. On our first date she wasn't on her phone at all and completely focused on me. She did invite me to go to a networking event with her after the date, which I declined. The next couple of dates I planned and were where I lived, just us two. On the third date she wanted me to come out with her and her friends. I didn't want to go clubbing as had plans the next morning, but agreed to go meet her friends at the bar they were starting off at after we'd had a few hours alone. I kind of wanted her to myself, was happy to meet them but it felt a bit unnecessary. When I said I wanted to leave her friends several hours after midnight she was totally happy with it and wanted to do whatever I wanted. Last the weekend I saw her again. She had messed me around a bit with the plans, was very apologetic etc and I had no hard feelings. But right after meeting she wanted us to go and join her friends for a picnic in the park. I suggested we did something ourselves first, which she was happy to do. Later she asked if I wanted to go to see them. I said I'd come to spend time with her not her friends. She insisted she felt the same, just wanted to see me and was simply giving me the option. And that they kept asking her to bring me to the park, and that she doesn't like letting people down. Seems like odd behaviour. I do like her friends, but when I've ditched mine to see her, I except her to want to do the same. My friends think she's being inconsiderate. I want to excuse it because I like her but don't want to be taken for a mug. What do you think? She's so considerate in other ways.
mikeylo Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She isn't interested in spending one on one time with you aka not that into you. 2
Poutrew Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 You have been friend zoned. Want proof? Nowhere in these 5 dates do you mention any intimacy at all... so just try to kiss her. Her reaction will show you all you need to know. Sorry. 2
preraph Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She could be avoiding one on one time or she could just be that social and need someone who is also social and wants to go do stuff with friends.
Author avp-95 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Thanks for your replies. Intimacy-wise, we've slept together and spent the night the past two times we've met up. All great in that respect. And held hands in public, kissed goodbye etc.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Okay. so not certain, but did she cut the dates short to be with friends or did the dates end reasonably? Did you, during any of the dates, kiss, hug, hold hands, etc. ? I don't believe b/c you are willing to ditch your friends that she should feel obligated to do so as well. Again, not clear if she ever shortened any of the dates JUST to be with her friends. You are new to her and she has, what seems to be good friends. I don't see anything unnatural about her wanting to be with her friends AND wanting them to see you once in a while. I do have to say though, it is too early to bring someone you just met and meet your friends. I would need to really feel good about someone, with some time, to do something like that. Let her know that it is very important that you and she spend quality 'alone' time to get to know one another. Truthfully, there are people who truly value what their friends think of dates, so perhaps she needs that to help her feel better about you.
preraph Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I think she just values being social more than being one-on-one with a boyfriend and isn't going to change her social life to be with you.
SammySammy Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 There is a time and place for everything. A time to be together alone. A time to be with friends. With friends together or alone. You can do and should do all of that. Which means not ditching your friends for her. Don't do that. Try to have a healthy balance as much as possible.
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Compromise.....have one on one dates and have group dates on separate days. I'm sure she can work wit that.
basil67 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I don't see any of this as being a 'red flag'. However, what I do see is a woman who will want the two of you to spend a lot of time with her friends. There is nothing wrong with this per se, but it's perfectly reasonable to want a mix of social and couple time. My hubby would happily spend much of his time with mates. I'm OK with this to a degree, but I really want couple time too. We've come to a balance which meets both our needs.
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