sapphire ivy Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I just want to cut this short and brief, and I appreciate each and every one of you for coming into this thread. I loved this girl. She was perfect. I just wanted to be a big brother to her, have the most intimate platonic relationship. (I know its not very convincing for a guy to say this above a girl I adore so much, but it's very true. I didn't even have sex with my last girlfriend, and she ended up having sex with another guy). I absolutely did not want sex. So the ridiculous thing I did was, I went to her boyfriend and told her boyfriend that she and I had sex, so effectively she cheated on him with me. I cannot believe I did this. This happened a year ago and I am still suffering immensely because of it. This issue rips me apart day and night. Its been one year and I still lay in bed at night thinking about this, plagued by it for hours. I don't know just how on earth I was propelled to do this a vile thing. Could anyone offer up explanations on what my mind was thinking at the time? What my rationale could have been at the time? I have no idea why I did it. Its utterly, disgustingly ridiculous. Unfathomable. Wickedness of the greatest extent. I absolutely cannot forgive myself for this. I just want to make sense of it, and perhaps try to wash away the pain. P.S. Could anyone please be generous enough to give me suggestions on what I could do to make her forgive me? I don't expect her to ever accept me back into her life again, but I just want a 5 minute conversation with her to explain to her how truly sorry I am and how direly regretful of my actions I am. This would bring me closure. Right now she's cut me off from her life completely. Thanks everyone.
Zahara Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 This would bring me closure. Right now she's cut me off from her life completely. Accepting her cutting you out of her life completely is your closure. You can't make someone forgive you. She has to come to those terms on her own and in her own time. Her closure is eliminating you from her life. Respect it. Yours would be to accept it and find your own peace with forgiving yourself. 4
trailwolf Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 yessir u screwed up big time , i think u should just let it go and move on with ur life . u learned a valuable lesson here ! 1
CptInsano Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She may forgive you, but I doubt she will ever trust you again. Therefore you will not be part of her life again in a way you were before. Whatever you want to say to her is meaningless and would only help you, not her. She is probably still repairing the damage you caused. Reflect on what made you act that way, and move on. Certain things are irreversible. 3
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Could anyone offer up explanations on what my mind was thinking at the time? What my rationale could have been at the time? I have no idea why I did it. . If you don't know, how are a bunch of strangers on the internet supposed to know what you were thinking? Perhaps you liked her more then you let on & despite what you are telling us you wanted to date her. If as you say, you only wanted to be her platonic big brother, she should have been able to happily carry on her romance with her BF without your lies & interference. Perhaps get some therapy. What you did sounds psychotic & manipulative 4
preraph Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She shouldn't forgive you because what you did was, as you know yourself, irrational. I don't know why you did it, but I suspect you have some deep issues that culminate with you not wanting sex but wanting to be as if you are someone's bf. You need to go sort that out in therapy. 4
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Possible vindictive narcissist. When you have impulsive negative uncontrolled behavior, you are indeed in need to seek out professional therapy. You are in denial with a lot of what you said about sex. Get help. 3
O'Malley Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 What you did was a complete betrayal of your friendship with her. Did you ever apologize and admit that you lied to either of them in the immediate aftermath? At this point, it's not a question of forgiveness, but acknowledging what purpose you were hoping to achieve by lying and manipulating. At the least, it seems that you were seeking an emotional relationship with her that went beyond the parameters of a platonic friendship. If you truly cared for your friend, you wouldn't have chosen to act in a way that you fully comprehended would cause her anguish. Choices like that don't exist in a vacuum, and a possessive platonic friend will try to cut other people out of their friend's life in an attempt retain control. 3
kendahke Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 You can't make her do anything she has made her mind up she's not going to do. All you can do is control yourself, and perhaps more time spent learning how to do that would be a better investment of your time and energy. There's a saying: "sometimes, you can never go back home"--this is one of those instances. Nothing is going to spin the earth backwards for you to get a do-over. You broke it, you own it. You have to live with the consequences of your actions like all adults. You intentionally set out to destroy her relationship and you need to find out why you thought that was sound policy (hint: it's not). My advice is to leave her alone. You've done enough already. 4
MountainGirl111 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) I just want to cut this short and brief, and I appreciate each and every one of you for coming into this thread. I loved this girl. She was perfect. I just wanted to be a big brother to her, have the most intimate platonic relationship. (I know its not very convincing for a guy to say this above a girl I adore so much, but it's very true. I didn't even have sex with my last girlfriend, and she ended up having sex with another guy). I absolutely did not want sex. So the ridiculous thing I did was, I went to her boyfriend and told her boyfriend that she and I had sex, so effectively she cheated on him with me. I cannot believe I did this. This happened a year ago and I am still suffering immensely because of it. This issue rips me apart day and night. Its been one year and I still lay in bed at night thinking about this, plagued by it for hours. I don't know just how on earth I was propelled to do this a vile thing. Could anyone offer up explanations on what my mind was thinking at the time? What my rationale could have been at the time? I have no idea why I did it. Its utterly, disgustingly ridiculous. Unfathomable. Wickedness of the greatest extent. I absolutely cannot forgive myself for this. I just want to make sense of it, and perhaps try to wash away the pain. P.S. Could anyone please be generous enough to give me suggestions on what I could do to make her forgive me? I don't expect her to ever accept me back into her life again, but I just want a 5 minute conversation with her to explain to her how truly sorry I am and how direly regretful of my actions I am. This would bring me closure. Right now she's cut me off from her life completely. Thanks everyone. I don't think you're going to get resolution, absolution or closure from online forum input. I think you need face to face lengthy professional help. You seem to be full of conflict and contradiction. Which is at times part of life...but when you INVOLVE the lives of others in your own inner conflict you mess others up and you mess with their relationships. Did you actually have sex with this "intimate platonic little sister-type girlfriend" or is that just what you told her boyfriend? If you didn't have sex with her, but just told him that, that is truly messed up and extremely dishonest. If you DID have sex with her, but then also told him, you were being honest, but what would be the MOTIVE of such a thing? Unless you truly wanted her for yourself. Which points to the fact that the relationship was not truly platonic. With pure platonic relationships you don't try to come between the woman and her boyfriend. Your last girlfriend that you DIDN'T have sex with her, well, what can you expect? Women have intimacy needs just like men do. She may have taken your abstinence for sex as a type of rejection. Here's one piece of advice, though I still think you need extended face to face professional help: If you are going to have platonic relationships with women, it might be best to stay out of intimate territory. It can be done, but often times the intimacy can lead into areas that are indeed far from being truly platonic. There is a line that is crossed by one or both of the parties involved. There can INDEED be platonic relationships between opposite sexes that are fine. But, in this case, I'd say that's not so. Can you "make things right" so you can live with yourself better? It's likely, but you may have to find a way to do that without being able to contact her. You betrayed her and I think you have some psychological issues. She's not likely going to let you back into her life even for a five minute "explanation". YOU can't explain it to yourself even. Thus you're looking for answers to your own behavior on online forums...so then, how are you going to explain this "ridiculous" behavior to her if you haven't got it figured out yourself? It starts with honesty. And I don't think you're being honest about absolutely not wanting to have sex with her. I think you DID want to have sex with her, which is nothing to be ashamed of. But there may have been part of you that was holding back on that. But start by being honest about your true desires. And, I think you honestly wanted to split her the her boyfriend up. You didn't want him to have her. Be honest about that. Be truthful. I don't want to hear the excuse of "I was confused". That's not it. You've been in denial. Edited June 15, 2017 by MountainGirl111 2
Maggie4 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I don't know if you would still be tormented by this, if there had been no consequences. If she and her boyfriend talked and laughed it off, and she never got mad at you, would you still be upset day and night over your actions? You would, if there is true remorse. You might be regretting only because she cut you off. But no one will know which it is, maybe you can't even say.
Imajerk17 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 (edited) What could you possibly be trying to make sense of on here? On the one hand, her response of cutting you from her life completely after you told her boyfriend a lie that could both wreck their relationship AND ruin her reputation, is quite normal and healthy. Good for her! On the other hand, you expecting us to have a reasonable chance of reading your mind, after only one post, is bizarre. Not as bizarre, though, as your thinking it's OK to spread such a nasty lie about someone you profess to care so much about. You might want to work all this out with a therapist. Meanwhile there is nothing for her to say to you. Leave her alone. Edited June 15, 2017 by Imajerk17 1
Author sapphire ivy Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 She may forgive you, but I doubt she will ever trust you again. Therefore you will not be part of her life again in a way you were before. Whatever you want to say to her is meaningless and would only help you, not her. She is probably still repairing the damage you caused. Reflect on what made you act that way, and move on. Certain things are irreversible. I don't think she'll forgive me, ever. And that's perfectly within reason. And yeah you are right, I didn't think of that. No matter what I say to her, it'll only be of help to myself really, isn't that so true.
Author sapphire ivy Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 Accepting her cutting you out of her life completely is your closure. You can't make someone forgive you. She has to come to those terms on her own and in her own time. Her closure is eliminating you from her life. Respect it. Yours would be to accept it and find your own peace with forgiving yourself. Yeah you are right. I don't want to but I'll have to agree with this one.
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