Mixed signals after two years... She stalks me but says she is over me.

[lover4721]

My ex has stalked my tumblr page for quite a while now...

 

Ever since we broke up, she has been visiting it several times a week, sometimes only once a week, and then maybe 1-2 weeks OFF and then back on again.

 

After two months of breaking up, I saw she was visiting my site in the logs.

 

I sent her a greetings card congratulating her for graduating college.

She must have got the card today. My name was not on it.

She said she appreciated it, but has moved on.

WE talked -- she said it's been almost three years and she has changed, got a new hair style, etc.

She said she moved on... but still stalks me.

 

She's the type that wants a man to 'fight' for her - something I didn't do in the relationship.

We talked about what happened about us, we needed to communicate more, etc.

She said looking back, it would not have lasted much longer because she switched career goals, moving out to the Disney College Program, changed her hair, and is a new person.

She said she learned from our relationship and others and believes it is in the past.

I never asked for her back... I simply said "Yes, sometimes I think about you."

 

If I don't reply, she will reply back with something else.

 

She said she feels uncomfortable that I'm still hung over on this.

I am not hung over on this -- I am just regretful that my job made me so miserable that I kind of withdrew from the relationship and that I could have done better.

I took the blame, and she agreed that 'WE' needed to fix those things, but again 'it's in the past'.

 

Her Father cheated on her Mother... She is not that mentally stable... She wants someone to 'obsess' over her, just to know that they care.

 

I'm not sure what to do -- should I continue to talk to her, maybe tell her that if she ever wants to get together and do something in the future let me know, or just let her alone at the last message that said "I'm glad you moved on. I have too."

 

It's like, I want to get back together to prove her wrong and really put my best foot forward because we truly loved each other...

 

But she has been in tough relationships and has said "You're right about assuming I wasn't ready for a relationship. I don't think I'll ever be ready, I don't think I'll ever have a serious relationship to be honest."

Her Mom is single, too.

 

Not really sure how to approach this -- she stalks me, says she has moved on, but then also wants someone to 'fight' for her.

 

I do still have feelings for her...

And after two years she still stalks me - what does that even mean?

 

One thing she didn't like was that sometimes I didn't say goodnight to her - so instead of ignoring her, maybe a goodnight will help and heal us so that we are both neutral even if we don't talk again?

This was the first time talking since December '15.

[lover4721]

I guess I should have went completely cold, removed my blog and everything like I've been wanting to do for over a year and then see if she misses me when she can't track me down.

[springy]

So I'm just going to say I think stalking is a bit strong of a word for what you have described here. Maybe she's just curious? Is it possible that she enjoys your blog? Is it interesting? Well put together?

 

If you have asked about getting back together and she has said no for whatever reason, that is what you need to go by. It does seem like her actions match her words, aside from the "stalking". I understand how her checking your blog might be confusing to you, but unless she agrees to work on things ultimately it means little that she looks at it.

 

Three years is a really long time. Perhaps you should go complete NC in every way and move on from this.

[lover4721]

These questions won't help -- she is very complex and I'm the only one who knows her best because I was her first relationship and longest.

 

I'll move on.

 

She said we can take a break until after college, but she is attending something in August so she won't be in the area - so she said in the long-run, it would have ended anyway.

 

She went with a very short hairstyle and doesn't see herself with a serious relationship for her entire life; just like her Mom.

 

So it's a dead-end, unfortunately.

Sucks because the chemistry was great, but my job made me miserable and I withdrew from our relationship.

Now I know.

 

I should seriously take the advice i've been given for years -- ONLY date women who have their **** together.

I always date women who I can 'fix' and it ends terribly.

 

So end of post -

 

She stalks me, I don't care. She has been visiting my boring tumblr for the last 2 years since we've broken up. Nothing interesting. She doesn't have tumblr.

I'm deleting it and removing myself from her life.

Maybe in 5 years we will run into each other like my Sister's friend and ex did after being 9 years apart no contact.

This is what my ex always wanted -- and weirdly enough -- this is how her grandfather is right now. He dated someone in high school, they broke up, and now at age 70-80 they are back together.

It happens; sometimes it doesn't.

 

This girl and I had great chemistry and I admit, I can't get over it.

We explored a lot of new areas, parks, surprise dates, etc.

I didn't like a few things about her, etc.

 

It's whatever.

Edited June 15, 2017 by lover4721

[j21bird]

OP here are my thoughts.

 

I would not let an ex dictate what you decide to post/delete on social media. Post/delete what is reflective of what you want and not what you feel she may see on social media.

 

You wrote "I don't care anymore." I would be very careful if I were you when you put that statement out there. It sounds to me like you care. It also sounds to me like you are torn when it comes to this girl. Sounds like there are some pros and cons with this girl including her family. With all relationships you have to weigh the pros and cons.

 

Maybe consider taking a step back and going NC for the time being. I have found that with NC you typically gain more perspective on things.

 

You sound young. Don't be too hard on yourself or over analyze things too much. Life is a great teacher for us all. We all tend to learn more from the rough patches than we do from the good times when things are easy.

[Altair0770]

As Bird said, don't let an ex dictate what you post on social media. My ex spies on me constantly. Haven't peaked at any of her **** once. Your ex has no control over you. You are free to do what you want.

 

Also don't waste time on someone that has problems and wants you to fix them. They need to do that for themselves. My ex has NPD, PTSD, and her father completely abandoned her. The biggest mistake I made was trying to fix her problems while she was running away from me.

[Been]

She is just seeing what you are doing. Curious to know what you've done since you broke up.

You make it too easy for her. Tell her you'd like her to stop going on your page since you have no apparent future together. And if she doesn't block her or close the site.

[Marc878]

What is your continued contact getting you?

 

Do you want to "get over her"? Then full block no contact.

 

What you've been doing is hanging on. Way to long.