wheream_i Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 You put the pressure on him like every other woman does when she wants something more. Otherwise, it's also his fault for staying the night if he didn't want anything more than FWB. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 (edited) I try not to be judgemental, but you have a toddler....you have an enormous responsibility at the most critical time in a young child's life....Not that you don't deserve an adult life, but all of your decisions have to be carefully measured for their consequences on your child and their upbringing... This isn't healthy, IMO...First, it's too soon after a split...And the last thing a child needs is to see different guys parading in and out of the house, banging their mother and leaving... You really need to wake up...You only get one shot at this...Don't eff it up.. TFY This is exactly what I was thinking. OP, your expectations for a boyfriend are waaaaayyy too low as the mother of a 3 year old. You've set the bar very, very low. I mean, you actually said, "It's better than nothing." Work on sharpening your picker before even considering a long term relationship. Edited June 16, 2017 by CautiouslyOptimistic 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 but I'm feeling definite boyfriend potential with him He is not boyfriend material if he is telling you he doesn't want a relationship for himself and only wants FWB. Do not string yourself along with the hopes that he will change his mind. And, don't tell someone you are OK with FWB when in fact you are looking for a relationship with someone for yourself. The purpose of having these kinds of discussions is to make sure you are on the same page in terms of overall dating goals to start with . . . I agreed because, well, it's better than nothing. -- You will find that that is not true very soon because you already want more than what he's offering and if you stick with it, you will become frustrated, anxious and resentful. Believe what he's telling you. He's being honest with you and you aren't being yourself. If you are determined to try, you simply make a statement: "Hey, I've been enjoying the time we spend together and I am looking for a relationship for myself with someone". And, then let him talk. Be prepared for him to reiterate his position and/or give you a vague response because he's OK with the way things are and now has a heads up that you may be making your exit and doesn't want to lose his FWB. Thank you. That is good advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 This is exactly what I was thinking. OP, your expectations for a boyfriend are waaaaayyy too low as the mother of a 3 year old. You've set the bar very, very low. I mean, you actually said, "It's better than nothing." Work on sharpening your picker before even considering a long term relationship. I wouldn't settle for just anyone. There are many things I like about this guy. He is smart, funny, down to earth, career-driven. He is a good person. It's sad we want 2 different things. When I said it's better than nothing I mean the time I get with him as a FWB is better than not spending any time with him at all, but maybe I have to face facts that that isn't necessarily true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amanda9 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 You put the pressure on him like every other woman does when she wants something more. Otherwise, it's also his fault for staying the night if he didn't want anything more than FWB. That's kind of what I was thinking. Staying the night creates a false sense of intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Ive had quite a few fwb's and theyve gone all kinds of different ways. Im a little confused that it sounds like the posters on this thread agree that fwb's dont spend the night. What about the morning sex??? Ive had two that didnt spend the night but we always hung out during the day. Otherwise, its always an all night thing. Some of my fwb's have turned into strong loving relationships, though none have turned exclusive. I had one totally take care of me while I was sick a few weeks ago, which I must admit made me fall for him a little. But I think we both really dig each other and at the same time realize that we dont have what it takes for a committed relationship w each other. Ive never switched gears and had a relationship talk, but I dont think its impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I have never had a FWB before and you're right that I am probably not cut out for it. I guess I'm thinking if all he wants is sex we would do that and then part ways. The cuddling is indeed confusing because it seems intimate on a different level. Also the fact that he slept over the entire night when he could have easily driven home. Why would he bother with all the extra things like that? I think the only way I'm not going to get my heart broken in this situation is if he takes a chance on me. I don't want to stop seeing him because I don't want to lose my chance to turn it into something more. It's been a long time since I've found someone like him. This is the surest way of getting your heart broken. If he does enter a relationship with you and soon ends it after your 3 year old gets acquainted with him you will be destroyed. As others have pointed out you have a child to consider when making a choice of the man you bring into your life. If you chose some 25 year old boy who just wants another bang partner that is a poor choice. You need to be looking at men who want the same things as you which includes children. You and this 25 year old are miles apart as far as life experience. If you were single and free I would say go for it and do what you like but you have a child to consider. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 If you weren't 32 with a kid...then yes he would consider more. Time to dump this chump and date a real man that wants a real relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dru76 Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 I wouldn't settle for just anyone. There are many things I like about this guy. He is smart, funny, down to earth, career-driven. He is a good person. It's sad we want 2 different things. When I said it's better than nothing I mean the time I get with him as a FWB is better than not spending any time with him at all, but maybe I have to face facts that that isn't necessarily true. It's not true. At all. All it's going to do is cause you pain. You'll go crazy analyzing every little thing, savoring every scrap of attention, waiting for the day he realizes that you're exactly what he's looking for. But that day will never come. BTDT I know you're feeling sad about the prospect of "losing him", but you don't actually have him to begin with. You know what though? You'll find someone better that wants to be in a real relationship. But that can't happen until you tell this dude it's not working for you and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Prowe Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Fwb could easily mean cosy chats, as well as sex. I think youre already in too deep. He doesnt want a relationship and if he did, he would have asled you by now? Link to post Share on other sites
Prowe Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Tbh do you actually know that youre the only FWB he has? I wouldnt get confused. Youre not even dating yet and you want to tell him you want a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts