Getting mixed signals from ex

[Tippy123]

So long story, but I started seeing this girl in February, I'm also girl. On our first date we made out the entire night, it was sparks from the beginning. Our relationship quickly progresses and a month later we were girlfriends. From the beginning she was always sort of possessive. If I texted her and didn't completely a sentence, she accused me of texting someone else. She made me cut off contact with a girl I was trying to sincerely just be friends with because we used to date. It caused too many fights so I cut that girl off.

 

I basically stopped seeing my friends because she never believed what I was actually doing when I went out for no reason. One time I forwarded my ex an email I had written 2 years prior, it was a mistake and I thought nothing of it but she went through my computer and found it, didn't bother to look at the original date and then broke up with me. I begged for her back and in a few days, we were back together again. A couple weeks later, I was laying in her bed and went to the bathroom and she looked at my phone. I had been talking to this girl I went on one date with a year ago. We always wanted to be friends but life got in the way - and there was absolutely nothing going on between us but I asked if she wanted to get coffee. She accused me of wanting her and being shady. Maybe I should have told her but it didn't seem like a big deal because I wasn't hiding anything. All my other friends had been isolated from me and I just wanted a friend. She blew up and kicked me out of her house and it was the scariest most intense fight I've ever had. Two days later we talked and it was awful but I ended up going back to her place and things fell right back into place again. She said some truly hateful things to me. Those were the worst fights but every week since then she always picks a fight. She would constantly go through my phone when I was sleeping and I became paranoid for no reason - because I was being faithful and it hurt that she didn't trust me over what I thought to be minor things. She broke up with me 2 more times over things like me looking up an ex on Facebook. That was wrong of me but I did it out of legit curiosity and nothing more - no feelings there. She's seen convos about her where I was venting to my friends and said some not nice things about her - but everyone does that and she shouldn't be reading my private messages. I never want her to see not nice things about her but I was upset when she had broken up with me earlier. It was finally the last straw the other day for her. I woke up in her bed and she just told me to leave for no reason after we had a wonderful night before. Claims she was just "over it" and she said we will never be together, although she has said this many times. However this time I knew she meant it, as things did not fall back and she kept repeating over and over that we will never be together and being so cold to me.

 

Fast forward a few days, I asked to say goodbye and get my things. I go over there and end up being dragged to a party with her where she's kissing and holding my hand all of a sudden and saying "this is why I can't be around you". I spent the night. I forgot to give her her things so I came back again that next day to gave her her stuff and left. I told her this was so hard and I couldn't handle it. I'm still in love with her - so she said "I'm sorry" and then asked me to come back over to watch a movie. We ended up making dinner together and laying in bed cuddling. A few kisses on the cheek but nothing else. Then yesterday she calls and asks me to take her to the laundry mat. She hugged me for a long time when I saw her and while we were waiting for laundry and grabbed me and started making out with me. She held me and touched my hand in the car on the way back. Back at her house she was sitting on my lap and kissing me and just teasing me all in front of her roommate who knows we broke up. But when he left for a minute she told me, I'm sorry for the mixed signals. I still need time. This isn't about dating other people but I can't be in a relationship. I told her I understood even though I am so confused by everything. We said goodbye and I told her I wanted her. I had always been so sexually attracted and her flirting was terrorizing me. I said I wanted to sleep with her and she said she did too the night before, but she resisted and that she had to touch herself this morning because of it. Then she tells me when she gets back from her overnight trip I better be ready. Of course I agreed. I'm in love and weak and of course I want to be intimate with her. We spent the rest of the night sexting.

 

Everyone I know does not support this relationship but I can't seem to get away and I'm completely confused by her behavior. She has been so hot and cold this whole relationship. I never did anything to harm her intentionally or cheated. I made mistakes like everyone but she has acted like I've been the worst person in the world. I drove her everywhere, bought her things, made her dinner every night, made sure she got things done, I filed unemployment for her and food stamps for her all on my own. Cut off my own life for her. I loved her so much yet she never appreciated any of that and sometimes I felt used. She'd get mad if I misspoke and instead of realizing that labeled me as a liar she could never trust and that's ultimately why we will never be together. I've never been labeled as a liar and I've never had trust issues in a relationship.

 

I don't know what's going on. She's moving to another state for a month and she claims it is to escape me, yet she is the one who really keeps me around and asks me to come over. I know this will come to an end in July, she will be gone. But I can't seem to let her go. I've been a mess this week and feel like she is just keeping me hanging by a thread. I wish I were stronger but I've never had such intense feelings and if I'm honest I do want her back. I just need some guidance, I am so lost.

[trailwolf]

life is too short to live the way ur living , u need to break up with her an move on with ur life , believe me u will meet someone u like just as well if not more .