highlands24 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Hi all My name is Christian and i have (or had) a 4 year LDR. I am in my mid 30s, she s close to mid 20s. We had a 1 year normal relationship, when we lived together but she decided to study in an university at 150km away. We saw each other from thursday to sunday every week. Things were great lately. The first part of the realtionship was with up and downs, as i was clingy about my ex, and not giving her all that she deserved, all my attention and careness. She stood by and i 've fallen madly for her then. Sex was great. We traveled a lot, we got along very good. But then when she left to study (although i begged her not to go there), i felt abandoned and i ve met another girl and wanted to end this relationship but i couldn't. She cheated on me as well,twice, i confronted her and she admited. We went to a relationship psychologist, for 2 sessions and things were getting better. We had 2 wonderful years then. Both commited to each other( at least from my part), she told me she is in love with me, she looked at me with so much love... We talked about kids, about building a house.. She is at a university which is very hard, but i've always been there for her, supportive and trying to understand if things got hard for her. Suddenly, she stopped coming home, about 3 weeks ago. She said she is having a hard time with the university but i sensed it is not all of it. Then she admited that a neighbour of hers is very attached to her, she is attached to him and she doesn t know what she is feeling anymore. But she said she didn't sleep with him. Things were great lately between us.. She started crying, she said that she is sorry for being like this, unstable and so on. I felt like the whole world ended... 3 weeks ago we were cudling and making love and out of a sudden this. She also said that it's because i cheated on her in our relationship, and she can't trust me anymore, like she trusts this new guy. I tried to tell her that she did the same, but after going to the psychologist for counselling, we tried to let this behind us and not hold a grudge and bring it back. Unfortunately i began asking why, and crying and tell her not to break up...for 2 days. She promised she won t throw 4 years down the drain, and she doesn't want to lose me!... She promised also to come home and we would talk about this. After the 2 days i cried and behave needy, i remembered that NC works, and i should make her miss me. So after saturday, i initiated NC. But almost every day she called me, crying on the phone, to see if i am ok. She says she is having a hard time, and she has daily panic attacks. I remained calm, and told her that this is what she wanted and she didn't do anything to make it otherwise, and she replied that she knows... Now i do not know what to do.. GO to her university town and talk to her to see what we can do and maybe bring her home if she wants. OR to let her in this minimal NC, where i do not initiate contact... I do not know how she will perceive me going after her, when she said she will come to me, but she did not. I can't be decisive on the phone as i think this should be treated as we look in each other's eyes.. If i let her now, i fear she will just wear off what she feels for me, and just be with that new guy.. But then if i go after her, i think she will understand that i m desperate to get back together.. Needless to say, i cannot sleep, i barely have eaten something these days, and i feel so depressed i almost can t even move... It is that bad... Please, any advice would be a gold mine... as i'm desperate and i don't know what to do. I do not want to lose her too... I don't think i can get past this... Thank you!
desertsession Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 NC. She has made her bed, and has to lie in it. Let her feel the consequences of her actions.
Author highlands24 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Thank you for your opinion... I went NC straight away. The problem is her stuff is at my place and we didn't have one last conversation. She supposed to come home tuesday, but she didn't and she is silent about it. I told her that i'm through and that she must follow what she started. But i did it when i cried and wasn't in the best state of mind, and i don't think she understood. I want to make it clear for her... She also said that she wanted me to fight for her, not give up on us... I DID?! I didn't...she did... Is it wise to go after her and talk to her and maybe state it clear and then go NC?...
springy Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 No do not go see her, do not try to initiate any more contact. Give her the gift of missing you. Put her stuff out of your line of sight. Box it up and stick it in a closet until you are either ready to trash it or she makes a real attempt to come and get it, but do not contact her. She breaks up with you and then says fight for me? Drama queen. You don't need that in your life.
Author highlands24 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Today is a very hard day. It's day day 4 of NC and i'm getting depressed day by day. I wish so much i could talk to her.. She broke NC twice, in this time, and she was crying on the phone and tell me she knows she did wrong. But nothing of us getting back together or reconciliate or something like this... She should have come tuesday to talk ( she lives 100 miles away) but she didnot, and she is dead silent about it. Not a word. She has some clothes at my home, and she has my apartment key also. I think i should do something... Everyday i wake up in a bath of anxiety, i cannot move, cannot eat, can't sleep properly. I only fell asleep at 5 AM... I got some time off work, but i don't think it helps... I'm torn between going and talk to her about everything, and maybe give her an ultimatum, and not doing anything and just stay NC. When she called i said i was fine... I'm nowhere near as fine.. I'm dying inside second by second slowly and there is nothing i could do to change this. I think maybe if she sees that i do not care she will just move on and put all behind her. She was a very jealous partner, and maybe if she thinks ihave somebody else, she won't give us a chance anymore. Should i just call her and see how is she doing? She was crying her heart out last time when we talked, but i was cold, i said i was fine and that that's she wanted to be...
Author highlands24 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 *update... I couldn't bare it anyomore. I was in day 4 of NC and i broke it. I called her and i said i need to do something for work in her town today and maybe we could get together to sort things out and to talk a little bit, no pressure, just a walk and a talk. She was very friendly and open about this and she said we could do it, but she cannot today, as she is leaving to visit her parents (another town).. She insisted i should come on sunday... I didn't want to be available just like that for her, and i insisted for today... Then she said that actually she is leaving with 2 friends of hers for the weekend and she didn't wanna tell me because i wouldn't understand... This left me a bitter taste in my mouth.. I do not know what to do... Just go on sunday and not care about her weekend, and not show to her i'm disturbed about it, or leave it like that and wait for her to make a move...as i did one step to her. She supposed to call later today, as she said she will. She didn't.. It hurts like hell... I'm so depressed i don't know if i can live this anymore.. Anyone, a word, please....
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