andrewimecs Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Hello everybody and thank you to who ever reads this post and possibly posts a reply. The past 3 months I have been posting a lot about dating and you guys have all been a great help and now I am back with another question. I met this girl 3 weeks ago at a bar and we literally liked each other a lot. We made out for the whole night and eventually exchanged numbers. Between these 3 weeks, we have been going on several dates. All dates go amazing and we connect unbelievably well. At the end of the night things usually turn very sexual but we are both okay with it. Yesterday we went on a date and it went amazing as well but between the date she mentioned to me and I quote " Andrew, I really really really like you and you know I am honest and you know I will tell you straight up what I am thinking. I am not sure I am ready for a relationship at this very moment but I really really really like you and I want to keep seeing you and going on dates because I like you. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago because he cheated on me and my mom passed away 2 years and i just need to fix myself before I start dating. I am stressed and and have on going issues in regards to what I mentioned." I told her that is extremely respectable and I am glad you told me but what we can do is take it slow and no rush, thank you for telling me Leanna I really appreciate it. She agreed to taking it slow. After that I took her to some beautiful spots in the country side and she then wanted to have sex. We had sex and constantly complimented each other and eventually told each other how much we enjoy each other and kept being cheesie as if we were in a relationship. She says I turn her on and all these things. We have other dates coming but now I am confused. We hit it off pretty well and we still are I just do not know how to handle the situation from here. I would absolutely love to be in a relationship with her and I respect her decisions and taking it slow but how should I go about our times together. I am confused and not sure what to do to get her wanting a relationship? Tips and suggestions are greatly appreciated and hopefully I can figure out why I feel so confused and unsure? I feel like she wants me but at the same does not because of whats going on in her life.
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Her desire not to have a relationship has nothing to do with you & you can't make her want one, at least not quickly. If it is going to happen at all, it will take time. I'm talking like a year of you showing up, doing what you have been doing but not pushing to talk about it. Gobble up all her free time so she doesn't have time to see other guys. If she seems too unavailable assume she's multi-dating. If that bothers you, then you have to walk away because she is in no mood for exclusivity. 1
SevenCity Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Her saying that implys that you were pushing for or acting like you want a RL. Stop. Let it be her idea. Just keep doing what you are doing. But, she may never want one with you so you have to be prepared for that. Don't see her with the expectation of a RL. Just the expectation to have a good time. Her issues are known now and you may regret getting involved with her. Ideally you want someone with no issues though that is elusive. 1
TheAntiHero Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Yeah, she's shopping around. Maybe she found a better "deal" elsewhere and keeping you around just in case.
TheTraveler Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I told her that is extremely respectable and I am glad you told me but what we can do is take it slow and no rush, thank you for telling me Leanna I really appreciate it. She agreed to taking it slow. Not sure why you mentioned taking it slow...just continue to date her and see where it goes. Also stop being eager beaver since she brought up the relationship aspect in not a good way. You are the one who needs to slow down. Not her.
act00 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Three weeks isn't very long, and once this excitement phase wears off, maybe 2-3 months, is when it's really going to be the turning point of moving forward or not. The thing is, it sounds like you're "in a relationship," but without the "official" label. I hope this one sticks, but we all know the reality that she could part ways at some point, and you have no way to control that. You could decides she's really not for you either. You still haven't really gotten to the reality yet -- you're still in the "hot phase." You have no choice but to just be patient and continue along the way you have, fingers crossed. It's going to hurt if she's just not ready and breaks away. It's a chance you have to take. Just keep enjoying her company and see where it goes. You may reach a point, and this is something you do have to consider, that you question if YOU want to continue with her because you want something more...Do I want someone who's available? Do I really want to pursue this "un"-relationship with someone who's not ready? How long am I willing to wait? For now, just enjoy the ride. Try not to overthink it.
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She said she is not ready for a relationship and your solution is to take it slow toward a relationship? That is like you telling your mother you don't want her chicken soup and she replies that's alright she'll put some on the back burner for you. You are not listenning. She is just out of a relationship, she is emotionally unavailable, she throws her mom passing in to the mix = She likes you but she does not like you that way. You are distracting her while she is healing. Most of the time when people are done healing they move on to someone else.
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She said she is not ready for a relationship and your solution is to take it slow toward a relationship? That is like you telling your mother you don't want her chicken soup and she replies that's alright she'll put some on the back burner for you. You are not listenning. She is just out of a relationship, she is emotionally unavailable, she throws her mom passing in to the mix = She likes you but she does not like you that way. You are distracting her while she is healing. Most of the time when people are done healing they move on to someone else. While that can be true, every mother knows that most kids eat the soup a few hours later when they get hungry. andrewimecs If you enjoy her company now keep enjoying it. It's too early to press for a commitment. Just enjoy the present. Do reevaluate things in 6 months to a year but for now, what is the rush? 2
fred123 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 While that can be true, every mother knows that most kids eat the soup a few hours later when they get hungry. andrewimecs If you enjoy her company now keep enjoying it. It's too early to press for a commitment. Just enjoy the present. Do reevaluate things in 6 months to a year but for now, what is the rush? Question: a girl who is into you would never say things like i dont want a relationship or i wamt to take it slow? Also what if he catches feelings and gets invested and 6 months down the line he is crazy about her and she pulls the " i told u i dont want a rship"
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Question: a girl who is into you would never say things like i dont want a relationship or i wamt to take it slow? Also what if he catches feelings and gets invested and 6 months down the line he is crazy about her and she pulls the " i told u i dont want a rship" Part of it about timing. Part of it is about taking a risk. There are no guarantees. In the OP's case, it has only been 3 weeks. That is too soon to push for a relationship / commitment anyway. There is a some chance that the OP is a rebound because the girl's last relationship only ended 4 months ago but she is at least saying that she likes the OP. I see some hope that if he sticks around things could blossom. If he wants a relationship defined as such right now, the answer is already NO. So does he take a chance that she will possibly be more invested in a few months or does he walk away? That's up to him but I see hope. Unfortunately fred123 in your situation I don't see any hope. You took the chance. You gave this girl 7 months & other than sex once per week in a hotel you pay for, you are not getting anything in return. This girl won't hold your hand, be seen in public with you, allow you to interact with her friends or celebrate your relationship on social media. In short, she's hiding you & from here -- not knowing either of you -- I fear for you that she's embarrassed to be seen with you. Therefore, I continue to urge you to cut your losses & get a GF who is actually proud to be with you. 3
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Her saying that implys that you were pushing for or acting like you want a RL. Stop. Let it be her idea. Just keep doing what you are doing. But, she may never want one with you so you have to be prepared for that. Don't see her with the expectation of a RL. Just the expectation to have a good time. Her issues are known now and you may regret getting involved with her. Ideally you want someone with no issues though that is elusive. Okay that is totally fair and totally true. My question is how should i be around her now. She still holds me as if we are a couple and treats it like a relationship. Should I act differently now that she kind of told me she does not want a relationship?
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Not sure why you mentioned taking it slow...just continue to date her and see where it goes. Also stop being eager beaver since she brought up the relationship aspect in not a good way. You are the one who needs to slow down. Not her. I said we could take things one step at a time and she agreed to take it slow so i am not sure lol.
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Three weeks isn't very long, and once this excitement phase wears off, maybe 2-3 months, is when it's really going to be the turning point of moving forward or not. The thing is, it sounds like you're "in a relationship," but without the "official" label. I hope this one sticks, but we all know the reality that she could part ways at some point, and you have no way to control that. You could decides she's really not for you either. You still haven't really gotten to the reality yet -- you're still in the "hot phase." You have no choice but to just be patient and continue along the way you have, fingers crossed. It's going to hurt if she's just not ready and breaks away. It's a chance you have to take. Just keep enjoying her company and see where it goes. You may reach a point, and this is something you do have to consider, that you question if YOU want to continue with her because you want something more...Do I want someone who's available? Do I really want to pursue this "un"-relationship with someone who's not ready? How long am I willing to wait? For now, just enjoy the ride. Try not to overthink it. That is totally fair and I agree absolutely I am just not sure how to pursue this imaginary relationship we have now. We still talk everyday and we have a date Friday. What should I do and how should I act from here on out to maybe keep her interested?
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 While that can be true, every mother knows that most kids eat the soup a few hours later when they get hungry. andrewimecs If you enjoy her company now keep enjoying it. It's too early to press for a commitment. Just enjoy the present. Do reevaluate things in 6 months to a year but for now, what is the rush? You are right and I should not rush and I should continue to have a good time with her. Someone told me that right now I am her haven from all the pain she is going through right now and basically has me as support because I make her feel so good. She did admit to wanting to see me a lot and we talk everyday still and we also have a date Friday so I am not sure how to pursue this. I do not want to be awkward around her and I want to show her if she needs that support I do not mind because I am interested in her. I am not sure I am confused now haha what do you think the best possible thing to do right now is? How do I keep her interested? I just do not want to be hurt thats all because 4 months ago i also broke up with my ex who cheated on me and this girl I am seeing also gives me that feeling of love at this moment and it feels good so i don't know what to do as embarrassing as it is.
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 How old is this woman and how old are you? I am 23 turning 24 and she just turned 27. Her past boyfriend was 21 while she was 26 and she got cheated on.
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 My question is how should i be around her now. She still holds me as if we are a couple and treats it like a relationship. Should I act differently now that she kind of told me she does not want a relationship? You stay the same & be consistent. The relationship will develop through action, not words. Be fun. Be normal. Don't push. Yes, it's scary because you could get hurt but fortune favors the bold. It's only been 3 weeks. For now, take the risk but keep evaluating. Evaluating doesn't mean push her for a conversation.
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 She said she is not ready for a relationship and your solution is to take it slow toward a relationship? That is like you telling your mother you don't want her chicken soup and she replies that's alright she'll put some on the back burner for you. You are not listenning. She is just out of a relationship, she is emotionally unavailable, she throws her mom passing in to the mix = She likes you but she does not like you that way. You are distracting her while she is healing. Most of the time when people are done healing they move on to someone else. She came to me when we first met and she initiated everything even the first date. So I am not sure if i am necessarily distracting her if shes coming to me first and constantly asking when we are hanging out and initiating sex. Don't get me wrong I understand what you are saying but she is the one that kind of hopped on me for everything and has talked to me about a lot of things going on her life and I did not even ask. She said I make her feel so good and she loves being with me and is not ready just yet. She said herself she wants to keep being intimate and going on dates with me. So I am not sure what to think?
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 One caveat, the age thing actually diminishes the probability that she will want a relationship with YOU in the future. For now you are a "safe" younger guy who she can have fun with without a commitment. Guard your heart but stay the course.
Author andrewimecs Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 You stay the same & be consistent. The relationship will develop through action, not words. Be fun. Be normal. Don't push. Yes, it's scary because you could get hurt but fortune favors the bold. It's only been 3 weeks. For now, take the risk but keep evaluating. Evaluating doesn't mean push her for a conversation. Okay that is fair and she likes who I am so i should not change in the slightest. I guess I will just keep trying her out and see where it goes, thank you! 1
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 She came to me when we first met and she initiated everything even the first date. So I am not sure if i am necessarily distracting her if shes coming to me first and constantly asking when we are hanging out and initiating sex. Don't get me wrong I understand what you are saying but she is the one that kind of hopped on me for everything and has talked to me about a lot of things going on her life and I did not even ask. She said I make her feel so good and she loves being with me and is not ready just yet. She said herself she wants to keep being intimate and going on dates with me. So I am not sure what to think? OH dear of course she is the one who jumped all over you, she is freshly out of a relationship, she is restless, she wants to change her mind, she wants to think of something else than her ex-bf. You are a breath of fresh air! BUT it does not change the fact she is just out of a relationship and emotionally unavailable, probably still in love with her ex. It's not because we break up with someone (or they with us) that we stop instantly loving them. Her being the chaser does not make her fit to re-enter a relationship. We see it all the time people just wanting to move on too fast, it last 2-3 months no more then reality sets in and they realize they need to be alone. You do as you wish BUT just be aware this does not have a rate of success usually.
preraph Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I think you need to ask her to define what "taking it slow" means to her because that is not clear.
Gaeta Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I think you need to ask her to define what "taking it slow" means to her because that is not clear. Actually she did not ask to take is slow she just said she was not ready for a relationship. OP said it's ok he will take it slow.
elaine567 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Actually she did not ask to take is slow she just said she was not ready for a relationship. OP said it's ok he will take it slow. Yes, she is still racing ahead with the sex and the dates, but what she is saying is "Do not get too attached to me as I DO NOT want a relationship with you." This is more fwbs than bf/gf. By still playing the game you are in effect agreeing to the conditions she has set. 2
fred123 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Doesnt " im not ready for a relationship normally mean i dont want one with you?" Is that women code. Somewhere on here some girl said that no girl would ever say that to a guy thqt they actually liked. Is there truth to this? Doew that mean this girl doewnt actually really like OP?
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