Facebook/instagram/ social media?

[coolheadal]

So her ex bf she broke up with 18 months ago.

They were together for a year and had plans to move in and stuff.

I saw on fb that she always posted statuses and references about him on there and was clear for everyone to see. Even once she put a love heart padlock thing of both of them ( some cheesey stuff). I once sent her a selfie of myself and said " this pic is just for u". She replies she didnt like cheesey stuff. That hurt me.

 

So we spoke more and this is what she said " im sorry you were just wrong timing. Also i want a guy who can control me and we are imcompatible. You are too emotional and im not. I found this relationship intense. Sorry"

I replied " i dont understand. When did you think all of this? I had no idea. You said yes to being my gf 6 weeks ago and 2 weeks ago you said you saw a future with me and was looking at onlin3 pillows for my new flat etc. You said you had fallen for me a week ago or so"

 

She replied " yes its all true i havnt lied to you about anything. Its been on my mind for months"

 

Im so confused. If she thought all this about me then why say yes to being my gf? She must have known we are incompatible before then. Even last week she said if im free to accompany her to wimbledon tennis she has spare ticket.

 

I should have twken more control. I tried to make plans but i dont know what she means by that

 

Wow she's really a case. She took advantage of your good charms and use it for her own ways. She tells you the truth about how she felt about you. We had warn you but you didn't listen. Now look at this story is at the end. Just leave her alone as she's still in dreamland with her her ex. She like the controlling type you are not that. She knew it but you in the picture but on the sidelines.

[fred123]

Thank you for help.

I have so many questions in my head. I analyse things a lot unfortunately. Im always self critical of myself in life and always blame myself.

 

I hope i can ask questions on here on my mind and people can answer. Just want to clarify we didnt go on spa days cos she didnt want to. We didnt go to fancy restaurants just cheap local places. I did want to take her to nice fancy restaurants in london and dress up but she had excuses for that. I dont know reason behind that...

 

If this is true about her not wanting to show her ex about me, why did she make it difficult to meet me and see me? Amd why didnt she ask for a pic of us just for even her phone. And why didnt she introduce me to friends or work colleagues who she could have ? Not sure how this affects the ex knowing about me.

 

Btw im 28 and she 27. So we were looking for something long term and serious i guess. We were at the age where we didnt want to waste time she said this also

[todreaminblue]

i would worry more about real life....as donnivain suggested ...that's important ...really important.....more emphasis on knowing people in real life..if she has that with you....dont worry so much..social media...isnt as important.....for many....deb

[Gaeta]

Thank you for help.

I have so many questions in my head. I analyse things a lot unfortunately. Im always self critical of myself in life and always blame myself.

That will not bring you happiness in life. You need to understand that you can only control things that are yours to control and how others feel is out of your hands.

 

Now that you are looking for answers I suggest the following book: The Buddha in Your Mirror. It will teach you the gift of letting go.

 

I hope i can ask questions on here on my mind and people can answer. Just want to clarify we didnt go on spa days cos she didnt want to. We didnt go to fancy restaurants just cheap local places. I did want to take her to nice fancy restaurants in london and dress up but she had excuses for that. I dont know reason behind that...

The reasons behind that? She just didn't feel like it. She did what she wanted and didn't bother doing things she didn't want. There is no secret behind this.

 

If this is true about her not wanting to show her ex about me, why did she make it difficult to meet me and see me? Amd why didnt she ask for a pic of us just for even her phone. And why didnt she introduce me to friends or work colleagues who she could have ? Not sure how this affects the ex knowing about me.

 

That is 2 separate issues. The way she kept you away from her ex:

 

Issue # 1 The ex

 

* Fussy on FB, not wanting you to show you were more than platonic friends.

 

* By not introducing you to her friends, colleagues, so she made sure no one would accidentally tell the ex you were seeing someone.

 

Issue #2 not into you

 

* She made it difficult to see you because she didn't feel like seeing you. She didn't like you that much!

 

* She didn't ask for a picture because she DID NOT want one of you. You were not important enough to have a picture of you.

 

* She didn't introduce you to her friends and colleagues because she did NOT like you enough to introduce you. You were just the week-end hook up. The guy she could control into taking her out once in a while.

 

Btw im 28 and she 27. So we were looking for something long term and serious i guess. We were at the age where we didnt want to waste time she said this also

 

You were looking for something long term. She was not. She was out to use you.

 

Everything about her screamed she was not into you from day 1. You closed your eyes to all of the big red flags flashing at you.

 

You must, I insist YOU MUST learn to read red flags and not let women use you the way this one did.

 

Not everybody is nice Fred. A lot of people lie and she lied to you from the start.

[d0nnivain]

why did she make it difficult to meet me and see me? Amd why didnt she ask for a pic of us just for even her phone. And why didnt she introduce me to friends or work colleagues who she could have ? Not sure how this affects the ex knowing about me.

 

Btw im 28 and she 27. So we were looking for something long term and serious i guess. We were at the age where we didnt want to waste time she said this also

 

 

She may have been looking for long term but not with you.

 

 

She didn't want photos because she didn't care about you. She didn't want to introduce you to her friends because she didn't want them to see you or know about you. She was hiding you because she didn't want your "relationship" to see the light of day.

 

 

You have known for a long time that things weren't right with her but you are trusting & sweet. You didn't want to face the truth. You kept trying to convince yourself that the fact that she spent Valentine's Day with you & had sex with you was enough. You knew they weren't. She was using you so she didn't have to feel lonely. Her actions never matched her words. A woman who was proud to be your GF would have been showing you off.

[the_lost_1]

I also got a question, how long to keep pictures for? I posted some grad photos and obviously I'm gonna have to remove them soon, when do you think is the best time to remove them?

[coolheadal]

Thank you for help.

I have so many questions in my head. I analyse things a lot unfortunately. Im always self critical of myself in life and always blame myself.

 

I hope i can ask questions on here on my mind and people can answer. Just want to clarify we didnt go on spa days cos she didnt want to. We didnt go to fancy restaurants just cheap local places. I did want to take her to nice fancy restaurants in london and dress up but she had excuses for that. I dont know reason behind that...

 

If this is true about her not wanting to show her ex about me, why did she make it difficult to meet me and see me? Amd why didnt she ask for a pic of us just for even her phone. And why didnt she introduce me to friends or work colleagues who she could have ? Not sure how this affects the ex knowing about me.

 

Btw im 28 and she 27. So we were looking for something long term and serious i guess. We were at the age where we didnt want to waste time she said this also

 

Wow wee you two are so young the way you was talking I thought you two were in late 30s. She's all over the place you really don't need her mate. She's not for you and she doesn't desire a guy like you. She'll regret this and this relationship with you. But she's still hooked-up on the Ex lover. You had no chance with her no matter what rabbit you pulled out of your hat. Your UK so many women there I am sure you can find some else would love to be your partner. Don't stop trying and try to get over this one. She's not worth it mate. Do not contact her, do not text, do not walk up to her or beg her back. If you see her look the other way and run for the hills. Let her beg to come back but under your terms. She might come back, but if she does you'll be with someone else. You don't want sloppy seconds she's a total head case, mental train wreck. I am being nice about this.. Go hang out with you mates down at the local pub and try to not thing about this. Go have a laugh on me.. Cheers!

[fred123]

I was absolutely crazy about this girl haha.

Really felt so lucky to have her. She was gorgeous in my eyes.

I guess i didnt read th3 signs. Maybe i was intense on second date and thats why after the 5th date she said she just wanted to hang out and enjoy me company and didnt want anything serious because she was too scared to like anyone at the time. Seem3d believable to me. She jad slept with other guys after her ex so didnt feel as if i was rebound.

 

I dont get the intense thing. What does intense mean? How can i change and learn from this? I mean i barely texted her. She would text me all the time like 20 times a day and initiate 95 percent of the time. I asked her out once a week like corey wayne said. She used to triple text me and get annoyed if i didnt text back and complain that i was ignoring her or something. She has cried in front me after a month or so due to work issues. Isnt she intense?

 

Also i have a question. Not sure if this is my fault. A few months ago she told me sh3 didnt want to be exclusive me ( after 3 months of dating). I had asked previous times twice to take her to a spa city and she said she couldnt take time off work. So i met another girl randomly on a night out and after a month i asked her if she wanted to come to that spa city ( i had friends there also- was my old uni city). She said yh so we organised a couple of days to go. The girl found out ( i told her) and she went mad and was pissed off with me and kept asking me questions such as if im sharing a bed with her etc. She even told my mutual friend she was pissed off with me.

I dont understand why or if i did wrong here?

 

Anyways yesterday i asked her again why we didnt go to my spa city after having asked her thrice overall in the 6 months or so. She said she couldnt get tim3 off work like she told me at the time. I then asked her did you even ask your boss and she said no. She didnt even ask her boss!!! I assumed she did and she couldnt take time off! Quite hurt about this now

[OatsAndHall]

I was absolutely crazy about this girl haha.

Really felt so lucky to have her. She was gorgeous in my eyes.

I guess i didnt read th3 signs. Maybe i was intense on second date and thats why after the 5th date she said she just wanted to hang out and enjoy me company and didnt want anything serious because she was too scared to like anyone at the time. Seem3d believable to me. She jad slept with other guys after her ex so didnt feel as if i was rebound.

 

I dont get the intense thing. What does intense mean? How can i change and learn from this? I mean i barely texted her. She would text me all the time like 20 times a day and initiate 95 percent of the time. I asked her out once a week like corey wayne said. She used to triple text me and get annoyed if i didnt text back and complain that i was ignoring her or something. She has cried in front me after a month or so due to work issues. Isnt she intense?

 

Also i have a question. Not sure if this is my fault. A few months ago she told me sh3 didnt want to be exclusive me ( after 3 months of dating). I had asked previous times twice to take her to a spa city and she said she couldnt take time off work. So i met another girl randomly on a night out and after a month i asked her if she wanted to come to that spa city ( i had friends there also- was my old uni city). She said yh so we organised a couple of days to go. The girl found out ( i told her) and she went mad and was pissed off with me and kept asking me questions such as if im sharing a bed with her etc. She even told my mutual friend she was pissed off with me.

I dont understand why or if i did wrong here?

 

Anyways yesterday i asked her again why we didnt go to my spa city after having asked her thrice overall in the 6 months or so. She said she couldnt get tim3 off work like she told me at the time. I then asked her did you even ask your boss and she said no. She didnt even ask her boss!!! I assumed she did and she couldnt take time off! Quite hurt about this now

 

It sounds like her behavior is erratic, at best.. People will rationalize this in all kinds of ways ("I'm really busy", "Life is kind of a mess right now", etc..) but there's no excuse for not being open and honest. Hell, I would prefer to be ghosted than deal with this crap.

 

This is the issue I have had with dating since I've become single. I have experience dating but I have run across some strange situations and didn't really know how to handle it.. A woman asks me out without much notice on a Tuesday night. I decline, she says "another time then! I look forward to meeting you!". This is something I hear/read several times. I don't hear from her for a few days, I try to set up a date and get ghosted. I have no idea what is going on and I get frustrated.. Now, I have learned to just move on quickly when there's any sort of weird behavior. I don't want anything to do with them if they're not straight forward.

 

As far as social media goes, I try not to read into it. BUT, I have found that it is a good indication of the way a person is/can be early on. To be honest, I am turned off by a large presence on social media. I will avoid a woman if she is on there all day, posting selfies continually, telling everyone about every moment of their day, posting pictures of of their life every day. At best, it means that they're addicted to technology and I'm going to get phnubbed (phone snubbed) a lot. At worst it means that they're insecure and are attention seeking. I'm a pretty private person and have had issues in relationships where my SO wants to plaster our whole life all over social media. And, in all reality, I just don't like the intricacies of dealing with someone who is always on social media. It is easy to read into stuff and get frustrated..

[fred123]

I was absolutely crazy about this girl haha.

Really felt so lucky to have her. She was gorgeous in my eyes.

I guess i didnt read th3 signs. Maybe i was intense on second date and thats why after the 5th date she said she just wanted to hang out and enjoy me company and didnt want anything serious because she was too scared to like anyone at the time. Seem3d believable to me. She jad slept with other guys after her ex so didnt feel as if i was rebound.

 

I dont get the intense thing. What does intense mean? How can i change and learn from this? I mean i barely texted her. She would text me all the time like 20 times a day and initiate 95 percent of the time. I asked her out once a week like corey wayne said. She used to triple text me and get annoyed if i didnt text back and complain that i was ignoring her or something. She has cried in front me after a month or so due to work issues. Isnt she intense?

 

Also i have a question. Not sure if this is my fault. A few months ago she told me sh3 didnt want to be exclusive me ( after 3 months of dating). I had asked previous times twice to take her to a spa city and she said she couldnt take time off work. So i met another girl randomly on a night out and after a month i asked her if she wanted to come to that spa city ( i had friends there also- was my old uni city). She said yh so we organised a couple of days to go. The girl found out ( i told her) and she went mad and was pissed off with me and kept asking me questions such as if im sharing a bed with her etc. She even told my mutual friend she was pissed off with me.

I dont understand why or if i did wrong here?

 

Anyways yesterday i asked her again why we didnt go to my spa city after having asked her thrice overall in the 6 months or so. She said she couldnt get tim3 off work like she told me at the time. I then asked her did you even ask your boss and she said no. She didnt even ask her boss!!! I assumed she did and she couldnt take time off! Quite hurt about this now

 

Just wanted to add this new information.

I asked her " why did u not introduce me to anyone esp your work mates?"

Her " i would have with time. I wasnt ready or comfortable"

Me: " but you were ready to be my gf and to say you are in love with me and see a future with me and furniture shop online for my flat im moving into?"

Her : " its different with my workmates. I told them about a guy i went on a date with before and they laughed at his accent and put me.off him so i didnt date him again. I did it to protect u. They are proper lads and it took me years to get their banter."

Me: " so how long more would i have had to wait to be introduced?"

Her : " well if it got to 9 or 10 months then i would have understood where u coming from"

[d0nnivain]

She's gaslighting you Fred123. she was never going to introduce you. In her slight defense, if the last time she introduced a BF to her work friends they mocked the guy, in her shoes I'd never introduce a SO to them again.

 

 

However, not meeting a partner's work friends is no big deal. I have been married for almost 9 years & I still have not met a single person my husband works with.

[preraph]

I think she was killing time with you but soon realized you were too emotional (not her type), but the main thing is she was still focused on her ex and it's entirely possible she hadn't told her friends she and her ex broke up and was still trying to make it look like they were together because she hoped to reunite. Sorry. But when you know it's wrong and not going as it should, as you have for some time, it's best to just bail and not waste time or get more involved.

[fred123]

She's gaslighting you Fred123. she was never going to introduce you. In her slight defense, if the last time she introduced a BF to her work friends they mocked the guy, in her shoes I'd never introduce a SO to them again.

 

 

However, not meeting a partner's work friends is no big deal. I have been married for almost 9 years & I still have not met a single person my husband works with.

 

Im learning. Fair enough the work mates maybe true she wasnt lying. Not sure if you saw my last post about being intense. Not sure if you could answer that. I have no idea what intense means and how i was intense. Trying to defend myself!!

[coolheadal]

I was absolutely crazy about this girl haha.

Really felt so lucky to have her. She was gorgeous in my eyes.

I guess i didnt read th3 signs. Maybe i was intense on second date and thats why after the 5th date she said she just wanted to hang out and enjoy me company and didnt want anything serious because she was too scared to like anyone at the time. Seem3d believable to me. She jad slept with other guys after her ex so didnt feel as if i was rebound.

 

I dont get the intense thing. What does intense mean? How can i change and learn from this? I mean i barely texted her. She would text me all the time like 20 times a day and initiate 95 percent of the time. I asked her out once a week like corey wayne said. She used to triple text me and get annoyed if i didnt text back and complain that i was ignoring her or something. She has cried in front me after a month or so due to work issues. Isnt she intense?

 

Also i have a question. Not sure if this is my fault. A few months ago she told me sh3 didnt want to be exclusive me ( after 3 months of dating). I had asked previous times twice to take her to a spa city and she said she couldnt take time off work. So i met another girl randomly on a night out and after a month i asked her if she wanted to come to that spa city ( i had friends there also- was my old uni city). She said yh so we organised a couple of days to go. The girl found out ( i told her) and she went mad and was pissed off with me and kept asking me questions such as if im sharing a bed with her etc. She even told my mutual friend she was pissed off with me.

I dont understand why or if i did wrong here?

 

Anyways yesterday i asked her again why we didnt go to my spa city after having asked her thrice overall in the 6 months or so. She said she couldnt get tim3 off work like she told me at the time. I then asked her did you even ask your boss and she said no. She didnt even ask her boss!!! I assumed she did and she couldnt take time off! Quite hurt about this now

 

Mate why do you put yourself through this manic depression woman. You'll never get what you what from her. I know you love her and wanted more but at what cost. You can't change her into something you want. It's just doesn't work like that. Stop pushing and let her go. She'll never give up too. I have one like that too. I am big softy and kept crazy J lets call her in the background. All I have to do is just say hey you want to go out and she'll be ready to go! But she has issues and there is the fact shes's married but he's not in the same state another cheater type of man. I can't say otherwise. I just know the feeling mate. I found someone else but until and finally meet the new girl I would be so happy and can finally get rid of the one I just mention. With the new girl I can have kids and better life. I have so much hope but been let down too. I know how it feels but I stay happy and keep my hopes and options open. I want so much and yet so hard to get. Everyone talks and say the right one will come. Yeah right! Keep on thinking that way! You have to work at it to find the right one, like I did. The right one fell into my face book because I never locked new friends request. My point go with you heart but this girl you have isn't a can Heinz tomato and beans she's like mince pie. Do what you think is best but she didn't even tell her boss so she's still lying at you..

Edited June 17, 2017 by coolheadal

[fred123]

Mate why do you put yourself through this manic depression woman. You'll never get what you what from her. I know you love her and wanted more but at what cost. You can't change her into something you want. It's just doesn't work like that. Stop pushing and let her go. She'll never give up too. I have one like that too. I am big softy and kept crazy J lets call her in the background. All I have to do is just say hey you want to go out and she'll be ready to go! But she has issues and there is the fact shes's married but he's not in the same state another cheater type of man. I can't say otherwise. I just know the feeling mate. I found someone else but until and finally meet the new girl I would be so happy and can finally get rid of the one I just mention. With the new girl I can have kids and better life. I have so much hope but been let down too. I know how it feels but I stay happy and keep my hopes and options open. I want so much and yet so hard to get. Everyone talks and say the right one will come. Yeah right! Keep on thinking that way! You have to work at it to find the right one, like I did. The right one feel into my face book because I never locked new friends request. My point go with you heart but this girl you have isn't a can Heinz tomato and beans she's like mince pie. Do what you think is best but she didn't even tell her boss so she's still lying at you..

 

I know you are right. Im just trying to figure out things in my head and get my questions answered. I rather ask u guys than her! Just gives me some idea

[coolheadal]

Just wanted to add this new information.

I asked her " why did u not introduce me to anyone esp your work mates?"

Her " i would have with time. I wasnt ready or comfortable"

Me: " but you were ready to be my gf and to say you are in love with me and see a future with me and furniture shop online for my flat im moving into?"

Her : " its different with my workmates. I told them about a guy i went on a date with before and they laughed at his accent and put me.off him so i didnt date him again. I did it to protect u. They are proper lads and it took me years to get their banter."

Me: " so how long more would i have had to wait to be introduced?"

Her : " well if it got to 9 or 10 months then i would have understood where u coming from"

 

She cares more about her mates than you.. But that can be understandable because you can come and go, the mates can't. So she values them higher because 1. She knows them longer, 2. They'll stick by her more than you. #. She's not in bed with them. But you have to understand it's the same with a pet the pet will always be there for her, you can get upset and end the relationship. She can do whatever she wants. That shouldn't concern you about her mates. Why do you care so much about that. At the end of the day you were going to bed with this girl not her mates. I think you do whatever you want with her because you love her and when you love them this much you mind will never be the same.

[coolheadal]

I know you are right. Im just trying to figure out things in my head and get my questions answered. I rather ask u guys than her! Just gives me some idea

 

We all have the experiences some different than most. I date a lot, because I want too. I have the freedom to do so. I am not with anyone right now. I have that new girl but like Corey had his UK girl fly in to be with him. I have the same thing going to happen to me. I already made more plans too with her. We get along and we don't fight, she's into me so deep that I have never experience this prior. How to say but once you have this deep love feeling, and I know others will say it's a fantasy until you meet her in person. I do with Skype! Thanks God for that! Listen I know you love this woman you want to be with her. She's not acting right and her judgement is not her own either. Mates and family rule her. You should move her into your new flat with you, but that's if you can get her to go though. So much damage already. You know her truth and colors when it comes to you and her.

[fred123]

Just an update. I have blocked her from social media.

Im trying to move on. It sucks a lot and im.gonna try and self improve.

Thank you for your responses.

Im gonna try enjoy my summer with friends.

[loverboy69]

The only snap I ever get on Snapchat is from Team Snapchat wishing me a Merry XMAS.

[coolheadal]

Just an update. I have blocked her from social media.

Im trying to move on. It sucks a lot and im.gonna try and self improve.

Thank you for your responses.

Im gonna try enjoy my summer with friends.

 

I am glad mate you have a great summer and I know you'll find someone else real soon.. You are ready, you have learned so much from us all here.. Enjoy your Summer!

[fred123]

Is this a paradox? Can a girl be in love with a guy yet at the same time say she isnt/ wasnt ready to invite her boyfriend to anything or meet his friends or do anything coupley?

[basil67]

What makes you think she loves you? Has she told you that she loves you? How long have the two of you been dating exclusively?

[Bastile]

Generally, a woman wanting to ltr gets all up in your business. She wants to meet your family and friends. She wants you to meet hers.

 

It's something you do to please her. Makes them feel safe and secure.

 

If it's you needing to feel safe and secure... sort it out. Women aren't here for your safety or security.

[fred123]

Generally, a woman wanting to ltr gets all up in your business. She wants to meet your family and friends. She wants you to meet hers.

 

It's something you do to please her. Makes them feel safe and secure.

 

If it's you needing to feel safe and secure... sort it out. Women aren't here for your safety or security.

 

? I dont understand this or what you said sorry.

[Bastile]

? I dont understand this or what you said sorry.

 

Don't seek validation in future by putting such significance on a girl meeting your mate Larry. Or by stressing over whether or not you are "facebook official".

 

Capeesh?