daintyd27 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I (26F) met this guy(29M) at a party a few weeks ago who was friends with one of my friend's and I found him really cool and attractive. Anyway, last week I went out for some drinks with a girl friend of mine and he was at the bar we were at. He recognised me, smiled and waved at me. When I waved back and smiled he came over at sat with my friend and I and his other female friend also joined us. We all talked for hours, bar hopped and at the end of the night it was just him and I alone. My friend commented on how into me he seemed and I felt a lot of chemistry going on between us, not only that we had heaps of stuff in common. We hung out together at a bar until the early hours of the morning and talked about everything. Like me, he has been single for two years and said he is sick of how awful people treat one another in dating and he said that earlier on that night a girl had stood him up and that the rejection sucked. He later suggested that I go back to his house to spoon and watch a movie and he promised he wouldn't try anything. I declined because I did like him a lot and didn't want to get carried away if I went over. When I went outside to get a taxi, him and I made out intensely and I suddenly really wanted to go to his house and spend more time with him but assured him I wasn't going to have sex with him. When we got to his, we made out for hours and continued to talk for hours. I asked him what he was looking for and he said that he wants to hang out with a girl for a bit and figure out if he likes her enough to be in a relationship her. He also mentioned something along the lines of him being emotionally unstable at times and get depressed which makes it difficult for him to get into anything. Later on I asked him the reason he broke up with his ex and he said that he had cheated on an ex who he was with for four years, which was the cause of the break up two years ago and that he has regrets for his poor actions. While making out, things were getting very passionate and he was getting pretty heated but I told him that I wouldn't and he agreed saying that he didn't want it to mean nothing but he kept on commenting on how hot I am and how amazing he thought my body was. I was quite playful with him and made it clear that I did want to have sex with him too but I that I wanted to wait until another time. The day after we hung out and talked, he tried to have sex with me again but as before, I coyly declined and he said that I was 'driving him crazy'. After hanging for a bit longer, I had to leave. He said that we should 'hang out again'. Later on in the afternoon I texted him a link to a movie I had told him about that he told me to link him to. He thanked me and told me he will look at it when he gets home from work. I responded back a couple of hours later saying no worries and I wished him a good night. It has been over a week and I haven't heard back from him. Should I take this as a rejection and let him go or should I try to initiate conversation again? Everyone has told me that he has ghosted on me and I should just let it go. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what I did to make him lose interest and am struggling not to take it personally (this is the second time a guy has ghosted on me).
basil67 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 He also mentioned something along the lines of him being emotionally unstable at times and get depressed which makes it difficult for him to get into anything. Hi Daintyd, when you're having trouble understanding what he did, remind yourself that he said this. 6
hippychick3 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 He is not looking for a relationship. He only wanted sex. Red flags are waving everywhere. He's doing you a favor by not calling. Please don't call him. 4
Zahara Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 - suggested going back to spoon after just meeting - mentioned he gets emotionally vacant - mentioned he cheated - pushed for sex on the second meet Flags everywhere. The guy was looking for sex. Figured it's too much work since you rejected him twice. He's moving on to other opportunities. He may contact you again. Likely when he's got no other prospects. 3
salparadise Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 It has been over a week and I haven't heard back from him. Should I take this as a rejection and let him go or should I try to initiate conversation again? How many times have you initiated? Zero? I just do not understand why women think they're not supposed to show any interest or make any effort at all. If you want to see the guy again, communicate. I'm also wondering, how many times did you get him all heated up and not follow through. Now don't get me wrong... not saying you should do anything your'e not ready for, but you should probably understand how difficult it is for a guy when you get him to the point he's ready to pop and then just leave. If someone did that to me 3-4 times, I'd probably start to resent it. If you're not ready, keep it light... as in above the waist.
Author daintyd27 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Hi,thanks for writing in. I was the last one to initiate contact with him but had no response and if I pressed further, I'd hate to come off as needy/clingy. Also, I didn't go out of my way to heat him up and there wasn't anything below the waist going on. We were making out, it was a mutual act, not my sole doing and I told him before going to his house that I was only up for making out.
Author daintyd27 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 How many times have you initiated? Zero? I just do not understand why women think they're not supposed to show any interest or make any effort at all. If you want to see the guy again, communicate. I'm also wondering, how many times did you get him all heated up and not follow through. Now don't get me wrong... not saying you should do anything your'e not ready for, but you should probably understand how difficult it is for a guy when you get him to the point he's ready to pop and then just leave. If someone did that to me 3-4 times, I'd probably start to resent it. If you're not ready, keep it light... as in above the waist. Hi,thanks for writing in. I usually have no problem making first contact and being forward with my interest but I was the last one to initiate contact with him but had no response so I felt that if I pressed further I'd come off as needy/clingy. Also, I didn't go out of my way to heat him up and there wasn't anything below the waist going on. We were making out, it was a mutual act, not my sole doing and I told him before going to his house that I was only up for making out.
salparadise Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Hi,thanks for writing in. I was the last one to initiate contact with him but had no response and if I pressed further, I'd hate to come off as needy/clingy. Also, I didn't go out of my way to heat him up and there wasn't anything below the waist going on. We were making out, it was a mutual act, not my sole doing and I told him before going to his house that I was only up for making out. Ah well, if you were the last one to initiate and he didn't respond then he's ghosting. Sorry. You probably won't ever know exactly why. He may not know himself. He's probably not interested in dating, but was hoping for an easy lay before he ghosted.
mikeylo Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 He's probably not interested in dating, but was hoping for an easy lay before he ghosted. ^^^ This. -- 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 He is interested in hooking up, not dating. A critical error is mistaking hormone - and alcohol-fueled lust for genuine interest. There's nothing terrible about a causal hookup if that's all you're after, but nothing about this guy says he wanted anything more than that. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 This guy told you what he thought you wanted to hear so that you would sleep with him. After he got you back to his place & got both your motors running, even intoxicated you still said no. He has now determined that you are too much work. Give the other red flags, don't be depressed. Be happy. Dating this guy would bring you more heartache. 1
stillafool Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Don't look at this as a rejection but a blessing. This guy only wanted you for sex. Good you didn't give it to him. 1
salparadise Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) When I went outside to get a taxi, him and I made out intensely and I suddenly really wanted to go to his house and spend more time with him but assured him I wasn't going to have sex... You might want to rethink the part ^^^ where you went to his house. I'm glad things turned out ok this time, but I think you should be a lot less trusting of people you pick up in a bar. He could've easily pulled a Cosby at that point. You should read the many threads on here where women ask about the wisdom of accepting a 3rd date at a man's house because he wants to cook for her. I actually think it's fine if you're sure about the guy by that time... but an overwhelming number of women will say don't accept a date at his place unless/until you're ready for sex. I'd give you that advice X1000 when you've just picked the guy up in a bar. Edited June 14, 2017 by salparadise 3
Redhead14 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) He also mentioned something along the lines of him being emotionally unstable at times and get depressed which makes it difficult for him to get into anything. And you're upset because you feel rejected???? You should count your blessings. Should I take this as a rejection-- Again, this is a blessing. I am racking my brain trying to figure out what I did to make him lose interest -- It's unlikely that it's about what you did but more about what you didn't do -- i.e. have sex with him. this is the second time a guy has ghosted on me -- This is not a ghosting situation. It's just a case where a guy was hoping to snag a hit and it didn't happen. I declined because I did like him a lot and didn't want to get carried away if I went over. him and I made out intensely and I suddenly really wanted to go to his house and spend more time with him but assured him I wasn't going to have sex with him. When we got to his, I made it clear These three statements above contradict each other and send a mixed message -- Yes, no, no wait, yes, no. Most men want a woman who has boundaries, enforce them and don't tease them. You were saying one thing and then changed your stance. If you make a boundary, it needs to be clearly supported by actions. Let it go Edited June 14, 2017 by Redhead14
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