CptInsano Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I did online dating seriously for about 2 weeks, and found it to be absolutely nuts. Nothing like what I was used to. Because it isn't the same. Online you fight for the attention of women who get IMed by every Nigerian and Russian spam artist, every teenager with a fake profile, every bored husband or every sick person who is chatting for entertainment, or to trick women into sending nude pictures. I have seen a male profile that used pictures of the Canadian prime minister, another one used a picture of a famous Brazilian actor. I can only imagine what attractive women are going through online. If you have the testicular fortitude to approach women, look at least somewhat decent, are able to hold a conversation and are otherwise social, then chances are that you will do better in meatspace IMHO. 3
Bastile Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Because it isn't the same. Online you fight for the attention of women who get IMed by every Nigerian and Russian spam artist, every teenager with a fake profile, every bored husband or every sick person who is chatting for entertainment, or to trick women into sending nude pictures. I have seen a male profile that used pictures of the Canadian prime minister, another one used a picture of a famous Brazilian actor. I can only imagine what attractive women are going through online. If you have the testicular fortitude to approach women, look at least somewhat decent, are able to hold a conversation and are otherwise social, then chances are that you will do better in meatspace IMHO. Yeah. It's not the same at all. Completely different, and you need to seriously adapt to it (or not lol). I do sort of get the impression that OP probably was insulated from this scene by some ltr's or such. Now realizing what it's like. Only way I can imagine getting so annoyed with one flake, and a woman with kids. Just needs a little perspective. 1
WhirlwindGuy Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) I'm way older than 30, but since my divorce, about seven years ago, I've met more than a hundred women (actually met, not messaged), had two long-term relationships, three that lasted 3-7 months, and took some time off as well. I'm going to see the one I met last week again, and I'm guessing we'll end up dating awhile. Every time I meet a new woman they end up telling me how nuts it is trying to date online, and what a relief to finally meet a man that can hold a decent conversation and not be talking about sex or marriage within the first ten minutes. It's not quite like shooting fish in a barrel, but almost. I swear, I don't know why so many men come on here complaining. There must be something you're doing wrong that's scaring them off. That, and thinking it's supposed to be as easy as ordering with Amazon Prime. I'm telling ya... post 3-4 decent pics, write an essay that gives the impression that you are not fresh out of the asylum, and be a little patient. Good women are looking for good men and finding it equally frustrating, in a sort of different way. Just quit doing whatever it is that's scaring them off. It's all relative, and everyone's delusion is their reality. This was my experience as well, almost exactly aside from the fact I only did it for just over a year. I met some truly decent people, and very rarely a shortage of them. I met some strange ones too, but even the strange ones were OK. I am not a movie star hunk...I feel like im pretty average looking to maybe slightly above average, depending on your taste. At one point I had about 7 dates in 8 days. I ended up meeting my future wife on Tinder, but it just so happens she was best friends with one of my colleagues' wife who I immensely respect...point being, we had a round-a-bout connection. It can seem frustrating at times, but being 38 - 39 and single was NOT all that bad. Take a step back, take a breath, and critique what you may be putting out there. I'd venture to guess something is off and you can adjust and move forward. Best of luck! Edited June 14, 2017 by WhirlwindGuy
Miss Peach Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I've dated both men and women online. I do feel it's easier to get responses from men online. But as a previous poster mentioned, women are just looking for good, sane men on there and I have enough strange stories people tell me I should write a book. You seem to be taking the rejection personally. I wonder if you're coming across as negative and jaded. I see those guys and I usually avoid them. My current BF was one of those guys and I still see him a little jaded at times since he had faced a ton of rejection - not even online. Another posted commented about meetups. I have found it easier to meet quality people there and my last few BFs I met there. But if you're chasing away women online, it could be coming across in your IRL interactions too so I would get that sorted out first. 2
Chilli Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) l met 30 or 40 girls in a few mths when l tried online D, that's what was so time wasting about it. It just snowballs once you get the hang of it. It wasn't meeting them so much it was more that although l did meet a couple of nice ladies among it all , no one, not one , out of all those people, turned out to be anyone l would normally even go for in real life. But l would've known that in one second if it was RL instead of online, very frustrating. But, no doubt a few people here and there do get lucky and strike that special someone for themselves. Anything can happen if it's your time l guess. Ahh hang on, there was one, just one, but the b@tch disappeared into thin air in the end anyway. Edited June 14, 2017 by Chilli
mortensorchid Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 Age doesn't have anything to do with the fact that OLD sucks in general. It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 55, it's not a good thing. I just posted on this recently that I'd spent many weeks/months in a state of isolation as I was very busy with work and left exhausted by job demands and travel. I got out of the house not too long ago and actually interacted with people at a bar trivia night. Small, to be sure, but it also hammered something home to me that we are tending to loose - you have to get out of the house and interact with people rather than rely on the internet as your one and only means of meeting others, be it any kind of personal relationship. Remember, people were bemoaning these things before there was an internet. You have to get out of the house and get involved in the community somehow in order to just interact with people, not necessarily dating purposes, just interact rather than sit in front of a screen all day. In terms of dating? OLD is what it is, but how many people out there really met their spouse / SO with it? Don't get me wrong, I have met a few people online who I had LTRs / friendships with, but they are few and far between just like if you were to meet someone outside of OLD. OLD is a communication tool gone haywire. 3
Mkn1010 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 RedGuitar, I've seen your posts before and I think I've commented on some and after a year of trying OLD myself (30F), I've realized that trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity as they say! In my case, I probably met around 25 men and ALL were dead ends, the longest thing was about 5 weeks. Either they were nuts, only wanted sex, were emotionally avoidant, no chemistry and/or serious weirdos! Some of the stories are just beyond belief! And not to toot my own horn, but I often get complimented on my personality, intelligence, kindness and looks and asked why I'm still single. Seriously, I think OLD just sucks for some people, especially those who are looking for the REAL DEAL! That being said, some people get extremely lucky and find that needle in the haystack but that's far from the norm. So you either want to continue with disastrous odds and with the knowledge that good women have been way too put off by the whole thing (see above), or you TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT! Sometimes the best approach is NO APPROACH, at least temporarily. If you're trying so hard, it's just not meant to be for now. LOVE CAN'T BE FORCED. I don't know if you're spiritual or not, but sometimes you have to find acceptance of things as they are, and 'live and let live'. This advice is really hard to follow, I know, when you have so much within you to give and no one to give it to! Trust me, I know!! I have been single for nearly 3 years and people are honestly shocked when I tell them that. Also, counselling can be extremely helpful to learn about your own pitfalls, if any, just to ensure you can be the best version of yourself if/when your special someone comes along. 1
TheTraveler Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I've never been more frustrated with dating in my life. I went to meet someone I met online, and she never showed and never responded to texts saying I'd arrived. Later on someone else messaged me, but it turns out she has a kid and I'm not open to parenting. So I unmatched her and deleted the dating profiles altogether. That's it. This stuff just isn't worth it people! If you're a 30 year old single male, forget it, you have no chance to find a good relationship. Sounds great! You give up while I continue to date. One less guy to deal with 3
elaine567 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 RedGuitar, I've seen your posts before and I think I've commented on some and after a year of trying OLD myself (30F), I've realized that trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity as they say! In my case, I probably met around 25 men and ALL were dead ends, the longest thing was about 5 weeks. Either they were nuts, only wanted sex, were emotionally avoidant, no chemistry and/or serious weirdos! Some of the stories are just beyond belief! And not to toot my own horn, but I often get complimented on my personality, intelligence, kindness and looks and asked why I'm still single. Seriously, I think OLD just sucks for some people, especially those who are looking for the REAL DEAL! That is because in real life dating your dating pool is made up of men who you have some real knowledge of. Friends, friends of friends, acquaintances. work colleagues, people you grew up with, people from the same town, college, university. Loads of frames of reference and also means of checking up too. Even if you just met them in a pub, at least you chose the kind of pub you went into and you can observe how they behave in that pub. How they speak, how they interact with others, how they handle their drink and how they interact with you in a social setting. Meeting a "random" man off the internet, you have no such pointers until he is sitting opposite you and you realise he IS a weirdo, something you would have ascertained in about 2 secs in a pub. On OLD you are mixing with guys you may not even want to speak to, let alone date in real life.
kendahke Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 In terms of dating? OLD is what it is, but how many people out there really met their spouse / SO with it? . My sister and one of my co-workers met their husbands on OLD. Both have been married now over 12 years. 1
Miss Peach Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 My sister and one of my co-workers met their husbands on OLD. Both have been married now over 12 years. I met my XH on OLD too. When I first did it I actually met a lot of great men. At that time it wasn't considered mainstream. Now I find quantity but only a small fraction seem to be quality guys I wouldn't mind setting a friend up with. Even then, it doesn't mean you'll be a match.
Chilli Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 l could see how it can happen , if it's your time. It just seems pretty unlikely on average though. A few l met would've actually been perfect in ways we had a lot in common and stuff. But it's the attraction thing l found impossible, so hard to tell with just a few pics and they looked totally different in RL. There just didn't seem to be anyone l'd normally go for on my site.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 And is that is the sum total of your online experience? A non-show and a parent... Do you not think you have perhaps given up a bit too early? No, I've done online for several years, but these last two experiences were the last straw.
Author Redguitar35 Posted June 15, 2017 Author Posted June 15, 2017 Dating for a male in his 30s should be prime. You need to expand your horizons beyond OLD. Were you actually late for the one date? If so, be early the next time you go on a date. I think dating is worse than ever at my age. I turned to online dating because everyone I met IRL was married. But all I've ever found online were flaky people. I think the universe is trying to send me a message that I'm just not meant to find a good relationship and I think I should just give into that.
SammySammy Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I think dating is worse than ever at my age. I turned to online dating because everyone I met IRL was married. But all I've ever found online were flaky people. I think the universe is trying to send me a message that I'm just not meant to find a good relationship and I think I should just give into that. How do you explain all of the men your age who are having the time of their lives? I'm older than you and ... life is good. What's really going on here? 1
Blanco Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I think dating is worse than ever at my age. I turned to online dating because everyone I met IRL was married. But all I've ever found online were flaky people. I think the universe is trying to send me a message that I'm just not meant to find a good relationship and I think I should just give into that. Yeah, this is just not true. At your age, a lot of guys are finally getting established. They probably have a couple of years in the workforce under their belt, are making decent money (for a single guy), have their own place, have a little bit of extra money to throw around, are old enough to entice some women in their late 30s-40s, but still young enough to attract college-aged women. It's also sort of the last frontier you can reasonably expect to meet people your age who aren't already divorced or have kids. 1
Chilli Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Yeah, this is just not true. At your age, a lot of guys are finally getting established. They probably have a couple of years in the workforce under their belt, are making decent money (for a single guy), have their own place, have a little bit of extra money to throw around, are old enough to entice some women in their late 30s-40s, but still young enough to attract college-aged women. It's also sort of the last frontier you can reasonably expect to meet people your age who aren't already divorced or have kids. l honestly thought 30 to 40 was the absolute prime being male. Thought it and noticed it right through and l still do now .
normal person Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 I think dating is worse than ever at my age. I turned to online dating because everyone I met IRL was married. But all I've ever found online were flaky people. I think the universe is trying to send me a message that I'm just not meant to find a good relationship and I think I should just give into that. I'm 30, and I've never met flakey people on it. In fact I meet a lot of high caliber women there. Why are you so quick to blame the technology? What is it about you that you think women aren't seeing or appreciating about you?
DashRiprock Posted June 17, 2017 Posted June 17, 2017 (edited) I did the pickiest search of my life for "the man of my dreams." Of course I didn't think anything would come of it. I was very skeptical as I was with my ex for over a decade and never thought I would find anyone again This is THE problem women have in online dating. They make things very hard for themselves and almost impossible for men. ALL I hear from women, the few I do meet online, is that "I've met so many duds, frogs, etc, etc. I just laugh and think about all the women I've messaged who NEVER reply because THEY ARE SOOOOOOO PICKY about who they'll meet. They sit on Match.com constantly but never meet anyone and the ones they do they feel are far inferior. Here's a polite piece of advice to those women: PLEASE get off all OLD sites. You're just clogging things up and standing in people's way of finding someone to date. OK, please just leave. Thank you. OLD is so absolutely messed up they should ban it because it's been proven to cause brain damage, lol. Edited June 17, 2017 by DashRiprock
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