kendahke Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I agree with Gaeta--why did you willingly feed this beast? I don't think he's being passive aggressive at all... I think you're playing control games. If you know this guy is like this, why do you keep encouraging him by pretending to be above everything (sending the innocuous texts, telling him you'll think about sending nude pix when you know you're not going to do that) when you're as down in this mire as he is? 3
Author luvflower Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 If you put your emotional cards on the table too soon before you trust somebody it tends to blow up in your face. So in your opinion how should I allow that to influence how I respond to him when he acts passivelynone moment and aggressive the next?
Author luvflower Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 Yes, but would you demand nudes and send accusatory texts if she didn't see you parked? I suspect not Just FYI, he doesn't know that I saw him parked with high beems. He was in a different car.. but from my peripheral vision I saw him in the car while some other guy was in the driver's seat.
Author luvflower Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 I don't find most men passive aggressive at all but mostly women do this. This guy just wants naked pictures of you and is not very respectable at all. If he were truly interested he would take you out on a proper date not try to force you for naked pictures and he's not even your bf. Girl you should have deleted him a long time ago. We have been on proper dates... But for some reason he's obsessed with getting pix of me, especially risqué.
Author luvflower Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 A more apt question would be... Why do the men YOU DATE tend to be so Passive Aggressive? Nobody is going to take you seriously when you make such sweeping and blatantly untrue generalizations. Choose your words and your men more carefully You should read more carefully rather than responding with what sounds like pure BITTERNESS from you... My thread says that I was prompted by a relationship seminar where THE SPEAKER brought up several scenarios where men were passive aggressive. All I said is that it caused me to reflect on my most recent guy that I dated... READ.
Miss Peach Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 Many men are not as caught up emotionally to women because they were taught to never show emotion. They'll get there but it's just going to take some time but they first need to feel safe enough to express their feelings. Help them. This is true to a point but I've met men who never stopped this behavior and it led to me dumping them. I'm not putting up with that over and over again. If a man can't learn how to communicate like an adult then he's not LTR material for me.
preraph Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I have to comment on how you think it's fine for a guy to ask for nude pics. You know these are just for him to masturbate to or show off to his friends, right? If he wants your body, it's a lazy way for him to get it instead of if he wanted a relationship, he'd build a relationship which requires some effort.
ChatroomHero Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 It's because you are disposable to him. He will try to guilt you into getting pictures and whatever else. If you reject him, he can get pushy and rude because frankly, he wants one thing and if you don't give it to him, he doesn't care much more about you. He ghosts because you do not enter his mind until he is horny or wants attention. He feels confident that with little effort you are desperate enough to give him what he wants without him having to give anything in return. Bottom line is he wants something from you without giving you anything in return and hopes your desperation for attention will make it easy for him. If not, he has no problem forgetting you exist.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted June 16, 2017 Posted June 16, 2017 I recently attended a relationship seminar where the Male speaker explained that when many guys/people get ghost for periods of time and come back into your life (not even specifically) for sex , that they are trying to gain control. And that many times we can offend people (bruise their ego) and not realize it until they act out or get ghost with the intention of trying to get you to chase them. In my experience this has been true more often than not with men who I'm sure are used to women being at their beck and call. Recently, a guy stopped texting or calling for about a week after I refused to come over one evening, then over several weeks I refused to send him nude pics of me as he asked. One evening after speaking with him on the phone and telling him that I would think about sending him pix but most likely not, he texted me after I finished an outdoor jog. There was a car with lights shining toward me so I couldn't see who was inside. So I stretched,got into my car and immediately saw a text that said "see how you treat me?" When I asked him what he meant by that, he said "nevermind". It happened once again a few days ago where he said "see how you treat me" after I didn't comply with one of his wishes. A few days after not hearing from him, I text him being pleasant as usual and seeing how his day went. I never asked why I had t heard from him. I just don't like asking questions like that unless I'm seriously involved with someone. Shortly after we start texting, he sent these long text basically telling me that I'm selfish and that I'm not responsive to what he wants. I've dated a few men like this. Why do most men act like this instead of addressing their concern head on? Pulling back and pouting is not going to get me to respond in a positive manner. Instead it makes me feel like he's just not interested anymore. So I end up pulling back to prepare to just never hear from them again. luvflower, He is playing games. It doesn't matter why he's doing this, the important thing is that he is. He sounds a plenty creepy and dangerous if that person in the car was him. As per PA behavior among men, well, someone said already. Men are encouraged to keep a lid on it to feign control. Bottling things up is what men especially, do more often than not until they explode, of course. Unhealthy. As our boys need to be encouraged to release, but control how that release manifests itself, not bottle it up.
Author luvflower Posted September 24, 2018 Author Posted September 24, 2018 luvflower, He is playing games. It doesn't matter why he's doing this, the important thing is that he is. He sounds a plenty creepy and dangerous if that person in the car was him. As per PA behavior among men, well, someone said already. Men are encouraged to keep a lid on it to feign control. Bottling things up is what men especially, do more often than not until they explode, of course. Unhealthy. As our boys need to be encouraged to release, but control how that release manifests itself, not bottle it up. I appreciate this post. Never came back to this. I wanted to move on from the madness. This guy has proven to still be very OFF. I am seeing someone else at the moment. So I’ve told this guy to avoid contacting me because of his games. He finds reasons in his kind to stil contact me pretending that he’s changed or is sincere. It’s always a ruse. If things escalate, my next step may be to change my number OR simply find a way to let him know that a protectivel order may be next steps. He’s said be forebthat the quickest way to get rid of him is by mentioning police. He probably thinks I’ve forgotten, but I haven’t.
Logo Posted September 24, 2018 Posted September 24, 2018 OK. This man is not passive aggressive in my view. He's just manipulative. "See how you treat me?" Seriously? And, to boot, he's not mature. I don't know how old you are. But, he doesn't sound like long-term relationship material. While we're here, why does he need you to send him nude pictures all the time?
carhill Posted September 24, 2018 Posted September 24, 2018 OP, thanks for updating this old thread. It's interesting to see how things work out. Hope your new relationship is going well. Can you block this problem guy or change your contact info so he's shut out? Given what you shared, he could become an issue in your current relationship, or at least a distraction.
Logo Posted September 24, 2018 Posted September 24, 2018 OP, thanks for updating this old thread. I went by the original post when I posted my previous response. Sounds like she left that jerk. Good.
coolheadal Posted September 24, 2018 Posted September 24, 2018 I recently attended a relationship seminar where the Male speaker explained that when many guys/people get ghost for periods of time and come back into your life (not even specifically) for sex , that they are trying to gain control. And that many times we can offend people (bruise their ego) and not realize it until they act out or get ghost with the intention of trying to get you to chase them. In my experience this has been true more often than not with men who I'm sure are used to women being at their beck and call. Recently, a guy stopped texting or calling for about a week after I refused to come over one evening, then over several weeks I refused to send him nude pics of me as he asked. One evening after speaking with him on the phone and telling him that I would think about sending him pix but most likely not, he texted me after I finished an outdoor jog. There was a car with lights shining toward me so I couldn't see who was inside. So I stretched,got into my car and immediately saw a text that said "see how you treat me?" When I asked him what he meant by that, he said "nevermind". It happened once again a few days ago where he said "see how you treat me" after I didn't comply with one of his wishes. A few days after not hearing from him, I text him being pleasant as usual and seeing how his day went. I never asked why I had t heard from him. I just don't like asking questions like that unless I'm seriously involved with someone. Shortly after we start texting, he sent these long text basically telling me that I'm selfish and that I'm not responsive to what he wants. I've dated a few men like this. Why do most men act like this instead of addressing their concern head on? Pulling back and pouting is not going to get me to respond in a positive manner. Instead it makes me feel like he's just not interested anymore. So I end up pulling back to prepare to just never hear from them again. Some post here men are raised not to show emotion, please really come on. Those men you say are not the type to care only into themselves. Those type of men shouldn't be with anyone then. I don't take anything from anybody. I tell it as it is. I am direct. But in your case if these men are not accepting your rules and they feel they can force you to buckle one bit they'll try what they can do get what they want. That doesn't work with me no should anyone try that with any women. Should be 50/50, you don't want to do something the guy should back off and wait. 1
Author luvflower Posted September 24, 2018 Author Posted September 24, 2018 OP, thanks for updating this old thread. It's interesting to see how things work out. Hope your new relationship is going well. Can you block this problem guy or change your contact info so he's shut out? Given what you shared, he could become an issue in your current relationship, or at least a distraction. Hi thanks Carhill. Yes I can block him. I’m in the midst of relocating and I plan on making my contact not public if that’s even possible... Thing is, his son is an IT /engineering wiz and o honestly wonder if my phone /phone number is being tracked, spoofed, etc. On a few occasions the subject of this thread, has texted me while I was dating someone else and with them saying, “who are you with?”. Then another time, “ get him out of your house”. First time I really was with someone. Other time I was actually alone. The only reason I think he used to ask for the pics is because I feel like he wanted to use them for either for his personal pleasure. He’s mentioned wanting me to be his “sub”. I seriously believe he’s into S&M and he calls himself trying to groom me. I’ve told him to basically leave me alone and stop contacting me (because he’s played lots of games that prove he’s a control freak in the most literal sense...) He has money and connections that could make Hong’s happen without him physically being present, so for now what I really want to do it find a way to have my cell phone and vehicle sweeped/ checked for any type of tracking software. Before he got super strange I stayed with him overnight a few times and my phone was accessible. He moves so stealthily like literally and I often wonder...
Author luvflower Posted September 24, 2018 Author Posted September 24, 2018 I went by the original post when I posted my previous response. Sounds like she left that jerk. Good. Yep I did but he can still contact me. He’ll go away(stop contact) for a while then keep contact me with some dumb statement or nice gesture as if he’s totally “normal” / sincere. So this is why I will most likely block him.
Author luvflower Posted September 24, 2018 Author Posted September 24, 2018 OK. This man is not passive aggressive in my view. He's just manipulative. "See how you treat me?" Seriously? And, to boot, he's not mature. I don't know how old you are. But, he doesn't sound like long-term relationship material. While we're here, why does he need you to send him nude pictures all the time? You’re right he’s not serious relationship material. He’s disaster material. I think he wants pics for his personal perverse reasons. But to clarify he didn’t always want nude pix. Just any pic.
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