luvflower Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I recently attended a relationship seminar where the Male speaker explained that when many guys/people get ghost for periods of time and come back into your life (not even specifically) for sex , that they are trying to gain control. And that many times we can offend people (bruise their ego) and not realize it until they act out or get ghost with the intention of trying to get you to chase them. In my experience this has been true more often than not with men who I'm sure are used to women being at their beck and call. Recently, a guy stopped texting or calling for about a week after I refused to come over one evening, then over several weeks I refused to send him nude pics of me as he asked. One evening after speaking with him on the phone and telling him that I would think about sending him pix but most likely not, he texted me after I finished an outdoor jog. There was a car with lights shining toward me so I couldn't see who was inside. So I stretched,got into my car and immediately saw a text that said "see how you treat me?" When I asked him what he meant by that, he said "nevermind". It happened once again a few days ago where he said "see how you treat me" after I didn't comply with one of his wishes. A few days after not hearing from him, I text him being pleasant as usual and seeing how his day went. I never asked why I had t heard from him. I just don't like asking questions like that unless I'm seriously involved with someone. Shortly after we start texting, he sent these long text basically telling me that I'm selfish and that I'm not responsive to what he wants. I've dated a few men like this. Why do most men act like this instead of addressing their concern head on? Pulling back and pouting is not going to get me to respond in a positive manner. Instead it makes me feel like he's just not interested anymore. So I end up pulling back to prepare to just never hear from them again.
amaysngrace Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 (edited) Many men are not as caught up emotionally to women because they were taught to never show emotion. They'll get there but it's just going to take some time but they first need to feel safe enough to express their feelings. Help them. Edited June 14, 2017 by amaysngrace 3
Author luvflower Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Many men are not as caught up emotionally to women because they were taught to never show emotion. They'll get there but it's just going to take some time but they first need to feel safe enough to express their feelings. Help them. Thanks. But help them how? Part of the problem could be me in my situations because I'm often told by men that I seem aloof and indifferent as if I don't care. I honestly feel like it's a defense mechanism that I built as a little girl to stop feeling the pain of my father choosing to not be in my life. However, I'm not sure how much of the blame I should take. I just know that I'm in a place now where I keep leaving one man after the next fornsome of the same general reasons... How do make them feel safe to share their feelings? Should I appear more fragile than I really am or just open up more or what. I honestly don't know...
teak Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 You're not obligated to help anyone. You're not obligated to send him nude photos. You're not obligated to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Based solely on this post, he seems emotionally manipulative, immature, and potentially dangerous or abusive. 7
act00 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 You date creeps. Some dude was stalking you while on a jog and then accuses you of doing "something" to him? You suspected it was him behind those lights and put on a show? Please explain to me why, after he asks you to behave in a way that is creepy and uncomfortable, you reached out to him, and then you got upset that he wants you to behave in a way that makes you uncomfortable. I am gobsmacked at everything you are saying. The second they want you to do or be or behave in a way that is not to your liking or makes you uncomfortable, it's time to go, no looking back and do not contact them again...ever...zero.zilch.nada. If they disappear because you won't send nudies or sleep with them, so be it. Unless you want this type of relationship and attention, you'll be glad they leave you alone...and you won't text or call after a couple weeks because you want their creepy attention. Not all men behave this way. 6
amaysngrace Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Thanks. But help them how? Part of the problem could be me in my situations because I'm often told by men that I seem aloof and indifferent as if I don't care. I honestly feel like it's a defense mechanism that I built as a little girl to stop feeling the pain of my father choosing to not be in my life. However, I'm not sure how much of the blame I should take. I just know that I'm in a place now where I keep leaving one man after the next fornsome of the same general reasons... How do make them feel safe to share their feelings? Should I appear more fragile than I really am or just open up more or what. I honestly don't know... Maybe you need to address your own issues before you can properly pick a healthy partner. And no you aren't under any obligation to help anyone but relationships are give and take. If people see helping others as an obligation they should probably be alone. 1
Redguitar35 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Some men experience so much rejection and bad relationships that they eventually shut down emotionally. I'm one of them. 1
LurkerXX Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Sending nudes is a permanent decision....not to be taken lightly, and anyone worth it will not ask. The people you are dealing with are just looking for someone who will comply with whatever they want at the time; they have no intention of building a relationship. These guys are everywhere, and some get better at hiding what they really want as they get older; learn early how to recognize them quickly and sort them out.
Woggle Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 If you put your emotional cards on the table too soon before you trust somebody it tends to blow up in your face.
basil67 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Better question to ask is why you continued to be in contact with this man. Giving you a hard time for not sending nudes? Get real! Every man alive would know the risk women run by sending nudes. And ESPECIALLY the risk taken when sending nudes to a man who acts as he does. A guy like this would have your nudes plastered all over the internet as soon as you miss a phone call. What were you thinking reaching out to him after the way he's spoken to you? 4
Author luvflower Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Maybe you need to address your own issues before you can properly pick a healthy partner. Thanks. Yes, perhaps. Until then I don't want to just pull myself all he way out of the dating game. I was single for about a year prior. It made me feel out of it once I started dating again. And I did make better decisions with men, compared to before. 1
The Urbanyst Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Men play games because women play games. People in general are manipulative. Its not a gender thing. Pure honestly doesn't work. We all learn that at a very young age. Sometimes you have to be cunning to get what you want because going direct won't work. People who claim to be totally honest and never play games are usually the people who play the most games and are the least honest. People care about the outcomes of situations and relationships. So they try to control other people's perceptions and feeling to get their way. We all do it on some level. Some people are better at it than others.
magnesium Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I can tell you I used to be passive aggressive. I can even tell you why. A lot of it comes down to the fact that guys are taught to stuff their emotions because it makes them look like sissies. but those emotions don't disappear. They are trapped within the male soul, and this toxic energy is building up. Eventually this negative energy is released through some sort of negative attribute such as: passive-aggressiveness, exploding violence, kleptomania, robbing a bank, etc... I have since learned to be more assertive in declaring my needs in any relationship, and drawing stronger boundaries with everyone. 3
basil67 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Some men experience so much rejection and bad relationships that they eventually shut down emotionally. I'm one of them. Yes, but would you demand nudes and send accusatory texts if she didn't see you parked? I suspect not 2
Daisydooks Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Yes, but would you demand nudes and send accusatory texts if she didn't see you parked? I suspect not This scared me most
Arieswoman Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 luvflower, WHY do most men tend to be so Passive Aggressive? Well, I wouldn't agree that most men do this... 4
thefooloftheyear Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I can't speak for all men, and if a guy is just a jackass, then there is no introspection or analysis needed.. Anyway, most guys that I consider my contemporaries are pretty conflict avoidant...I guess in certain circumstances it can be viewed as passive aggressive, but I dunno... TFY 2
Shining One Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I can't speak for all men, or even most. I'm not passive aggressive myself, but it's something I've tried in the past. It didn't yield the results I was looking for, so I moved on. I can see other unsuccessful men trying it. If it yields positive results for them, I can see them sticking with it. 1
Nowty V Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 In short I would say it is the result of unaddressed anxiety. 1
CptInsano Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I don't think men are more passive aggressive than women, not at all. However, what I see in the OP's post is more manipulation than simple passive aggressiveness. He has a goal and is pursuing it through backhanded methods. 1
Chilli Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Yeah true , women can be just as bad . He's acting like a brat if you ask me just because he hasn't got what he wanted. You got every right to say no and l was surprised when you said you'd even think about it with someone you don't even know and that acts like that.
stillafool Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I don't find most men passive aggressive at all but mostly women do this. This guy just wants naked pictures of you and is not very respectable at all. If he were truly interested he would take you out on a proper date not try to force you for naked pictures and he's not even your bf. Girl you should have deleted him a long time ago. 2
salparadise Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 A more apt question would be... Why do the men YOU DATE tend to be so Passive Aggressive? Nobody is going to take you seriously when you make such sweeping and blatantly untrue generalizations. Choose your words and your men more carefully 4
Gaeta Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 In my experience this has been true more often than not with men who I'm sure are used to women being at their beck and call. Recently, a guy stopped texting or calling for about a week after I refused to come over one evening, then over several weeks I refused to send him nude pics of me as he asked. One evening after speaking with him on the phone and telling him that I would think about sending him pix but most likely not, A few days after not hearing from him, I text him being pleasant as usual and seeing how his day went. I never asked why I had t heard from him. I just don't like asking questions like that unless I'm seriously involved with someone. Shortly after we start texting, he sent these long text basically telling me that I'm selfish and that I'm not responsive to what he wants. I've dated a few men like this. Why do most men act like this instead of addressing their concern head on? Pulling back and pouting is not going to get me to respond in a positive manner. Instead it makes me feel like he's just not interested anymore. So I end up pulling back to prepare to just never hear from them again. You gave just enough to this man for him to keep on coming back. You gave him hope he'll get what he wants by telling him 'maybe' and by continuing communicating with him. You encouraged him to continue. You should be more concern with why you kept on entertaining this man than by why he reacted that way. If sending nude pictures isn't your thing then drop the man the first time he mentions it. You attract these men you don't even realize it. 2
Versacehottie Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I also haven't found that most guys are passive aggressive. That's almost laughable coming from a woman if we are going to use sweeping generalizations. Yes they bottle up their feelings and don't like to be confrontational--some of them. The smartest thing you can do for your success with future guys is not commit to generalizations in your mind that will only make you distrustful of the opposite sex. Idk, if your guy seems to be holding much back. He just sounds like a jerk, maybe even a stalker!!! Don't let 'this person' into your life. Being specific with regard to him will help you as you move forward and away from his shenanigans. Good luck 1
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