MsJayne Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I have just ended a relationship because I was so sick of seeing my partner staring at his 'phone. In most of our conversations Facebook would be mentioned, "I read it on Facebook", or "Look at this", as I'm shown yet another video I am not the least bit interested in. He gets on Facebook first thing in the morning every day. Not long ago he lost his job and he heard that one of his work mates said he spends too much time on his 'phone whilst on the job. So today I told him I've had enough of it and he has to choose whether he wants to spend time with me or wants to spend time on Facebook. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and doesn't seem to grasp that I'm serious and am refusing to enable what I see as social media addiction. Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone else had this problem in a relationship? 1
avvril3000 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Nope not unreasonable. You want your boyfriend to be present with you. SOmetimes its fine to use your phone but not all the freaking time. Just move on, you'll find someone better 4
teak Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I think when I decide to start seriously dating someone, I will ditch social media almost entirely. I think there's no way of knowing for sure what level of use is toxic to a relationship, but it can get there really quickly. I would expect my partner to dial it WAY back, too. 2
somanymistakes Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I have just ended a relationship because I was so sick of seeing my partner staring at his 'phone. In most of our conversations Facebook would be mentioned, "I read it on Facebook", or "Look at this", as I'm shown yet another video I am not the least bit interested in. He gets on Facebook first thing in the morning every day. Not long ago he lost his job and he heard that one of his work mates said he spends too much time on his 'phone whilst on the job. So today I told him I've had enough of it and he has to choose whether he wants to spend time with me or wants to spend time on Facebook. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and doesn't seem to grasp that I'm serious and am refusing to enable what I see as social media addiction. Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone else had this problem in a relationship? Without being there it's very difficult for us to judge if you're being unreasonable by our personal standards or not. Some people are extremely jealous and controlling of their partners and get upset at any hobby that takes their attention away at any point. Stop gardening! Stop playing with the kids! Stop playing video games! Stop checking your email! ALL ME ALL THE TIME! And of course, some partners do have serious problems and the rest of their lives start suffering because of their intense addictions to their hobbies. If he got fired because he kept checking his phone when he was supposed to be working then that's probably a problem.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I'm a very active Facebook user and recently got out of a 10 month relationship with someone who uses no social media. Not even once did he mention my use of social media....why? Because I'm not a jerk and didn't do it while we were spending time together . All it takes for a social media lover is to also be someone who is aware of other people and their wants and needs. 5
Author MsJayne Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Some people are extremely jealous and controlling of their partners and get upset at any hobby that takes their attention away at any point. Stop gardening! Stop playing with the kids! Stop playing video games! Stop checking your email! ALL ME ALL THE TIME! And of course, some partners do have serious problems and the rest of their lives start suffering because of their intense addictions to their hobbies. If he got fired because he kept checking his phone when he was supposed to be working then that's probably a problem. Hmm, yes, I am aware of the controlling thing, but that's not my agenda. I didn't have a problem with him having a social media presence, or with him having exes as Facebook friends, or with him being on it 24/7 when he's not around me. My problem was that it was starting to feel like every time I looked at him his head was bent over his 'phone. Last Sunday I was having fantasies about going downstairs for a hammer and coming back up and smashing his phone to smithereens for the joy of seeing him melt down over it. That's why I figured it was time to end the relationship.
Author MsJayne Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Without being there it's very difficult for us to judge if you're being unreasonable by our personal standards or not. Some people are extremely jealous and controlling of their partners and get upset at any hobby that takes their attention away at any point. Stop gardening! Stop playing with the kids! Stop playing video games! Stop checking your email! ALL ME ALL THE TIME! And of course, some partners do have serious problems and the rest of their lives start suffering because of their intense addictions to their hobbies. If he got fired because he kept checking his phone when he was supposed to be working then that's probably a problem. Hmm, yes, I am aware of the controlling thing, but that's not my agenda. I didn't have a problem with him having a social media presence, or with him having exes as Facebook friends, or with him being on it 24/7 when he's not around me. My problem was that it was starting to feel like every time I looked at him his head was bent over his 'phone. Last Sunday I was having fantasies about going downstairs for a hammer and coming back up and smashing his phone to smithereens for the joy of seeing him melt down over it. That's why I figured it was time to end the relationship.
bradt93 Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Yea, in my classes, that's all they do, both sexes is text on their i-phones. In the 90s, that never happened, because technology wasn't as advanced yet. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Most of the women I have dated in the past few years, the best way to tell if they are awake or not is to check Facebook. First thing they do is check Facebook, and it is the last thing they do before they go to sleep. Almost never fails. People are beyond addicted. I truly miss dating before cell phones became a thing. Guilty! 2
Author MsJayne Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Most of the women I have dated in the past few years, the best way to tell if they are awake or not is to check Facebook. First thing they do is check Facebook, and it is the last thing they do before they go to sleep. Almost never fails. People are beyond addicted. I truly miss dating before cell phones became a thing. Oh yeah! I'm hearin' ya! I'm one of those rarities who hears my text alert go off and resents the interruption to what I'm doing. I think social media's good for staying in touch with family/friends you don't see often, etc, but as far as adding 'friends' you've never even met, that's just weird, and then following their activities....... that's just a sign someone has way too much time on their hands and may benefit from a lie down on a therapists sofa. 2
rushed Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I feel lucky in that I have a partner who is also constantly on his phone/iPad/laptop. I love that we can just sit next to each other on the couch or lay in bed together while we're both on our respective devices. We do have times when neither of us are on it, like out to dinner or at an event together. Just last night I told him that I loved that he doesn't seem to mind that I'm constantly on my phone. He said that it would be awfully hypocritical of him if were to say anything being that he's constantly on his devices as well. The takeaway is to just find somebody who you're compatible with in this regard. Obviously this guy is not it. 2
Popsicle Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Sounds just like alcohol or drug addiction. He gets too much joy out of it. More joy than being with you or anything else he does in real life. He won't stop until HE wants to. Your best bet is to cut loose of him and move on with your life. Don't wait for him. He may never stop. 1
Popsicle Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Yea, in my classes, that's all they do, both sexes is text on their i-phones. In the 90s, that never happened, because technology wasn't as advanced yet. I fear for young folks. I remember the days when you'd walk through a college campus and the students would all be standing or sitting around talking to each other. Nowadays they all are staring into the phones and no one is talking to each other. You even see this at bars and restaurants among adults. Each person with their head down in their phones. Even couples. 2
Popsicle Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Oh yeah! I'm hearin' ya! I'm one of those rarities who hears my text alert go off and resents the interruption to what I'm doing. I think social media's good for staying in touch with family/friends you don't see often, etc, but as far as adding 'friends' you've never even met, that's just weird, and then following their activities....... that's just a sign someone has way too much time on their hands and may benefit from a lie down on a therapists sofa. I'm not into social media either and deliberately never got into it because I saw this coming and didn't want any part of it. What I WILL do though is stare into the TV. I will not be outdone!!! 1
Popsicle Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I also want to add to this that I think some people need more attention than others. I have seen couples who live completely separate lives, almost as if they are not together and they don't want to spend time together either, yet there is no resentment and they would never leave each other because they like knowing that they have someone. These are people who don't need much attention. They might even get annoyed or tired or bored spending more quality time with their partner alone. Contrast that to someone who needs more attention from their partner and they want to spend more quality time together. These people need someone who can give that to them and wants to give that to them. They would match better with someone who needs the same in return.
bradt93 Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I fear for young folks. I remember the days when you'd walk through a college campus and the students would all be standing or sitting around talking to each other. Nowadays they all are staring into the phones and no one is talking to each other. You even see this at bars and restaurants among adults. Each person with their head down in their phones. Even couples. I'm 28 and I don't even want an I-Phone. 1
preraph Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 His social media habit has grown to be something like an addiction. You can tell because he puts it before his job and his relationships. There is no way someone this focused on social media is going to make a good bf or anything else. 1
CptInsano Posted June 15, 2017 Posted June 15, 2017 I was an early Facebook adopter, but In have stopped completely. There are numerous reasons, but the main two are that it takes time away from those who really matter, and that it often is very polarizing, reenforcing beliefs through questionable sources, sometimes to a degree that damages IRL relationships. I only use LinkedIn to maintain my professional network. I wouldn't mind sporadic use, but if somebody responds to every update immediately I consider them more or less a well-trained puppet. It indicates skewed priorities at a minimum. 2
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