she broke up but she says she will regret

[rkka]

I and my girlfriend have been together for last four years and we have recently splitted up. It was mostly her decision and related to her job. She works in aviation industry and she told me that she is being absent so much and it is not fair for me for the rest of my life. Plus she said that she misses her home country a lot and has been away long time so she wants to spend time with her family and friends.

 

She says she loves me so much, will always love me and plus she says that she is sure that she is going to regret her decision to break up. She offered to become friends but I declined it and had no contact for last 5 days.

 

We had great time last 4 years, travelled the world together and have lots of beautiful memories. However we had serious problems which were solved mostly by my efforts and she also accepts that. She says I have always been the best boyfriend in the world to her.

 

So having said all those, I am shocked to see that how easy it could be for her to break up with me. I know she loves me and she knows that I love her. We have been doing great most of the time except last few months we had discussions because she revealed her plans to go back to her home country even though we have been planing to get married, retire together in Caribbeans, etc... for last 4 years. I am also shocked to see that how fast she can change her mind on me and our future plans.

 

I havent contacted to her for last 5 days and am going to do so for next several weeks. I am just confused what to do afterwards though. I know I cant change her feelings about missing home but she says she will love me all the time and she is going to regret her decision, cry missing me.

 

Why do you do something that you are sure you are going to regret? Is she trying to keep me at the sidelines in case she might like to reunite? Are missing home and friends enough reasons to leave someone behind with whom you had great time, planned a future together and you will always love as you said?

 

I am thinking to go with no contact rule until she contacs me if ever she would.

 

Any opinions and advice are welcomed.

 

thanks

 

Btw we both are at our late 30s.

[Sparta]

OP unfortunately in relationships there was someone that always loves less and that is her. She never had the same love you had invested in this relationship. Continue with NC only thing you can do to get over her dude that's it it could've been a lot worse read some of the stories. And yes she wants to keep you at bay that's basic textbook stuff right there... continue with NC. It sucks buddy but hang in there, it's going to take some time before you're back to normal.

[kortz]

It seems like she finds it easy and has changed her mind about you quite quickly because she has probably been thinking about this for a while, maybe even months. So she has processed a lot of the breakup already before it even happened and this is very normal for dumpers, they don't just wake up one day and think I want out and do it when in serious relationships. If she was with you 4 years then this wasn't an easy decision for her and she likely took her time to think about it and build up the courage to do it.

 

As for saying she will regret it, it could just be to spare you feelings a little and try make it seem like things are ending in a good and 'loving' way. It is much easier to say that than to say something like 'I don't love you anymore'. It could also be a way of trying to try keep a door open between you but I wouldn't read anything into it...the fact is if she really did love you and would truly regret it, she wouldn't do it.

 

You don't really know how or what she is feeling and you probably never will. From what I've read on this forum, dumpers will give you reasons for ending things but often there are deeper reasons which they don't share, maybe because they don't fully understand them themselves.

 

Keep at the NC, hang in there and look after yourself, its all about you now.

[raizel]

Yep, if she really loved you, then she wouldn't break up with you. Saying she will regret it is just to soften the blow. Continue with NC. Good luck.

[Whodatdog]

The fact that she's breaking up with you because of her job, her country, her family, and her friends, puts you way down on her list of importance. Thats really all you need to know. You need, and deserve, to be number one in someones life.

 

Your post says you two were doing great except for the last 4 months. Dont just ignore that. It was apparently enough to cause her to want to break up with you.

Edited June 14, 2017 by Whodatdog

[kgcolonel]

RKKI

 

I have been studying this kind of behavior for several years....this is not unusual. Normally speaking, women tend to be more methodical about acting upon feelings than men. Women will contemplate these sorts of things longer and once they come to a decision, they typically have considered this pretty conclusively. This is one reason why men feel blindsided when a breakup occurs and they can't rationalize with the partner. The lady has already carefully considered her feelings and come to a decision. Also, many times a man does not hear the subtle tones and hints that a female partner will put forth indicating her direction. Men (that's how we're engineered) need to have a black and white message such as "I am seriously thinking about breaking up with you" as opposed to "I am really struggling with my direction".

 

RKKI I am truly sorry you're in this situation but the best thing you can do in healing is to remain NC and don't pursue her at any cost. Later on, if she asks for a friendship and you would be comfortable with being introduced to her new BF, that is when you'll know that you're ready to be friends. Likely years from now though.

[SevenCity]

My ex said the same thing. Haven't heard from her since she moved out 10 months ago.

 

Don't believe anything but actions. A woman in love will move mountains to be with you. Her leaving tells you everything you need to know.

 

Sorry bro, it sucks.

[preraph]

I think she decided she'd regret rarely ever getting to see her family more, and her home country. Who knows, she may go home and get her fill of it. It sounds like with her being gone so much, she got used to her life without you and feels she was doing all right. I'm sorry. I know this doesn't help make you feel any better. Again, don't put your life on hold, but something might change, her work situation or location or whatever. I think she got used to being on her own a lot. I guess it's possible she met someone else, but no way of knowing.

[Sweetfish]

My ex said the same thing. Haven't heard from her since she moved out 10 months ago.

 

Don't believe anything but actions. A MAN in love will move mountains to be with you. Her leaving tells you everything you need to know.

 

Sorry bro, it sucks.

 

Often women find the least path of resistance. IE: (feelings)

[MountainGirl111]

It's possible she will regret it later...but who knows...you or her won't actually KNOW that until "later" gets here....people do stuff and make decisions they later regret all the time.

[aileD]

She's just trying to soften the blow. She cares about your feelings. That's it. .Let her go

[divegrl]

I get where she's coming from. Women need a strong support system. Sure, she can make friends wherever you move, but there is nothing like family. Plus the familiarity of home and childhood friends.

 

Men are designed to leave (become independent) and cleave ( onto a woman and her family). Would you consider moving to her home country, if she is open to that?

 

Good luck my friend!!!!

[usa1ah]

What else can be said that hasn't already been said.

 

She would not have left if she was in love with you. Yes she loves and cares for you as a friend but not as a wife. Best that she was honest about it now and not ten years from now.