pbass Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 (edited) So I just want to know.. If you guys have hard drives. My SO has a hard drive with photots on it that he will occasionaly send me pics of but doesnt actually let me go on it to see every pic. Do you guys keep pics of your exes and such on hardrives? I hate to hink about it but im sure he has pics of girls on there that he knows ill make a big deal about and freak out about . He said he would let me go through it someday just not anytime soon.. Its all of his pictures hes ever taken on his phone. If i dont want him to have pics of exes..should I say something? Or just keep shut? Whats the smart way to go about this. Also, I hear the more you give the less they want.. Is it smart to withhold from having sex till you get married? And maybe just do some other stuff? Thanks! Edited June 13, 2017 by pbass
RecentChange Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I am going to address only the sex before marriage part. To me, NOT having sex before marriage is akin to playing Russian roulette. Maybe you will luck out, maybe you will find that you two are sexually compatible, satisfied etc. Or maybe you will find that sex does NOT work between you two. That you both have different needs and desires. That what can be a very special and fullfilling part of your life - will never be what it could be with someone else. If you are willing to take a gamble like that.... Wait until marriage. Personally I love sex, it's very important to me, so I would never take that risk. I am glad I knew my husband and I were sexually compatible before tying the knot
Author pbass Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 Also. Ive made a big deal out of this before and he said that he has went through and deleted pics of any exes but that hes afraid he would have missed one and that ill overreact if i see one that he mightve missed. He has shown me one pic of his ex that he forgot to delete and then he showed me he deleted it for proof.. i dont wanna be that psycho girlfriend but any ideas on how to just chill out? Or maybe hes wrong??
Author pbass Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 We have had it already, and i know we are VERY compatible. But. I feel guilty for having sec before marriage and wish to wait. We are in the courting stage of our rel. he has brought his family over and wants to get serious as he has finished residency.
preraph Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 You need to get over it. If he has old photos of girlfriends and they're stored on a phone or hard drive but not all over his house, that isn't really your business. You can't erase his past. People don't always hate their former dating partners. As long as he's not contacting them, those are just his personal photos and nothing to do with you. Now if he is downloading new photos of known women or naked ones online, you have reason to gripe about it. People come with histories. You can't erase them by destroying the evidence of it. 1
avvril3000 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 i honestly think its every persons right to still have pictures of their exes when they used to be together. You can't deny your SO of his past. he had a past and those are and will always be his memories. It is very selfish for you to tell him to delete them. It's not like he has them in a photoframe displaying them on show... this hard-drive is like a box of memories, the past, that he will look through occasionally and maybe analyze the past and how things got to now. This is not a bad thing. Reflecting on the past is growing, its learning and its a positive thing. I have loads and loads of photos of my exes, and while i may not be in love with them anymore, i would never want to delete them because they are part of my life, my life story and made me who i am today, which is with my current SO. If you truly have a problem with it, i think you have to look at yourself and figure out why you are so insecure with your guy having a past. All his decisions and experiences, have led you guys to be together. Without that past, without those photos and memories, he may not have met you. 1
Gaeta Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 So I just want to know.. If you guys have hard drives. My SO has a hard drive with photots on it that he will occasionaly send me pics of but doesnt actually let me go on it to see every pic. Do you guys keep pics of your exes and such on hardrives? I hate to hink about it but im sure he has pics of girls on there that he knows ill make a big deal about and freak out about . He said he would let me go through it someday just not anytime soon.. Its all of his pictures hes ever taken on his phone. If i dont want him to have pics of exes..should I say something? Or just keep shut? Whats the smart way to go about this. If you want a long happy relationship you need to understand even when we are in a relationship we are still entitled to have something private to us. Even if he keeps a couple of pictures of his ex on there it doesn't mean he unfaithful to you and it doesn't mean he still has feelings for them. Those are simply memories, HIS memories. When a woman thinks she is entitled to go through her BF computer, wallet, phone, it's because she suffers from possessiveness and jealousy. She needs to mature and understand that those ugly traits will ruin her relationship very fast. Also, I hear the more you give the less they want..Is it smart to withhold from having sex till you get married? And maybe just do some other stuff? Thanks! This is personal to you and to your religious faith. If you stop having sex because in your heart you believe it's what your god wants you to do than by all mean stop and explain to him it's matter of being at peace and in concordance with our faith. IF you want to stop the sex as a mean to control the relationship, as a mean to blackmail the relationship into a marriage, as a mean to play games with your BF then NO, it's not smart at all. 3
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Waiting until marriage to have sex is a personal choice. There are pros & cons on both sides. Do what feels right to you. Photos whether digital or old fashioned are a part of someone's life. It's unfair to expect somebody to erase their past / their memories because you are insecure about them. I have albums of photos that contain various pictures of dozes of old BFs. I don't feel anything except for a little nostalgia for the guys but the pictures remind me of happy adventures I have had: Homecoming in college; a trip to NYC to see the Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center; the first time I saw an octopus in the wild. I'm not destroying those because some guy I used to date 30+ years ago is in them. 2
act00 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I think it's wrong to think that anyone would have to destroy or delete photos from the past. It's a personal history, and while they may not be together, it is his history (or yours for that matter) and there's no reason to destroy old pictures. Everyone has a past. Now I would be upset if he still proudly displayed photos in his home or whipped out the pictures/photo album to give you a detailed history of all his past relationships, but the reality is, when you're together a long time, old pictures are likely to come out, and they will include the old flames of the past, whether a girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse. Get over the idea that he's "hiding" anything. These are just pictures. These are just a past, and he has one. So do you. Even though some of my breakups and relationships were bad, I haven't destroyed those pictures. An old flame from the past just resurfaced. I still have those pictures. If he thinks you're going to fly off the handle and demand he destroy his history, I can understand not letting you near his hard drive, especially if he thinks you may take it upon yourself to delete away. If you want to see *all* his pictures, be prepared you may see things that you don't like or make you jealous. Sometimes it's best not to know. I personally don't think waiting for sex until marriage is the best idea. Waiting until you're in love or committed is fine, but I think that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, and it's good to know this before you are in a life-long commitment. 2
planb1973 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Seriously though If you love him and want to keep him around you need to give him an amount of privacy. Does him having pictures of an ex still on his hard drive cause a threat to you? That is the real issue and its not his. Now if he still has nudes from his ex's hanging around that is a different story. Those should be deleted as soon as that relationship is over. I have had two girlfriends who demanded I delete photo's of ex's to the extent of ones involving my son's mom both ended horribly and were a huge stress for me. He is with you now so count your blessings and let him have his memories. 2
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