Funinthesun Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Hi everyone! New to this site. Do you think that someone in there 40s would be able to just know if they are with someone they want to marry? Do you think that as you get older you know exactly what you want? How long did it take for you to get engaged? How old were you?
preraph Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I've not married. But I do think the older you are, the easier it is to tell if someone is the right match for you. You're hopefully older and wiser and past the stage of making all the mistaken assumptions the young and idealistic do, like believing there is "one right" person for them or that they can change someone or that love will fix someone, and by then you've learned a little about what is respect and what is extreme and a red flag. Does that mean someone will have no doubts? No. I think we all have doubts about making vows that are supposed to be permanent. 3
basil67 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 At the age you're talking, I think a year together is long enough to get engaged and two years together long enough to marry. Of course, this is written with the presumption that both parties in the relationship actually want marriage. 1
smackie9 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 When you are older, you are more established in your life, so you are more likely to know what you want and don't want out of a relationship. As when to get married, that would vary at any age. 1
mikeylo Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Hi everyone! New to this site. Do you think that someone in there 40s would be able to just know if they are with someone they want to marry? Do you think that as you get older you know exactly what you want? How long did it take for you to get engaged? How old were you? Yes, people in 40s and above just know. They have seen life and are not living in fantasy where everything is perfect. They know people have flaws and accept them just like they want theirs to be accepted. Of course there are bitter people around! But the grounded ones just know. I know a couple of guys who married in 50s for the first time. 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 This presupposes that marriage is in the cards at all. I'm nearly 55. I've been married for 33 years. There has been a lot of joy, but there's been a fair bit of damn hard work and trouble as well. If God forbid my marriage ends, I'm going to have a very good idea of what I'm looking for and who I'm likely to get along with. And marriage will not be part of the picture. I'm resting on my laurels, baby. 3
kendahke Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Hi everyone! New to this site. Do you think that someone in there 40s would be able to just know if they are with someone they want to marry? Do you think that as you get older you know exactly what you want? How long did it take for you to get engaged? How old were you? I think anyone at any age can think they just know know if they're with someone they want to marry. I also think anyone at any age can lie to themselves and choose not to see what they don't want to see in order to have what they want. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I agree that the older one gets the more clear they become about what they want and especially what they don't want and often can weed through the BS faster than they did in their twenties. Knowing sooner rather than later you want to marry the person you're with isn't unusual or unlikely in your 40's. Is it a likely option? That would depend on the both of you being on the same page. When I married, I was 24 and thought I knew everything. That marriage lasted 16 years and in the end I realized I knew nothing at all. In hindsight, my ex wasn't the best match for me but stuck it out because I convinced myself he was. You couldn't have told me otherwise back then. Now I'm single and dating and have had several relationships. Although commitment and monogamy are something I seek, marriage is not. Then again, perhaps that's because I haven't met anyone I saw myself committing to in quite that way again. 2
Maggie4 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I believe the older you get, the more you return to your roots. So that already narrows it down. Plus when you get older, you're established in your career and social circles, that narrows it down further. When you're young, opposites attract, which means anything goes. When you're old, "birds of a feather" works. I think when older people date online, there's a lot of "WTH???" when they date people from totally different backgrounds that appear attractive at first, and then they find out they're both set in their ways. 1
Gaeta Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I think it's more about emotional maturity than about your age. I have plenty of friends in their 40s and 50s making relationship's mistakes left and right as if they have not learn a thing their whole life. As for me, because I am older I know better. I know better than rushing, I know better than skipping steps to a relationship, and I know better than to just believe a gut feeling that we're good together. 1
central Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 They would probably know after a year of dating and another year of living together. By then, you should have a very good idea of each other. This also presupposes that both have enough prior relationship experience to draw on to have a basis for determination. You may suspect someone is marriageable after only a few months, but it takes a lot longer to have the mutual experiences together that confirm it. 1
Gaeta Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 My cousin is 44 years old. He met a woman on the net and married her 3 months later. He said to his parents : Mom & dad at my age I know what I am doing. I think just the fact you have to tell people you know what you're doing indicates you actually don't. I am gonna wait 2 years to marry my BF is actually showing you know what you're doing. It's not just words like my cousin. 1
No_Go Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I'm 32 and after experiencing LTRs, I know for myself 4 seasons aka one year is all I need to determine marriageability (if that word exists ). Shorter than that I think is too risky, but much longer than that comes with its own risks as well (mainly getting into 'convince myself they're are the person for me because we invested so much time together'... been there done that) Also I feel like guys 'buy time' with delaying engagement, or even excessively prolonged engagement when they don't feel sure about the woman. I have a friend engaged from 4 years! That's place holding, not desire for marriage. They are both over 30. If they were 18-20 yo, then it is normal. But for established mature people at 30 or older...please.
Imajerk17 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 (edited) Hi everyone! New to this site. Do you think that someone in there 40s would be able to just know if they are with someone they want to marry? Do you think that as you get older you know exactly what you want? How long did it take for you to get engaged? How old were you? I must say, I hate these "hypothetical" questions with no context. I get you are new here OP, but you'd do much better if you asked something more specific to your situation. I mean, are you dating someone who won't commit to you or are YOU the one with cold feet. How long have you been dating? Any other factors such as kids or distance or life goals. People in their 40s are not a hive mind. Some decide to take it slow. Some decide they never want to get married. Some keep repeating the same mistakes they made when they were younger. And I suppose some "just know" they are with someone they want to marry. Edited June 13, 2017 by Imajerk17
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