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Tell him I'm saving myself?

Lesliealexzandr

By Lesliealexzandr
in Dating

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Lesliealexzandr New Member

Lesliealexzandr

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Hello. I met someone I really like. I'm 23 and he is 30. However should i tell him I'm saving myself for marriage now? I don't want him to break up with me.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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You should tell him as soon as you know you are both interested in going on a second date. No need on first date because most of those don't pan out anyway. With online dating, you should just put that in your profile and not waste time and filter out anyone who's not okay with it.

  • Like 5
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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You said you met someone.

 

How many dates have you been on?

 

At some point YES you will have to tell him. It perhaps should come up when you two talk about your values, religious beliefs etc.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I agree, before or on the second date this information needs to be disclosed.

 

Also, kudos to you :).

  • Like 5
LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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If you tell him you're saving yourself for marriage and he breaks up with you because of it, it's better for it to happen sooner rather than later, it seems to me, so neither of you are as attached as you would be later on. And ask yourself, if you want to save and he doesn't is he really the guy you want to be with?

 

I know, it's not easy sometimes! But, it's worth it!

  • Like 8
Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

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Hello. I met someone I really like. I'm 23 and he is 30. However should i tell him I'm saving myself for marriage now? I don't want him to break up with me.

 

So you are going to wait until he tries to be intimate with you and reject him? Oh yea, that will work.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Most 30 year old men think that a healthy dating relationship involves sex. Because you want to wait until marriage I think he deserves to know your philosophy sooner rather than later. It's only fair.

 

 

He may break up with you but then you know that he doesn't share your values & you are incompatible.

  • Like 13
Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

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Well, if you are saving yourself for marriage, you also need to tell him you are a virgin...you are, right? Otherwise, it's a case of making him pay for goods previously given out freely. That usually doesn't turn out too well...:o

  • Like 4
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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When are you going to disclose that you are Bi-sexual?

  • Like 5
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
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Hello. I met someone I really like. I'm 23 and he is 30. However should i tell him I'm saving myself for marriage now? I don't want him to break up with me.

 

Yes you should tell him. He deserves to know this truth about you.

 

What he does with the information is up to him--you can't manipulate him by lying by omission.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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When are you going to disclose that you are Bi-sexual?

 

:dead:

 

there's always more to these stories...

  • Like 3
henderson14 Established Member

henderson14

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I would disclose on your profile. I couldn't see myself dating someone I couldn't sleep with until marriage.

grays Established Member

grays

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For the record, I think the whole idea of saving onesself is ludicrous BUT I really dont understand how a guy can have this attitude that a woman is not allowed to "save herself" if shes not a virgin. Why cant a person change their mind about it? What if I decided that sex before marriage isnt working for me and the next time i get involved with a guy Id rather wait and see where the relationship goes without having sex? Thats not an insult to the next guy I date, not about him, just about trying to make my life what I want/need it to be.

  • Like 8
LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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When are you going to disclose that you are Bi-sexual?

 

Haven't read your backstory, OP, but if this is so it's at least equally as important to disclose. Imo, everyone should have a choice in these two big issues at the beginning of the relationship before strong attachment has developed, saving oneself for marriage and sexuality preferences.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

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For the record, I think the whole idea of saving onesself is ludicrous BUT I really dont understand how a guy can have this attitude that a woman is not allowed to "save herself" if shes not a virgin. Why cant a person change their mind about it? What if I decided that sex before marriage isnt working for me and the next time i get involved with a guy Id rather wait and see where the relationship goes without having sex? Thats not an insult to the next guy I date, not about him, just about trying to make my life what I want/need it to be.

 

Oh course she's free to think of it that way or any other way. But if she's using the excuse that she's saving herself for marriage... well, you can't very well save what's already spent. If she's not a virgin, she's not saving herself, she's going celibate.

 

Guys have as much right to think of that nuance as ludicrous as you do to think the whole idea is. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

 

The only thing that would be blatantly wrong here is if she doesn't disclose this intention early and allow the guy to make his decision before becoming attached.

  • Like 4
CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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For the record, I think the whole idea of saving onesself is ludicrous BUT I really dont understand how a guy can have this attitude that a woman is not allowed to "save herself" if shes not a virgin. Why cant a person change their mind about it? What if I decided that sex before marriage isnt working for me and the next time i get involved with a guy Id rather wait and see where the relationship goes without having sex? Thats not an insult to the next guy I date, not about him, just about trying to make my life what I want/need it to be.

 

Agree. How about devoutly Christian people who are either widowed or divorced and starting a new relationshipo but believe God wants them to wait until marriage?

  • Like 1
Chardonnay Renée Established Member

Chardonnay Renée

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It is critically important that this man be made aware of your intentions to save yourself until you get married. If he's not cool with it, as almost all males of that age won't be, then you move on.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Agree. How about devoutly Christian people who are either widowed or divorced and starting a new relationshipo but believe God wants them to wait until marriage?

 

Then they'd be well advised to make absolutely sure, without any shred of doubt, that the person they're focusing on is completely of the same mind and is doing the exact same thing because, again, that's unreasonable to most people.

 

I think OP has bigger fish to fry than her virginity and "saving herself". She should be concentrating on not tacking towards deceit. She'd also be well advised to stay in her own lane and not date guys who aren't of the same religious beliefs as she.

Edited by kendahke
henderson14 Established Member

henderson14

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I would also like to point out that me and most men don't care if you have or haven't slept with other men. It's not special to me if I am the only man you ever sleep with. I would prefer you slept with other men because I don't want you wondering in the future what other men are like in bed etc.

GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

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Tell men early. Most won't understand. I don't understand.

 

One question though, what happens if you wait for marriage and then end up divorced a couple years later anyway? What is the point?

  • Like 1
coolheadal Established Member

coolheadal

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Posted
Hello. I met someone I really like. I'm 23 and he is 30. However should i tell him I'm saving myself for marriage now? I don't want him to break up with me.

 

My child 13 years older than you he's has sex experience where you do not as yet. You can save yourself for marriage which is the right way to go about it. Good for you I say.. If he can respect your wishes then he should, if he can't then he's not the right guy for you. Is this guy someone you would consider to marry? Ask if he would think you were someone he could get serious and marry. Before you tell him you were saving yourself for marriage. SEX today is on everyone mindset. I wish there were more women like you today but, but no one wants to save themselves for marriage anymore. It's shame because that experience can only be shared by one who was still a virgin still. +

1fish2fish Established Member

1fish2fish

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When I was 27, I told the guy I was dating at the time (28) that I was a virgin and saving myself. (The reasons don't matter; it was a long time ago.) Until that point, which was date #3, we had only kissed, and no feelings on either side had matured.

 

The bottom line is that he didn't say a word, stood up, and walked out the door. I never heard from him again. No conversation, nothing.

 

I don't regret a thing....other than waiting until I was older than 27 to have sex. :laugh::laugh::laugh:

  • Like 1
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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