NJ123 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 So I matched with an older woman on one of the dating apps & she's really into me. The problem is she seems to want something serious but I'd like to just have something casual if possible. She's a lot older than I am. Should I just flat out ask what she's looking for? I don't want to lead her on where I'd like one thing but she wants something serious. I don't want to waste her time any longer than I have if that's the case. But I don't want to just stop talking to her if she says she wants something serious since she's going to think I just want her for sex. How should I go about this?
thefooloftheyear Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Just be honest....If she bails, she bails.... TFY 2
preraph Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 You said you already know she's wanting something serious, so you just need to tell her you are not looking for anything more than casual.
Author NJ123 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 You said you already know she's wanting something serious, so you just need to tell her you are not looking for anything more than casual. Well, I'm almost sure she is by some of the things she's stated like "we have so much in common" as well as saying "you did see my age right?". Is it a good idea to mention casual to a woman though? She might feel degraded or something by it.
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 You have to be open about what you want. Pretending to want what she wants is more disrespectful then saying you want casual for now. 3
Author NJ123 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 You have to be open about what you want. Pretending to want what she wants is more disrespectful then saying you want casual for now. So if I ask her what she's looking for & she says a relationship, than I should just flat out say I want something casual?
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Don't be quite so blunt. Mention that you think she's interesting or cool or fun . . . or some other compliment that feels natural to you. Then say you aren't looking for anything serious. Then ask what she wants. Give her the chance to reject you so she comes out of this with some dignity. If she says she's open to casual, have a good time. 1
coolheadal Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 So I matched with an older woman on one of the dating apps & she's really into me. The problem is she seems to want something serious but I'd like to just have something casual if possible. She's a lot older than I am. Should I just flat out ask what she's looking for? I don't want to lead her on where I'd like one thing but she wants something serious. I don't want to waste her time any longer than I have if that's the case. But I don't want to just stop talking to her if she says she wants something serious since she's going to think I just want her for sex. How should I go about this? So you found a older woman how old is she? They want real relationships. If you don't want what she wants then you have to tell her right off the bat. If you can just settle for what she wants then do it. Do you love her or not? What do you want to do? If you don't want what she wants the say sorry I am not into that and leave. If you enjoy what she has to offer you then go for it.
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Just tell her you are NOT looking for a relationship or you are NOT looking for anything serious and she will get the message. Do not qualify it with "at the moment" as that implies you may be open to a relationship in the near future. 2
BluesPower Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Several angles here. 1) Do not lie, at all... 2) You can say that you don't think you are wanting a relationship, which is not a lie, hard to say on that one. 3) Just go out with her. And not knowing your age I am saying a real date, dinner, drinks somewhere nice, do it right. Ladies don't judge... Let me explain a few things to you. Lets say you are 25 to 30 and she is 35 to 45. From a practical stand point, you have been dating girls. Probably young ones. Now if you get with this person you will be with a woman. If she has any experience at all you stand a chance of having some of the best sex you have ever had in your life. Older, experienced women are just beautiful in bed. They usually know what they what and they know how to get there and can direct you as well. Further, they have been with enough men that they know how to please you. Trust me on this. I am not saying to use her, but you can sure let her use you and have a great time doing it... 1
Author NJ123 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 Her response when I asked if she's looking for a serious relationship was "not sure why you're not looking for that?" "well let me know is when you can meet or how?" What's your take on that?
jjgitties Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 As others have said. Be honest. Be civil. Be polite. If you don't want a relationship and she does, just tell her you really really like her but you are not ready for a relationship because you are still getting over someone else. Or something like that.
Author NJ123 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 As others have said. Be honest. Be civil. Be polite. If you don't want a relationship and she does, just tell her you really really like her but you are not ready for a relationship because you are still getting over someone else. Or something like that. Did you read the post I made just above yours? I have no idea how to interpret it.
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Her response when I asked if she's looking for a serious relationship was "not sure why you're not looking for that?" "well let me know is when you can meet or how?" What's your take on that? She's trying to educate you. Monogamy -- knowing your partner well -- is so much more fun then playing the field, having to be on all the time, having to work to impress a new person. Gosh that gets old & tiring. She is saying that she's still willing to go out with you because she thinks she can change your mind about what you want. Whether that's delusional or cocky I can't say because I don't know her. Still she's willing to meet. What have you got to lose? If you meet up with her & don't care, you walk away. You meet up with her & she's amazing, you may end up with an LTR that blows your mind. Still a win win for you. 1
Author NJ123 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 She's trying to educate you. Monogamy -- knowing your partner well -- is so much more fun then playing the field, having to be on all the time, having to work to impress a new person. Gosh that gets old & tiring. She is saying that she's still willing to go out with you because she thinks she can change your mind about what you want. Whether that's delusional or cocky I can't say because I don't know her. Still she's willing to meet. What have you got to lose? If you meet up with her & don't care, you walk away. You meet up with her & she's amazing, you may end up with an LTR that blows your mind. Still a win win for you. I don't want a relationship with her though at all. She's way older than me & has a kid. I'd be okay with a FWB scenario if possible but I don't think she'd want that.
Erik30 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I don't want a relationship with her though at all. She's way older than me & has a kid. I'd be okay with a FWB scenario if possible but I don't think she'd want that. Just tell her you're at different stages of life right now, and wish her luck. She obviously isn't looking for something casual, but is hoping she can change you. I wouldn't meet her, what's the point? (Unless there's some part of you that wants to settle down)
Author NJ123 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 Just tell her you're at different stages of life right now, and wish her luck. She obviously isn't looking for something casual, but is hoping she can change you. I wouldn't meet her, what's the point? (Unless there's some part of you that wants to settle down) Yeah, I said that I'm not looking for a relationship or anything serious rght now & just said I didn't want to lead her on. I'll see what her response is later but there's really no point in meeting as you said unless she somehow agrees to something casual.
elaine567 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Yeah, I said that I'm not looking for a relationship or anything serious rght now & just said I didn't want to lead her on. I'll see what her response is later but there's really no point in meeting as you said unless she somehow agrees to something casual. Which she may do, as she believes she can change your mind... She has put it out there that she wants a relationship so if you agree to meet then the implication is that you too want a relationship with her. Do not get involved especially when there is child in the mix too. Get fun and flirty with women who want to get fun and flirty, keep away from women who want a relationship. It is not fair and it is just cruel to use such a woman for sex. 4
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I don't want a relationship with her though at all. She's way older than me & has a kid. I'd be okay with a FWB scenario if possible but I don't think she'd want that. Wait a minute. From your first few threads, I thought you were maybe on the fence. Something casual is more than just FWB to me. But then again, that's my fault here for not clarifying. If all you wanted is FWB then you never even should have messaged this woman. If on a profile it says wants a relationship don't even talk to them. Please don't try to talk her into something casual, when all you want is a warm body. Ugh. Now pretty much you have to go back to this women & explain that you think she's good enough to F**k but that in your opinion she's too old & is damaged goods because she has a child. Geesh. Really you should have just left her alone. Instead of thinking with a part other than your head, reach out to her one last time & say something like "Upon further reflection, I don't think we're compatible. We want different things. Best wishes with your search" Then leave this woman to find a real man.
Author NJ123 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 Wait a minute. From your first few threads, I thought you were maybe on the fence. Something casual is more than just FWB to me. But then again, that's my fault here for not clarifying. If all you wanted is FWB then you never even should have messaged this woman. If on a profile it says wants a relationship don't even talk to them. Please don't try to talk her into something casual, when all you want is a warm body. Ugh. Now pretty much you have to go back to this women & explain that you think she's good enough to F**k but that in your opinion she's too old & is damaged goods because she has a child. Geesh. Really you should have just left her alone. Instead of thinking with a part other than your head, reach out to her one last time & say something like "Upon further reflection, I don't think we're compatible. We want different things. Best wishes with your search" Then leave this woman to find a real man. Yeah, it's true I never wanted anything more than casual with her but I didn't know she wanted something serious when I first talked to her. The app we met on doesn't have real profiles on it just a small description. It doesn't particularly say what type of relationship someone wants. But yeah, I'm not going to bother her anymore after knowing she's after a serious relationship exclusively.
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 As a 48 year old woman who tends to date younger men (10+ years) almost exclusively (not something I seek out), the question about what we're both looking for is almost always the very first question when meeting. You can't afford NOT to ask that question when dealing with massive age gaps if only to ensure you're on the same page about what it is you want and expect. Communication, honesty and straight forwardness is what we older women want and give. Don't be afraid to ask the question and don't be afraid to tell her what you want. Always better to be open from the start. Good luck. 1
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