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What is appropriate to say to an ex who tells you she has been diagnosed BPD?

Tolliver

By Tolliver
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Tolliver Member

Tolliver

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Maybe an obvious question but like, I don't say "I'm sorry to hear that", right?

 

I mean I always expected it deep down. I want to say, "I always wondered about that" or something along those lines. But maybe that's not cool either?

 

Please help! Don't want to hurt this girl's feelings as I care about her a lot.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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How about not expressing your opinion, but asking her how she's feeling now that she has a dx?

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Tolliver Member

Tolliver

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How about not expressing your opinion, but asking her how she's feeling now that she has a dx?

 

Fair answer. I wasn't going to on some big spiel about my opinion but just a few words I guess but yeah.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Ask her how it affects her so you'll know. And tell her you hope she's able to manage it through her treatment.

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hestheone66 Established Member

hestheone66

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How about ,"it must be a relief to get a diagnosis"

 

Are you hoping to get back with her? Is she wanting you back?

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Tolliver Member

Tolliver

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I'm not sure. She has been super hot and cold about wanting me back. I want her back, I know that much.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I agree with "How do you feel about it?" "What treatment options did they provide?" "Do you feel hopeful now that you have a diagnosis?"

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I'm not sure. She has been super hot and cold about wanting me back. I want her back, I know that much.

 

Well, I think hot and cold is pretty much textbook BPD, right? I think if you can live with her dx, which really does not have reliably successful treatment, you're a great man.

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Tolliver Member

Tolliver

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Well, I think hot and cold is pretty much textbook BPD, right? I think if you can live with her dx, which really does not have reliably successful treatment, you're a great man.

 

I could definitely live with her dx as I did suspect what was going on with her the whole time. This way at least it's out in the open and we could work on it together.

 

Hypothetical "we" of course, because as of right now we are in low contact, only texting each other a few times a week. She's aware I want her back, so the ball is kind of in her court. We'll see what happens, I guess.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Fair answer. I wasn't going to on some big spiel about my opinion but just a few words I guess but yeah.

 

Yes, I understood that. And it's great that you weren't planning on a long spiel.

bluefeather Established Member

bluefeather

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Tell her that you are glad she is getting the help that she needs. Wish her well, and then say goodbye. She is your ex so there isn't much else to say. And trying to rebuild a botched romantic relationship during her first steps to what could be a long journey is probably not going to help her situation.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Tell her that you are glad she is getting the help that she needs. Wish her well, and then say goodbye. She is your ex so there isn't much else to say. And trying to rebuild a botched romantic relationship during her first steps to what could be a long journey is probably not going to help her situation.

 

This.

 

My ex was also diagnosed BPD, and it was a very rough relationship that eventually met its end when I could no longer take the crazy ups and downs and emotional turmoil.

 

You would be wise to let her seek treatment and pursue a healthier path on her own. A diagnosis is only the very beginning of an incredibly long road, one which often doesn't end well for the partner.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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Agree with the 2 posters above. I would say "Good luck with the treatment you need" and leave it at that. Don't reply to her if she tries to get into a conversation.

 

And don't date fixer uppers.

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Altair0770 Established Member

Altair0770

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Simple.

 

Let me know if you need any assistance. You have my support as you go through treatment.

 

EDIT: I read it wrong. Thought you guys were in the process of reconcile. I'd say I wish you luck in your treatment, and hope you do well and then leave it at that. If you're in the process of reconciling, offer your assistance. Otherwise she'll just lean on you and consider you a friend.

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Phoenician Established Member

Phoenician

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If you think that she will heal and reconcile with her you will suffer all your life .

 

don't offer any assistance ; she will drag you in her circle and make you feel guilty that when she raged , and made you life miserable she was not guilty of it .

 

there is no way to change an adult ;

don't believe in this crap .

our personality is formed the first 9 -10 years of our life .

people don't change after that dramatically ; they just look different until we know them .

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