Aquaman83 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Good morning, I met this woman about 3 years ago on my birthday. I noticed her in the bar all night and later she approached me and was a little aggressive in a good way with her behavior and i liked it. -Ruffled feathered type. We went out on a couple of dates and by the 4th coming date she sort of flaked. She lived an hour and a half away - and i felt like it was a result of that... so I stopped and moved on. Years later, she moves down to my area - and we reconnect because someone we know mutual died. We went out three times and everything was lovely. Until I brought up a topic that my brother in law did to my sister early on in dating. She felt like she had to tell me, and she broke down crying... and explained why she flaked in the past and her previous relationship a guy cheated on her and gave her herpes. This is why she flaked in the past and was dealing with this. In the past, any girl i dated that had that - i would disappear like a bat out of hell. But she told me, she confided in me, told me in a public place, and i saw that she was vulnerable, and being sincere. Trust is a hard, but tell me this when she had more to lose - well it shows something about character. She didnt wait until the moment of or after the fact - thank god. We went out one time since then, and I didn't bring it up. I felt like she brought it up because it sort of came up in topic and she didnt want to talk to me about it at that point. - I like the girl, and i can see a future with.... however i don't know where we stand... I dont know where she stands.. I initiate any hanging out or conversation 100%. Thoughts?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I initiate any hanging out or conversation 100%. Thoughts? You initiate because she's super afraid of being rejected over this. I know several people in relationships with partners who have this and they have never gotten it (or at least shown symptoms) themselves. It's not a death sentence and can be avoided on your part and controlled on hers. It shows she has integrity that she told you so soon. I certainly wouldn't hop into bed with her without a condom until there's a seriously long term commitment there, but I also don't think it's a hard NO to proceed with a relationship if she's a great girl otherwise. 1
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 You just need to talk to her, and let her know it's not going to get in the way of your interest in her and that you are willing to work with it. And don't be whipping off the condom please. It doesn't matter if there is no out break, you can still get the virus. Educate yourself through a healthcare professional before proceeding. Communication is always key.
Author Aquaman83 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 Normally I hate condoms, but in this situation. I would put it on every chance - just this means no spontaneous sex.
Author Aquaman83 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 Good Afternoon, I am the 34m, and I am writing about this girl i have been seeing. I met her 3 years ago, and we went out a couple times; but she was dealing with crap from her ex - and its more complicated than just that - she ended up getting sick from him (STD). we reconnected this year and been going out for about 2 months now, last night i asked her if she sees this going anywhere after our date. She responded: To be honest, i'm trying to figure that out myself. I think we have a great time together and we already have the basis of a good friendship. I want to see if it could progress but i honestly don't know right now. I don't want to give you some B.S Lines and lead you on So that's where my heads at if that makes sense? I responded - it makes sense, but not sure if you aren't ready for a relationship or with me - which makes it a little more confusing. And I appreciate the honesty above all and anything else. She responded Im sorry if its confusing. I just don't have the answers and don't want to be a jerk by not being open and honest. I left with Its ok, im glad we got it out on the table. and I never thought you were a jerk at any point. I am sorry if this made you uncomfortable and what you told me - its sounds like only thing is time will tell. Is she jerking me around? or should I keep dating? I get that she is super guarded, and doesn't want to get close with people - or what i picked up. I just got left after our first time around, without any explanation - and then she told me this time after 3 years later what happened. I understand why she didnt say anything - and not mad... just i feel like this is a lost cause. I have been constantly asking her out 1x a week - she says yes and we pick a day. She doesn't call or initiate to get together - so this is why i think its a lost cause... thoughts?
Gaeta Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 She does not like you *that way*. She is trying to tell you in a polite way but you don't get it. Leave it and go find yourself someone who actually is excited about getting to know you. She wants to crawl alone in a dark corner...........let her do as she wishes. 3
Author Aquaman83 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 she is trying to tell me in a polite way? righting honestly.. or to be honest in a sentence and lying about it is not polite.
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 I agree. Sorry, but she's trying to tell you politely that she's not feeling it with you, and there's zero future there. I think it's a lost cause. It's the second time she's basically told you it's a no-go over the years. I'm sure it's hard, but start looking elsewhere for someone. Start dating others. You'll have a better shot at a relationship with someone else. Hanging on to hope here it's just wasting your time.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Well, what else is her life like? Does she have a demanding job? Kids? School?
angel.eyes Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 (edited) People with demanding jobs juggling kids and school still make time for relationships, and still get together and remarry. He asked her point blank if they had a future together, and her answer was while they had the basis for a good friendship, she didn't want to lead him on. Edited June 27, 2017 by angel.eyes 2
Erik30 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 This usually doesn't end well, especially if she still has to think about it after 2 months of dating. Sounds to me like she's already trying to soften the blow... I don't know if you had a talk about being exclusive, but date other girls. Also, you don't have to be so nice and understanding. There's nothing wrong with telling her what you want. Don't apologize to her for that
vintageluna Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 She seems very indecisive. I'm not a mind reader so I can't tell you how she's feeling but if she's this indecisive after 2 months of dating (a good amount of time imo to determine where you see it going) than I would say to end things.
Author Aquaman83 Posted June 27, 2017 Author Posted June 27, 2017 She broke it off originally because she got herpes from an ex that cheated on her. When she told me, i respected her with how hard it was for her to tell me. But i wish she told me when it happened 3 years ago. So she has a lot of trust issues and her guard is up. so 6 dates no sex yet - and i asked her bc i am starting to like her a little much - so if the census is to call it quits - ill let her know.
tetrahedral Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Good Afternoon, I am the 34m, and I am writing about this girl i have been seeing. I met her 3 years ago, and we went out a couple times; but she was dealing with crap from her ex - and its more complicated than just that - she ended up getting sick from him (STD). we reconnected this year and been going out for about 2 months now, last night i asked her if she sees this going anywhere after our date. She responded: To be honest, i'm trying to figure that out myself. I think we have a great time together and we already have the basis of a good friendship. I want to see if it could progress but i honestly don't know right now. I don't want to give you some B.S Lines and lead you on So that's where my heads at if that makes sense? I responded - it makes sense, but not sure if you aren't ready for a relationship or with me - which makes it a little more confusing. And I appreciate the honesty above all and anything else. She responded Im sorry if its confusing. I just don't have the answers and don't want to be a jerk by not being open and honest. I left with Its ok, im glad we got it out on the table. and I never thought you were a jerk at any point. I am sorry if this made you uncomfortable and what you told me - its sounds like only thing is time will tell. Is she jerking me around? or should I keep dating? I get that she is super guarded, and doesn't want to get close with people - or what i picked up. I just got left after our first time around, without any explanation - and then she told me this time after 3 years later what happened. I understand why she didnt say anything - and not mad... just i feel like this is a lost cause. I have been constantly asking her out 1x a week - she says yes and we pick a day. She doesn't call or initiate to get together - so this is why i think its a lost cause... thoughts? This cause is more lost than Tom Hanks in Castaway 2
CptInsano Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Waste of time...... Agreed, there is a decent amount of sugar coating around the ""No way!", but that's about it. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 This usually doesn't end well, especially if she still has to think about it after 2 months of dating. Sounds to me like she's already trying to soften the blow... I don't know if you had a talk about being exclusive, but date other girls. Also, you don't have to be so nice and understanding. There's nothing wrong with telling her what you want. Don't apologize to her for that Great advice, all around. 1
fred123 Posted June 27, 2017 Posted June 27, 2017 Whats the reason 6 dates and no sex? Is it cos shes not into him? If she was would she have had sex by now? Interesting question!
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