Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Hello, Long story short - ex and I broke up 3.5 months ago, together for 2.5 years. Lived together, amazing relationship, talked of marriage kids and the whole thing (initiated by him) he strung me along for 3 of those months while he dated and eventually met someone new. Told me the whole time that he still loved me and thought we could get back together. He is also on heavy steroids since the breakup, which I don't know if that has anything to do with his behaviour. So I went out last night and ran into my ex. I was told that he would not be at the party, but he ended up showing up there, with the new girl that he is seeing. I was gracious and said hi to both of them. He proceeded to call me 'babe' when he first saw me. he then spent the rest of the night acting like I was nobody, and making out with his girlfriend constantly when I was in plain view. I didn't say anything or cause a scene. But it got to a point where I was standing up in the loft of the apartment and they were below, making out. I tipped my drink slightly so that a tiny bit splashed onto their heads. It startled them a bit but it really was nothing major. My ex ran up the stairs and asked if I had just done that, I said yes I did, calmly. And he said 'you're lucky you're cute'. Wtf? The next morning he texted me and told me that what I did with the drink was wrong and immature. I apologized for it, but told him that throughout this whole process he has don't nothing but lie to me, string me along and treat me like garbage, then proceed to make out in front of me with his new girl all night. If the worst I did was splash a bit of my drink on him, that's not bad. What is wrong with this guy? Am I in the wrong?
MsJayne Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Yes, tipping the drink was wrong, there's never any excuse for deliberately being nasty to someone, even if you dislike them. The other part of that is that when you do something like that it just comes across as desperate attention seeking and you end up looking silly. Sounds like you should avoid him until you really are over the relationship. As for the steroid use.....if this is for the purpose of bodybuilding then chances are, (extremely high), that he's a total and utter jerk. I never met a body builder on steroids who wasn't somewhat lacking in the intellect department. 2
PegNosePete Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 What is wrong with this guy? Am I in the wrong? There is a lot wrong with this guy. He is a complete douche. So why are you causing so much drama with him? Why are you seeking his attention? Why are you creating situations in which interaction and confrontation is inevitable? The best thing you can do is to completely ignore him / them. There is no need for you to be "gracious" and say hello. It is good that he spent the night acting like you're nobody... you should follow his example, and act like he is nobody too. 4
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 Right, I realize that it wasn't the best decision. But what about everything that he's done to me? The lies and the stringing along? Making out with someone right in front of me with no disregard for my feelings. I think that's pretty nasty as well 1
Daisydooks Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 (edited) Right, I realize that it wasn't the best decision. But what about everything that he's done to me? The lies and the stringing along? Making out with someone right in front of me with no disregard for my feelings. I think that's pretty nasty as well Oh it is. He sounds like he has no respect for you whatsoever. I'm sorry this is happening. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't lie to you. You deserve someone who respects you. Whether he is on steroids or not, is irrelevant. He is playing mind games. I would have left the party. Whether it looked petty or not, you're not supposed to "be over it." You're allowed to leave parties 3 months in when your ex is making out with someone and brings his new gf around. I'd leave because anyone I have ever loved, I didn't get over in 3 months. You're entitled to stay as well, but don't be dumping drinks on heads if you are going to stay. Lol. That's all. Handle yourself or remove yourself. There are two options. Xoxoxox I can't answer any of the "why" questions you have as I have absolutely no clue. You can only control what you do, so do that. Edited June 12, 2017 by Daisydooks spelling
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Right, I realize that it wasn't the best decision. But what about everything that he's done to me? The lies and the stringing along? Making out with someone right in front of me with no disregard for my feelings. I think that's pretty nasty as well It is. But how was intentionally tipping your drink on them going to make you feel any better about it? What sort of reaction were you hoping for? Yes, you were wrong to do that - primarily because it makes you look very immature and desperate for his attention. What benefit does that provide to you? It doesn't even the score, or humiliate them. It's humiliating to you, though. You are lucky a bigger scene didn't erupt - what if his new girlfriend had come looking for you and thrown her drink at you? Is he really worth it? The best thing to do is avoid him and them at all costs. If they show up at the same place and you do not wish to leave, stay on the other side of the room and act like they don't exist. Resorting to immature displays doesn't do anything but deepen your anger and probably give them good fodder to laugh at you for the next few weeks. 3
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 It is. But how was intentionally tipping your drink on them going to make you feel any better about it? What sort of reaction were you hoping for? Yes, you were wrong to do that - primarily because it makes you look very immature and desperate for his attention. What benefit does that provide to you? It doesn't even the score, or humiliate them. It's humiliating to you, though. You are lucky a bigger scene didn't erupt - what if his new girlfriend had come looking for you and thrown her drink at you? Is he really worth it? The best thing to do is avoid him and them at all costs. If they show up at the same place and you do not wish to leave, stay on the other side of the room and act like they don't exist. Resorting to immature displays doesn't do anything but deepen your anger and probably give them good fodder to laugh at you for the next few weeks. I appreciate your comment, but like I said I realize that what I did was not nice and I apologized for it. These past 4 months have been agonizing, some of the worst times of my life, being strung along, lied to and treated like a piece of garbage. I'm looking for some insight on why my ex is acting the way that he is, not an explanation on why my action make me look desperate and needy. My heart is in shambles right now. Please don't kick me when I'm already down.
stillafool Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I think I would have just left the party after he showed up with his new gf and I couldn't handle it. Being a couple they have every right to make out. You did seem desperate dumping drinks on their heads. He was a douche to you and now he is out of your life so he doesn't owe you anything. When you ask why is your ex acting this way, what do you mean?
PegNosePete Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I'm looking for some insight on why my ex is acting the way that he is Because he enjoys having 2 women fighting over him. 3
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 I think I would have just left the party after he showed up with his new gf and I couldn't handle it. Being a couple they have every right to make out. You did seem desperate dumping drinks on their heads. He was a douche to you and now he is out of your life so he doesn't owe you anything. When you ask why is your ex acting this way, what do you mean? I'm just looking for some support on my side of the situation. Some comfort, maybe some kind words. I already know that what I did was not okay.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 You're both wrong. He sounds pretty insensitive, making out with this new girl right in front of you and up until spilling the drink on them, you were doing well with being the bigger person. 2
stillafool Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 It will be okay. You will meet a new man who will be so much better than your ex. You just have to give it time. I wouldn't attend functions where you know your ex and his girl will be. Let yourself heal first before you come around them. ((HUGS))!
stillafool Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 You're both wrong. He sounds pretty insensitive, making out with this new girl right in front of you and up until spilling the drink on them, you were doing well with being the bigger person. They weren't right in front of her. They were on the lower level and she was in the loft. They are a couple so I don't see where they did anything wrong.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 They weren't right in front of her. They were on the lower level and she was in the loft. They are a couple so I don't see where they did anything wrong. I was more referring to her assertion that "he then spent the rest of the night acting like I was nobody, and making out with his girlfriend constantly when I was in plain view." I made the assumption it was being done even before she made her way upstairs to the loft.
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 (edited) They weren't right in front of her. They were on the lower level and she was in the loft. They are a couple so I don't see where they did anything wrong. They were making out multiple times throughout the night. Most times yes, right in front of me. This is the first night I saw him since he told me a couple weeks ago that he just wants to be single right now, and there is no other girl for him, he just needs to be by himself to 'find himself' but he'll always love me and this could 'make us stronger'. There were other couples there there that night as well, who didn't feel the need to be kissing each other constantly throughout the night, if at all. It just felt intentional, and extremely hurtful. Also, the last time I talked to him on the phone, he told me that if he ever saw ME with someone else in public he would have to 'fight them'. Edited June 12, 2017 by Mbell8970
aileD Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 The only thing you did wrong was drip a little liquid on their heads. You should have thrown the whole glass at them. He's hurtful and immature. You're just immature.. You'll move on. He's not worth it 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 They were making out multiple times throughout the night. Most times yes, right in front of me. This is the first night I saw him since he told me a couple weeks ago that he just wants to be single right now, and there is no other girl for him, he just needs to be by himself to 'find himself' but he'll always love me and this could 'make us stronger'. There were other couples there there that night as well, who didn't feel the need to be kissing each other constantly throughout the night, if at all. It just felt intentional, and extremely hurtful. Also, the last time I talked to him on the phone, he told me that if he ever saw ME with someone else in public he would have to 'fight them'. He has issues! Was he insensitive to you in other ways during your 2+ years relationship?
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 It will be okay. You will meet a new man who will be so much better than your ex. You just have to give it time. I wouldn't attend functions where you know your ex and his girl will be. Let yourself heal first before you come around them. ((HUGS))! I'm sorry stillafool, but I don't think you read my post properly. I did not know that they were going to be there. I was specifically told that he would NOT be there that night, or else I would not have gone. My friends even told him that I was on my way to the party and he should probably leave, but he apparently insisted on staying saying that I should 'suck it up'
Author Mbell8970 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 He has issues! Was he insensitive to you in other ways during your 2+ years relationship? He was at times, yes. He's the type of person who does not feel empathy for other people. He could also be very controlling and always had to have things go his way. But I never expected any of this to happen
ExpatInItaly Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 He was at times, yes. He's the type of person who does not feel empathy for other people. He could also be very controlling and always had to have things go his way. But I never expected any of this to happen You've answered your own question, OP. You're looking for insight as to why he's being insensitive towards you, but then you also say he does not feel empathy towards people. That's why he's behaving this way now. It's who he is. It was just not necessarily targeted toward you before. He's a clown. He sounds very immature and very ego-driven. He gets his jollies knowing he has a girlfriend but that you still want him. Next time, don't give him the pleasure of any attention from you. 3
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 He was at times, yes. He's the type of person who does not feel empathy for other people. He could also be very controlling and always had to have things go his way. But I never expected any of this to happen Take it from someone who was married for 14 years to someone who is incapable of empathy....it doesn't change and causes more problems than you will expect. You're better off with someone who has more compassion!
whatdeww18 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 He was at times, yes. He's the type of person who does not feel empathy for other people. He could also be very controlling and always had to have things go his way. But I never expected any of this to happen If this is true, I'm curious as to why you didn't leave earlier? Possibly, you're rationalizing out the reasons for the break up now and realizing you'll be better off without him? They say you find out the other person's true colors in times of adversity like a break up. Sounds like he isn't the nicest fellow who doesn't take your feelings into consideration. Or worse, he wanted to make you jealous. Like others have stated, tipping your drink was immature. But, hopefully you've learned and next time you'll be leaving any event or place where your ex is/will be. Trying to analyze your ex's behavior will most likely give you a headache (pretty sure you've done it loads already). There's no reason to analyze. He could have said or done things for God knows why what reason... It's not your problem to figure out. Just heal and treat yourself right in this time. Go on a girl's night out, pamper yourself, and no more interactions with your ex. It's not going to be smooth sailing but appreciate the small victories along the way. Wishing you the best!
Whodatdog Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 They didnt make out in front of you. They were just making out. You took it upon yourself to watch. Thats your problem, not his. You two arent together. Its his choice to date whoever he wants, and its your choice to move on. If you are having problems seeing him with other girls, then you need to leave so you dont see that. I know its not easy on you, but you are putting yourself thru jealousy that you dont have to do. Take care of yourself, and stop putting yourself in that position.
Zahara Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 He was at times, yes. He's the type of person who does not feel empathy for other people. He could also be very controlling and always had to have things go his way. But I never expected any of this to happen You were expecting decent behavior from someone you acknowledge has no ability to empathize and always needs to be in control? His behavior was expected. There's no surprise here. Find acceptance that you dodged a bullet rather than ponder as to why he couldn't behave like a decent human being. You already know the answer to the latter. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Hello, Long story short - ex and I broke up 3.5 months ago, together for 2.5 years. Lived together, amazing relationship, talked of marriage kids and the whole thing (initiated by him) he strung me along for 3 of those months while he dated and eventually met someone new. Told me the whole time that he still loved me and thought we could get back together. He is also on heavy steroids since the breakup, which I don't know if that has anything to do with his behaviour. So I went out last night and ran into my ex. I was told that he would not be at the party, but he ended up showing up there, with the new girl that he is seeing. I was gracious and said hi to both of them. He proceeded to call me 'babe' when he first saw me. he then spent the rest of the night acting like I was nobody, and making out with his girlfriend constantly when I was in plain view. I didn't say anything or cause a scene. But it got to a point where I was standing up in the loft of the apartment and they were below, making out. I tipped my drink slightly so that a tiny bit splashed onto their heads. It startled them a bit but it really was nothing major. My ex ran up the stairs and asked if I had just done that, I said yes I did, calmly. And he said 'you're lucky you're cute'. Wtf? The next morning he texted me and told me that what I did with the drink was wrong and immature. I apologized for it, but told him that throughout this whole process he has don't nothing but lie to me, string me along and treat me like garbage, then proceed to make out in front of me with his new girl all night. If the worst I did was splash a bit of my drink on him, that's not bad. What is wrong with this guy? Am I in the wrong? then proceed to make out in front of me with his new girl all night. -- Not everything is about you all the time . . . he was enjoying his time with his new girlfriend at a party that you happened to be attending as well. His life is going on as it should be. What should he do, tell his new girlfriend that he can't show affection for her because you're there? Yes, you are in the wrong. What you did was immature and unnecessary. If he treated you badly during your relationship, you should just tell yourself that she doesn't have a prize and she may find herself rowing your boat some day. You don't lower yourself to match someone else's poor behavior/treatment. A woman always conducts herself with dignity and grace. That is the way to show someone what they've lost . . . 1
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