TBM Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I'm 44. Met a woman who is same age. We have been known each other for about six months. Been dating for six weeks. She actually made the first move and she is fantastic. We get along great, have alluded to a future together. Physical attraction is huge. I mean all is well. She has two kids, 14 and 10. I have yet to meet them although the older one knows mom is dating. The 10-year-old doesn't know. Her last boyfriend was around for awhile and when it ended, he sorta treated the younger kid like crap. Thus she is waiting until she thinks he's totally ready to meet me. I have zero issue with this and I understand that the kids are the most important thing. My (selfish) issue is I am absolutely crazy about this woman and I just miss her terribly when we're not together. We do see each other for lunch maybe once a week and sneak in a little time here and there. On the weekends the kids are at their dads, we do spend a lot of time together. So as this is a new situation, looking for ways to cope with the limited time I see her. Second, do I make any move on the child situation or just hold tight, be patient and let her tell me when she's ready? Thank you!
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 IMO you see her enough for a new relationship and more than what most single moms can provide. If you get too obsessive you are going to blow it. It's way too soon to play house and think about living together etc. You just met, and this will take longer than a woman with no kids. Sit back, enjoy the time you have together, and holy hell don't push it. 3
Versacehottie Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I agree with smackie. Maybe you don't feel good because the uncertainty is killing you? I think that's what it is. You're just going to have to make peace with it and do the best with what time you have now. What's wrong with living in the present? It sounds like you completely & rightly understand what the situation is with the kids sooooo that's just what it is. I absolutely think that being fine with this whole thing and fine with the pace you've got with her will draw her toward you whereas trying to speed things up or push for more will push her away. Good luck 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 IMO you see her enough for a new relationship and more than what most single moms can provide. If you get too obsessive you are going to blow it. It's way too soon to play house and think about living together etc. You just met, and this will take longer than a woman with no kids. Sit back, enjoy the time you have together, and holy hell don't push it. Couldn't agree more and what you said in your original post is why I refuse to date men who don't have children themselves. They just truly can't "get it." It's not an insult to you at all, but you just don't. If you push for more time, she'll just end up so stressed that she can't be everything to everybody and your relationship won't survive. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 its not selfish to miss someone....its a good sign.....i understand her hesitance with her son his emotional welfare is important......from what you are writing it sounds really positive....i have to ask you talk about your feelings about her and how you miss her how your time together...how do you feel about becoming part of her family....how do you feel about the children she has? have you thought anything about this fact?....deb
Author TBM Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 I do have kids, 23 and 21. Been divorced for about 3 years. So I do get it. Mine are just older. One a college grad and one still figuring out what she wants out of life. I am determined not to blow it. I do not push, we go out when she can. No one is talking about playing house. We just acknowledge that our connection is very strong and that we hope this continues to build. My main issue is the romantic feelings and just how much I miss her. Guess I need to be patient but I will say that I believe you know when you know, and this relationship has been a bolt of lightning like I've never felt 2
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I do have kids, 23 and 21. Been divorced for about 3 years. So I do get it. Mine are just older. One a college grad and one still figuring out what she wants out of life. I am determined not to blow it. I do not push, we go out when she can. No one is talking about playing house. We just acknowledge that our connection is very strong and that we hope this continues to build. My main issue is the romantic feelings and just how much I miss her. Guess I need to be patient but I will say that I believe you know when you know, and this relationship has been a bolt of lightning like I've never felt i hope it works out for you i know it can be hard to juggle time and kids.........best wishes...deb
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I do have kids, 23 and 21. Been divorced for about 3 years. So I do get it. Mine are just older. One a college grad and one still figuring out what she wants out of life. I am determined not to blow it. I do not push, we go out when she can. No one is talking about playing house. We just acknowledge that our connection is very strong and that we hope this continues to build. My main issue is the romantic feelings and just how much I miss her. Guess I need to be patient but I will say that I believe you know when you know, and this relationship has been a bolt of lightning like I've never felt Oooh, ok. I'm sorry for assuming you didn't! Well, then you do get it. Patience, patience, patience then . In the times you don't see her, ask occasionally if she needs any help with anything (i.e. fixing something around the house, you could go to Lowe's on the days you aren't with her to get supplies so you're ready when you do see her), get caught up on Netflix series, learn to cook a new dish that will knock her socks off.... 1
Versacehottie Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I do have kids, 23 and 21. Been divorced for about 3 years. So I do get it. Mine are just older. One a college grad and one still figuring out what she wants out of life. I am determined not to blow it. I do not push, we go out when she can. No one is talking about playing house. We just acknowledge that our connection is very strong and that we hope this continues to build. My main issue is the romantic feelings and just how much I miss her. Guess I need to be patient but I will say that I believe you know when you know, and this relationship has been a bolt of lightning like I've never felt It feels like you want the reassurance that more time, next stage gives. But the thing is everything truly is a risk with no guarantees. If it is this right, enjoy what it is now, know that most likely it will just continue to grow & you will have more time with her in the future. You are telling us that it is a good investment, good risk so that alone should make you comfortable. It's somewhat normal to want to move to the next stage but you can enjoy where you are right now.
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Wow a man that cooks me dinner.....I wonder what that's like? lol
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I do have kids, 23 and 21. Been divorced for about 3 years. So I do get it. Mine are just older. One a college grad and one still figuring out what she wants out of life. I am determined not to blow it. I do not push, we go out when she can. No one is talking about playing house. We just acknowledge that our connection is very strong and that we hope this continues to build. My main issue is the romantic feelings and just how much I miss her. Guess I need to be patient but I will say that I believe you know when you know, and this relationship has been a bolt of lightning like I've never felt This mean you two are at different stages of your life regardless of being of the same age...this is how things will go out of balance. You need to keep you heart in check....she has more at stake, so you are the that one need to follow her lead. 1
Author TBM Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 Thanks everybody. Really good stuff. She is a wonderful woman. She is totally worth the investment and whatever patience is required.
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