marky00 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 (edited) Guys, not been in this situation before. Met this girl about 6 weeks ago. We met up for 2 dates. 2nd date ended up with us having sex. In total we had been messaging for about 2 to 3 weeks and we were texting each other regularly during the day. Anyway, out of the blue she says she wanted to stop. Rather than going quietly like I normally would, when she told me this via text I hit back, mainly because her reasoning was that she felt I was "very emotional" which was ridiculous because we had just been having fun for 2 weeks. She had probed me about my baggage quite a lot so I tried to be honest. I only brought it up when she probed about it, otherwise I had little desire to talk about it. It's almost like she set me up in divulging information so she could fast track a decision My take on the situation is that she had a lot going on in her personal life, she is a single mother and I think the regular contact just made her feel pressured. The crazy thing but is she was the one who initiated 80 per cent of the contact and was the one who told me of all her baggage and then asked about mine. It's like she fast tracked things to reach a decision as fast as possible. In fact she even admitted she felt she had to make a decision either way before the 3rd date. It was just really odd, it was like she escalated things as fast as she could and then said she felt pressured. I definitely wasn't being emotional. I was always texting in a fun and playful manner. Happy to see her once per week or w/e. I do admit this was the first girl I felt something for in at the last 2 years which is why I was reciprocating her messages, essentially matching her pace. Anyway, during the breakup texting (if we can even call it a BU ), we exchanged some words, wasn't way over the line but we definitely ruffled some feathers. She made the comment about me being emotional and I told her off for talking too much and laying too much on the line too early. But at the end of it, we settled things down and let it be. She did mention she would like us to catch up as friends some time with no pressure involved and who knows what might eventuate. I haven't heard from her for 3 weeks, I'm guessing her friendship offering was either not authenticate or maybe she is a little annoyed at how I hit back. Anyway, I have to admit I did like her and would like to meet her again but this time, I'd just want to meet on the odd occasion with zero pressure and if anything is meant to be it will. Am I being an idiot for messaging her and just saying "no hard feelings" and see where it leads. I think in reality we both have some demons from the past. Her first husband died when she was young and I have had some bad heartbreak so I do think us just catching up with no pressure might be a good formula. So yeah, I'm thinking I will message her .... any tips before I do Edited June 12, 2017 by marky00
basil67 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Great to hear you're getting back out there Marky. I wouldn't bother offering your friendship - I reckon she'll just string you along. 1
Author marky00 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 Great to hear you're getting back out there Marky. I wouldn't bother offering your friendship - I reckon she'll just string you along. I do realise that... but I am going into this eyes wide open. Tried with several other girls and just finding I lose interest very fast if I am not feeling it.
Dis Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Sorry to hear about this I think you've markedly overinvested in this woman You had two dates...two Let that fact level out your emotions a bit I understand that you dont want things to end but it seems she does There is no satisfaction in trying to make someone want you...I see it all the time on LS and from some of my friends. If a person is not giving you what you give them....you walk away with your head held high Maybe try to sort out your past hurts before you start to date again. If you havent moved on from the past...it will follow you in to your future I can tell from some of your posts here that you might have some work to do. Theres no shame in that. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself I wish you all the best! 2
Author marky00 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 (edited) I agree about the two dates. Its nothing at all. Which is why I have been fine leaving it be for 3 weeks. Just never been in a situation where things were seemingly good and stopped immediately. There was no over investment here. Just met someone I genuinely liked. I have actually been hanging out with friends and another girl I know since and I have been fine. Just liked hanging with the other girl because she was different and I felt something (which was nice for a change). Edited June 12, 2017 by marky00
basil67 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Just never been in a situation where things were seemingly good and stopped immediately. There was no over investment here. Just met someone I genuinely liked. It's very common. Even back in the old days before OLD, it was common. The more you date, the more you will experience it - hence the need to learn to not get attached to someone so early on. Learning to protect your emotions is paramount.
Author marky00 Posted June 12, 2017 Author Posted June 12, 2017 It's very common. Even back in the old days before OLD, it was common. The more you date, the more you will experience it - hence the need to learn to not get attached to someone so early on. Learning to protect your emotions is paramount. true... I think what got me with this one is how she unloaded all her baggage on me. Told me about her failed marriages and how she was looking for commitment etc. I took all that as her opening up.... She even told me she never gives up on something or someone until she has exhausted all options.... I guess I was the exception:) The fact she admitted she went into this with the mindset she wanted to take things slow and yet needed to make a decision by the 2nd date (and then of course talk so much).... kind of just suckered me in an to be honest distorted my behaviour. I like balance in relationships which is why I tended to match her pace. Didn't realise she was just fast tracking a decision under the guise of taking things slow. Rather confusing....
elaine567 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I guess because she has some baggage she wanted to quickly find out what baggage you were carrying and once she found out she bailed. The result being, she doesn't waste her time, and you don't waste your time. Some people find that a bond develops over "baggage", "I have issues from my past, you have issues from your past, let's sort them out together", whereas others think "OMG I have enough issues of my own to deal with, I do not want to take on anyone else's". She has made it perfectly clear she wanted to end this, so you just need to accept it. This ended on a sour note and you haven't in fact heard from her for 3 weeks, so obviously "friendship" is off the table. Leave her alone is my advice.
PegNosePete Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I think what got me with this one is how she unloaded all her baggage on me. Told me about her failed marriages and how she was looking for commitment etc. Goodness, that would have made me run a mile. First few dates are meant to be enjoying each other's company and getting to know each other. Talk of failed marriages can wait until WAY later. For all her words about commitment and taking things slow, she still gave it up on the second date...? Well you could message her again. It won't cost you anything, worst that can happen is no response. Just don't get emotionally involved. 1
basil67 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 Marky, what you took as her opening up, many others would see as a giant red flag. Then there's the not giving up thing.....she's probably given up on heaps of guys. Just cause a person says a thing, it doesn't make it true. Likewise wanting to take it slow and then having sex. It was all bollocks. I get the impression you are somewhat naive about relationships. Now while I'd hate to see you become cynical, I think you would do well to take everything you hear early on with a grain of salt.
Recommended Posts