mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I have a friend who I will call Frank. He and I barely know each other, but he posted today on Facebook for someone to call him because he didn't want to be alone. I called him, what was wrong? I was reaching out. He's been out of work for how long, he is going to get kicked out of his apartment and live in a shelter. I asked if he has any family or closer friends, he said he was staying at his aunt's house this weekend while she was away (doesn't really answer the question but he is saying he would rather not live with her nor is he saying that he asked). Months ago I extended an offer to him to get a sub license through the state and start substitute teaching. I believe he has an undergrad degree and was working on his master's degree at the time. I even had an offer from someplace that I turned down and gave them his phone number saying he could fill it in for me now that I had turned down the offer. He did not get the sub license (for a background check, transcripts, pay a fee of about $100, etc.). I asked why. It cost money. I am not about to reach out to him and say move in with me, he's a stranger to me. I am disappointed in him that he's not getting what I offered him or taking the steps because it costs money and he's gotten himself into this predicament. I offered to help him once with it by telling him what to expect and what to do, he didn't do it. How do I feel? I'm venting.
Author mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 I also want to point out that I don't know what is/isn't going on in his daily life. He is posting all these things on Facebook all the time, he could be one of those dramatics. Hell, if I were in that situation I would reach out to a friend or a family member or SOMEONE for help in the situation. Am I wrong to think this?
preraph Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I'm not sure if the $100 fee was beyond his means or not, but if there's an opportunity to get him to work but yet his family or friends won't reach out and help, then you have to realize, his behavior in the past is probably why he now has no one to turn to. So don't give him money. He probably does not follow through on things. He may be disorganized because of mental issues, which is the case with over 40 percent of homeless people. A person with initiative might have gone door to door offering to do small jobs to raise the money instead of sitting and posting on Facebook.
Author mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 I'm not sure if the $100 fee was beyond his means or not, but if there's an opportunity to get him to work but yet his family or friends won't reach out and help, then you have to realize, his behavior in the past is probably why he now has no one to turn to. So don't give him money. He probably does not follow through on things. He may be disorganized because of mental issues, which is the case with over 40 percent of homeless people. A person with initiative might have gone door to door offering to do small jobs to raise the money instead of sitting and posting on Facebook. That's very true. I am not about to give him money or try to help him other than I have tried to help him in the past, I extended an option to him but he did not take it or follow through for whatever reason. I've done my part for him, but I won't do anything else. I felt bad for him, but I realize there is only so much I or anyone else can do for him. I used to be a give the shirt off my back type to others, I realized people can/do take advantage of you if you get such street cred. I like being a hero that rescues people, but I also know there are limits to it. He's got to do something for himself now. My part is done. 1
preraph Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 You've been around on Loveshack long enough for it to be abundantly clear that a whole lot of people won't take your advice, even if they ask for it. Similarly, you can't help someone who won't help himself. 1
whichwayisup Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I have a friend who I will call Frank. He and I barely know each other, but he posted today on Facebook for someone to call him because he didn't want to be alone. I called him, what was wrong? I was reaching out. He's been out of work for how long, he is going to get kicked out of his apartment and live in a shelter. I asked if he has any family or closer friends, he said he was staying at his aunt's house this weekend while she was away (doesn't really answer the question but he is saying he would rather not live with her nor is he saying that he asked). Months ago I extended an offer to him to get a sub license through the state and start substitute teaching. I believe he has an undergrad degree and was working on his master's degree at the time. I even had an offer from someplace that I turned down and gave them his phone number saying he could fill it in for me now that I had turned down the offer. He did not get the sub license (for a background check, transcripts, pay a fee of about $100, etc.). I asked why. It cost money. I am not about to reach out to him and say move in with me, he's a stranger to me. I am disappointed in him that he's not getting what I offered him or taking the steps because it costs money and he's gotten himself into this predicament. I offered to help him once with it by telling him what to expect and what to do, he didn't do it. How do I feel? I'm venting. You can be there for him on an emotional support level, try to raise his spirits etc. You barely know him and certainly don't want him leaning on you for money or a place to stay.
CptInsano Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 (edited) I also want to point out that I don't know what is/isn't going on in his daily life. He is posting all these things on Facebook all the time, he could be one of those dramatics. Hell, if I were in that situation I would reach out to a friend or a family member or SOMEONE for help in the situation. Am I wrong to think this? I don't think it is so much of a question of whether you are right or wrong, but whether your actions would bring the desired results. If he hasn't followed up on your offer to substitute teach or has asked you or anybody else for the $100, then there is awfully little you can do to remedy the situation. Without a minimum of initiative on his part your efforts will be fruitless. P.S.: I was in that situation about 1.5 years ago, taking somebody in during her job search who I actually owed a favor. It took me five months, three months after she got a job, to get her back out. Edited June 12, 2017 by CptInsano
Redhead14 Posted June 12, 2017 Posted June 12, 2017 I have a friend who I will call Frank. He and I barely know each other, but he posted today on Facebook for someone to call him because he didn't want to be alone. I called him, what was wrong? I was reaching out. He's been out of work for how long, he is going to get kicked out of his apartment and live in a shelter. I asked if he has any family or closer friends, he said he was staying at his aunt's house this weekend while she was away (doesn't really answer the question but he is saying he would rather not live with her nor is he saying that he asked). Months ago I extended an offer to him to get a sub license through the state and start substitute teaching. I believe he has an undergrad degree and was working on his master's degree at the time. I even had an offer from someplace that I turned down and gave them his phone number saying he could fill it in for me now that I had turned down the offer. He did not get the sub license (for a background check, transcripts, pay a fee of about $100, etc.). I asked why. It cost money. I am not about to reach out to him and say move in with me, he's a stranger to me. I am disappointed in him that he's not getting what I offered him or taking the steps because it costs money and he's gotten himself into this predicament. I offered to help him once with it by telling him what to expect and what to do, he didn't do it. How do I feel? I'm venting. How do you feel? -- You feel relieved that you are not potentially setting yourself up to be someone's sugar mama or chauffeur or being used - especially someone you barely know. I am disappointed in him that he's not getting what I offered him or taking the steps because it costs money and he's gotten himself into this predicament. -- He is an adult, he made his mess, let him fix it. It's what adults do. Why would accept advice from a virtual stranger? Let him figure out his own sh*t. People in your position are the ones who find that they are giving someone a hand up when in fact it turns into a hand out. I am disappointed - I don't understand this at all . . . why would you be disappointed over someone you barely know not accepting your help?
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