queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Guess i got the info i needed to now know that my ex is officially over me : ( Today I got an email from him mom saying "How are things with you? Planning any neat vacations?" So I wrote her back "Things are great, I have just been super busy...lots of changes at work but for the better. I have actually been on several vacations already this summer...but have a few more planned before the end of the year...Michigan soon and then in October, Riviera Maya and November, Arizona... How are things with you? Bet you are looking forward to your trip to Michigan...." Then she wrote me back this: "I'm glad to hear work is going well. Wow, you have some neat vacations coming up. Where do you go in Michigan? Never heard of Riviera Maya. I was hoping to hear that you met someone special.... :)" That hit me like a ton of bricks.... I am so sad right now... Why would my exs mom write me and say she was hoping to hear that i met someone special... By that comment its obvious he met someone new... I am crushed....i didnt think he was dating anyone. : (
A Fly onThe Wall Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 That hit me like a ton of bricks.... You need to move on Queenie.. NC If you had been practicing NC ( yes the Mom is contact ) you wouldn't have gotten your heart broken all over again. I know it's tough.. But if you had been out dating and trying to move on you wouldn't even want him back.. Chin up.. Breaking up is hard to do
what456 Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Queenie, how are you? how can you just assume that he met someone new?
lostinmymind Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 I wouldn't necessarily gather that conclusion from her words. She is probably just trying to be nice friendly. I doubt her son tells her everything going on in his mind. Guys may tell their moms "yeah we broke up" but they aren't going to go into detail about how they feel about it. Don't let this bother you, you are reading more into it than it even stands for. You still need to move on, and it sounds like you are doing just that. Maybe you will meet someone special like she said. I would suggest trying not to keep connections with him and his family for now. You may like them, but it just adds to the pain and slows down your healing.
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 okay, one. his mother should be more tactful, two. she could be fishing for info on her son's behalf, as you made it sound like you're pretty much over him, she wants to find out in a very direct way whether there is a new man on the scene. queenie, be careful how u interpret this. really, it could be she's just interefering in business that really she shouldn't be. if he found out, he could possibly be very angry with his mother for doing this. remember, no matter how well you got on, she is not just any other girlie-friend...she has her son's best interests at heart. i dont think she is being at all sensitive in fishing around for info like this from you. she should consider your feelings and respect your feelings and privacy, regardless how close you may have once been. answer her as you wish...no need to make up an elaborate story, just tell her the truth. or else, dont email at all, wait til Monday til you've had chance to cool down, and think about replying then
what456 Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 i agree with you....you can't just jump to conclusions.
Merin Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 It doesn't mean your EX has met someone else... I would take it to mean your EX's Mom knows her Son isn't going to be there for you, and it is also possible that he (Your EX) Knows in so many ways you're waiting on him (I know you don't think you are but you haven't let go of the notion of the 2 of you getting back together) knowing he hasn't any plans to reconcile and has mentioned this to his Mom. I know this is painful for you Girl... and I know that the relationship seemed so great in your eyes when it was going on... however your BF decided to end the relationship and stated that in his mind there was just something missing... he couldn't say what that was... but yeah it happens that sometimes you can meet someone really great, get on well with them BUT still not have enough "spark/chemistry" to stay in the relationship. Obviously his Mom likes you and she is wanting you to move on and find someone great... I know that hurts Queenie... but take it for what it is... this is his Mom yes, but she obviously looks at you as her FRIEND not just her Son's EXGF (does that make sense?) We ALL want our friends to be happy and move past painful relationships into something that is better for them. Hang in there hun
933KJL Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Obviously his Mom likes you and she is wanting you to move on and find someone great... I know that hurts Queenie... but take it for what it is... this is his Mom yes, but she obviously looks at you as her FRIEND not just her Son's EXGF (does that make sense?) We ALL want our friends to be happy and move past painful relationships into something that is better for them. I agree here 100%. She probably liked you when they were dating and simply cares about you. I would think it is more of a "my son does not know what he is missing so I will wish that you find someone twice as special" I don't think she was fishing and you handled it well. But, you do need to get over him. Concentrate on your life and move on. By the way, where do you work--I want a job that offers that kind of vacation time!
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 Well to be honest I really don’t know how he would know that I havent moved on…I don’t even look at him for godsake, let alone contact him… as far as he knows I am happy and doing whatever I want… I don’t tell him anything! I agree that I am reading too far into it and it was probably more of a fishing tactic if anything, like to see if I was dating someone else. I don’t know if she tells him she emails me, I know that I certaininly wouldn’t want my mom emailing my ex…especially if I had a new love interest.
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 I am going to respond to her and speak of where im going in Michigan and reference where Riviera Maya is but just ignore the comment about finding someone special...
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 i have no doubt that his mother likes you Queenie, but I cannot help feeling that a mother's loyalties lie with her son... maybe she was just being kind, maybe it's an innocent, simple comment that she meant no harm by and that you shouldnt read to much into...i just think its a little innappropriate and she should have more sensitivity that broach the subject of someone else in your life... you know her best and you know what type of person she is...
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 exactly, if my mother emailed my ex, hoping he had met someone new and wanted to know about it, i'd be livid!
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 I just think its strange...even if it was an innocent comment...bottomline is why the heck would she email her sons ex and say that???? Btw her son tells her everything for the most part, they are SUPER close...when we first met he would talk about me constantly to his mom and she would alwasy say she never saw him so happy...and she was dying to meet me...
Merin Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Well to be honest I really don’t know how he would know that I havent moved on…I don’t even look at him for godsake, let alone contact him… as far as he knows I am happy and doing whatever I want… I don’t tell him anything! I agree that I am reading too far into it and it was probably more of a fishing tactic if anything, like to see if I was dating someone else. I don’t know if she tells him she emails me, I know that I certaininly wouldn’t want my mom emailing my ex…especially if I had a new love interest. IF the 2 of you know ANY of the same people, trust me he knows you haven't moved on. Secondly IF his Mom was fishing I think she would use better bait, like "Have you met someone else?" it's more direct, she has zero to lose and there isn't any reason for her to not have asked... you didn't say anything about dating someone new in your email, you did come across in your email to her that you consider her a friend, so yeah there ya go. The relationships you develop with an SO's family can be very strong... yep even AFTER you've broken up... I believe that is one of the many reasons as people get older and get into more serious relationships they are more careful of who they bring around to meet the fam... just because a relationship between 2 people ends doesn't mean you ALWAYS "break up" with your SO's family as well... and that can be hard on both people (You and your EX) I am still mad, crazy close to my EXH's Mom.. she was also a single Mom and we became friends... he (my EX) hates it in a lot of ways that I'm still tight with his Mom and believe me when I say his GF (My EX's) really doesn't like it. Just because her Son is an assclown, doesn't mean she is
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 I suppose you are right Merin! Who really knows what her motives were for the comment...all i know is that i am not responding to it... She is a great lady and she liked me very much and was very shocked when her son told her that he broke up with me out of the blue...but at the same time, he is her son and he is very very close to his mom...they are like best friends.. i dotn really think he would like that she talks to me.
francis Posted August 4, 2005 Posted August 4, 2005 Queenie, you know the relationship you have with her and your reasons for keeping in touch. Do you regard her as a friend or regard her as the mother of the man who ended your relationship? If you dont think this is appropriate, as in, why would she email her son's ex, it suggests your relationship with her should naturally end with the ending of your relationship as you have no other reason to stay in touch now. Email her back out of courtesy, ignore her insinuation, dont ask her anything that would mean she should reply to answer you, and leave them BOTH alone. Unless he is the one phoning you to arrange to meet you and discuss getting back together, you just gotta walk away from this and think no more of it.
Author queenie01 Posted August 4, 2005 Author Posted August 4, 2005 Well when we broke up she said she was very upset and felt terrible for me and said she would love to keep in touch to see how im doing but would understand if i didnt want to... Well I dont mind sending forwards here and there but im not goign to tell my exs mom about my love life...thats just plain weird to me... Unless it was years later.
seachange Posted August 7, 2005 Posted August 7, 2005 I had a really good relationship with my ex-H's mom. We weren't best friends, but we got along really well, and when he and I split up (due to his cheating), she was shocked and sad, furious with him, and basically read him the riot act whenever she had the opportunity. It was gratifying for a while, but when the time came to move on from the emotional turmoil, I realized that I wasn't ready to update her on all my comings and goings because I knew that ultimately, her loyalty lay with her son, and I just didn't see a need to further complicate matters. So we sort of let the communication fade away. But when my divorce was finalized, I notified her, just to tell her a final thanks, it's over and that I wished her the best. She responded in kind, and then added that although she was sad that it turned out that way, she was happy that I was moving on with my life. My first reaction to that was - oh. Is she trying to tell me something, like that it's good I moved on b/c he already has? And then I realized - no. She just genuinely liked me, wished me the best and was trying to say, I'm glad you're moving on with your life. You know?
Author queenie01 Posted August 8, 2005 Author Posted August 8, 2005 Yeah that makes sense... I know she meant no harm by making that comment, i just read to far into it. I am done hoping for anything to change, its over and i actually FINALLY realize that!! Took me 3 months and i did hold on to hope the entire time but now I know its over and i am moving on and chosing to be happy about things. It obviously just wasnt meant to be and i know there was nothing i could have done differently to make it work out... he has issues within himself and until he finds happiness within himself nothing will make him happy. I think his mom could have just been being nosey but at the same time she geniunly liked me and really feels bad about what happened.
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