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Is it okay for wife to visit family without me when I am from the same area?

ezey

By ezey
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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ezey Member

ezey

Posted
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Is it okay for wife to visit family without me when I am from the same area? My wife visits her family 1300 miles away 2-3 times a year.She doesn t take care of herself all year but when its time for the trip she diets,works out,gets hair and nailss done etc.She spends the majority of the time hanging out with people from high school.She lives in a one stoplight town outside of a major city.You should also note I am from the city and not invitrd to go.No matter what our financial situation is she is determined to go.She is also receiving advice from my "independent " step mom who is thirty years younger than my father and promotes this.He's 90.

ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted

Why wouldn't it be okay? Sometimes people just want to see family and spend time with only them. Doesn't mean you can't tag along every now and then but with all due respect yes it is perfectly okay for her to see her family without you being there. It is okay for people to have a life aside from their partner. Are you worried about her being unfaithful?

Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

Posted
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and what keeps you from going with her?

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BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Exactly, what keeps you from going with her.

 

Normally, I wouldn't care to much if my spouse felt the need to return home to see family. But, if she doesn't want you to come because you will kill her party, then you have some pretty big issues to deal with in your marriage.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
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Why would you allow this.

 

She is going to see her lover. That is why you are not invited.

 

Since you allowed this to go on already, I guess you are not a strong enough man to find out who she is seeing and put a stop to it.

 

You know what is going on that is why you are posting here...

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ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted
Why would you allow this.

 

She is going to see her lover. That is why you are not invited.

 

Since you allowed this to go on already, I guess you are not a strong enough man to find out who she is seeing and put a stop to it.

 

You know what is going on that is why you are posting here...

 

*sigh*....

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted

I visited my family all the time wouthout my husband (who was also from the same area) when we were married. He was working a lot and couldn't go. There was never any issue.

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ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted (edited)
I visited my family all the time wouthout my husband (who was also from the same area) when we were married. He was working a lot and couldn't go. There was never any issue.

 

How dare your partner so gullibly trusts you wtf is wrong with him? </sarcasm>

Edited by ZayKayWill
BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
Posted
How dare your partner so gullibly trusts you wtf is wrong with him? </sarcasm>

 

OK, well see...

 

Read his post more carefully. Bet a dollar I'm right if he checks it to it...

  • Like 1
Blanco Established Member

Blanco

Posted
Posted

I thought Blues was being overly cynical, but then I actually read the OP. Something is definitely up.

 

When I read the title, I thought maybe this was an instance where the family was an hour away or something and there were multiple visits during the year. The fact that there's only one annually does make it seem odd that she wouldn't want her husband to accompany her and meet and socialize with her family and friends from her youth.

 

It's not unusual for someone to want to look their best for special occasions, but it's not a good look when this preparation comes with the restriction of her husband being permitted to come along.

ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted
and what keeps you from going with her?

 

Apparently he wasn't invited but that shouldn't automatically be a reason that she's cheating on him. I honestly would be pretty annoyed if my wife felt that I had to invite her everywhere I go just to keep an eye on me...for some reason people automatically assume that when they get in a relationship with someone any hint of having a life outside your partner is automatically a sign of unfaithfulness.

ZayKayWill Established Member

ZayKayWill

Posted
Posted
I thought Blues was being overly cynical, but then I actually read the OP. Something is definitely up.

 

When I read the title, I thought maybe this was an instance where the family was an hour away or something and there were multiple visits during the year. The fact that there's only one annually does make it seem odd that she wouldn't want her husband to accompany her and meet and socialize with her family and friends from her youth.

 

It's not unusual for someone to want to look their best for special occasions, but it's not a good look when this preparation comes with the restriction of her husband being permitted to come along.

 

Eh to be fair if she's going 3x a year and he hasn't met the family at least once yet then maybe something is up. I personally would be annoyed if my wife felt the need to come with me on every occasion just to keep an eye on me though.

Friskyone4u Established Member

Friskyone4u

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Apparently he wasn't invited but that shouldn't automatically be a reason that she's cheating on him. I honestly would be pretty annoyed if my wife felt that I had to invite her everywhere I go just to keep an eye on me...for some reason people automatically assume that when they get in a relationship with someone any hint of having a life outside your partner is automatically a sign of unfaithfulness.

 

Really, how about if she just went without him without all the dolling up that is high on the list of signs your wife is cheating. This is bizarre behavior to say the least. It is understandable that sometimes she might want to go alone, but basically going ghosts on him with high school buddies after all this personal grooming is way out of the ordinary and OP you should not play ostrich. Now why is she getting this makeover all the time to go to a one stoplight town. I don't think she has to look sexy for her family.

 

OP, the bigger question is why are you putting up with this **** and not telling her you are coming whether she likes it or not and you are going to find out what she is doing there that makes your presence so unattractive.

  • Like 1
Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

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Well...I get my hair and nails done on a regular basis so I can't relate to that part....however....before we go on vacation i do extra things to feel my best.

 

SO I do relate to why she is doing that. She is going on vacation...she wants to look and feel her best.

 

Is she cheating? I would hate to think that just because someone wants to look good...we have grounds for suspecting cheating.....

 

I dont beleive in seperate vacations....period. However....i certainly dont understand a trip back hpme to see relatives...alone....

 

He is a relative too....he should go with her.

 

I want to know why he doesn't.....

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I would think that she would want you to go with her... And the fact that she doesn't, has to make you wonder...

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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One spouse can go anywhere without the other spouse. They are married not joined at the hip. I went on a girls trip last Fall. DH may go visit some buddies over the summer. I'm actually encouraging him to go even though I don't want to attend.

 

 

This scenario is different. Your wife seems to be regularly running away from you. Even if there is no affair it's certainly not healthy behavior. It's eroding the foundation of your marriage not solidifying it.

 

 

Have you ever discussed it with her? Have you ever told her you want to come along? If your father still lives there, time your next visit to see him with one of her trips -- just show up. See what you find.

  • Like 1
Mrs. John Adams Established Member

Mrs. John Adams

Posted
Posted
One spouse can go anywhere without the other spouse. They are married not joined at the hip. I went on a girls trip last Fall. DH may go visit some buddies over the summer. I'm actually encouraging him to go even though I don't want to attend.

 

 

This scenario is different. Your wife seems to be regularly running away from you. Even if there is no affair it's certainly not healthy behavior. It's eroding the foundation of your marriage not solidifying it.

 

 

Have you ever discussed it with her? Have you ever told her you want to come along? If your father still lives there, time your next visit to see him with one of her trips -- just show up. See what you find.

 

If she is going to visit family...he is also family...and if he wants to go...why cant he?

 

He still of course has not answered this question....why cant he go?

understand50 Established Member

understand50

Posted
Posted

It may be a matter of cost. The OP may not really get along with her family. There is a bunch of reasons. Cheating could be one of them, or not. I think the OP needs to just go with her, as they are married and a couple.

road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

Where is smoke there is fire.

If it walks like a duck, sounds like a duck,

swims like a duck, it's a duck.

For what this BH has written dollars to doughnuts

his WW goes back home to step out on him.

 

Stepping Out: also known as having an affair, cheating,

infidelity, unfaithful, having an open marriage but

not telling her BH about that little detail.

  • Like 1
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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How is your marriage generally?

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ezey Member

ezey

Posted
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No the visits are 2'-3 times a year June to August. Wanted to go for 20 days last year.

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ezey Member

ezey

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Why wouldn't it be okay? Sometimes people just want to see family and spend time with only them. Doesn't mean you can't tag along every now and then but with all due respect yes it is perfectly okay for her to see her family without you being there. It is okay for people to have a life aside from their partner. Are you worried about her being unfaithful?

 

No 2'-3 times June 'August.

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ezey Member

ezey

Posted
  • Author
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She daid if I go she will stay home.Last year dog and 23 year old at home.This year sporting event for younger son.

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ezey Member

ezey

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Doesn't answer phone for hours.Thursday's on two trips mother said gone since 4.I just called at 10:30 to say good night. Said she left phone in friends car. After first trip female problems no sex. 3 days before second trip uses 3 day mOnistat.

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