Cassie1991 Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 So my SO has been really good at communicating and recently I feel like he's pulled away or wants to stop communicating. He usually tells me what he's up to for the day and I do the same for him if we aren't going to be together. Also, if he's out w his friends he will send me a text or call which is totally cool. Lately he hasn't been. Should I be worried? Like today I asked what he was up to and he said idk maybe hang out w so and so.. haven't heard from since 2 and now it's 7pm. I wouldn't be concerned if this was regular but it's not.
preraph Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 I'd be worried because it's a change in behavior. He could be losing interest or taking you for granted, or he could be pursuing someone else. Hate to be sneaky, but you could follow him next time he's acting like this and leaves and see where he goes. Once you know he's planning on going, leave ahead of him and then wait for him to go so he won't be thinking you could possibly be following him. I mean, sometimes it's better to be sneaky than to cause a big stink and it turns out to be nothing. Since he's said he's hanging out, maybe even now while he's gone you can drive by his friends' houses and see if his car is there.
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 I just texted him and asked what he's doing and he sent me a text and Snapchat. But he's usually the one to check in on me if he's out. I feel like if I weren't to text him for hours when I'm w friends hed blow up my phine
basil67 Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I just texted him and asked what he's doing and he sent me a text and Snapchat. But he's usually the one to check in on me if he's out. I feel like if I weren't to text him for hours when I'm w friends hed blow up my phine You shouldn't have to respond when you're out with friends. If he blows up your phone, enforce your boundaries. Likewise, it's reasonable for him to hot have to answer your messages when he's out with his friends. 1
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 I'm not saying text me every second when he's out. Im Saying his usual behavior is that he usually lets me know when and where and he checks on me. I don't text him. He texts me or calls me "hey babe how's it going" or "I love you". Now I don't hear from him for hours. I wouldn't be worried but I am since it's changed. And he likes to drink and drive which makes my worries skyrocket
Bastile Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 The period just after initial infatuation is actually quite tricky. I think as guys, we naturally aren't that great at communication. And we don't need as much of it than women do. What used to happen often with me was that I'd start off messaging a lot of bland stuff, the typical "how was your day?" and the like. And after a period, it would feel worn out. And I'd just be doing it to keep girlfriends happy. That naturally comes across as "pulling away". But I think most men are just satisfied to know that you're going to be meeting them Tuesday at 7PM. That's about the only communication they really need - to set up logistics and the like. In that case, It would be better to judge him based on his actions instead. And If having a guy that is good with messaging is a big deal to you, then perhaps question compatibility.
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 But I've been out before and after a while of not texting him hed blow up my phone. So why do I get this treatment and not him? I'm always courteous to his needs.
greymatter Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I'm not saying text me every second when he's out. Im Saying his usual behavior is that he usually lets me know when and where and he checks on me. I don't text him. He texts me or calls me "hey babe how's it going" or "I love you". Now I don't hear from him for hours. I wouldn't be worried but I am since it's changed. And he likes to drink and drive which makes my worries skyrocket I'd be a lot more worried that he is going to kill someone drinking and driving than about how long it has been since he has texted. I'll also admit when you first said he is pulling back, I wondered if he had any issues with substance abuse because that can certainly alter someone's behavior and priorities.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 And he likes to drink and drive which makes my worries skyrocket You should be worried. He has a potentially fatal habit, and I truly feel that people who do this are by nature very selfish and exercise very poor judgment. To me, this says a lot more about his character than him not being as communicative as normal. 2
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 I'd be a lot more worried that he is going to kill someone drinking and driving than about how long it has been since he has texted. I'll also admit when you first said he is pulling back, I wondered if he had any issues with substance abuse because that can certainly alter someone's behavior and priorities. It does worry me a lot, that's why I like when he's texted me letting me know that he's ok. And now he's stopped, which makes me nervous. We've talked about it before and his response is "I never drive far no more than 5 miles and I'm good at it (drunk driving)" Last night I just about broke up with him, to let him know that all of this is not ok.
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 You should be worried. He has a potentially fatal habit, and I truly feel that people who do this are by nature very selfish and exercise very poor judgment. To me, this says a lot more about his character than him not being as communicative as normal. I agree, and I've told him this. I don't think it's ok or right in anymore sense. And when I don't hear from him in 7-8 hrs I worry and I think he's dead in a ditch somewhere because ik he's been drinking. But like I said, this is new behavior for him, not texting me for that long.
normal person Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I'm not saying text me every second when he's out. Im Saying his usual behavior is that he usually lets me know when and where and he checks on me. I don't text him. He texts me or calls me "hey babe how's it going" or "I love you". Now I don't hear from him for hours. I wouldn't be worried but I am since it's changed. Some people only have so much patience for trivial messages like this, I'm one of them. The thought of having the following exchange every day for months: "Hey babe how's it going" "good, u?" "good" "cool" ...makes me want to bang my head against the wall. It's just mindless and a waste of time. It's entirely possible he's just gotten to the point where he doesn't need to text you until there's something worth saying, because that generic conversation has no affect on him anymore. And he likes to drink and drive which makes my worries skyrocket Break up with him immediately.
Arieswoman Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 Cassie1991, We've talked about it before and his response is "I never drive far no more than 5 miles and I'm good at it (drunk driving)" No No No This is stupid, irresponsible, behaviour and a stupid, irresponsible, attitude. BIG RED FLAG Please dump this guy, and do it NOW.
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 Some people only have so much patience for trivial messages like this, I'm one of them. The thought of having the following exchange every day for months: "Hey babe how's it going" "good, u?" "good" "cool" ...makes me want to bang my head against the wall. It's just mindless and a waste of time. It's entirely possible he's just gotten to the point where he doesn't need to text you until there's something worth saying, because that generic conversation has no affect on him anymore. Break up with him immediately. Maybe it's not a big deal anymore to him, but it is to me.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 It does worry me a lot, that's why I like when he's texted me letting me know that he's ok. And now he's stopped, which makes me nervous. We've talked about it before and his response is "I never drive far no more than 5 miles and I'm good at it (drunk driving)" Last night I just about broke up with him, to let him know that all of this is not ok. I'm sorry, but I would have definitely ended it. He cannot be serious with that crap. I expect a lot more from the men I date. He would have firmly placed himself in the "Un-dateable" category with his behaviour and attitude surrounding this.
normal person Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 Maybe it's not a big deal anymore to him, but it is to me. Well that's a discussion you have to have with him. If you can't reach a compromise on it, it's probably time you break up. And that's not considering his drunk driving, which you absolutely should break with him for anyways. I'm sort of flabbergasted that your concern seems to be that he doesn't text you as much as he used and not that he frequently puts himself on the brink of murdering people. We've talked about it before and his response is "I never drive far no more than 5 miles and I'm good at it (drunk driving)" Last night I just about broke up with him, to let him know that all of this is not ok. But in the end you didn't break up with him, sending him the message that it's totally ok and that your threats are meaningless. Obviously it's "ok" enough for you to still be with him. You have not enforced any negative consequences, and you're actually empowering him to do it more because now he knows your threats are idle. No offense but I don't understand why on Earth you'd want to be with someone so callous and arrogant, who willfully puts other peoples' lives at risk. Honestly, you should be glad he doesn't text you. This guy is a vehicular homicide case waiting to happen. Report him to the police and get the hell away from him for your own sake.
Author Cassie1991 Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 Well that's a discussion you have to have with him. If you can't reach a compromise on it, it's probably time you break up. And that's not considering his drunk driving, which you absolutely should break with him for anyways. I'm sort of flabbergasted that your concern seems to be that he doesn't text you as much as he used and not that he frequently puts himself on the brink of murdering people. But in the end you didn't break up with him, sending him the message that it's totally ok and that your threats are meaningless. Obviously it's "ok" enough for you to still be with him. You have not enforced any negative consequences, and you're actually empowering him to do it more because now he knows your threats are idle. No offense but I don't understand why on Earth you'd want to be with someone so callous and arrogant, who willfully puts other peoples' lives at risk. Honestly, you should be glad he doesn't text you. This guy is a vehicular homicide case waiting to happen. Report him to the police and get the hell away from him for your own sake. I'm concerned on both ends. When he doesn't text me my main reason is worry. I think he does have a drinking problem, he you're right I should break up with him just for that reason. I was so close and didn't, it's harder than you think.
normal person Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I'm concerned on both ends. When he doesn't text me my main reason is worry. I think he does have a drinking problem, Alcoholism shouldn't concern you as much as drinking and getting behind a wheel and endangering other innocent people.. He can kill someone easily. he you're right I should break up with him just for that reason. I was so close and didn't, it's harder than you think. This guy shows horrific judgment and no regard for human life. It's only a matter of time before he ruins multiple peoples' lives irreparably. It shouldn't be "hard" to break up with someone like this. It's common sense. No one should be this person. He makes selfish, dangerous, objectively horrible decisions. You can do something about it easily like telling the cops, giving them his plates and make/model, letting them when he's doing it and where, but you just choose not to. God forbid something happens, good luck living with that on your conscience.
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