max3732 Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 I've finally decided to give speed dating a try and am a little nervous about it. I searched online and see these huge lists of questions, like where are you from, what do you do for fun, etc. These all seem like fine things to ask, but I think if I start trying to remember questions from a list it means things aren't going well. From what I can you sit down with someone for a certain amount of time and then there is some kind of buzzer and you go talk to someone else. My question here is what do you do when she first sits down or you approach her? Do you just say "if you were stuck on an island what 3 possessions would you bring?" or some other of these questions? I want to be more natural and genuine, but also know if the woman is actually attractive I'm going to be extremely nervous and probably terrified. What kinds of things should I say when we're first introduced? "You look nice", "Hi, how's your evening going?" I've just never tried to approach someone in a situation like this before and I want to make sure I'm not robotic. I've also been told when I get nervous I tend to act like Alan from "Two and a half men", which I definitely want to avoid
BaileyB Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Just be yourself. The best advice I can give you is to have a conversation with each woman. Ask the woman a question, listen to her response, then follow-up with something that continues the conversation - either volunteer information about yourself or ask another related question. Do NOT tell her all about yourself like you have a series of talking points you want to get across... a conversation needs give and take, back and forth. Do NOT ask her question after question like she is on a job interview. Don't feel like you have to ask silly questions like what she would take to a deserted island - it just makes you look goofy. Just think about the things you would like to know about the woman and ask those things. Like any other date, keep it light and avoid topics that could cause conflict - religion, politics, etc. Don't talk about sex and don't use any sexual innuendo - much too soon for that and most women will file you in her "creepy and he wants sex file." Humor goes a long way... if you can try and make her laugh, that's a good thing. The first question is the worst - if you can think of something humorous to say... that may break the ice. For example, (ask her... "I have a very important question for you - beach or camping holiday - which would you prefer? That leads into discussion of what you like to do for fun... And remember - it's not a date. It's an introduction. You don't need to learn everything about her, you just have to try and make a good impression and decide if you like her enough to see her again. Good luck! And have fun...
mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I've thought about it just to say that I have done it. See the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin for a good laugh on it. But I am too embarrassed to try it, I might end up with a whackjob and there is no way to get out of it. But I digress ... I would start by saying your name and their saying their name and shaking hands. Isn't that how you start off everything with people?
BaileyB Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I met my boyfriend at a speed dating event, of all places. He said that he wanted to meet me from the moment he walked into the room and he came to sit with me first. The rest, is history... For me, there was nothing embarrassing about it. It's just an opportunity to meet a bunch of people in a short period of time. I much preferred it to online dating because you can actually talk to the person and get a feeling for who they are and whether you "click." Just have fun with it. And good for you for putting yourself out there. I hope you meet someone nice. Even if you think you may like someone, check "Yes, I'd like to see her again." You never know until you meet for coffee and spend more time together. Have fun!
Author max3732 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 I met my boyfriend at a speed dating event, of all places. He said that he wanted to meet me from the moment he walked into the room and he came to sit with me first. The rest, is history... For me, there was nothing embarrassing about it. It's just an opportunity to meet a bunch of people in a short period of time. I much preferred it to online dating because you can actually talk to the person and get a feeling for who they are and whether you "click." Just have fun with it. And good for you for putting yourself out there. I hope you meet someone nice. Even if you think you may like someone, check "Yes, I'd like to see her again." You never know until you meet for coffee and spend more time together. Have fun! Thanks. I'm going to it soon and am pretty nervous. Any suggestion about good/bad topics besides the ones already mentioned? Seems like everyone says "hi. where are you from" or "what do you do for fun/work". I'd like to introduce myself and say something a bit different, but nothing crazy.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Definitely compliment her as a first thing to say. If you don't think she has a pretty face, at least compliment her hair, her blouse, her manicure... Then, how about, "so what's keeping you busy these days?" I learned this phrase from a woman I used to work for who was great at cocktail parties and I was always terrified of them as an introvert. It's summertime, so asking about vacation plans is a good one, too. Good luck!
tetrahedral Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 I've never gone speed dating but I'm good at meeting people at parties, which fundamentally is a more organic version of the same thing, no? Some advice. 1) Be a good listener. If you asked 100 people if they are good listeners, most would say yes. But many people are really sh*tty listeners. Or average at best. There's a difference between "listening" and being there. You've got to really BE THERE to have a good conversation. Not waiting for your turn to speak, not thinking about what to say while he/she talks. Really give a f**k. It makes a difference. 2) Don't read off a script. Things like "where do you live" or "what do you do for a living" are like pulling teeth. My rule of thumb is this. If you can imagine the other person's aunt asking them a question at a family gathering, then you shouldn't be asking the question. 3) About compliments. I would only compliment someone if there's something very specific (almost oddly so) about them.
tetrahedral Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Oh, and people love to laugh, but more is less with humor. She's looking for a guy she's attracted to, not a comedian. As long as you sneak in something clever to crack her up at some point, you got the point across that you're capable of it. No need to stand on your head. When I was younger I was definitely guilty of overdoing it in that department.
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Oh, and people love to laugh, but more is less with humor. She's looking for a guy she's attracted to, not a comedian. As long as you sneak in something clever to crack her up at some point, you got the point across that you're capable of it. No need to stand on your head. When I was younger I was definitely guilty of overdoing it in that department. Definitely agree. Also agree about the compliments. Only compliment her if you are sincere. People can tell the difference. Besides, if you like her enough to see her again... You can always offer a compliment then (ie. I really liked xxxx this about you when we met or you look beautiful tonight). Interestingly, one of the things that I liked most about my experience was that the guy I met came over to me after the event to tell me how much he enjoyed meeting me and that he hoped to see me again. That took courage - but I loved it because I knew he was interested. Good luck!
Author max3732 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Definitely compliment her as a first thing to say. If you don't think she has a pretty face, at least compliment her hair, her blouse, her manicure... Then, how about, "so what's keeping you busy these days?" I learned this phrase from a woman I used to work for who was great at cocktail parties and I was always terrified of them as an introvert. It's summertime, so asking about vacation plans is a good one, too. Good luck! I really like the question "so what's keeping you busy these days?" My experience wasn't as bad as in the scene from the 40 year old virgin, but it wasn't good either. There wasn't a single woman there I was interested in. Most were much older than me or just weren't at all what I was looking for. I actually had nice conversations with a lot of them, so it was good practice for me talking to strangers, but it didn't help my dating prospects at all. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 I really like the question "so what's keeping you busy these days?" My experience wasn't as bad as in the scene from the 40 year old virgin, but it wasn't good either. There wasn't a single woman there I was interested in. Most were much older than me or just weren't at all what I was looking for. I actually had nice conversations with a lot of them, so it was good practice for me talking to strangers, but it didn't help my dating prospects at all. I'm curious, what was the age group of most of the people there and how many were there?
Miss Peach Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 For me I judge men a lot by how I feel around them. So if the conversation is fun I get more interested in them. If they seem negative, it's strained, etc. then I tend to not want to see them again. 1
Author max3732 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 I'm curious, what was the age group of most of the people there and how many were there? There were about 24 total (12 men/12 women) and while there were a few women in the age range I was looking for (under 40), most were between 40 and 50. The only one that was really physically attractive was the exact opposite of what I wanted personality wise. I may try online dating so I can narrow down the search a bit, but have heard some horror stories with that too.
Author max3732 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 For me I judge men a lot by how I feel around them. So if the conversation is fun I get more interested in them. If they seem negative, it's strained, etc. then I tend to not want to see them again. That's kind of how I feel with women too. Afterwards I forgot exactly what they said, but I remembered how I felt when talking to them
telemakus Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 If you're good looking it won't matter what you say. If you're not...It won't matter what you say.
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