bodie87 Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Hi all, I'm new to this forum, but need somewhere to get some advice! I apologise in advance as this could be a lengthy post!! I am 30 years old and this is the first time I have really dated properly. After being single for 8 years, in 2015 I met a guy that I had been speaking to on POF. He was amazing. Our first date was the best that I could have ever hoped for. He was so kind, caring and just lovely. Things moved pretty fast with him and it was a pretty intense relationship. He text me all the time, and would only not reply to my messages if he was angry or annoyed with me. We went out for 2 years, moved in together after 4 months. The relationship ended after I had had enough of his cheating and anger issues and after he attacked me one night. After the relationship ended and doing some research, I came to the realisation that he was a narcissist. I was just so desperate not to be alone that I went along with it all and forgave him so many times, gave him so many chances before I finally saw sense! I left him a year ago. I started talking to a guy from POF a few months ago (he is 26, so 4 years younger than me). At first, he was texting me almost all day every day. He asked me a lot of questions, wanted to know about my family - you know, normal questions. I haven't ever felt that he was being too full-on. We have been on 2 dates - both of which were nice and relaxed, we had a good laugh. We did sleep together on our 2nd date - not something that I would normally do so soon, but it just felt right. He wasn't pushing for it to happen and neither was I, it just happened naturally. Before our 2nd date however, he started to go quiet on me with his texts. It would go a couple of days without a message, and it felt strange after he was texting me so much in the first week or so. He has been on holiday for the past 2 weeks. I wasn't expecting any texts from him whist he was away, but he did text me yesterday asking me how things were going here, and was asking me what I'd like to do when we next "meet up" (he comes back on Monday) As I have only really had my experience with my ex to go on, I am a bit confused, and my anxiety is making me question absolutely everything!!! He knows that I am not looking for something casual, that I am dating with the hope of a relationship. I've made that clear, and his profile said that he was looking for the same. I do like him, he makes me laugh and he seems like a very sweet guy who has his life together. Has a good job, a place of his own etc. Does it sound like he is genuinely interested in me, and in getting to know me more, or would you think that his interest is starting to fade due to the lack of texts? Do I just need to calm the heck down and try and stop being so paranoid and insecure?
Author bodie87 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 Anyone able to offer any insight? As an update, he text me the last 3 days of his holiday and when he got home yesterday and lastnight.
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 It is possible that you've had your first one-night stand. It's OK if you decide you want to be intimate early in a dating scenario, but if you are looking for a relationship for yourself as your dating goal, it's best to refrain from that until you've at least been on a few dates, have had a conversation about what each of you are looking for and make sure you're on the same page in terms of goals. I always tell women that, the first time they sleep with a man, even if they've been dating for a while, they should expect it to be a ONS until he shows her otherwise. Even if he says he is dating for the purpose of finding a long-term partner, you need to sit back and observe whether he dates you that way by being patient and spending time to get to know you, maintaining consistent communication, etc. All that being said, you sit back and chill a little bit. He's been away traveling and you two are not in a relationship yet and have only had two dates. He's hopefully just focusing on his trip and isn't going to really be thinking about a woman he's only had two dates. I might expect him to keep better communication if you had been on more dates. Not so much after only 2. Yeah, it would be really nice if he kept up the communication while he was away, but I wouldn't put too much stock in it either way right now. See what happens when he returns. If he picks up communication again, schedules another date with you, great. If not, just chalk it up to having an ONS and keep moving forward and date other guys.
Author bodie87 Posted June 13, 2017 Author Posted June 13, 2017 It is possible that you've had your first one-night stand. It's OK if you decide you want to be intimate early in a dating scenario, but if you are looking for a relationship for yourself as your dating goal, it's best to refrain from that until you've at least been on a few dates, have had a conversation about what each of you are looking for and make sure you're on the same page in terms of goals. I always tell women that, the first time they sleep with a man, even if they've been dating for a while, they should expect it to be a ONS until he shows her otherwise. Even if he says he is dating for the purpose of finding a long-term partner, you need to sit back and observe whether he dates you that way by being patient and spending time to get to know you, maintaining consistent communication, etc. All that being said, you sit back and chill a little bit. He's been away traveling and you two are not in a relationship yet and have only had two dates. He's hopefully just focusing on his trip and isn't going to really be thinking about a woman he's only had two dates. I might expect him to keep better communication if you had been on more dates. Not so much after only 2. Yeah, it would be really nice if he kept up the communication while he was away, but I wouldn't put too much stock in it either way right now. See what happens when he returns. If he picks up communication again, schedules another date with you, great. If not, just chalk it up to having an ONS and keep moving forward and date other guys. Thank you for the reply! As an update, he got home yesterday and has been in contact with me for the past few days now. We've spoke about date number 3, but just waiting until his jet lag passes before we set a date for that. I'm trying very hard to keep my anxious thoughts at bay and to just try and enjoy this and see where it goes. Sometimes it is just so hard! 1
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2017 Posted June 13, 2017 Keep yourself busy and focused on you and your life as much as possible especially very early in new dating scenarios. Manage your emotions and expectations as well by balancing them with logic and objectivity and weigh surrounding circumstances when anxiety levels increase. Don't focus on every little "blip" that happens. Sit back and observe. 1
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