Rachel15012 Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Just wondering if anyone knows of any good healing retreats anytime soon. I am currently going through a separation from my husband after 12 years because of his infedility.He wants to take time off and him do his own thing and me do mine. We have kids ages 11, 8,4, 7 months.It has been very difficult for me. I lack concentration, sleeplessness, poor appetite, anxiety. I do not have friends I can talk my personal problem with or family.Anyone please help!
HadMeOverABarrel Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Just wondering if anyone knows of any good healing retreats anytime soon. I am currently going through a separation from my husband after 12 years because of his infedility.He wants to take time off and him do his own thing and me do mine. We have kids ages 11, 8,4, 7 months.It has been very difficult for me. I lack concentration, sleeplessness, poor appetite, anxiety. I do not have friends I can talk my personal problem with or family.Anyone please help! See healing workshops here as well. They have a good one coming up in a couple weeks. Click link: https://kripalu.org/ 1
road Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Separating never helps the marriage recover. It only helps the WH to continue his affair. Is the affair over? How do you know there is NC between WH and his OW? 1
somanymistakes Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 It may not help the marriage recover, but it may help THEM recover as individuals and come to terms with what's happened. Dealing with the stress and shock and trying to get her eating and sleeping back under control is a good thing regardless. 1
Mrs. John Adams Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 It may not help the marriage recover, but it may help THEM recover as individuals and come to terms with what's happened. Dealing with the stress and shock and trying to get her eating and sleeping back under control is a good thing regardless. absolutley I would recommend also seeing a doctor...you might need some sleep aid or anti depressants for a little while to help you. Also get into therapy...it will give you someone you can talk to who can also assist you. I will agree with road that often when a wayward recommends seperation...it is becaseu they want to be with the affair partner with no guilt. If you do want to reconcile...seperation is not the best answer...however...you cannot make your wayward stay. He has to WANT to stay. Best of luck and please take care of you..... 1
aileD Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Um he wants to "take time off and do his own thing" while leaving you to deal with the house, four kids, and the pain of infidelity? Pack up the kids, drop them off with him and find a two week long retreat.... 1
Author Rachel15012 Posted June 10, 2017 Author Posted June 10, 2017 He is currently staying home basically we are both living under the same roof. He limits talking to me won't even look at me. I called the women he was having the affair with and she had no idea he was married. He just told her we were divorced and had 2 kids together. Our conversation was finalized with what she said that she had too many things going on in her life to worry about this he is all yours. After that he called me very upset saying he was leaving the house witch never happened. I knew something was going on after too many out of town for work excuses. I found his old phone witch had all evidence that he was cheating. What really upset him was the fact that I'm supposedly always checking up on him. Witch is not true what so ever. He said he can live with someone always checking up on him. After numerous times of asking him if he had something to tell me he would say everything was fine. So I did what I had to do because he wasn't being honest. He is also upset because I called her mistress he thinks this situation was between only me and him not a third person and the way I handled it was not the best way for him. I live in Utah so I would like to travel out of state for a retreat that will lift me up. Preferably 3 to 4 day retreat.
somanymistakes Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 He is also upset because I called her mistress he thinks this situation was between only me and him not a third person and the way I handled it was not the best way for him. it wasn't the best way for him because now his girlfriend knows he's a liar and she's mad at him! does he not see how self-centered he's being about that? he's the one who brought a third person into the situation... Sorry, I know you know all this, I'm just shaking my head at him. I can't even. 1
understand50 Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 He is currently staying home basically we are both living under the same roof. He limits talking to me won't even look at me. I called the women he was having the affair with and she had no idea he was married. He just told her we were divorced and had 2 kids together. Our conversation was finalized with what she said that she had too many things going on in her life to worry about this he is all yours. After that he called me very upset saying he was leaving the house witch never happened. I knew something was going on after too many out of town for work excuses. I found his old phone witch had all evidence that he was cheating. What really upset him was the fact that I'm supposedly always checking up on him. Witch is not true what so ever. He said he can live with someone always checking up on him. After numerous times of asking him if he had something to tell me he would say everything was fine. So I did what I had to do because he wasn't being honest. He is also upset because I called her mistress he thinks this situation was between only me and him not a third person and the way I handled it was not the best way for him. I live in Utah so I would like to travel out of state for a retreat that will lift me up. Preferably 3 to 4 day retreat. Rachel15012, As you live in UT, I am going to make an assumption that you may be Mormon. If so the church does have resources that can be of help. If you are not, they will still help, all you have to do is ask. BTW, I am not a Mormon. There are other resources that you could use as well, Loveshack being a small part of the whole. Joining a craft group, or joining a service group can also help you meet people. Meeting and getting to know people is not something that just happens, you must work at it. I know at this this time this is cold comfort. Remember this is not your fault, and that in the end it will work out right. As to your husband, separation never works, and I hope you two wrote down rules that need to be followed, while you are separated. Bottom line he is not showing real remorse. Below is a link that discusses what remorse is, I think it will help you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/609550-guilt-vs-remorse-vs-shame-relates-affairs My take is as follows. My main thrust, is that the Wondering Spouse, owns all that is needed to the betrayed spouse. In the English language, Remorse means the following: noun, deep and painful regret for wrongdoing; compunction. So from a strictly literal grammatical point of view, remorse, is just a handy way of stating that you have regret, shame, guilt and so fourth for your actions. I think for us here, a larger meaning is evident. We have had many give their personal meaning from Mrs J.A, to Merrmeade, Shattered Lady, and others. Each has a take, and "knows" what this means, but in relating gives a twist. Here is what I think, Remorse, true remorse, in the context of infidelity, or any action(s) that you have done to grievously wound your spouse, child or other family members, is the ability to look beyond yourself, your well being, and your own interests and feel the pain and hurt caused by your actions, and in so doing, begin to try and make things right to restore trust in an relationship. It is allowing the injured person to select what they need to heal, from you, and for you to supply it to the best of your understanding and ability. At it core, you place their needs above your own, and take on any discomfort, embarrassment, shame, security and loss of secrecy, that is needed to repair your and theirs relationship. You must lastly become an open book, and live mutually transparent with them. Of course, there are limits. I would say, physical harm, or loss of human dignity should not be offered, or accepted, but the one who has trespassed, must be willing to put the other ahead of them in the relationshipp. Again, my take. Other state it well. I wish you luck..... 1
Author Rachel15012 Posted June 14, 2017 Author Posted June 14, 2017 Thank you all for taking the time to give me advice. I am really trying to make this work but it just seems that he doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore. I really don't know what else I can do.
mercy Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Greatest place ever and it's kinda close to you - https://www.shambhalamountain.org/programs-retreats/ I loved it, hopefully you'll love it. You're going alone, right? I did. So happy I went alone. So much to learn about yourself. So beautiful inside and out. Peace, centered, love. Can't say enough good things about this place.
BaileyB Posted June 14, 2017 Posted June 14, 2017 Thank you all for taking the time to give me advice. I am really trying to make this work but it just seems that he doesn't want to be in this relationship anymore. I really don't know what else I can do. If he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself and your children. Find a good lawyer. And please, find a counsellor or someone at church who can help you to deal with the loss of your marriage. Good luck to you.
Author Rachel15012 Posted June 16, 2017 Author Posted June 16, 2017 So today I woke up with him apologizing for doing me wrong. He admited about the affair and said he was truly sorry. He wants to spend his life with me and live a happy life with his family. He wants to take us on vacation and have a reconciliation getaway with me. I told him that I need to see actions before I Know that he really is being sincere.
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