ExposedBrick Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 I recently read an article that suggested making a written description of what you want in a partner to aid in the dating process. So far, I came up with the list below and I am wondering if it seems reasonable to find all these qualities in one person: -adequate physical attraction, doesn't have to be a model -dry, sarcastic, silly, or goofy sense of humor that compliments my own - fun, not uptight - can be one of the gang/get along with my friends - responsible/sensible has a career - educated, freethinker - down to earth, not pretentious - preferably, not religious, or minimally religious - enjoys drinking alcohol and is an adventurous eater -comes up with fun ideas/activities to do, doesn't rely on me to plan everything - enjoys getting out and doing things, not just "recharging" with Netflix - likes the idea of socializing and entertaining others - wants a family I am wondering if this list seems too vague or specific, please give me your feedback. I'm really aiming to get things right. In the past, I have found responsible,educated, and attractive women to date but have felt unfulfilled by them being on the uptight/boring side. I'm trying to not make the same mistake again. All of my friends and myself I would characterize as responsible, sensible, highly educated adults that know how to let loose. That's what I want to find. 1
Maggie4 Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 I think you only need to say: drinks alcohol, highly educated, not religious. The rest are all to be expected of someone desirable, so there is no need to list them.
Dis Posted June 9, 2017 Posted June 9, 2017 Hey there! I think you've got the right idea but it sounds a little to detailed and demanding Plus, there might be a woman you'd really hit it off with but she might be a picky eater (just an example from one of your criteria) and once she sees thats kind of a deal breaker for you...poof she's gone I once read a guy's profile and he had a long list...a little longer than what you've written up and I guarantee you, because of how extensive his list was...there wasnt one woman on the site who fit all of his criteria...I'm sure a lot of women passed on him due to that list You think you may be doing yourself a favor by creating a list...but what you're really doing is shooting yourself in the foot...narrowing your options I totally understand we all want our SO to have specific traits but part of OLD is being reasonably open while doing lots of sifting You're on the right track. Just try to cut that list in half Best of luck! 1
Mrin Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Just a suggestion. Perhaps a better way to go about this is not to describe who she is but rather how she makes you feel to be in a relationship with her. For instance let's take your dry sense of humor. That's a characteristic but what you're really getting at is how a person with a dry sense of humor makes you feel. I think you'll find that describing this from an emotional standpoint is going to give you a clear view of what you want
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 I think it's fine to want those things. I think putting that list out there as written on a dating site makes you come off as picky & controlling. Can you rephrase it to something like: Seeking a woman who stimulates my mind & heart, as well as my body. Must be open minded, adventurous diner who gets along with all sorts of people in a variety of situations. If you are down to earth but like to explore feel free to click yes! 2
JuneL Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 I think it's fine to want those things. I think putting that list out there as written on a dating site makes you come off as picky & controlling. Can you rephrase it to something like: Seeking a woman who stimulates my mind & heart, as well as my body. Must be open minded, adventurous diner who gets along with all sorts of people in a variety of situations. If you are down to earth but like to explore feel free to click yes! This is a great summary, though I would change the word "must" to soften the tone a bit. Btw, you should totally be an editor for those online dating sites ;-)
d0nnivain Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 Btw, you should totally be an editor for those online dating sites ;-) Ugh. But many profiles could use some editing. lol
OatsAndHall Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 I think it's fine to want those things. I think putting that list out there as written on a dating site makes you come off as picky & controlling. Can you rephrase it to something like: Seeking a woman who stimulates my mind & heart, as well as my body. Must be open minded, adventurous diner who gets along with all sorts of people in a variety of situations. If you are down to earth but like to explore feel free to click yes! OLD profile descriptions are all about selling yourself and not necessarily what you're looking for in a relationship. The basic profile questions tend to answer those. Here's what I have found to be a quality profile for guys: 1. Keep your profile description fun. Mine were just basically sarcastic quips and references to movies and music. I got a lot of responses when I kicked over to this. They were well written (USE PROPER GRAMMAR...) and stood out from the usual "looking for love..", "fun, laid back guy looking to share their life with someone", etc..etc.. 2. I would avoid making a list of potential qualities in a person as it can be a put-off. I have seen this on many women's profiles and it is kind of a turn-off for me as sometimes it just doesn't sound realistic. I might fit every criteria but a list of ten "attributes" almost comes across as ultimatums.. 3. Honestly, your profile pics will be a HUGE determining factor in the responses you get. Post a nice selfie of yourself, a few full body pics and some photos with family and friends that aren't staged. It's nice if you have a pic showing something you like doing. I used to compete in the Highland Games and have a picture of myself in a kilt with my friends. Those kinds of pics will attract the most attention and not the endless string of selfies and mirror pics.. 4. List a few hobbies, interests, movie/music likes but don't go overboard. I get overwhelmed when I read a woman's profile and there's a gigantic list of these types of things. Leave something to the imagination. 5. Just try to present yourself as best you can without coming across as needy or fussy. Many woman have said that they liked my profile because it showed my sense of humor but it was also laid back and fun. There are far too many profiles out there that just scream "I AM TRYING TOO HARD!!!". 3
Shanex Posted June 10, 2017 Posted June 10, 2017 These are valid points but could scare away some people. It's a bit picky and the person who can lives up to all these qualities is a rare fish, really. On these OLD sites, probably no more than 1 on 10 men and woman qualify for the points mentioned in the list.
Author ExposedBrick Posted June 11, 2017 Author Posted June 11, 2017 Hey there! I think you've got the right idea but it sounds a little to detailed and demanding Plus, there might be a woman you'd really hit it off with but she might be a picky eater (just an example from one of your criteria) and once she sees thats kind of a deal breaker for you...poof she's gone I once read a guy's profile and he had a long list...a little longer than what you've written up and I guarantee you, because of how extensive his list was...there wasnt one woman on the site who fit all of his criteria...I'm sure a lot of women passed on him due to that list You think you may be doing yourself a favor by creating a list...but what you're really doing is shooting yourself in the foot...narrowing your options I totally understand we all want our SO to have specific traits but part of OLD is being reasonably open while doing lots of sifting You're on the right track. Just try to cut that list in half Best of luck! Hey all. I appreciate your feedback. I wasn't intending to create an online profile with this information. I want to have a written description to help keep me on the right track. Honestly, do you think all these things are too picky? Obviously some of these things are far less important than others. I'm really trying to do some honest soul searching to figure what would work best for me. The woman I am currently dating is highly educated, responsible, has a great sense of humor and I have the hots for her. However, she seems a bit uptight compared to my long term friends (male and female). She's a picky eater and limits herself to only a couple of drinks. I'm concerned once the honeymoon level of passion wears off I will get frustrated with her more uptight nature as I did in a previous relationship. Is better just to see where things go instead of hauling this baggage around? 1
Dis Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 Hey all. I appreciate your feedback. I wasn't intending to create an online profile with this information. I want to have a written description to help keep me on the right track. Honestly, do you think all these things are too picky? Obviously some of these things are far less important than others. I'm really trying to do some honest soul searching to figure what would work best for me. The woman I am currently dating is highly educated, responsible, has a great sense of humor and I have the hots for her. However, she seems a bit uptight compared to my long term friends (male and female). She's a picky eater and limits herself to only a couple of drinks. I'm concerned once the honeymoon level of passion wears off I will get frustrated with her more uptight nature as I did in a previous relationship. Is better just to see where things go instead of hauling this baggage around? I think you might be projecting your past experiences on to this woman. I understand that though..its hard not to do I think a big part of dating is learning to relax while still being cautious. Thats something I havent mastered She sounds great from what you've described. I mean, if she's highly educated, responsible, has a career...she cant really go out and drunk too often right? Give her time to get comfy with you...maybe as time passes she'll loosen up a bit The honeymoon stage wears off no matter how exciting the person is....life is boring and mundane sometimes. Are you ok with that or are you looking for a something thats not realistic? Give it a chance for awhile
starrynight4321 Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 Hey all. I appreciate your feedback. I wasn't intending to create an online profile with this information. I want to have a written description to help keep me on the right track. Honestly, do you think all these things are too picky? Obviously some of these things are far less important than others. I'm really trying to do some honest soul searching to figure what would work best for me. The woman I am currently dating is highly educated, responsible, has a great sense of humor and I have the hots for her. However, she seems a bit uptight compared to my long term friends (male and female). She's a picky eater and limits herself to only a couple of drinks. I'm concerned once the honeymoon level of passion wears off I will get frustrated with her more uptight nature as I did in a previous relationship. Is better just to see where things go instead of hauling this baggage around? To be totally honest with you, I've read a few of your past threads and you want WAY too much without ever actually being satisfied no matter who you meet. Are you sure this list is really what you're looking for? I'm assuming you're late 20s, early 30s. Trust me, when you're in your 50s you are not going to care that the person you married isn't an adventurous eater. You have way too many things on this list and haven't really broken it down to the essential things you want in a long term partner. You want someone educated and responsible..but also a drinker who wants to hang out with your buddies for nights on the town and have several drinks. You want someone down to earth, not pretentious, and who wants a family - but you want someone who wants to go out a lot, entertain others, and not "just recharge with Netflix." It's not to say that this is impossible to find or that all these qualities can't possibly be found in the same person - but many of these qualities are total opposites of one another. Also, it's going to be nearly impossible for any woman to match even 70% of this criteria. You do not seem to really accept the inconsistencies in a lot of the qualities you're looking for. For example, you say the woman you're dating right now is really educated, responsible, and has a great sense of humor. But she's still not right because she's uptight. I don't know what you define as uptight, but generally speaking - women who are more educated, career oriented etc don't generally fit into the stereotype of the "free thinker" or "drinking partier" that wants to go out all the time and entertain people. Like I said, it's possible you'll find this - but you're really looking for a needle in the haystack. On the other hand, the women who is more of an adventurer who wants to drink, hang out with the gang, party, and go out all the time is most likely going to be less responsible, less dependable, and less likely to have a stable career. I personally can't think of a single career-oriented, highly educated, responsible woman in her late 20s/early 30s I know that regularly goes out with the buddies and throws back several drinks/gets wasted. Again, I'm generalizing - but we've all interacted with humans before and know that these tendencies and patterns exist. Besides that, I don't really understand your need to have your partner keep up with you in terms of the number of drinks. If you're out to hang out and have fun, why does it matter if the person has 2 drinks as opposed to 4 or 5? At the same time, you're comparing every negative quality to a negative quality you experienced in a past relationship with a different woman. You realize that every woman is different, right? Woman A might be uptight because it is genuinely her personality, and it will never change. Woman B might be uptight right now, because she doesn't know you well and has her guard up, but it will fade with time. Etc, etc, etc. You're going to let a lot of potentially great ladies pass you by if you can't distinguish a woman in the past from someone you're currently dating. 1
coolheadal Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 (edited) I recently read an article that suggested making a written description of what you want in a partner to aid in the dating process. So far, I came up with the list below and I am wondering if it seems reasonable to find all these qualities in one person: -adequate physical attraction, doesn't have to be a model -dry, sarcastic, silly, or goofy sense of humor that compliments my own - fun, not uptight - can be one of the gang/get along with my friends - responsible/sensible has a career - educated, freethinker - down to earth, not pretentious - preferably, not religious, or minimally religious - enjoys drinking alcohol and is an adventurous eater -comes up with fun ideas/activities to do, doesn't rely on me to plan everything - enjoys getting out and doing things, not just "recharging" with Netflix - likes the idea of socializing and entertaining others - wants a family I am wondering if this list seems too vague or specific, please give me your feedback. I'm really aiming to get things right. In the past, I have found responsible,educated, and attractive women to date but have felt unfulfilled by them being on the uptight/boring side. I'm trying to not make the same mistake again. All of my friends and myself I would characterize as responsible, sensible, highly educated adults that know how to let loose. That's what I want to find. Well this is what you want but you not going to get it! Women would read this and say nah! Move on to the next one.. You got to keep it short and sweet and to the point. Make it sound exciting and not boring.. You want to grab her attention not make her fall asleep reading it. Tell who you are and why and make it funny and something like advert. One liner does it all. Then you say what you want in a woman but you can sum it all up. Can't list everything because no one is perfect. You'll find out that not every woman is going to be attracted to you so just keep that in mind. Got to make this short and exciting to read. You want a family. You should say.. Really great with my friends and family kids would love to have a family one day! Something like that. Outgoing wants to have fun and the same goes for you! Make it stand out. Blend it in and hopeful you will catch some new faces to date.. Edited June 11, 2017 by coolheadal
CptInsano Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 [...] -adequate physical attraction, doesn't have to be a model -dry, sarcastic, silly, or goofy sense of humor that compliments my own - fun, not uptight - can be one of the gang/get along with my friends - responsible/sensible has a career - educated, freethinker - down to earth, not pretentious - preferably, not religious, or minimally religious - enjoys drinking alcohol and is an adventurous eater -comes up with fun ideas/activities to do, doesn't rely on me to plan everything - enjoys getting out and doing things, not just "recharging" with Netflix - likes the idea of socializing and entertaining others - wants a family[...] Think about how many women will meet all of the criteria. Then think about how many women will meet your other intangible criteria that would make you fall for her. Then consider how many women will live close enough to where you are. How many of them would look for you as a partner? How many are left after this exercise? I would say close to none. Aside from being a shopping list, try to limit it to many one, two or maximal three hardcore criteria that you cannot do without, such as wanting a family. Use the rest of the profile more like an advertisement. Show your humor, your outlook on life, or your fun side.
Kamille Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 I like your list, especially it is your own personal ideal, not something you're going to cast out to the world. I'd say it's a good way to pay attention to your own needs and desires in a relationship. I made a similar list years ago. I wish I could find it because I was thinking about it recently, thinking about what type of guy I was imagining. I remember I wanted someone independent who understood my own need for it and someone who cared about wellbeing as much as I did. I'm currently dating a guy who has both these qualities - I can tell you one thing: I was right to wish for this. I'd say the trick is to keep an open-mind. Figure out which traits are must haves and which ones you can compromise on. And while many responses here are focused on maximizing the amount of women you'll be compatible with, the reality is: you only need one. So good luck and yes, thinking about the traits you want is, in my experience, a very good exercise.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2017 Posted June 11, 2017 Hey all. I appreciate your feedback. I wasn't intending to create an online profile with this information. I want to have a written description to help keep me on the right track. Honestly, do you think all these things are too picky? Obviously some of these things are far less important than others. I'm really trying to do some honest soul searching to figure what would work best for me. The woman I am currently dating is highly educated, responsible, has a great sense of humor and I have the hots for her. However, she seems a bit uptight compared to my long term friends (male and female). She's a picky eater and limits herself to only a couple of drinks. I'm concerned once the honeymoon level of passion wears off I will get frustrated with her more uptight nature as I did in a previous relationship. Is better just to see where things go instead of hauling this baggage around? No I don't think your list is too picky but I do think you are being too harsh with your present GF. If she's not the party hearty type you are, you may end up with a responsible designated driver. She may not be uptight so much as unnerved. These are your friends. Of course you are comfortable with them. She's still warming up to them. Try encouraging her to take a bite of whatever you're eating. She may never have been exposed to it. Still some people won't like everything but if she takes one bite you have to give her credit for trying.
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